Sunday, February 19 2006 16:40:50
"The life that intends to be wholly obedient,wholly submissive, wholly listening, is astonishing in its completeness. Its joys are ravishing, its peace profound, its humility the deepest." -Thomas Kelly

Yesterday was truly a wonderful day, in every aspect. i spent a wonderful evening with my favorite little girl and Master contacted from Chicago and also spent time with her. She gets so very excited when HE comes up to IM or calls... and HE is absolutely wonderful with her. Daddy has said there may be a chance in mid to late spring when He would like to take the little one and His property on a long weekend to see a few of the Canyons etc in Northern AZ etc...

Master's leash is slowly reigning slave further in and there is little resistance... although i currently only wears a dog's choke collar when i am in the privacy of my home, i can still feel Master's hand about my throat.. and as HE has so often stated, that is the only true collar a slave needs... her Master's hand about her throat... if only in her mind. All i want to do is Please this wonderful Man; be whatever he wants or needs me to be and that will make life joyful; forever

it is so strange to know that when i am up in my bedroom that Daddy can generally see me whenever he wishes to via the web cam and i am often oblivious to the fact that he could be watching; is watching... it is all so very natural and the more privacy which is stripped from me, the more open i become to HIM and the more i can surrender and serve... and LOVE... The more he emptys me of those so called "rights" the vanilla feminist world claims a female has, the more i am filled by HIM

my computer is not maintaining connectivity for any length of time today, a problem my ISP states is more likely a wiring problem at the house and nothing which they can do from the server terminal itself. That has put a bit of a damper on my absolute joy and happiness that Master noted today in my constant "shit eating grin" as he called it. i do nothing but smile these days, even when things at my new job are a little overwhelmimg or family matters try to create chaos... nothing can do that any longer, except if i some how dissapoint HIM or hurt HIM in anyway... that is the only thing that truly brings me sorrow now...

But, when Daddy mentioned the fact that the smile on its face was almost constant, it realized why people at work, at the gym, etc were always smiling at it... i am so damned fucking happy knowing i am growing in my enslavement and leaving that vanilla life that burdened my soul like a heavy shroud for these past 7 years... i was never, NEVER, cut out for that... not to be totally owned, surrendered, objectified, humiliated... meant ONLY to serve and be used as my Master, my Owner, wishes to have me serve and be used.. and the only thing that i can do is to obey, moan, cry, smile, laugh, and whisper Yes, Master... to all that HE demands or takes.. How wonderful the Universe has been to let me serve such a wonderful man...

Once again, i am comfortable in greeting the world with a soft stance, a lowered glance, a gentle smile and great happiness in all things... even in the vanilla work world my enslavement shows by my manners, my posture, my focus... my serene look (most of the time). i am a slave... who is enslaved... no longer just a slave to the slave but a slave to a very wonderful Master. There is a name outside of my cubicle that denotes who is behind the walls... there are times i think... how i wish i could take my vanilla name off the board and put down "it"... or perhaps someday the name Master may himself choose to give me... for i am NOTHING without HIM... just a thing, a tool to be used for and by HIM

Another question Daddy asked me last night was how i was now dealing with the loss of my first Master... if the pain was subsiding, the memories not so sad... and i could honestly answer YES... i used to have a little shrine to him at the food of my bed... but no longer. His urn still holds a special place but not for mourning or the need to be reminded for i truly never can forget. Nor do i any longer find it a betrayal to have sought a new Master... but more of an honor to HIM who first showed me the path to this life which led me to the Master who will take me so much deeper into my enslavement which as HE knows is where i always longed to be... being allowed to deny nothing!

And oh the memories that Daddy has recently evoked from slave's mind of being raped anally... getting to the point of enjoying the painful pleasure in such a way that His second cunt can actually orgasm at HIS will as well as the first... it knows the retraining and opening of that hole for HIM will hurt like hell but it will eventually bring nothing but joy as HE will be pleased in HIS harsh use of it... (the room has suddenly become very very warm again) i told Daddy i used to hate being harnessed and plugged before work but when it stopped happening craved it; the paradox of a slave's mind... Master understands that so much better then i but i only have to accept that it is a fact of a slave's life... Everything is coming alive in this slave once again as it dies to the vanilla world and to even its previous training, waiting to be broken and remolded for HIS use and pleasure, and desires only...

Yes... that grin is back Daddy... despite the computer problems... all i can think of is how happy i am to be Your property. When the phone rings and it sees your name on the caller ID its spirit flies, when it is performing a task for YOU it is at peace and when it sleeps in Your chains, it is secure. Truly i cannot remember so much joy filling my soul... and it can only grow, it can only grow.

Master also asked if i required more direction as W/we are still long distance... and i think the best response i can give is... all that you can give and require to give so that this slave can serve you completely...

all it wants to do Daddy is make YOU happy.



Last edited Sun Feb 19 16:51:37 2006