the total surrender of this "thing" to HIS every desire...

Your prayer should be, "Break the legs
of what I WANT to happen. Humiliate
my desire. Eat me like candy.
Its spring and finally
I have no will."

~Rumi~

Spring is fast approaching, the season of rebirth but spring has already reached my soul; a slave now being slowly broken and being taken down the natural path of surrender, obedience, devotion, self-sacrifice, and love; the world of a true TPE slave...

Friday and Saturday nights found me working at the center; as of this writing, i have had a total of 2 and a half hours sleep since 4 am Friday morning which i know is far from healthy and not as Master desires. it came home after working over 24 hours straight Saturday morning with the intent of sleeping (and needing it greatly) but had unexpected out of town visitors. Thankful, Master was understanding of this situation but stated He wanted slave to rest today... Last night, i felt the harsh signs of sleep deprivation as thinking started to become cloudy and in order to stay asleep and watch my charges through that long dark lonely night, i had to remain on my feet...

How i longed to come home and wrap myself in Daddy's chains, cushion my head in the soft feather pillow and fall into a long much needed sleep. To my surprise, hunger woke me about 2 hours and fifteen minutes later but... slave's cupboard was nearly bare so it had to dress and go out to buy a few staples until tomorrow night... Master was watching through the web cam and i know was not pleased with its waking and for this i am so extremely upset and disappointed in myself but it was not out of wanton disobedience or self will... it has little of self will left and is so grateful for that..

Tonight, Daddy has given it permission to attend a birthday party for a gentleman slave works with at the Center. Asking permission to attend and knowing it would obey Master's decision came so very naturally... but it now will wait and discuss this party a little more in detail with Him before actually committing as slave is running on empty and has to start a full work week tomorrow. Master has already told me that i may not work the next two weekends at all but rest and tend to Master's tasks only.

The money it makes from these weekend overnights it will place straight into the Master account in its bank for His needs and decisions. W/we are discussing slave's taking a journey to NYC (meeting with Master in Illinois first) and enjoying the area W/we both love for a long weekend. Daddy would very much like to relocate there so i am in the process of trying to find a decent paying job in that area so that He can enjoy His life closer to His family and in the City that never sleeps... if a position is found there, and it can get some assistance with moving, then it will relocate and serve Master as HE desires; desperately trying to make every need and desire He has come true.

Daddy begins the last week of radiation treatments tomorrow... actually one week (five business days) and a Monday wake up... Fatigue is His current companion but He has experienced little negative side effects from this process until now which proves how well conditioned his mind and body were before he undertook the process. It is my belief that the Universe will bless Him and everything will be as W/we desire...

I am going to attempt to increase my work out time at the gym by one more day as i have hit a weight plateau... Daddy's goal (and slave's trainer and me) is to have slave down to 120 lbs in the next five months but i have not lost anything in the last three weeks despite increased activity and a very healthy diet... Perhaps the stress of changing jobs etc? Although it truly has not felt stress (until this weekend of overnights).. Co-workers from the center did comment this weekend of the noted weight loss (inches) in my body and i relayed this information to Daddy. Daddy asked me if that made me proud etc... To which i responded that i was not someone who welcomed "attention" and then Master drew me up short and made me realize that "i" was NOT getting a damned bit of attention... Master was. if His property is complimented... that compliment is HIS not the slaves and the minute He said that, the old wall of trying to "hide" its accomplishments etc came tumbling down.

Master also commented last night on the change in my poetic art of late; the fact that the poems i am currently writing and sharing with Daddy all revolve around His breaking, usage, raping, owning... the dark edge play.... the total surrender of this "thing" to HIS every desire...

