Word is Bond

TwitterJam Iran!

sensei — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:49:18 GMT

If anyone is on Twitter, set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians’ access to the internet down. Cut & paste & pass it on.

Romantic Racism

sensei — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 12:28:20 GMT

Is it just me, or does anyone else notice that Romantic Comedies have a streak of racism? (photo: Bill Murry in Sophia Coppolla's Academy Award Winning 2003 film "Rost In Transration")

O-BA-MA!!!

sensei — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:45:18 GMT

I feel like I am FINALLY HOME in America.

Obama has my passionate support!

sensei — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:53:16 GMT

Election year. Election year. Here we are again... but I have to confess, the Democratic primaries have been fun. I'm going to kick off with a couple of confessions... #1 I was a Bill Clinton supporter, and, as such, I rooted for Hillary's senate run... that was up until she made a few unsavory statements and one statement, in particular, when John Walker Lind was being brought up on charges of treason. I'll talk more on that later if you like... #2 (-and this one is going to be a hard one to admit...) I was a John McCain supporter at one time... early on... before I really knew enough about him and way before he started joking about camel jockeys and bombing Iran. I was raised in a military family and to see this guy who emerged from the POW camps was impressive. Don't get me wrong: my hat goes off to the guy for surviving and for being a war hero, but he's become such a little ball of anger and vengence that I worry about the prospects of him becoming our next president. I am very worried about it, to be honest. #3 I was an early Colin Powell supporter, hoping he would run for president, even though I was critical of his involvments in the Vietnam war (Mai Li in particular), I looked at the whole Vietnam thing as a terrible mess that had many Americans doing fucked up things. Unfortunately, we found him in a comparable situation with the war in Iraq. His misguided, misinformed "Weapons of Mass Destruction" speech to the pentagon was one of the most horrible things I've seen in American politics. Not only because of the blatant deception on the part of the Bush Administration, but also seeing Colin Powell being so completely duped by his Commander In Chief. To say it was heartbreaking might make me sound like a wuss, but I will say it. It was heartbreaking. #4 Despite all those former leanings (-of which I've kept private) I maintain that I am economically Socialist, governmentally Democratic ("Its not the best form of government, but its the best we have"), environmentally Green, and ontologically Anarchist (-who has the right to interceed or cohearse in anyones relationship or concept of the Divine?). On many points I can be regarded as liberal. On some, I am definitely conservative. I don't do bandwagon politics. I try to pay attention to the issue over the personalities. I know that putting any of this out there will alienate some of you, as we, the people, have very strong feelings about these things. At the same time I also know many of you are apolitical for valid reasons. My apolitical friends ask me why do I still concern myself with policy? I can explain it in one image... Seeing Nelson Mandela walking out of prison. In my last blog entry here I pointed out the first awakening of political activism when I was a teen. It was the boycott of South African products. The oppression of Apartheid was so strongly present in my mind as a youth that it deeply affected my outlook. I saw it as an international manifestation of the same kind of racism I was facing here in the United States. I also payed heed to Dr. Martin Luther Kings words "Oppression anywhere is oppression everywhere". I was literally unable to buy or wear anything from South Africa once I understood what was going on over there. After all the years knowing about Nelson Mandela's imprisonment the day he was released from prison was one of the most joyous events I had seen! I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by many like-minded and like-hearted people in San Francisco. We had the sweetest celebration! Where am I now? Well, without going too much into it, I will simply say this: I now support Obama and I feel more than fine doing it. On almost all the issues I'm with him, and the ones that I don't agree with he simply won't have much say in the matter as much of our laws are decided on local and state levels. I am also very impressed with how he has kept up a very decent campain despite all the mud that's been slung his way. Obama has my passionate support for president of the United States. Hope is no joke (you hear that, Hillary?) Change is our only sane choice. Both are absolutely what we need. (On another note: As I was so joyful seeing Mandela walking out of prison I hope to live to see Cheney walking into it. Then, I will die with the satisfaction of seeing the scales of justice so beautifully balanced.)

X-corcise Your Wardrobe!

