I didn't do anything wrong!

I love when I get inspired to blog about my philosophical revelations. doesn't happen too often, today is a good day for it. There is snow everywhere and more is expected tonight. Not too often we have white Xmases.

First my disclaimer : I don’t claim to know “truth” and am only presenting this as my own truth. To quote Ken Carry, “The truth does not lend itself to absolutes, linguistic or otherwise”.

Okay, so here it is...... I have recently become convinced that there is a universal prerequisite to being able to exist in this world as a human being or what have you. I believe now that everyone is born into this world with a low self esteem, and that for many this is no accident, but in fact an agreement that is made prior to incarnating. I have often wondered since I was a kid what would happen if I was to "figure it all out", and the one and only visual that would come to mind was me disappearing in a poof of smoke! LOL! Seriously though, it has been a powerful image and I am beginning to believe it may be true, at least metaphorically.

I have been studying A Course in Miracles, which I believe is an AMAZING testimonial and manual for deconstructing the ego mind. ( Ego mind referring to the collective belief in separation from God and one another) In applying the principals learned in the text to my own life I have had some very powerful experiences and shifts in perception. In a nutshell, the primary message of the book (at least the way I perceive it to be) is that this world exists completely & exclusively on a template of duality, & duality is a vast illusion. It says that there is only one God (or as I like to call it "Source" ) and that this "Source" which is essentially “Love” & is you, me, and the force that animates everything, has no opposite. To believe there is an opposite is to believe that a "space" can exist "independent" of Source, in other words, "nothing". If such a space can exist it would be "without" source. Well, without source what do you have? If source is "everything" than you would have "nothing", you are "without" all of the qualities that source contains. (namely love) If you are "without" these qualities you are quite logically not going to feel very good about yourself right? You would be pretty empty, in "need" of being "filled" and or "entertained". You would naturally seek an "external" identity" right? You may & probably would feel the need to "compensate" for your "lack" by proclaiming yourself as a "this" or a "that" or, I am “not not” Love? ( A Christian, A Muslim, a preppy or a goth kid! Or God forbid a HIPPIE! or for humor’s sake a Post Hippie!) Why? Because being "nothing" sucks! Right? Being “without love” seems pretty lonely and sucky! If I am "something" then nobody can say I am nothing! Doesn't this sound like a common condition in the world?

Here is the problem: Your perceived external "identity" is a "compensation" for your initial and deep seated belief that you are "nothing" ( a piece of shit ) or as Christians like to call themselves and everyone else in this world "Sinners". Somehow we believe we have offended "Source" and that we have to "atone" four our sins by following a list of artificially made rules. Well, if you actually believe this then in order for your "compensation" to have any meaning at all your initial belief that you are a piece of shit must be firmly in place and protected. You must continue to do "sinful" things in order to validate the belief you are a "sinner" right? What would following the rules that are supposed to “save” you be without it? Pointless! We have entire institutions that are constantly churnnig out new & ridiculous rules to follow! Of course they would be invested in sustaining the initial belief in sinnerhood! They are invested in keeping it going otherwise they would have no reason to exist!

To quote Ken Carey again, “those who repeatedly refer to themselves as sinners have no intention of changing. repentance is meant to be a doorway, not an abode”
Could this also mean the the only effective form of repentance that will actually transcend you out of “sinnerhood” is completely discarding the belief that you are a sinner in the first place?

So............ THE VERY BELIEF THAT YOU ARE "LACKING" (without source) is logically the root of the "problem" right?

Try this, tell yourself "I have in no way offended my Source"

When I told myself this and put the force of strong belief behind it, it had a powerful ripple effect throughout my unconscious. It was like a huge weight was lifted from me. That weight was my past, and all of the decisions, actions, thoughts and beliefs I had about myself that were based on my "compensating" for a belief that I am a piece of shit in the eyes of my "Source". POOF! Gone in a poof of smoke in an instant!