Except for being exhausted by work and "outside" interruptions, this weekend was so very happy, productive and filled with Master... spending time with Him on the phone, chatting about the simple things in life as well as His Ownership and requirements of me makes time literally fly... On those rare occasions that i do not get to the phone in time to accept His call and he leaves a voice mail message, i save that message and listen to it over and over again... feeling the sound of His voice permeate my soul and take possession of everything..

a weary slave now must rest... if only with a book in a recliner... to let its Master's property repairs itself and prepare itself to take on a brand new week in His Service... it will permit no further interruptions this day unless HE calls it into service but be obediently naked and chained and resting... thoughts focused totally on HIM

Blessed be

Please Never Force Me to Leave YOU....

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose — a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. " -Mary Shelley


How very true this quote has become in my life for the more i open myself to Master, the more i grow in enslavement, the deeper my surrender, the more tranquil is my mind, the more focused and directed i become, and the more at peace is my soul...

Daddy knew that i had not slept last night and of course has demanded that i retire and get a good nights sleep tonight... He called at work and said "that your little slave mind was racing"... and then said "I probably should be careful what I say over the phone"... but to be called a slave at work, on a secure line... knowing i am working totally for Him now... what a wonderful part of my day.

Tonight, Master asked me how i am feeling... and all i can say is wonderful. i even told Daddy that people have a hard time being around me because i am smiling almost endlessly and always happy... too pollyanna for them? But blessed Universe the joy is deep and real and secure... i don't want to remember what i felt like only a few months ago... i just want to go deeper and serve Him in all things... and continue to know this absolute joy and wonder.

i spent my lunch hour talking with my own Oncologist about Daddy's treatment and learned so many positive things that my mind and heart are at greater rest now... The success rate from the treatment Master selected is high and his positive attitude only adds to that rate of success... god i love Him so much i just want the world to be perfect for Him... to answer every one of his Dreams and desires.

W/we talked a little of His family today... what was, what is, and of course slave knows how much he wants a TPE family and so it searches for those real ones out there who would serve Him in love and peace as sisters/daughters... all loyal and monogamous to Him. They are out there Daddy and i will bring them home and help YOU build that home... filling it with surrender, devotion, obedience, love and peace...

i will be sending Master information so that He may have total access to my finances here in the next week or so.. He has not requested this yet and may not take control over this area but i want Him to have it without having to ask as everything belongs to Him... my work , my play, my finances, my everything... i want nothing but to please and serve him and love Him.

good night, Daddy... perhaps i will dream those "nasty dreams that Master has racing through my head... "

Last edited Thu Feb 23 23:23:13 2006

Absolute Surrender Brings Absolute Joy

Wednesday, February 22 2006 20:04:35
"And he said, 'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.'" - Khalil Gibran

the past two days have been a blur of work, joy, passion, and love... work at the office, at the gym and for Master when he assigns a task, on the new book of poetry, and on the novel... joy, passion, and love as i become more open to Daddy, more awake to my growing enslavement... old memories surfacing and my body coming alive, erotic poetry flowing from me as i try to let those feelings find expression and share with with my beloved Daddy.

dreams awaken me now at night... and i was never one to remember anything but vivid nightmares. Now i am combining past, present, and joyful hopes for a future in my subconcience as i sleep and they play themselves out in vivid dreams that try to force my well trained body to respond without its Master's presence. this i find somewhat troublesome as i was long ago trained never to allow my body pleasure... only Master has the right to that use..

Daddy's quick phone calls at work to let His property know His treatment for the day is done also brings me great peace and focus... how quickly the sound of His voice weakens me and strengthens me all in one fell swoop. Chatting with Daddy at night, just before i fall asleep i think is making those dreams surface more and more readily... the Universe knows i now feel myself growing wet at just the sound of his voice and laughter...