sensei — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:53:55 GMT

How do we get out of the consumerist cycle of exploitation? We start by fessing up to the problem and admitting our own participation in it. From there, we can come up with creative solutions to this social and spiritual dillemma. When I was in high school I remember a boycott being called on products coming out of South Africa. This was back when apartheid was in full-effect and Nelson Mandela was still in prison. The boycott caught the attention of an entire generation of consumers and I can recall not buying the then-in-fashion Rebok sneakers (I was an avid breakdancer and my entire crew joined the boycott). It was one of my earliest exposures to activisim and conscious consumerism. As things are now, I do avoid purchases from retailers that employ unfair labor practices. It ain't all that easy. I can remember the disappointment going through racks and finding something that looked great, but having to put it back when seeing the label. Gap, Bannana Republic, Old Navy, Target, Nike... the shitlist goes on... but I had a special issue when doing my second hand shopping. I passionately endorse second-hand thrift shopping. Many second hand stores raise money for non-profit organizations. Goodwill, Salvation Army, Out-Of-The-Closet, and local operations like Community Thrift (big money for AIDS research) take the dread out of clothes shopping knowing that profits go to helping humanity and not to exploiting it. I remember years ago finding a clean, almost new pair of Nike's that fit me perfectly. I was in a quandry: Do I buy these shoes made in slave labor conditions or do I remain abstinent? I considered the pros and cons. I realized that Nike was not going to make profit off of this purchase, but that I would be wearing the product, in effect, providing free advertisement and preceived endorsement. I put the shoes on. Damn, they felt good! (-and you know how difficult it is to find shoes that fit second hand). My solution came to me in that moment: Buy the shoes and tear off the logo! I bought the shoes at an outrageously low price then took them home and proceeded to attempt to cut the swoosh off with an exacto blade. What I found was that these things are manufactured to REALLY make it hard to remove the label! The stitching was intrigal to the whole structure of the shoe! Well, not one to be thwarted from my intentions, I grabbed a black sharpie marker and drew a large "X" across the swoosh. I kinda liked how it looked! I then started to "X" all of the logos (and there were a few). People would ask me what the hell was that about. I got to tell them about Nike's messed up labor practices and about getting them at a non-profit second hand. People liked the idea. By the time I made it into the SF Art Institute as a student, the aesthetic was perfected and it became a part of my style as well as my statement. It is years later and I still "X" my labels. I feel that the second hand sale of a garment "exorcises" the corporate evil out of it and that the "X" is simply a manifestation of the exorcism and demonstrates a counter-endorsement and an anti-advertisement. Recently a guest at Harbin noticed the "X" on my label and thought it was ultra cool. She said it had that "D.I.Y." aesthetic that her kids were into. It was then that I realized that I just might be on to something. I want to popularize this practice. Being the activist that I am I want to tell as many folks about it as I possibly can. This includes you reading this blog entry here. Perhaps there will eventually be a website and maybe a YouTube vid, but this is a decent place to start. So, what you need is a black Sharpie "laundry marker" Just draw an "X" over the offending logo or label and Wallah! Your second-hand clothes are purified of the evil they were made of! (This also goes for the first-hand purchases you've made before going second-hand) So, you can now "cross your T (shirts)" and feel free from financing the greed and corporate exploitation!

Where Did the Whistleblower Go???

sensei — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 07:17:12 GMT

Remember that story about Sibel Edmonds? The FBI translator that was dropping the dime on this (and other) governments crimes? Don't remember? Did you know in the first place? You wonder why? No need to beat up on yourself. It ain't because you're apathetic or apolitical or anything like that. It's more likely because there's been a media coverup on anything about her (including here on the internet). Well, a good friend of mine pointed this out to me (who was as much left in the dark as anyone) and showed me some mighty interesting things about Sibel Edmonds and the media coverup on her. Who is doing this? I think we have our ideas but who is complying with the coverup? That's a more interesting question. Anyone have ideas? This is important stuff. Yeah, sure it's an election year and we are all caught up who's personality cult is better than who's but important, no, VITAL stories get buried under all the whooplah and fanfare and we end up loosing perspective on the true state of the nation (and the world) that could influence our votes and concerns. Sibel Edmonds is a courageous woman who is standing up and standing out for truth and for our freedom, despite what many may tell us. She is not the threat to national security, our own officials are! Don't be confused: This is not only about freedom of speech, this is also about the crimes that governments are committing unchecked, unbalanced and unpunished, who subject others to laws that they, themselves, do not adhere to. We are a culture of Democracy. This requires an informed public and journalistic truth. It might even require being pissed off from time to time for being duped, deceived and lied to. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sibel_Edmonds http://www.justacitizen.com/KillTheMessenger.html http://wecanchangetheworld.wordpress.com/

Be My Muse!

sensei — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 09:40:10 GMT

(pic: "Muse Reading a Scroll" Greek vase: 425-435 b.c.) It's something like 1:40am and I'm feeling a little blue. Things are going ok but I'm not one for just "ok." I haven't written anything that I feel particularly excited about in what seems like a long time. It doesn't seem like writers block. It just seems... I don't know... like I'm uninspired. The thing is I'm usually the one getting people excited about their writing. Now, I'm the one who feels the dull pull of gravity upon my consciousness. I'm sure this is just a temporary funk but I sure could use some inspiration. I invite all of you to post your favorite quotes about writing and the joys of it. My mind has simply slipped out of gear and I'd love something to click into. Inspire me!

Zzz's on Threes: Sleep Hygene

sensei — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:33:11 GMT

I know its a little dorky to be this happy about finding ones sleep pattern but I feel like I've found a vital key in my quest for personal well-being. I now sleep at 3 o'clock both AM and PM, for about 4 hours each allowing for two complete sleep cycles per 24 hour period. I've always been a bit of a insomniac and this predates any problems I had during college, so, one of the interesting things that has developed in this current lovely stage of radical self-acceptance is that I now embrace this odd sleep schedule I keep. I have frequently done night jobs including waiter, bouncer/security, nightclub stuff. This has kept me open-eyed during the wee-hours and one thing I will say is that things do get very odd during the odd hours. I have seen all sorts of insanity on the swing shift of life. I can write plenty about that but it also happens to be my preferred hours to write. The wee-hours are quiet, fewer distractions, minimal obligations. I love it. But something happens when you live entirely at night. Most of the world lives, works and plays during the daylight hours. I can remember what a struggle it was just to make an appointment or meeting during business hours. It would frequently leave me out of sorts. I felt like a zombie, an automated somnombulist out of synch with the world. Well, now I have sort of accidentally slipped into yet another form of paradise. I have been a long-time advocate for siestas. I think its natural to catch some sleep sometime in the afternoon. This isn't just opinion, but the fact that Arab, Hispanic, Native American and Pacific Island cultures have always felt the same makes me realize that I'm on point. The problem is that in the hyper-productivity of the AngloAmerican protestant overwork ethic we loose the afternoon nap. In one of my many efforts to decolonize my mind and outlook I took to napping with a stern militancy. When I was a teacher I couldn't do this but I knew that whatever I did after that It would require an afternoon hiatus. I ended up resuming my massage practice after I quit teaching. Naps were easy! I found that with naps I could stay up later and pick up jobs or write and get a bit more out of life. Now, I stay up late but I have found that at about 3am my mind starts to unravel. I don't know what this is about but in the years of my life I have found that most of the insane acts I've committed have happend at the hour of 3am. Something about that time is given to obsession and insanity. Now, this is fine if I am involved in working on a first draft of a poem or creative fiction, but it doesn't work if I'm around other people or doing some sort of mundane work like security, maintenance or janitorial. My mind starts to twist up and my emotions start to distort. Now that I like to do my office work in the early AM, I am now having to deal with this very odd ordeal. The solution came to me one night during this bout of lycanthropic madness... I can take a morning nap! That would keep me rested at the hour of strangeness. So, now I base my sleep pattern on "Zzz's on Three's" that is: I rest at 3pm and 3am. So, this means I can be both night owl AND early bird! And I also get TWO dream sessions to reflect on. It also feels like I live fully in two worlds: the light and the dark. I've always been shamanic in that way. I love being a "Daywalker" -that is, a creature of both day and night...