I changed a deep seated belief, but I am certainly not done with the internal work! By default my ego wants to "rebuild" its house and convince me that it is "different" than the last one. I have to remind myself that the ego is only capable of offering the same shit in a different wrapper! As long as I am existing in this world I have to deal with my ego, but it as I get wiser it becomes more manageable.

So how does this tie into my theory about the universal prerequisite? Essentially, it goes like this. This universe is nothing more than a thought projection that is based on a collective belief that separation from "Source" is not only possible, but has been achieved and is actively happening. In oder for this to happen a "Space" where "Source" is not present had to be created. Once it was created it was perceived to be a "cold and empty" place. On top of that, by even having this desire to be "separate" from "Source" I must have "offended" Source. Well rather than just sit here feeling like shit, empty, cold, guilty, etc, it would be better to at least try to create a world where I can be happy on my own and at the same time "hide" from any punishment that Source may have in mind for me for offending! "BAM"! A story is created, the Big Bang, or as I like to humoroulsy refer to it the "BIG COMPENSATION” explodes into the cold dark empty space and starts spinning. Well, here we are!

If this is true, and if I am right, and A Course in Miracles is correct, this universe is a huge collective "compensation" for a collective belief that simply is not true and was never real to begin with. We convinced ourselves that we "separated" from source, held "space" where source did not exist, and created an imaginary world in that space. On top of that we are so desperately trying to make it seem solid and real. The more solid and real it seems to us the more "comfortable" we feel about it. And the more “real” it seems the less likely "Source" will be able to "find" me and punish us for "offending" .

What if we all collectively had this one single thought all at the same time]? " We never separated from, nor did we ever offend "Source", Source is who we are, the ocean refuses no river.............. What do you think would happen? Would the universe simply disappear?

Well, I know one thing, I know we would have no need for religion!

So... to come back to my original point, I truly believe that many of us made an agreement to be here, and that we had to be born with a “prerequisite” story of “emptiness” or “abandonment” or as Caroline Myss calls “woundology”, so that we can resonate with this world. In essence it serves as an anchor. I feel I was scheduled to encounter people who when I was a child would tell me I was worthless and a “sinner”. Somehow I always knew it was not true, but entertained it because it provided me an identity in this world. I have chosen to experiment & shift my identity completely to source, (I am Source first and Jeffe happens to be the article of clothing I am wearing at this time) a wild and crazy experiment I know, but one I feel is absolutely essential to my spiritual growth. It is interesting to think that I have to offer a little bit of nurturing to my “anchor” in the form of “feeling sorry for myself” and allowing some feelings of “low self esteem” to be present. Its like my “limited” little energetic farm that I need to manage and keep under control. If I did not have this, in theory my vibration would be to high to be in this world. God, I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant, but this is what I believe. If I did not have some degree of low self esteem it would be pointless for me to exist here. I could not exist here! So it is that I have this anchoring me here so that I can do whatever I am supposed to do here which I still have not figured out, and I wonder if I am even supposed to figure it out. Maybe I am already doing it! Maybe I am supposed to be writing this so that others may find a nugget in it that resonates with them too. Who knows?

Now I want to share something else. I have a feeling that many reading this have seen “The Secret”, have read or listened to the works of Esther Hicks, or are at least familiar with the whole “Law of Attraction” thing. I recently saw one of the people involved with the movie “The Secret” on Good Morning America. He said something very profound that absolutely stumped the host. The subject of “balance” came up, and the Secret guy said that in order to get the most out of the law of attraction principals, you have to first discard the idea of “balance”. The host shook her head with confusion, and he explained that “source” is where everything comes from and that Source has no opposite, source knows no lack of anything. Only we perceive of lack and create it in our experience. So my translation of this is : Source knows no lack, and we cannot create abundance in our lives if we are invested in the idea of “lack”. Lack is a self created illusion who’s only purpose is to deny the love & influence of Source.

WHY DO WE WANT THAT?
MUCH LOVE!

Jeffe

My election perspective .......... Learning what we don't want teaches us what we do want

What a transformational night we had last night as a nation! Layla and I were virtually in tears. When CNN projected Obama the winner a wave of warmth and relief washed over me, it was amazing!