Master is in the last two weeks of radiation therapy and starting to experience some fatigue but still so strong in spirit, mind, and body... He is an inspiration to all, not just to His little slave. Despite all, he remains confident, protective, optimistic, serene, loving... and blessedly dark. i thank the Universe every minute i can, for letting me serve Him. it has been almost one year since W/we firs started communicating and it feels like only days...

i am a little worn out tonight, though... worked a full 8 hours, went to the gym and came home more tired then usual but still battling a mild infection of my own. i think i will retire earlier this evening then usual as a long weekend lies ahead... Daddy has given permission for His slave to work two overnight shifts with the children at the Center. this is not something it will do often and the extra money is going to be put into a special account which will be used only for things Master may want or need.. or a possible excursion etc...

slave did open new accounts at its bank and on line named one the Master account and the other Slave account... and when it is required will willingly give Master access to all

will close with a poem it recently wrote and sent to Daddy, regarding the use of his favorite "cunt"

her second cunt

A slave needs to learn
what a real ass fucking means.
No gentle language
of making love
in a `special` way,
but simply wanting
her writhing and
twisting under Him,
impaled on His cock or implement!

To be harshly and fully penetrated
With His fingers, fist, or hand
and warm enemas,
making her shiny
wet, frothy, juicy;
to explore every
hot delicious hole
with lustful intent!

To be sodomized as His property!
Cock pushing into
into her bud, asshole
gaping wide open,
a beautiful sight
as His cock slides
so deep into her second cunt,
Renting her fully and completely!

To be fully humiliated and objectified!
Harsh crude words
echo and fill her
fevered lustful soul
shame, and pain,
with dark images,
once forbidden but
now given full rein,
released by HIS ell encompassing love!

To be butt fucked till she is raw!
moaning and gasping
His cock held tight
within her pulsing
gripping ass hole,
His strong hands
restraining her tightly
so there is no chance of escape.
Tears streaming down
her face as she yields
and begins to feel
pleasure

To hear her say i love you!
because HE raped her ass
To hear her voice
proclaim that rape
in orgasmic joy;
pain and pleasure
a delicious feeling,
her body so full,
her ass so full…
her mind and heart so full
of nothing but HIM.

And she learns that all her holes are HIS.

a sleepy slave, so greatful for Daddy's Mastery is going to a hot bath and then to a warm bed secured in His chains

good night

By Only HIS Glance

Wednesday, February 22 2006 19:47:14
FEBRUARY 21, 2006

One fix of his eyes, obstructs my thoughts and restrains my breath
When the flow of his breathing is motionless, great things are be demanded.
Through his chains of bondage, my collar and my submission
There is no doubt of the teachings of my Lord and Master.

So in bondage, the supreme bliss removes all defiance
It is profound, it is vast, it is myself, my devotion.
He trains with pain, patience and continuous creativity,
i am naked and enslaved to him, physically, spiritually, humbled to be allowed to serve Him.

The mind is coloured by what it imagines
He delights in thoughts, in a glorious mind fuck, in silence.
The poisonous flames of pain set me free of Vanilla desires
The mystic purity of his mind, my honour and my only duty.

When bound i thrash in all directions
The stroke of my Masters hand, the lash of his leather, for His pleasure or my punishment
Setting me free, my spirit flies in sub-space or pain
Release brings release, the calm after the high - i am still.
i am a peace
i am fully owned.

Do not think there is any destruction here
There are no beginnings, no middle, no end.
His love within this state of highest bliss it is quite pure
It is this extreme that pours forth unceasingly as my chosen existence.

i abide in the absolute and perfect dominance of my Master
i am enslaved by His needs, the pain and the pleasure he gives
This is myself, never to be free of this bond which encompasses me
my own true self, i am therefore made complete, natural, and whole.

Make no judgements, Do not discriminate
Or be concerned by my single-minded devotion
i see us as one, Master and slave.
My impurity is removed as my Master creates perfection.

Deeper

Sunday, February 19 2006 16:40:50
"The life that intends to be wholly obedient,wholly submissive, wholly listening, is astonishing in its completeness. Its joys are ravishing, its peace profound, its humility the deepest." -Thomas Kelly

Yesterday was truly a wonderful day, in every aspect. i spent a wonderful evening with my favorite little girl and Master contacted from Chicago and also spent time with her. She gets so very excited when HE comes up to IM or calls... and HE is absolutely wonderful with her. Daddy has said there may be a chance in mid to late spring when He would like to take the little one and His property on a long weekend to see a few of the Canyons etc in Northern AZ etc...