This Odd Feeling Of Concurrent Sorrow and Hope.

sensei — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:03:00 GMT

I've been following the political developments in Burma (aka Myanmar) for some time now with intense interest. A great deal of this interest was due to reading of the plight of Aung San Su Kyi. Looking into her story, I caught the context of the country's suffering. I had the very interesting experience of interviewing BowWowWow lead vocalist Annabella Lwin, who was born in Burma. Even though the parts of our discussion regarding her deeply felt feelings about her homeland didn't make it to print (my editors focused more on her showbiz career), I was touched by Annabella's passionate regard for peace and freedom. I hesitate to relay too many details of our conversation out of fear of what could happen to her family over there, but I will submit that we both felt that the situation in Burma would one day come to a head. This certainly seems to be the case. My heart is pained for the suffering of the monks who are being persecuted in this time. These honorable and holy people do not deserve this kind of treatment, but neither do any of the other citizens of Burma. They are brave, courageous. The odd thing is that the country had been simmering for some time now. For a long time it felt like there was this dull agony abiding each of the years of oppression. Of course, part of that ache was dealing with the general apathy of Americans and other people about Burma. No one seemed to know or even care about what has been going on over there. Apathy is a strange thing. I find it to be even more evil than hatred. At least with hatred, there is some feeling, some energy moving in some direction. With apathy, this isn't much of anything. When hatred is aimed at a country, like Iran, at least there is talk and concern. When people are apathetic, there is no exchange, no validation, no movement of energy, no matter how much the people there continue to suffer. At least now there is SOMETHING going on. The drama of the violation of these Buddhist monks and the peaceful-demonstrations-turned-violent have brought some attention to the region. Again, I am hurt by the mistreatment these monks have been dealt, but there is the horrible irony that now, at least people are taking notice. At least I hope they are.

Burning PAUL!

sensei — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 15:52:28 GMT

**UPDATE** -As this dialogue developes so does my opinion and persepective. Please take a look at the comments! +++ Holy Shizzlle! So, by now lots of you already know that Paul orchestrated a premature immolation of ye ol' Burning Dude. All I have to say is I am VERY impressed! I was sitting here yesterday in SF's Accoustic Cafe when they announced the Burning Man incident on the radio. That brought a chuckle. That evening, at the SF ELYSEUM Wordshop at the Marsh I brought it up and Emily gave me a squared look. "You KNOW who did that." -No, who did it? "No, I mean just that: YOU know WHO did it..." When she told me it was Paul I busted up in laughter! OF COURSE! Fuckin' PAUL! Who the hell else could it be??? I've known this guy for years intelligent and crazed but not a bad guy at all. All the pieces fell into place and I realized that reality was once again real that the tangent Universe had come back into alignment. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070829/ap_on_re_us/burning_man_burned;_ylt=ArIWgNj7rxkoIgrobR3N0RSs0NUE I haven't gone to BM for someting like 6 years now. Being a BurningMan BurnOut is not uncommon these days. I have been to several and had a great time but the last one I went to was a total bust for me. I happend across a very unpleasant scene that involved, shall we call it, nonconsensual sexual contact. After that happend (on a Wednesday) the rest of the fest was downhill. -But I digress, suffice to say, it became difficult to bring myself to return to la burn. Of course I filed it under the "shit happens" category, and that is the case, but it simply took the wind out of my sails and we all know what a challenge it is to prepair and bring ourselves out to that dry, dusty desert. It just didn't seem worthwhile after the unpleasantry of the last time I went (although I was tempted at one point to go by Mo and BabyTiger as a Ranger...) So, every year my beloved friends get to go. Me, feeling like a Cinderella of circumstance, left out of the magical ball where king Larry presides over the festivities and folly... Every year I would wonder, 'What am I missing?' but the ugly memories of my last visit disintergrates all my visions of sugarplum faires dancing in my head. This year I finally really DO wish I went! I spent years lamenting the Burn. I realize that Paul has brought back some credibility to the event. I'm hearing that everyone is calling him a dickhead for what? Burning the Burning Man??? C'mon, people! What could be more Burning Man than THAT? Big props, Paul! A job extra well done... and crispy!

