Aye, to any who knows me, i am a rather negative and dark individual. I despise most of my fellow man with absolute passion, yet there is another side to me most don't get to see. Despite the decadence and decay to which i surround myself, i am still a well intentioned Guardian.

To those in this world who desire peace, balance, the love of light and betterment, i will defend to my dieing breath. I know, to those who seek tranquility and harmony for all things, i am not the ideal individual.

Tragedy follows me like a jilted lover, haunting my existance and transfering a degree of calamity to those who involve themselves with me. Yet still i endure, still i seek to protect and defend those who would bring light into this growing world of darkness.

Heh, i don't fully know why i write this now. The reason seems to have drifted from mind, but i stand firm in my words. Tainted and depraved, i still put faith in those of you who seek to better this world. Know that atleast one will fight to see your dream's flourish.

"If you are a man and aim to be warrior, then become a shield...Become a shield so that one day you might protect those you love most, even if it costs you your life."

Mind you it's just a theory born of a moments lucid insanity, but here goes...

What is reality? Is it not subjective to each individuals perceptions and mindsets? Why is it some are capable of seeing, hearing and expierencing things others can not? Or why is it some things only come to pass in the company of certain like minded individuals and not with others? Perhaps there is a reason for this after all, one which is simple yet elusive.

Consider if you would, that it is our very own imaginations which limit reality around us. Thus when alone, we permeate and infuse our beliefs into corporeal form. Which could be why some are subject to strange expierences when alone that never seem to occur in the company of others. Why? Perhaps it's because their own personal perception and belief dictates the course of their singular reality.

Yet why is it around other people, those unusual events never seem to transpire but yet still with a certain select group of others those same bizzare events do come to pass?

Again, i think perhaps it's focused on individual reality, however that when another individual enters the confines of your personal reality, a new reality is born based on the similarities existing within each. It would explain why some people can see spirits when together, but when another friend enters the equation and a new reality is born, nothing ever happens.

Also, maybe it is why we are drawn to certain people we meet. Their personal reality is akin, the similarities are many and thus an easier transition into a new reality is allowed and the connection is that much stronger. Not to mention why, with but a single glance, we can come to dislike and hate others. Their reality is so starkly contrasted with our own, that an instinctual negative reaction occurs.

I've also come to ponder the idea that not only is it our belief and perceptions which effect reality, but strength of will as well. Through the force of ones will, a stronger bending is created and when a conjunction is formed one reality can predominate the other to ascertain which is more fully incorporated. It can be a dangerous thing though, because it is a denial of another's freedom of reality. Not all are ready to experience the many aspects of existence, and forcing another's mind open can have strong repercussions for them.

However, what must be kept in mind, is that the universe itself and other entities within have their own individual reality. The strength of their will is so profound that they dampen our own creation. Thus there will always be limits, keeping a more thorough balance between what is and might be.

Though perhaps that is why people gather and form social groups, religions and other such organizations. The combined sum of their conjoined reality becomes a total greater then the individual, allowing for unimagined possibilities.

After all, Isn't it strange that the miracles of olden times are seen less and less as people become more diverse? I'm not saying diversity is wrong or bad, but merely that in times before their perceptions and beliefs were more finely tuned amongst themselves. Their augmentative power was greater, for their ways were more steadfast and united.

How many people conform to a religion now, but do not as fully believe in it as did people in times past did? Humanity has become a well oiled machine, spoon-fed certain ideals and possibilities as a whole to which we stand firm in believing and placing our trust within. Only now do we begin to shake free the shackles of our mind and think for ourselves. We explore and theorize, philosophize and seek beyond what we know and have been taught. We dream and aspire to new heights of personal understanding and growth. Thus i say, be free in your reality, and i hope it will unite with others so that one day we might truly create something beautiful.

"Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions."

Well now, since boredom has me in it's nefarious clutches, i'm in desperate need of something to do at this time of morning. So here it is, an explination as to what "Shadoweaten" means and how it came to be born. Ofcourse, you don't give a fuck, but i'm just that bored...as i say, "Beyond boredom into madness".