Master's leash is slowly reigning slave further in and there is little resistance... although i currently only wears a dog's choke collar when i am in the privacy of my home, i can still feel Master's hand about my throat.. and as HE has so often stated, that is the only true collar a slave needs... her Master's hand about her throat... if only in her mind. All i want to do is Please this wonderful Man; be whatever he wants or needs me to be and that will make life joyful; forever

it is so strange to know that when i am up in my bedroom that Daddy can generally see me whenever he wishes to via the web cam and i am often oblivious to the fact that he could be watching; is watching... it is all so very natural and the more privacy which is stripped from me, the more open i become to HIM and the more i can surrender and serve... and LOVE... The more he emptys me of those so called "rights" the vanilla feminist world claims a female has, the more i am filled by HIM

my computer is not maintaining connectivity for any length of time today, a problem my ISP states is more likely a wiring problem at the house and nothing which they can do from the server terminal itself. That has put a bit of a damper on my absolute joy and happiness that Master noted today in my constant "shit eating grin" as he called it. i do nothing but smile these days, even when things at my new job are a little overwhelmimg or family matters try to create chaos... nothing can do that any longer, except if i some how dissapoint HIM or hurt HIM in anyway... that is the only thing that truly brings me sorrow now...

But, when Daddy mentioned the fact that the smile on its face was almost constant, it realized why people at work, at the gym, etc were always smiling at it... i am so damned fucking happy knowing i am growing in my enslavement and leaving that vanilla life that burdened my soul like a heavy shroud for these past 7 years... i was never, NEVER, cut out for that... not to be totally owned, surrendered, objectified, humiliated... meant ONLY to serve and be used as my Master, my Owner, wishes to have me serve and be used.. and the only thing that i can do is to obey, moan, cry, smile, laugh, and whisper Yes, Master... to all that HE demands or takes.. How wonderful the Universe has been to let me serve such a wonderful man...

Once again, i am comfortable in greeting the world with a soft stance, a lowered glance, a gentle smile and great happiness in all things... even in the vanilla work world my enslavement shows by my manners, my posture, my focus... my serene look (most of the time). i am a slave... who is enslaved... no longer just a slave to the slave but a slave to a very wonderful Master. There is a name outside of my cubicle that denotes who is behind the walls... there are times i think... how i wish i could take my vanilla name off the board and put down "it"... or perhaps someday the name Master may himself choose to give me... for i am NOTHING without HIM... just a thing, a tool to be used for and by HIM

Another question Daddy asked me last night was how i was now dealing with the loss of my first Master... if the pain was subsiding, the memories not so sad... and i could honestly answer YES... i used to have a little shrine to him at the food of my bed... but no longer. His urn still holds a special place but not for mourning or the need to be reminded for i truly never can forget. Nor do i any longer find it a betrayal to have sought a new Master... but more of an honor to HIM who first showed me the path to this life which led me to the Master who will take me so much deeper into my enslavement which as HE knows is where i always longed to be... being allowed to deny nothing!

And oh the memories that Daddy has recently evoked from slave's mind of being raped anally... getting to the point of enjoying the painful pleasure in such a way that His second cunt can actually orgasm at HIS will as well as the first... it knows the retraining and opening of that hole for HIM will hurt like hell but it will eventually bring nothing but joy as HE will be pleased in HIS harsh use of it... (the room has suddenly become very very warm again) i told Daddy i used to hate being harnessed and plugged before work but when it stopped happening craved it; the paradox of a slave's mind... Master understands that so much better then i but i only have to accept that it is a fact of a slave's life... Everything is coming alive in this slave once again as it dies to the vanilla world and to even its previous training, waiting to be broken and remolded for HIS use and pleasure, and desires only...