I feel like we are finally waking up.

I did have an interesting thought though. I can remember being bewildered that we could elect a moron like Bush, and then re-elect him. Symbolically I think it was a metaphor for something very dark in our collective unconscious that perhaps needed to be examined and brought to the surface. Having Bush as our president can be likened to being in an abusive relationship and having the option to leave after 4 years, but we chose to stay in it for another round because we felt like we deserved to be punished or something. We had enough of the bullshit, and now we know collectively what we do not want and what does not work for us.

To put this in a personal perspective,I was in a bad relationship for almost 5 years prior to 2001. After I had had enough I was alone for 2 years. in 2002 I met my now wife Layla, and as I entered this new relationship I came into it with the knowledge of what I did not want. Knowing this helped me to avoid falling into the many pitfalls we all tend to fall into when entering a new relationship. I have found myself being grateful for having experienced the “bad” relationship because it taught me so much about myself and I eventually felt empowered to change it.

Wow, I'm now a Reverend!

I visited the Universal Life Monastery website last night and decided to become an ordained minister! I mainly did it as a side benefit for my DJ business. We played a wedding 2 years ago where the officiant did not show up, and if that were to happen again I can now step in and legally perform the ceremony!

My certificate.... www.themonastery.org/dev/cer...view.swf

This is pretty cool!

Palace Theater Video Part 2

Here is Part 2 of the Palace Theater Video......

youtube.com/watch

I will be wrapping up my Video Blog Wednesday Night.....

Peak Night of HEMF part 1

Hey everyone, welcome back to my video blog, or, vlog i guess, hehe! On Saturday Jan 5th HEMF moved over from Kona to Hilo. The Palace Theater hosted the 3rd night of HEMF, and I have to say, what a great friggin venue! WOW! Everyone had a blast and all of the djs rocked it!

This is part 1 of 2 featuring clips of myself, Sassmouth, and Rhythm Star, Having Fun! ..... Enjoy!

www.youtube.com/watch


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HEMF / Friday night in Kona

Aloha! Well today I had some time to upload my edited footage from our night in Kona. There is no footage of myself playing, but I captured some shots of Layla dancing and got some great shots of the other djs rockin it! This was a very fun night! The venue was sweet! Our host Sprocket put us up in a hotel that night which was very nice, and we got a chance to connect with Chrystalline, and even today on Maui we are still hanging out, and as my good friend Kurt would say, "Havin Fun!"

Here is the link to watch the video.... www.youtube.com/watch

LOVES!

Jeffe

Maui Video Blog (intro)

Hello all! Layla and I are on Maui now, and I decided to get some shots of where we are staying. Nothing too exciting! LOL! I decided to skip ahead to Maui and edit together our remaining HEMF footage later, so this video blog series will be like a Quentin Tarantino movie! All over the place, in no specific order! LOL!

Here is the video.... www.youtube.com/watch

So Layla made me the best breakfast burrito I have ever had this morning! YUUUUM! We are drinking Local Maui coffee and getting ready to go for a swim. We will probably try to hook up with our DJ friend Chrystalline today as well. She was one of the headliners at HEMF this year.

May I just say, as this thought is fresh in my mind, that I am so grateful to our beloved friend Kaimalino for playing such an important part in making this all possible for us! We love you Special K!

Aloha to everyone on the Mainland!

Jeffe

HEMF Video Blog Part 2

Well, the Hawaii Electronic Music Festival has come to a close as of today. What an utterly AMAZING event! I can't begin to describe how wonderful this 4 days of music has been. The first night was in Pahoa, the second in Kona, and the third in downtown Hilo. Saturday was the big night at the Palace Theater in Hilo, and I have to say I have not been to an event this off the hook in quite a while it seems! What a blessing for both Layla and I to have been able to play! We have been meeting some really great people, and making great connections! I am hoping to get to visit our new friends in Tokyo some time in the near future! A trip Chicago may be on the horizon too!

Here is a link to our video blog for Thursday night in Pahoa, the opening night of HEMF.... youtube.com/watch

I will be posting clips from the 3 other nights over the next few days. We are getting some leisure time on Maui starting tomorrow....