Shadoweaten's intent arises from the term "Shadow", which extends beyond the normal dictionary form. It's a Psychology term created by Carl G. Jung. Here's a bit of a explination of shadow, word for word..

"The shadow is an unconscious complex that is defined as the diametrical opposite of the conscious self, the ego. The shadow represents everything that the conscious person does not wish to acknowledge within themselves. For instance, someone who identifies as being kind has a shadow that is harsh or unkind. Conversely, an individual who is brutal has a kind shadow. The shadow of persons who are convinced that they are ugly appears to be beautiful.

The shadow is not necessarily good or bad. It simply counterbalances some of the one-sided dimensions of our personality. Jung emphasized the importance of being aware of shadow material and incorporating it into conscious awareness. Otherwise we project these attributes onto others.

Contemporary examples include religious zealots who project their own hatred onto other religions or groups, accusing them of the very thing that they are unable to accept within themselves. Another potent example of shadow projection is seeing in another person, with whom one is infatuated, good and wonderful qualities that one refuses to see in oneself."



With that being detailed as it is, it should be a rather simple undertaking to piece it together. For those who still don't understand here it is -

Shadoweaten: One who is predominated by his or her shadow nature.

Simple as that, so thats it...Heh, was such a waste of your time, wasn't it? You'll never get those moments back you know. Sucks, but thats life.

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

This is something i've come across long ago, but something which touched upon a sense deep within. It's worthy of sharing and was written by Buck Young. So please, enjoy...



A long, long time ago, the Earth belonged to the creatures of the wood. By creatures of the wood I mean gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads. They tended it and took care of it, played in it, danced and sang in it, cared for wounded animals, worked out disputes between species, sat on mushrooms discussing matters of import and drinking Labrador tea, rode down streams on leaves and bark, and parachuted from trees with dandelion seeds. This was the world into which mankind was born. These early days, when man was but a newly arrived dinner guest who hadn't yet taken over the entire house, are fairly well documented in the literature and folklore of the world, so there's no need to go into it here. What I am interested in, and what I am asking you to be interested in, is the question, "Where did all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites and dryads go?"



The friction between man and the wood creatures began with the discovery of agriculture. With the discovery of agriculture, civilization arose and spread. The forests were cleared to provide wood for shelter and fields for pasture and crops. Mankind had set up camp. No longer just a visitor in someone else's world, he pushed the wild back from his newly built doorstep.

At first this wasn't a problem. There weren't many people and everyone else felt that it was only fair to allot them their own little half acre to do with as they wished. Some of them even decided to help out. Gnomes moved into the barnhouses and helped out with the gardening chores. The devic spirits of the vegetables helped the humans better organize their crops and plan rotation, and taught them the correlation between planetary and lunar cycles and the agricultural year, plant radishes when the moon is in Cancer, harvest when the moon is in Taurus. Many trolls felt that the heaping piles of manure were a change for the better, and decided to stick around too The rest of the wood creatures just backed off into the wood, occasionally playing mischievous tricks on the new settlers, like turning the milk sour, rearranging furniture tipping the cows, tickling people's faces in their sleep, and occasionally stealing babies and leaving bundles of wood in their place.



But man's dominion spread (and spread and spread and spread), and the forests got smaller and smaller and smaller. Things got real crowded in the woods, and things were getting worse in civilization. Most farmers weren't listening to the devic spirits anymore. People found that they could increase their output by disregarding the needs of the Earth. They were raising productivity and killing the soil. Petrochemicals were just a step away. Most of the devic spirits and the gnomes fled. The trolls stayed.

Today they live mostly under bridges and in the shallow, mucky ditches beneath the metal grating on farm roads that cows are afraid to cross. Be sure to honk your horn before driving over one of these. A troll may be hanging from the grate, swinging over its living room, as they are apt to do after rolling in muck and manure, If you don't give a warning honk, you may run over its fingers, and it's not a great idea to get either your name or your license plate number on a troll's shit list.



Now there is little wild land left at all, and even that is shrinking at an unprecedented rate. There is simply not enough space for all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs,sprites, and dryads.

So where are they?

Are they dead?

No.