Yes... that grin is back Daddy... despite the computer problems... all i can think of is how happy i am to be Your property. When the phone rings and it sees your name on the caller ID its spirit flies, when it is performing a task for YOU it is at peace and when it sleeps in Your chains, it is secure. Truly i cannot remember so much joy filling my soul... and it can only grow, it can only grow.

Master also asked if i required more direction as W/we are still long distance... and i think the best response i can give is... all that you can give and require to give so that this slave can serve you completely...

all it wants to do Daddy is make YOU happy.



Last edited Sun Feb 19 16:51:37 2006

Woman Must Be Put Back In Her Place

Wednesday, February 15 2006 21:49:41
“Woman must be put back in her place. Man's great error was to put woman on a pedestal, when she is far more at ease on her knees – where she belongs. ... Woman must be reacquainted with truth and force. She must be reacquainted with truth through force. ... She must be shown in no uncertain terms the absolute nature of the master/slave relationship endemic to the sexes.”
- Boyd Rice


Shortly after i walked in the door, Master IMed and we had a lengthy discussion touching on several subjects and of course Master learning of slave's day and setting a task for her to complete this weekend for Him. Then Daddy turned the discussion towards the changes that are internally growing within me... and he posed several questions the first of which was:

You are understanding that despite this LD time and the "fun" the new ability to be more open with Master knowing the breaking must be real? To which my body responded even before i could... that "Daddy it knows the breaking will be hard and real, it has no illusions or fantasy about that."

Then Master said: "it has been a long time; that body has not been used hard and harshly to ensure its proper place hmm?" And slave began to melt into a fog of memory... but responded; "too long, Sir, but the memories are still there, just below the surface"

Yes, Daddy, they are there... that paradox of fearing and longing, pleading for it to end... hoping it never will... knowing i will be stretched past my endurance to learn only YOUR limits... begging for respite, longing for the pain all the while knowing You relish the tears, the moans... and the whispered, thank YOU, Master when you have taken your fill and pleasure. and all i want is to please you, take all YOU need or desire to do to me or take from me... growing more in my surrender, devotion, and love the more YOU break and rebuild me...

To be consistently taught, in no uncertain terms, the absolute nature of the master/slave relationship endemic to the sexes; to learn and forever experience the equality of Dominance and surrender between a Master and His chattel.

For the past 24 hours i have been running a low grade fever and given the fact i only recently went through a blood stem cell transplant, this does give pause for concern. Drs Appt after work tomorrow and of course Daddy reminds me that i am HIS property and must take care of it ALWAYS. If the Dr okays, i will go to the gym tomorrow night as well and this weekend will have to play catch up with house work and school work. Getting used to the new work schedule and the fact i cannot set my own pace after having been ill for so many months is exacting... but i love it all now, because it is all for Master

The new job is grueling at times and does not give the fulfillment of working with children. However, it is that greater fulfillment, of working towards increasing its financial capabilities so it can help Daddy obtain his dreams that is my only goal now. Everything i do is now for Daddy... only, solely... everything i am, everything i own, everything i will be belongs to Him... and that fact brings me such joy, security, and peace...

Daddy, the more YOU take me into my enslavement, the more free i become. Thank you.

Growth in Surrender

Wednesday, February 15 2006 07:40:26
February 14, 2006

GROWTH IN SURRENDER
growing
joining You in this journey
a shadow of an ivy branch, wrapped around Your trunk of strength
climbing only as far as You dare to permit
flexing, reaching towards the edge
reshaping
bending, never breaking
Your firm caress stretching my limits
holding me in Your palm
molding, guiding my dreams
trusting
never permitting me to fall
the edge moves farther, safe in Your hand
Your soft words of praise
encouraging, lifting my soul
surrendering
relinquishing control
Your will becoming my only desire
Your smile, my pleasure
desiring, respecting, needing Your domination
i am Your property
trembling in anticipation
submitting to my Teacher
seeking my Father
yearning for my Protector
You are ........ my Master
~ me~