Tupac Barney (NSFW)

sensei — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 13:08:57 GMT

OK... this shit cracks muh butt! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjJsitebBe0 See, I KNEW Tupac wasn't dead! He's just hiding out in a big purple dinosaur suit! (big props to Vivian for hooking me up with this!)

I'm not quite used to it

sensei — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:50:21 GMT

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I usually have some very specific thing I'm either obsessing over or ranting about. Right now, there's none of that going on. I will report a couple things here. -I am in love. Its an interesting love. This one feels steady and sobering, as opposed to giddy and intoxicating. My lover has an incredible amount of respect for me, as I do for her. I think that's what I love about this love: its centered on respect, openness and integrity. -I'm as busy as fuuuuhhh! I can't believe how much I'm doing! Yet I'm not feeling overwhelmed nor overburdened. I suppose it has something to do with living in a veritable paradise. -Ya think?! -But now that I think of it... even this paradise, (Harbin) has its snakes in the grass. It's not perfect here, but it is the community in which I live. I suppose the acceptance has something to do with this peace I feel. -I am facing some demons in my life that I couldn't have otherwise. I am not doing it with fervor or intensity either. Niether would work nor be appropriate. No. I am facing them with steadfast compassion. So used to struggle I became... So accoustomed to worry and anxiety... I feel so strange without it. I must take care to embrace this and not sabatoge it out of some unconscious desire to exist in the familiarity of suffering. That is no longer my home. There's a portion of conflict in my life but its low level and nothing I can't handle. "Peace is not the absence of conflict, it comes with the ability to deal with conflict." -Grandmaster Leo Giron Ya know... I live in a very spiritual and open-minded community. Was there ever anything else I could have wanted? So odd... this peace. I'm not quite used to it.

"Little Mosque on the Prairie"

sensei — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:05:36 GMT

OK... I'll be the first to admit that when I heard about this "Muslim sitcom" I thought this is a) -a joke within itself. b) -corny, at best. Well, I took a look at it and I have to say, its actually well done! It's not side-splitting funny (Like SouthPark, Chappelle or Ali G) but its at least as funny as most of the bullshit sitcoms we see on any weeknight primetime lineup. And 2.1 million viewers is pretty good ratings -esp. for a Canadian show. Take a look for yourself and try to imagine something like this ever coming out on U.S. television. (-can't imagine it? Niether can I!) http://www.cbc.ca/littlemosque/ http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=2598097468571500224&q=little+mosque

Harbin is Home.

sensei — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 02:20:51 GMT

(Photo: Maxine Ferman http://www.max-inc.com/) It's official: Harbin Hot Springs is now my home. This week ended my candidacy period. The managers all voted and approved my residency. I have to say that the past 3 months have not been completely smooth -much to my surprise. There were a couple things that I didn't expect, such as the janky internet access the weather (it was intensely cold) the varmits (racoons and skunks) some of the goofy guests Not all of 'em, (in fact, most of the guests are just fine) but a couple of them just made me go: WTF??? Like the guy who I caught stealing a bunch of stuff out of the communal kitchen or the people who hold LOUD conversations in the meditation pools or lady who used our handtowels as toilet paper... But aside from that I really LOVE Harbin! Loving Harbin, however, does not take away from my love of the Bay Area. The very fact that I come back to the City at least once a month makes my feelings stronger for both my urban realm and my rural domain. At Harbin, I get the quiet and natural splendor my soul aches for and in the City, I get the culture and business that my heart yearns for. This is town and country livin'! Settling in here also means settling in with this community. All of us are in love with the land, air and waters here. This common bond of love is the basis of our unique community. I hear some people say things like this is some sort of religious cult or something like that. That is so far from the truth. In fact, everyone is encouraged to do WHATEVER spiritual practice you choose. I like that. I esp. like the fact that we all (as far as I can tell) respect one anothers spirituality. There are no human gurus here. The LAND is the guru. Ya Haqq Jai Ma Ashe Namaste Halelluja!

DJ Lamont In Tha HOUSE!

sensei — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 02:19:14 GMT

I'm so hyped! My friend, Lamont, will be spinning at Harbin Thursday night! http://california.tribe.net/event/DJ-Lamont-Harbin/middletown-ca-95461/b1ef8493-2da1-405b-8435-824010ba44f3?nextpage=http%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia.tribe.net%2Ftemplate%2FHomeListings.vm We have these two weekly dance events up here and the organizers have asked me to line up some def DJ's. Lamont immediately came to mind. If ya ain't heard Lamont runs things in SF with Red Ink Studios, FingerSnaps and over at MECCA. http://www.fingersnaps.net/ Don't get me wrong, the DJ's we hear at Harbin are fine, but it's techno, for the most part and I have been hungry for some SOUL So Lamont is here ta bring it!

