There is a history of silence between you and my grief
A legacy of violence amidst your hush, your quiet
This disgrace, scadalous infamy, mortifiying abashment implied by your reticence, your restraint
Unworthy of your trial, I must stomach your sentence
Unconditional love, devotion, friendship, emotion is.....
BLASPHEMY, PROFANITY

Conventions have rendered my grieving lamentations mum, in the enlightened hereafter my segregated soul will perhaps converge through your path at last?

I try to stay on top of you
To hold your body down
Your shaking seems to hinder
Every grasp that I had found
Moving every inch around you
to diffuse your private bomb
I stretch my self surrounding
And protecting you from harm

I use a wallet for your mouth
So when you bite you will not bleed
I drilled a wire through my cheek
And let it down and out my sleeve
And now you're pulling out the best of me
Yeah which never ever comes
This wire is all that's left of me
And its hooked within my gums, within my gums

So drill it, so drill it, so hard i feel it (so hard)it's Okay

I hate to show a need for this
I cut myself to shame
To get to know who this masochist
Who's stolen my first name
Pretending he's a teacher
Holding all my weight at ease
But the teacher seems to split in two
Destroying both his knees
and now crawling I position myself
Below your broken wings
I lift your feathered left arm
Where you hide your heart from me
I never noticed it was swollen
With a touch of brutal pain
I never knew a heart could live inside
The rust from all your rain, all your rain

I didn't think to bring a washcloth
Or to rub away the dirt
Myself & I we share
This barely beating heart of hurt
and when the hurt comes there's an argument
A fight to save a smile
A small attack on human tears
To dry them for a while
A dream we all should count on
Yeah a vision I believe
And where confidence is found
Attached to wires on our sleeve
And where loneliness is history
Told to pack your shit and leave
And when guidance is a fortune
Told to help in time of need
And where crying isn't secret
It's the art of how we grieve
And lessons are the key
To every goal I will achieve, I will achieve

Lyrics by Blue October

I feel sad today
As I did yesterday
being me
Just gets so lonely
My life isn't the way I want it to be
I do all I can
to change where I stand
But it's the waiting that stills
It's the waiting that kills

It was just a fantasy
Neptunian absurdity
Irrational futility
Meaningless stupidity
Disillusioned and defusioned
What's left of this reverie
Is desolate and stony
Welcome to reality
Where nothing is as F**king pretty
As my escapist fantasy