The above poem will appear in the new book of poetry which i am in the final editing of before i submit it back to my publisher and start working on the galleys... this one has been a real work of labor and i had hoped to get it out before this month or in this month as it is a book of love poetry... and i have been fortunate to know love; in all of its forms.

so too have i been fortunate (and yes i do mean fortunate) to know physical, mental, and spiritual pain and that too was brought to light, once again, on this beautiful day of love; Valentine's Day. For, in addition to working on this book of poetry, i am also co-writing a novel which is to be based on my life and tentatively called Run for the Shadowplay... my first "boyfriend" is working on this with me and just submitted his version of the next chapter of the book which actually takes place when i am four and a half years old...

i can generally step back from that life of shadow and pain and grasp the realities of it as the adult i have always been in some way; for there was no time in my early days for childhood, or fantasy, or make believe. However, tonight, my friend made the occurances of that day so very real in this chapter that for the very first time... i felt like i was again that four and a half year old little girl (and the two and a half year old little girl once found unconcious, hours later, in the bottom of a well with a double fracture to her right arm and covered in spider bites)... the emotions over ran me as did the fear and the great great sorrow for that little girl. How i so desperately wanted to pick her up and hold her and tell her it was all okay... and then Master called...

and at the sound of his voice, i realized that HE had picked up that little girl and pulled her from that well of shadow, arachnids, and soul pain, and swaddled her in HIS strength, HIS Dominance, His light...

Today, in the office where i now work, i saw people receiving flowers, plants, or leaving early to go out for a wonderful lovers dinner... and i thought... how sweet but i have so very much more and I do not have it simply for one day now. Even though W/we are currently still in a long distance situation, i have HIS protection, His direction, His sadism, and above all His love... and He... He has my complete surrender; he has all of me. Not just on Valentine's Day but every day; 24/7.

That is the reality that is now mine in broad daylight, or when the skies are dark... i am HIS property and in that i grow and become more with His guidance and training.

Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy. i love YOU more then i ever thought possible and i am so greatful that YOU allow me to serve YOU in anyway possible.

blessed be

The Empty Vessel

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T. S. Eliot

THE EMPTY VESSEL: EGO IN SLAVERY

The first thing to be understood is what ego is so i will attempt to use the following analogy: When a child is born, it is believed that child is without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. And when a child is born the first thing he or she becomes aware of is not himself/herself; the first thing he/she becomes aware of is the OTHER. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch OTHERS, the ears listen to OTHERS, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All these senses open outwards.

That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So it is that when a slave is born or reborn, she is born into her Master's world. she opens her eyes, sees HIM; HE is the 'Other' the thou. she becomes aware of her Master first. Then, by and by, she becomes aware of her own body. That too is the Other, that too belongs to the world. A slave is hungry and she feels the body; that need is satisfied, she forgets the body and she sees only Master.

This is how a slave grows. First she becomes aware of Master, the "thou", the "other", and then by and by, because of mirroring " thou", she becomes aware of what she really is; an empty vessel waiting to be filled by her Masters needs, desires, and wants. Without Him, she is nothing. She is a void..

This awareness is a reflected awareness. she is not aware of who she is; for a slave is empty waiting to be filled. she is simply aware of the Master and what He thinks about her. If He smiles, if He is pleased with His property, if He says, "good job slave," if He pets her or kisses her, or uses her further for HIS total pleasure, only then does the slave feel good about herself. Now the slave is truly born...