Reason #3: HEALTH

sensei — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 00:35:37 GMT

Harbin Hot Springs attracts many people who seek healing. I am no exception and this stands as a significant reason I've come to this incredible place. The healing properties of this location, the land and the waters have been well known since before colonization. Native Americans held this land sacred for its healing powers. Rival tribes would set aside their differences when visiting this place. The current community strives to retain and maintain the sacredness and healing qualites of this beautiful land. Health is probably the one thing that people are most particularly private about (-aside from personal finances). I know, as a Massage Therapist, that this can be the most personal and private of information. I have been particularly private about my own. Don’t worry: I do not have any communicable diseases (unless you consider neurosis contageous). I have purposely concealed my conditions so as not to cause anyone else worry or concern. I am only now coming to terms with some of my conditions. One is asthma. I used to have attacks all the time as a child, but I haven’t had an attack in a long time until recently. While air quality is a factor in bringing on attacks, so is emotion. It has been a recognizable pattern in my asthma attacks that they come when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable and helpless. When my mother started abandoning me as a child, this would bring on the most severe attacks. That started at about the age of 10. The irony of it was that these attacks only frustrated and frightend my mother and served to freak her out even more so, pushing her away from me and my sisters until she completely abandoned us. At this point, my asthma would actually suffocate me to the point of passing out. I was 13 years old. It wasn’t long after this that I, in hunger and utter desperation, joined a gang. As many of you often hear me say, that brought on the most horrifying and terrible experiences of my life. One of the good things that did happen, however, was that my asthma stopped. Something about the intensity and focus of being in that situation made me breath easier. Perhaps it may have only been a delusion, but it was real enough to me to help my lungs remain unflooded. Of course I have to note here that I ended up sustaining far more physical trauma and injury from that lifestyle. Hmm… If given a choice between bullet wounds to suffocation… well, I guess I would take a bullet… and I have, and on more than one occasion… Which brings up my PTSD. Yeah, I got it. You would too if you been through what I’ve been through. What kind of things bring it up? Guns pointed at me, aggressive posturing, the smell of hard alcohol, malt liquor, heroin or crack, heated arguments, walking alone at night, being in groups of a particular kind of people (more on that later). These things kick in my flight-fight reflex. I was surrounded by many of these things in the city. I’ve been struggling with this for most of my life. I think I finally deserve a break. One of the things that has been causing concern is the neurological damage I’ve had to deal with. As some of you know, I have been hit in the head more times that I care to even think. The last attack was not only unexpected, but it was also particularly nasty. http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2004/02/20/EBG62520Q91.DTL My last visit to the Neurologist was particularly frightening. He explained that I am now a strong candidate for a stroke or aneurysm. While I might not be as attached to my own life as much as most people are, I do know that I would NOT like to suffer from any sort of short circuit in my CPU. I have had family and friends who have had strokes or have been in comas. The thought of that kind of suffering and being that kind of burden on anyone actually does freak me out. I don’t want to say it, but I do wonder if I’d be better off dead. Rather than have to deal with ever having to face that choice, I’m choosing to take myself as much out of risk as possible. In fact, I am consciously choosing to place my own well being before anyone else. I explain simply with the old wisdom that I can’t take care of anyone else if I’m not taking care of myself. Healer, heal thyself. One of the things that really made me happy here was the effects of the pools on my “moving center”. My lower back, hips and abs have all been a chronic issue for me for about 10 years. This pain in my sacrum, lower erectors, soaz and siatic have been a constant and unrelenting ordeal. Things as simple as a cough or a sneeze would throw out my back, leaving me immobile and unable to work for days. When I got into the pools here at Harbin, something just short of miraculous happened: My back became completely free of ache or pain! This was not only in the moments of being in the pools, this has been a healing of those muscles and joints. In the warm pools, I do gentle yoga and chi gong movements, stretching and releasing the clenching muscles of my lower lumbar. I further work out the damage of years of constant contraction in the hot pool (and I do mean HOT) with more deeper stretches and releases. Not to sound all spooky and all, but there is something to the water. I’ve been told that the magnesium content of the natural springs effect the nerves and lungs in a very soothing way. The trace mineral content of the hot pools make for a healing steam mist that really clears, cleans and moisturizes the lungs. There’s something magically grounding about the water. It’s like all the excess static charge rolling around my nerves and synapses are not sapped or zapped, but rather reset. This is highly conducive to calming nervousness and anxiety. The quality of my meditation in the warm pools is very high. It’s not uncommon to see several people in meditative stillness while soaking in these mineral-rich waters. Add to this the fact that I’ve been going to meditation and yoga class almost every day and I now get plenty of exercise and I love going to the weekly dance events (including contact improvisation! I’ll write about that later), my body is coming more and more into the state that I feel free and fantastic in. Riddled with the anxiety and grief of my existence in the City, my body became seized with chronic aches and issues. I’ve also found a couple of potential sparring partners up here. These are folks from several different martial arts systems and they're real good peeps to hang out with. I’ve been negotiating doing a Tantric practice with a wonderful person, but I’m a little concerned over what this entails. -I do have a little issue with boundries and expectations. I want to make sure that intention and direction are pure. My health and well-being are important. I am very happy that I am taking this period of my life to relax and repair. I need to reconstitute and re-evaluate. Homeostasis is a blessing and a precious gift. I feel a sense of gratitude for this. Taking care of myself is an expression of this gratitude.

Dance Into ONE!