BIG ISLAND LOVE

Well, Layla and I are here on the Big Island of Hawaii. We had no problems or delays at the airport or renting our car last night. Right now it is a bit overcast and wet, but very warm and very nice! Tonight Layla and I both will be djing at a place called Shaka's in Pahoa about 20 miles from Hilo. We arrived at Sprockets house last night a little after 8 pm and greeted with lost of hugs and smiles. We awoke this morning to see Sprocket delighting in all of the local media coverage HEMF has been getting. A few years ago the same publications were posting "warnings" about this very same event! Now they have nothing but great things to say about it! Go Figure! LOL! It was really cool to see a little blurb about ourselves in the local paper! hehe!

Here is a link to the YouTube video clip / blog I shot this morning. I will be capturing quite a bit of stuff while we are here and I will try to post new video blogs at least every couple of days.

Click here to watch! www.youtube.com/watch

Aloha from the Big Island!

Jeffe



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Adjustments

My best meditations often happen on their own and quite often while I am out riding the beautiful bicycle trails along the Willamette River. Today was no exception. I admittedly have been feeling very down in the dumps emotionally for the past week, feeling very unmotivated and sad. The mind almost always tries top associate something with the emotions, and over the past week my mind has been attaching to lost of things all having to do with not feeling validated about my life. Since my mother passed away almost 2 years ago I have been trying my best to put on a smiley face and be optimistic about my life. So far things have been going well, but as of late my feelings have changed quite a bit, not on the outside, but on the inside in relation to my external world.

I was raised an only child, no father to speak of, just me and mom. No one knew me better than she did. As I grew older she became my best friend. She was someone I could always count on for support, both emotionally and financially, well, not always financially, he he. There was a comfort level that existed between us that I have rarely ever experienced with anyone else in my life, I could talk to her about anything and with her kind words of wisdom she always had a way of making me feel better. The comfort I believe was a result of knowing that no matter what I was going through in my life she would not judge it or tell me I was on the wrong track. She was one to let me experience life on my own terms and would comfort me whenever I made a bad turn. She was always the first person I would call whenever something new or exciting was happening in my life. She was always the first to know about my new projects and ideas and she was always offering her support no matter what I was doing.

I realized while riding my bicycle today that I had taken that connection for granted, which in itself is not a bad thing, she was my mother and it is natural for people to take their parents for granted. What I am talking about here is that I have been experiencing the reality that the connection I had is gone. I am entering a new phase in my life, and I can’t pick up the phone to tell her about it, and it feels like something is missing. That support I am so used to receiving in her wisdom is not there, and I am feeling in a way lost because of it. My mother was in a huge way, my primary source of reassurance, having not ever had a father figure in my life, she was all I had. Even after I hit 30 I still found comfort in her wisdom, and unbeknownst to me her wisdom became a huge source of inner support for me. Now I am in a new phase in my life and I feel like I am flailing as I can’t just pick up the phone and count on being comforted. This is a very important realization! All of us, whether we want to admit it or not, have an inner child, and my inner child is flailing about and not feeling supported. But, what I also realized today is that I am now faced with an opportunity to change my relationship with my inner child. I believe that each of us in addition to having an inner child has an inner parent. What is scary to me regarding this is that I feel my inner parent has not been developed to a point where I can effectively give my inner child a sense of support and guidance. This is my new challenge I realize, and I am grateful that my inner spiritual guidance shed light on this reality. Today I have prayed to my higher source to step in and show me how to comfort and support my inner child and give me counseling on how best to rapidly develop my inner parent. Until my inner parent is mature enough to play the role I need it to, I have asked my true parent, which is the source to step in and play that role for me and my inner kid. Since I did that I have definitely felt a boost of energy and inspiration. I felt inspired to type this out! LOL! Yesterday I would have looked at my computer screen with a blank and sad stare.

I know that my mother is with source, and that she will always be with me. It comes down to making adjustments within my self so I can hear the guidance with my heart.

Thanks for reading………………….