That is also one of the reasons why a new slave, or one who has been owned before such as me, requires breaking… on a consistent basis. It is in that breaking, the training, the continual deepening of surrender, that she grows in service, devotion, and love; a slave’s only value and oh how wonderful that value is…

Today, i spent a great deal of time with my granddaughter and in IM with Master… a few moments on the phone with Him which is always such a gift to hear his voice. Master spent time playing with my granddaughter and she absolutely adores Him. Last night, they even spoke by phone which she thought was the greatest thing in the world. How very fortunate i am to Have a Master such as this… who values and loves children so greatly. Thank you Daddy…

Once its granddaughter was home, it turned its thoughts to tasks at hand, it diet spreadsheet for this week, a letter Master requires it to put together, preparing itself for a new job tomorrow (which is just now causing butterflies), and to writing this journal (which it loves to do). i will be leaving for the gym in about 30 minutes where i will continue to home Master’s body until it is the way HE wants it to be. Everything in the day is for Him in someway… everything and that makes it all seem easier to handle, easier to work with. Daddy and i were talking about the fact i wish there were more hours in the day… which we know cannot happen. But what i do know is that each day is a gift and too precious to waste. Therefore I fill each waking hour in service, surrender, devotion, and love… to HIM; representing Him as i venture forth in to a vanilla world which now, once again, views me somewhat differently.

Once home from the gym, it will bathe, shave, and lay out its clothes for the morning.

Blessed be..



Last edited Sun Feb 12 19:28:36 2006

Service is the only reward

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward." -Antigonus of Sokho

For the first time in months, slave slept the sleep of an innocent child, the worries not even close to being present in its slave world, the only fear of displeasing Master, and of faith in a future filled with service, devotion, complete surrender and love.

slave woke early and enjoyed its first sunrise... wearing the chain Master had it buy around its neck, feeling the remnants of the pull of HIS chains on its wrists from when it slept. Master sent slave several chains which HE allows it to (and demands it to) secure itself to the bed when it sleeps. Feeling, every inch of its slaveness enveloped in Daddy's Dominance... it feels refreshed, alive and so filled with joy and love... what a glorious, day!

As the sun rose, it caught site of a beautiful red-tailed hawk, probably returning to its home after a long night of hunting. Two hummingbirds were at its feeder, one so tiny it could not have been larger then this lil slave's thumb. These two species of birds are such amazing creatures and such total opposites. One powerful, dominating the sky, one gentle and fragile... Much like a Master and His slave.

Yesterday, slave's experience at the center became more threatening then the norm as the staff ratio is too small to protect the violent teens from themselves, each other, or staff. One boy broke a girls nose. Another boy broke a little boys hand. Another boy broke a staff members jaw. Master does not want his property damaged so it has been decided it will no longer work at that center (unless in a group home only) and will begin a new job back in the Corporate world on Monday.

This decision at first greatly troubled slave but Master's strong, guiding, and loving wisdom soon showed it that slave had done everything she could and the environment was not only unsafe for slave but for the children it cared for... and so it moves on with a lighter heart knowing it gave love in a dark time and hoping, somewhere in their lives, they will remember that fact.

Today, slave worked around its house and then prepared dinner for its family... before the females all went to the gym to work out.

Daddy had sent slave a package which held a copy of a CD with music by his son and by his son and him (it was wonderful and a very cherished present. He also sent slave's granddaughter small little things which she opened with laughter and smiles and, when she heard the IM sound go off on slave's computer KNEW it was Him and bounded up the stairs to slowly type her thanks... she calls Master her Pen Pal... and he is so wonderful and loving and patient with her. slave's daughter has commented that He is a very special man. If she only knew

Master is just now starting to experience a few negative side effects from the radiation treatments but as always his spirit, mind, and heart are strong and set on healing, laughter, and love. He is so amazing.

slave worked out for an hour again tonight and will return to the gym on Saturday and Sunday... In the mean time it has homework to complete, several tasks to complete for Daddy (how grateful it is HE asks anything of it), and possibly a work assignment for tomorrow night.

For now, a sleepy baby slave is going off to bed... Good night, Daddy. Thank you for all YOU are and all YOU do.




Last edited Fri Feb 10 01:23:06 2006

Changes

"I had nothing to conceal, nothing to keep secret. I belonged to my master, all of me, my thoughts, my love, my body, everything I was and could be!"
-John Norman,

Although the quote is taken from John Norman's fiction, it is so very true in reference to all that this slave is now feeling, learning, and knowing. Master has shown it truth, began the process of stripping it of everything but that which HE will desire or allow, its focus always on HIM, His body being remolded to fit his purpose and desire, right to privacy is diminishing and He can see past slave's "front" to the vanilla world and rip her soul wide open with a simple word... Everything slave was, is and is becoming is HIS... The deeped He takes it into enslavement, the freer and safer it becomes.