sensei — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 18:28:27 GMT

So, I've been here at Harbin Hot Springs for only a month and a half and I've managed to get roped into all sorts of things. Of course, as my friend Fetish Diva Midori could tell you, getting roped into things isn't necessarily bad... (Realizing not everyone is of every circle I'll point out Midori is a highly accomplished figure in the BDSM scene and author of several books, including "The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage" http://fetishdiva.com/ ) One of these things I've gotten roped into is helping out with the Annual New Years Dance Festival sparked off by the Friends of Unconditional Dance. http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/event/New-Years-Dance-Festival-Dancing-into-ONE/middletown-ca-95461/5ab70f36-9248-4444-aca0-d2567d793521?nextpage=http%3A%2F%2Fsanfrancisco.tribe.net%2Ftemplate%2FHomeListings.vm I haven't been to the past New Years Dance Festivals but I have been attending the Unconditional Dance events here at Harbin. DJ Omer and crew really do put on some sweet soirees! When Omers partner and co-conspirator, Regina, told me the theme of this years festival is Dancing Into ONE, I simply couldn't resist. Any opportunity to embrace Tawheed is an opportunity I can't pass up. (Tawheed is the Sufi word for "Oneness" and it is the focus of Sufi consciousness) After going through the program and getting a good gander at the talent that will be part of this extravagant 7 days I felt the anticipation swell up inside. Of course the DJ dancing every night will be all tangy goodness but I'm most particularly looking forward to SUKHAWAT ALI KHAN. Frosting on the cake of my anticipation will be checking in with the Contact Improv workshops being taught by my yoga teacher, RAINAH and clicking in with the Tango teachings and stylings of ROBERTO RIOBOS. As I have been maintaining my daily meditative and writing practice I have also been re-establishing the strength of my connection with my body. I'm finding that yoga and dance have been vital in keeping my mood and manner balanced. Me and a few friends here are getting together for open martial arts practice. It's surprising to note that the more I've plunged into my literary efforts the more I've felt the need to embody myself in physical practice. With this insight I do look forward to what processes and pleasures await during this fantastic upcoming event. Do I need to even mention that Harbin is magnificently beautiful with great hot springs and and that this is a clothing-optional place and event that attracts plenty of magnificently beautiful people? If any of you friends plan on attending please let me know! I would be happy to show you around my new home of Harbin Hot Springs!

Reason #2: MY RIGHT TO WRITE

sensei — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 02:11:43 GMT

I am first and foremost a writer. Yes, I have a list of loves and passions, and yes, I still plan on attending seminary, but it has been in writing that I’ve found my most profound joy and pleasures. I have had to struggle to find the time and mind for writing when I was in the City. The time aspect is a bit obvious to anyone who has struggled to balance ones mundane responsibilities with ones passions. What I have been dealing with is the struggle to keep my mind quiet and centered enough to do write. When I say write, I mean WRITE. As in; Create some great works of literature (-or at least get somewhere closer to being able to do that). As much as I like these blogs and postings, I hate to say it, but not much great literature comes out of this. I have had to strongly assert myself to make the time to write in the past recent years. The results have been exhausting. Surrounded by an excessive array of responsibilities, health issues and (worst of all) interpersonal drama, my writing practice simply became harder to maintain. So many people here at Harbin are passionate about thier creative, spiritual and artistic pursuits. There are some amazing talents settled into these forests and hills. Something about the place calls out to the creatively passionate. Work is kept at a sustainable load and everything is so beautiful that one cannot help but feel inspired. What I am most happy about is that I get the long hours of uninterrupted thought and concentration to dig in and get hold of some real writing. After that journey, I get to take a short hike along the paths and creeks, step into the mineral baths, or check out a movie or show in the theater. Fantastic. I need this in my life. I need to write. I become unbearingly neurotic when I can't exhale the contents of my mind and heart into words. With all the tension and anxiety of my life in the City, my sanity was slowly eroding within a shell of congeniality, within a facade of polite silence, Skipping out on all that noisy nothingness became necessary, not only for my sanity, but also for my survival.

Reason #1: STRESS!

sensei — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:21:16 GMT

I've been up here at Harbin for a week now. Wish I had a complaint but I don't. This is paradise. Maybe its not paradise for people who hate hippies (-or people who enjoy and relish that hatred) or if you aren't down with a slower pace amoung the trees and fae, but for me, a derelict dervish who is learning to let go of his resentments and hatred, -a former criminal who is releasing the pain and suffering of that former life, this is paradise. Paradise on Earth... because the Earth IS paradise! (It's just that She's veiled with concrete and pavement in the city and 'burbs). Now that I am settling in, I can make clear the stack of reasons I am here. Let's start with the most obvious and I'll continue with more subtle and provocative reasons in subsequent blog entries. (-stay tuned!) The most obvious reason... STRESS! I was simply stressed out, yo! Life in the city was really getting to me. The hustle, the bustle, the insane schedules and intensity, working twice as hard for half as much and more to pay, trying to make ends meet and the interpersonal drama with people who are about as stressed out as I had been... I simply had to simplify. Here, I get to scale back, retreat and regroup. There are a number of things I need to revisit and redo in my life and Harbin is simply the best place for that. It’s so funny: The people here are not only laid back, but they pay attention and ask that you simply relax. There’s work to be done up here, and lots of it, but they ask that I pace myself and take time to not only do a good job, but to enjoy doing it as well. My “guardian angel” up here is David. He’s in the Human Resource department here. A trial attorney in Detroit for many years, he finally had it with that kind of work and that kind of life. This isn’t uncommon here. I’ve already met a few people who have similar stories. Former executives, attorneys, doctors, military officers, and, like me, educators. Folks who have “Turned on, tuned in and dropped out” –but the interesting thing is that they are not at all lazy. I must also mention that I LOVE the local employees who come into Harbin. They are nice and very down to earth. There is an excellent work ethic here. I enjoy the fact that this spot has the benefit of such a great group of professionally trained individuals who retain this professionalism without the aggressive intensity or elitism of their former lives. Whether resident or guest, we are all here to enjoy the splendor of the natural environment and to find our own healing. Some stress exists here, but in appropriate form and measure. We have work to do here, but it’s all tangibly worthwhile and smoothed over with a strong sense of purpose and the sweetness of community. Something about the trees... they have a particularly soothing, calming effect. Of course, being able to max out in the mineral baths are a major factor in relaxation. After work, I jump in to the warm pools, accompanied by some very beautiful people. I won't hesitate to say that I enjoy seeing naked bodies. For me, however, the experience is much more aesthetic than erotic. From the warm pool I step into the hot pool and let the knots and acids in my muscle fiber and joints release and relax. Its the perfect thing after work and before sleep. In the morning, I like to go from warm to hot to COLD. That is particularly invigorating. Who needs caffine when you have a cold plunge?? I am now resting better than I ever have and as a result, feel more awake. That alone is well worth anything I've given up to be here. ...what was it that I gave up to be here?