So where did they go?

The answer is a bit surprising. They didn't go anywhere. We did. Early humans had an intuitive knowledge of their role in nature, just as bears and raccoons and mice and every other critter does. They understood, from the ways of the wild around them, that nothing ever comes from nowhere and nothing ever just disappears. Things change form. Death is necessary for life to continue. They offered up their kills as sacrifices to the gods of nature. They offered praise, prayer, sacrifice, and song to the spirits of the wild, to brother buffalo, brother deer, brother fish, and brother tree.



Now we know that everything that has ever existed continues to exist, in one form of another, and as for as we can tell, they were more aware of that back then than we are now. So the sacrifice, song, praise and prayer did not ensure the immortality of the slaughtered, either in body or in spirit. That was already taken care of. What it did ensure was the continuance of the connection between the spirit of the slaughterer and the spirit of the slaughtered. Killing is risky business. The membrane separating the internal from the external is not necessarily as thick or as dearly defined as we have come to believe. Every time we kill, we risk killing the reality of that thing inside ourselves as well as outside. We risk breaking the connections that lead in and out of the membrane. Taking life to feed life requires a keen understanding of the natural law of give and take. When we lost that understanding, gave up the songs, the sacrifice, the prayers, the praise, we lost the connection. Saying grace is not enough.



When we lose those connections, everything becomes dead - fish, rivers, frogs, mice, even each other. There is no way they can reach inside us any more. The five senses we are left with are not enough. We have given up those connections in exchange for the freedom to clearcut forests with skidders, turn cows into milk machines and chickens into egg factories. We can experiment on animals, club seals, wear mink coats, exterminate passenger pigeons, dodo birds, whales, bear, dolphin and condor. Not a twinge of guilt. The lines have been severed.



And we are all under the impression that it is the forests, the creatures, the spirits, and the wildlands that are disappearing from the universe and not us. Not so. Thinking that is like thinking that if you stand on the end of a limb and saw that limb from the tree, the tree will fall and you will remain standing. Bugs Bunny might be able to get away with that, but we can't. When a marionette cuts its strings, the puppeteer doesn't collapse to the ground. When a spider severs the lines that connect its web to the trees, the forest doesn't fall away.



It is we who have fallen away from the real world into a world where we may carry out our twisted sterile dreams without threatening the Earth and its inhabitants. Ever wonder why the trees and stones and rivers and streams, the birds, the snakes, the bears and the frogs no longer talk to us as they did in the early tales of the Native Americans, the Hindus, the Africans, the Bible? It's because we're not around to talk to any more Every clearcut, every vivisection, every mechanized slaughter of cow, pig, or chicken moves our dreamworld farther and farther from the tree, making a reunification, which is still possible, more and more difficult.



Somewhere not so far from here, in the real world, the ancient forests are still standing, the buffalo roam the prairies, the sky is full of condors, the deer and the antelope play, and dodo birds wander the sandy beaches, bumping into things.



Where there are still wildlands in our dreamworld, strong connections still exist. Bridges, tunnels, and portals. Occasionally a traveler will get lost in the wilderness and find himself in the real world, returning the next day to find that a hundred years have passed, or never returning at all, There are more ephemeral connections as well - brooks and waterfalls where you can still hear voices from the other side, if you listen carefully enough. When they sit by these waters they hear loud clanking and screams.

When they eat psilocybin everything stops glowing, and condos rise where forests stand. Our children can see their world in their dreams. Their children see ours in their nightmares.

And there is another connection. Sometimes agents from the other side infiltrate our world in an attempt to expedite the reunification. Believe it or not, they miss us over there. Sometimes - more often than you might think - they send souls over to our world to be born as human babies. Sort of like a socialist, communist, or anarchist entering the American political arena and running for office in an attempt to effect change from the inside. There are quite a lot of them actually - gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads - running around in human bodies, doing crazy things like writing on walls, working in co-ops, running inns in the mountains, talking to themselves in the streets, making pottery, illustrating children's books, spiking trees and blowing up tractors. They are planting bio-dynamic gardens, sitting in the back yard naked, arguing with Satan. They are in asylums pumped full of thorazine, in the classroom on Ritalin and lithium. They live with Indians. They run recycling centers. They are starting revolutions, corrupting the young, inventing paranoid conspiracy theories, making up religions. They're directing movies, gobbling acid, drinking heavily and writing poetry.



