Hang my head in Shame

Does it linger in the shadows
Of all those nights I'd rather forget
Should I run from the memories
Of those I once held dear
I try not to reminiscence on impressions of what was
When I was the promise of what could be
Now I hang my head in shame
You whisper when you say my name
I stutter when asked to do the same
I am the disgraced bastard child
The prodigal offspring
Of two twisted f**k's
I am a spectacle, a blunder, a freak...
The echo of many train wrecks
So I hang my head in pain
Try to forget your face in vain
Wish I had the guts
To hang my pittiful self with blame

*The Compulsion To Merge*

What is it in me that draws me to full blown fusion?
And then makes me run off like a f**king sissy?
Is it that the compuslion to merge is so strong
That the union is formed with such weak pillars
Cannot withstand shit?
Starting over again, again and again.
Leaving morsels of me everywhere
Fragments of all the dreams "we" once shared
So many "we" s
Memories tinted with remorse
Alternately draw me back into a transe
Pictures of those "me" s
I cannot dare to glance at
I'd wish I was reborn
If I wasn't so flawed
If I wasn't so defectively constructed
"They" seem happy
Dam "they" look yummy
If I could absorb a small dose of their sweeet constancy
Their capacity to build upon
Sucker in that status quo
I'm aging as we all do
And that pillow you rest your head upon sure looks cozy
Let me nestle into your delightful immovability
Fucker me "me" less
Overpower my impetuousness
Alter me for keeps
Anchor me steady...finally....everlastingly...

Crucify

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my somach, I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Just what God needs, one more victim

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog, beggin for love
Gotta have my sufferingso that I can have my cross
I know a cat named easter, he says will you ever learn
Youre just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start my own religion

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Please be
Save me
I cry

Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Where are those angels when you need them

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Lyrics by Tori Amos

Dad said "this is our song"

There are places i'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends i still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life i've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When i think of love as something new
Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more

Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more
In my life i love you more

"In my life" Lyrics by The Beatles

Versions Of Violence

Coercing or leaving
Shutting down and punishing
Running from rooms, defending
Withholding, justifying

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

Diagnosing, analyzing
Unsolicited advice
Explaining and controlling,
Judging opining and meddling

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared

This labeling
This pointing
this sensitive's unraveling
This sting I've been ignoring
I feel it way down way down

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared


Lyrics by A. Morissette

Shackles

Shackles
Withing my soul
Handcuffed to myself
So f**king heavy to carry arround
Maybe I should just molt
It's been too long since I have been
Just been
Shackles that bind me
I'll loose some weight
Starve myself pretty
So I can be your bitch
You'll then carry my grief
Unfree
Bound and gagged
Hold my thighs
Choke my cries
Oppressive encumbrance
I capitulate beyond repair
Linger within me, shackles
Dwell on me shadows that bind
Hemorrage my soul to light
Yesterday
Before these shackles
Bound my self to shame
Shackles

Etched

It never Forgets
Where I be from
Who I before
Where I be dark
Who I beneath
Dreams that stalk
Stretch into dawn
I see me hore
I see me before
Who I be then
Who I betray
Foolish gaze
Into foolish daze/days
The body Remembers
Etched
Onto my colar bone
Beneath my eyes,
Crevasses
I gaze upon
Who I be now?
Who I be not?
Why I be life?
What I believe?
What I be lost?
The body never lies
The body cries
It's elderly skin
Speaks
Howls
Shrieks
Rigor Mortis
Post Mortem
Collateral Damages
To whom I be within
Who I be with out
Without you I become
Without you I be life
The remains remain
The vessel retains
The body betrays
The silence I conceal
Bury me numb
Me skin be etched
Tattoo me by treason
My prison be skin
Etched

Sarah

Walk Away

Christine's depression never seems to end,
'Cause she'll never be as skinny as the girls on Friends.
She's got fat hips, and thin lips, she's jealous of a Q-tip
She'd take stupid or fat.
She stuck her fingers down her throat for the very last time today,
And she walked away

(ooooh they walk away)

Malcoms got his image,
His rock and his glock,
And if he listens to see 20 he will beat the clock.
He's got his ride, his pride and girls by his side
He makes a stance with a gun in his hand.
He saw his best friend lying on a stainless steel tray,
And he walked away.

(oooh, walk away, they walk away)

And the destination is clear,
Anywhere but here.

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter,
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered.
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars,
Your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter,
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered.
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars,
Your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars

(oooh, walk away, they walk away)

So walk away from the boyfriend bruises and
And the shame and the game that your brain knows your losing,
The job that you do,
It just robs you of who you can be when you're free from this mentality.
So you're home by the phone, getting stoned all alone
With your chatroom friends, Korn and Ramones,
But the phone don't ring,
Joey just sings,
Sedated.
You've gotta learn to hate it.

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter,
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered.
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars,
Your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars.

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter,
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered.
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars,
Your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars.

(oooh walk away, they walk away)

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter,
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered.
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars,
your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars.

Doesn't matter that you're lying in the gutter (gutter, gutter)
Doesn't matter that you're brains all cluttered (brains all cluttered, all cluttered).
Doesn't matter that you're covered in scars (scars, scars),
Your never in the gutter with you're eyes on the stars. (stars, stars)

(ooooh walk away, they walk away)

Lyrics by Barlow

fUgLy

Fucking Ugly

I'm Ugly
Uglier than you
Worth much less than her
Could'nt make eye contact
As you walked by today
Self concious and frightened
You'd notice my ugliness
Maybe you did.
Stood in line
Feeling so filthy
Foul
Vile
Putrid
Dirty
Soiled
Just plain icky
Sticky
Holding my head down
Hoping you wouldn't see
*It*
Time has left it's scars
Tatooed on my skin
My blood raped
My breasts dismantled
My body dilapidated
Holds up
Barely

For years I tried to hide
*it*
Pimped myself up nice
Sun kissed skin
Bleach blond hair extensions
Show off some skin
My wretched skin
Felt like a clown
Putting on a show
Working so hard to hide
How hideous I am inside.

I'm Ugly
Your better than me
Thinner than she
Shove your bones up my rib cage
I will flounder
Melt
Dissipate
Ebb
Evanescence
Ugly bee no more
Sorrows be gone


Sarah Rose

Mother

~
Mother, you had me but I never had you
I wanted you but you didn't want me
So I got to tell you
Goodbye goodbye

Father, you left me but I never left you
I needed you but you didn't need me
So I just got to tell you
Goodbye goodbye

Children, don't do what I have done
I couldn't walk and I tried to run
So I got to tell you
Goodbye goodbye

Mama don't go
Daddy come home

Lyrics by John Lennon