SENSEI's Moving to Harbin!

sensei — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 02:03:59 GMT

This is gonna filp a few of you out... I am moving up to Harbin Hot Springs. http://www.harbin.org/ A couple weeks ago JD asked me to help out and be in LiOr Jacobs video shoot for his PassionYoga classes. The shoot was to be at the conference center at Harbin. It had been over ten years since I was last there. I remember not liking everything about it back then. It was a bit too rustic and WAY too cruisy for my taste. (it earned the nickname "Hard-on Hot Springs" back then) I was SO very happy to see that all these things I disliked about the place had been firmly and clearly addressed and dealt with. The indiscriminate sexual behavior is not only banned there but the ban is actually enforced (in fact, that may be one of my responsiblities). This is not to say that affection and cuddlyness aren't ok but aggressive hitting on people and fucking energy are not ok in the public pools. (these pool cruisers aren't tolerated) The buildings are clean, maintained and very comfortable and the people there are hard working and are very hospitible. I really love the management there. They are firm yet friendly, truthful and professional. Harbin, they explained to me, while based on the ideals of the Church of Heart Consciousness, is still very much a business and is run as such. They told me that the business end of things there is a priority and as such, everyone is expected to maintain professional standards. THAT came as a huge relief! I have a tremendous amount of respect for any business that is harmonious with Nature and Spirit. One of the things I was worried about was that things were way too idealistic. I don't like building castles in the sky much less living in one. Last week I finished up my interviews and I was called back and told I passed with flying colors. I will spend my initial time there doing more menial work and staying in the dorms, but once the trial period is over I can petition for a spot as one of their world class bodyworkers. But even that wonderful prospect isn't the reason for moving there. I suppose I could sum it all up in one word: PEACE. I have to say, these past couple years of my life has been STRESSFUL! All you need to do is scroll down my blog here to get a hint of what that was all about. I'm planning on attending seminary next fall and I don't think I would be able to go calmly and sanely into post-grad studies unless I took time to center and to get myself together. This is my opportunity to do so. Not just that, but I want to flow into a community that is balanced in both ideal and practical. I know some of you are probably thinking that its WAY too "hippy" -well, I don't know about that. How are hippys any worse than hipsters? How are they worse than anyone? I hear people site a lack of work ethic but not at Harbin. Those people work hard and passionately and, frankly, that work is worthwhile. I also must site the obvious here... The place is beautiful! Serene, rural, lush, vivrant teeming with splendor and life. Mother Nature in full effect! The place is replete with MotherGoddessNess and I so need that nurturing these days. My nerves are toast and those magneseum rich waters are just the ticket to resore my flow of chi. I will also do yoga every day with wonderful teachers. I should also mention that there is a Sufi teacher who holds study and ceremony there a couple times a month. THAT makes me feel all the more at home. There are a couple other factors I'm not ready to spell out yet but to sum it up, I really, really need this at this point in my life. I feel so blessed.

Ramadan Pantaum: CHOP CHOP

sensei — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 23:50:50 GMT

The first line is yet another line yet it won’t be the last. This is how a pantaum is written. Lines repeat stanza after stanza Not unlike what this pantaum poem is about. This is how a pantaum is written; You’ve heard this line before Not unlike what this pantaum poem is about. Not unlike these crystalline lines we like to inhale. You’ve heard this line before. You will hear it again. Not unlike these crystalline lines we like to inhale Through rolled up paper presidents. You will hear it again Every time you can’t keep up. Through rolled up paper presidents Or suck it up through a scorched glass tube. Every time you can’t keep up Y’gotta chop it up Or suck it up through a scorched glass tube Or, if you’re really hardcore you’ll push the steel to your vein. Y’gotta chop it up Y’gotta stay up Or, if you’re really hardcore you’ll push the steel to your vein. More potent than a pill, quicker than the mucous membrane. Y’gotta stay up. There’s way too much to do! More potent than a pill, quicker than the mucous membrane. And I don’t have time to spare. There’s way too much to do: Work, school, family, friends, lovers I don’t have time to spare. I don’t even have time to sleep! Work, school, family, friends, lovers -They all have high expectations. I don’t even have time to sleep. Do I even have the money? They all have high expectations. I haven’t slept for four days. Do I even have the money? >Calm down. Center. Focus.< I haven’t slept for four days. I’m starting to come apart. >Calm down. Center. Focus.< OVERDRAWN AGAIN! I’m starting to come apart! My nerves feel like insects crawling, biting. Overdrawn again! How am I going to keep this going? My nerves feel like insects crawling, biting. I have to stop picking at my skin. How am I going to keep this going? >Don’t panic! Think positive!< I have to quit picking at my skin. I’ve got to calm down. >Don’t panic. Think positive.< I will get the money somehow… I’ve got to calm down! I’ve got to pull my shit together. I will get the money somehow. Lie, cheat, steal,-whatthefuckever! I’ve got to pull my shit together! My GPA, my rent, my tuition… Lie, cheat steal,-whatthefuckever! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do! My GPA, my rent, my tuition. They call this a white boy drug, but us Asians fuck with it too. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do You are the typical overachiever, The model minority. They call this a white boy drug But us Asians fuck with it too. Fucking up your program Fucking up your bell curve -And, yeah, fucking up your traffic! You are the typical overachiever The model minority. You have to be the best! Fucking up your program Fucking up your bell curve Fucking up your traffic The better student The harder worker The more quiet, ruthless gangster. You have to be the best! If being better than you means Fucking with this shit Than so fucking be it! The better student The harder worker The more quiet, ruthless gangster. And I am so tired of being your oriental rug! If being better than you means Fucking with this shit THAN SO FUCKING BE IT! Chop me up another line! I am SO tired of being your oriental rug! Invisible, exotic, and lain out under your foot! Chop me up another line! CRAAASHHHH!!! ……… Invisible, exotic and lain out under your foot. After all these sleepless nights It was bound to happen. Crash. -and I don’t wake up for days. After all these sleepless nights It was bound to happen. I collapse And I don’t wake up for days. Loosing work, skipping class, 46 missed calls. I collapse. Dead to the world. Loosing work, skipping class, 46 missed calls. What will bring me back to life? Dead to the world. Chop me up another line. What will bring me back to life? Begin again. Chop me up another line. The first line is yet another line yet it won’t be the last. Begin again. Lines repeat, stanza after stanza.