Last night, before this went to work, Master asked it to "talk of the changes" is has been experiencing since HE took it under his care, guidance and training. One of the things that Master had to break slave of, right from the onset, was its previous training of NOT speaking at all unless spoken to and not "showing it intellect"... now it must speak, must share, must not hide anything that it is and posseses and Master is taking it all... Anyway, slave's response to Master went something like this...

slave has grown softer: its movements, its attitude... its thinking are all even more gentle then they used to be... it is apparent to people it loves and works with that something has been released inside... it feels even more then it once did.

slave is joyous... even with things going awry as life is wont to do... it sees the joy of the day...

slave is vulnerable... there is ONE now who sees inside where None have been allowed and sees that which slave has refused to acknowledge... slave did not aknowledge that is was NOT true TPE... that all had never been demanded nor taken in its previous life... that its will was still too strong and much too much remained hiddren... or not used for its previous Master's service

slave is opening... the breaking down of emotional and spiritual walls... leaving is vulnerable... emptying it of self

slave is more aware... survivial and surrender make everything appear new... beautiful...

slave is truly awakening... has it always been a slave? Yes... but never as much as it know it will be... the enslavement will be total... taking it down to levels where it has always belonged and needed to be.

slave feels empty and full... as slave's inner enslavement increases... what ego was remaining is disappating... and it is being filled with only the service, devotion. and love for its Master... and how very strong that is becoming...

We also discussed a recent problem that slave has been experiencing. slave was WELL trained NOT to allow itself to experience pleasure unless it was permitted by the Master... all holes belong to HIM and it is not allowed pleasure unless HE permits. slave has always managed to control this side of her life since a young slave punished severely when its first Master came home to find her pleasuring herself... it Never wanted to be punished like that again and learned the lesson quickly and well. However, lately slave has been waking up very wet between its legs.. like a teenage boy experiencing wet dreams... its body seemingly betraying it.

Master wisely told slave it was not something she could control at this juncture because she truly was awakening... Yes, it has been very much in hibernation, almost numbing itslef from the need to be enslaved just to survive. How comforting, how absolutely wonderful to know that all of that is falling away like broken shards from a huge picture window..

The conversation that Master had with slave just before it went off to work left it feeling focused and yet very spacey... its thoughts constantly on Him.. on what was occuring to it because of HIM. Work kept it grounded but still, internally, it was with Master constantly.

At work, one of slave's favorite little girl's is back on this Unit... the one that was starving herself. She AWOLED today so they put her back on the hard unit. we talked for a long time last night, she and her roommate "T". slave has agreed to approach their clinician with their desire to read its book of poetry. slave told them the clinician would have to approve their right to read this material as it is a pretty powerful piece of writing. They then asked questions which opened old wounds, not yet fully healed, in slaves own soul... but the "blood" of those woulds was like a healing balm to theirs... it is a sacrifice slave willingly makes each time she approaches one of these damaged girls. Both will make it, of that this has no doubt. i am so thankful for being able to take that pain of my younger years (ages 8-32) and make it positive to help others who need to know it can and does get better.

Master gave some trouble causing news regarding some medication He had been given to fight the problem he is currently battling. Apparently they had him on a very potent type of chemical for three months when it should have only been taken for three weeks. Although this probably did create mild liver irritation and damage, slave is so very certain that nothing worse then that has occured. Master is such a wonderful, intelligent, and loving man it is certain the Universe has much more need for him for a long while...

Master is in Chicago tonight and slave will not hear from him for a day or two... it misses HIM greatly at these times but knows His presence is Always there.. slave hopes YOU are having a wonderful time, Daddy. i love you...