The transition from their world to ours is not an easy one. Intricate rituals and incantations are involved. The transition is not easy on the soul. A great deal is lost. They may have no idea who or what they are at first. They may or may not find out. They will know that they are not like everyone else. They will know that this world is not theirs. They will faintly remember something better, where things made sense and worked like they ought to, where love and magic had the power to heal.



They will know that what makes other people happy does not make them happy, and that what makes them happy makes them happier than anyone else alive. They will see things others cannot see, hear things others cannot hear, feel things others cannot feel, and know things others do not know.



They will laugh a great deal or cry a great deal or both. They will love humans individually, but have a hard time with humanity as a whole that may occasionally approach loathing. They will have a handful of very close friends, and often be very lonely. They will be unhappiest when forced to act like a human and do the things that humans do, want the things that humans want, or when they are convinced that they actually are one.



Things will not be easy for them. Because of their memories of the other side, the world will seem to them to be a wondrous calliope with just a few teeth missing on one of the cogs, and because of this tiny deficiency, the music is all off key, the horses are crashing into each other, and the children are frightened, bruised and crying.



The solutions will seem obvious and no one else will listen. They will be repeatedly punished for shouting FIRE! in a crowded theater when the buildings are in flames no one else can see. They will get slapped on the wrist for pointing to the EXIT signs when everyone else is running around screaming and trampling each other.



They will be zealous, fanatical, and didactic about their beliefs. They will feel utterly confused. They will have ecstatic visions and babble incoherently. They will be extremely articulate. They are prone to long periods of silence. They have no idea how to say what they really mean.



They will spend a lot of time with children and animals. They will become drunkards and dope fiends, organic gardeners, Essene soapmakers, carpenters, madmen, magicians, jugglers and clowns, lunatic physicists, painters and scribblers, travelers and wanderers.



They will dress in bright colors, frumpy sweaters, or all black. They will smoke too much and drink too much. They will eat only macrobiotic foods. They will develop addictions to Mountain Dew. They will often be accused of living in their own fantasy world.



They will make great lovers. Yeah, even the trolls.



They will spend too much time either making love or thinking about it. They will speak to inanimate objects.



They will have much brighter eyes than everyone else. They will expect their magic to work in this world and their love to heal, and they will be crushed by this world, and often they won't expect it.



It will come close to killing them.



They will visit the places where the connections still exist: the waterfalls, the mountains, the ocean, the forests. They will draw on all the power they have, and sometimes, sometimes, the magic will work. And everything will be wondrously easy. The teeth will grow back on the calliope's cog, the tune will right itself, the horses will bob gracefully up and down, around and around, and the children will giggle and sing with cotton candy stuck to their cheeks and noses.



They will spend their days trying to reconnect a branch that millions are still busy sawing away at. Often it will be more than they can bear.



While the rest of humanity is busy working on new and more efficient ways to lay waste to the Earth with the push of a button, they are saving it, a handful at a time.



They will share a common conviction that they are the only sane individuals in a world gone mad.



They're right.



This article was written by Mat Jacobsen under the name of Buck Young. The article lives under the protection of Melissa Tabbifli and can be found on her website: www.fantasyalternative.org/~tabbifli/

I have come to realize all things are connected, all things move through different oscillations of the cycle. An infinite series of spheres, each one connected to another so that when one revolution completes itself another begins where it left off without pause.

I have also come to understand that sometimes the shifting of a cycle is so profound that those who are sensitive and aware to such shifts in reality can feel it's comming. But that to each the call is different, attuned to the individuals characteristics and preceptions.

The question is, what has changed? What was unleashed in the shift that caused it to be felt so acutely that people will weep from a sudden onslaught of profound grief, or tense as though the clarion call of war trumpets had just signaled some ancient doom rising, or even bestow some primal element which simmers within?

Questions to which i have attained no answers...