Ramadan Pantaum: DISSOLVE/RESOLVE

sensei — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:47:37 GMT

Pantoum of contemplation. ©2006 by Russell (Gonzaga) “Death is not the end of life rather it is the culmination of it.” -Michel Foucault Attached to detachment with an intense regard for disregard seeing with obscene clarity becoming practiced with no-practice with an intense regard for disregard I now see that the self-serving serve no one becoming practiced with no-practice Now, learn to let go of letting go! I now see that the self-serving serve no one so-called “Spirituality” reinforcing the egos delusion Now, learn to let go of letting go! feel the flesh and fire, the electric desire So-called “Spirituality” reinforcing the egos delusion even angels are not so removed feel the flesh and fire, the electric desire: Life. Even angels are not so removed until envy casts them down Life is nothing to be attached to. Until envy casts them down learning what they are not is nothing to be attached to. An uncommon passion has brought this acceptance. Learning what they are not is a major part of an active submission An uncommon passion has brought this acceptance. There is joy in knowing that laws do not define love. Is a major part of an active submission accepting who and what you are? There is joy in knowing that laws do not define love. Ecstasy is the indulgence in a divine crime Accepting who and what you are is transcending who and what they say you are. Ecstasy is the indulgence in a divine crime. Beyond ‘self’ there is the glory of everything else. Is transcending who and what they say you are an act of open rebellion? Beyond ‘self’ there is the glory of everything else. You are nothing but a part of everything. An act of open rebellion; -to discover the Truth beyond truth. You are nothing but a part of everything. Everything is a part of you. To discover the truth beyond truth learn what’s Real within what’s real. Everything is a part of you. There is no other way. Learn what’s Real within what’s real; -being the best of who you are! There is no other way once you have experienced that passing away being the best of who you are be careful how you speak once you have experienced that passing away very few will comprehend be careful how you speak so as not to frighten the horses very few will comprehend you will know by their silence so as not to frighten the horses maintain a modicum of manners you will know by their silence who keeps the Secret. maintain a modicum of manners as you carry the joy you contain who keeps the Secret are now closer to your heart then your very self as you carry the joy you contain you see that the silent are now closer to your heart then your very self This dissolving into Love is the end of all lies. You see that the silent let go of every non-essential This dissolving into Love is the end of all lies Say ‘good-bye’ to that weakness you once thought was your own Let go of every non-essential bury all that is dead Say good-bye to that weakness you once thought was your own let it decompose with grace in that wasteland called remorse bury all that is dead now that you’ve been revived let it decompose with grace in that wasteland called remorse LIVE! Now that you have been revived there is nothing to do but Live (no need to worry about dying) There is nothing to do but Die no need to worry about dying (The fact that you live guarantees your demise) Die Hold firm to this Nothingness The fact that you live guarantees your demise This is the only thing that is sure. Hold firm to this Nothingness it is this that we become this is the only thing that is sure there is no other strength. it is this that we become dissolving into Divinity There is no other strength No other Other dissolving into Divinity seeing with obscene clarity No other Other Attached to Detachment.

Surrender

sensei — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 05:48:48 GMT

Perhaps it's been my fasting. Maybe its the shifting of life situations, relationships and work. Even the suffering of an injury might have brought this on. The fact that I spent this weekend in retreat doing some intense reflection and introspection probably has more than anything to do with it. Whatever the case, there has been a HUGE shift within me. This is not an overnight thing. Its all been coming to this for a while. I'm not sure how I can say this, but I am feeling this tremendous swirl of emotion and insight. This is a mix of remorse, wonder, excitement, anxiety, joy, even a sense of horror. This internal upheaval is overwhelming. However it all comes down, this has served to simultaneously awe and humble me. I suppose I can effectively express this in one phrase: I surrender.

RAMADAN HAIKU

sensei — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 23:20:27 GMT

I keep wondering: Why do they call it "fasting" when it slows us down?

Contemplation 11: Pride and Poverty

sensei — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 13:01:33 GMT

I have been poor and of this I am not ashamed. I have been proud of my poverty and of this I am deeply ashamed.