My Blog

I didn't do anything wrong!

shastagathering — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 18:49:55 GMT

I love when I get inspired to blog about my philosophical revelations. doesn't happen too often, today is a good day for it. There is snow everywhere and more is expected tonight. Not too often we have white Xmases. First my disclaimer : I don’t claim to know “truth” and am only presenting this as my own truth. To quote Ken Carry, “The truth does not lend itself to absolutes, linguistic or otherwise”. Okay, so here it is...... I have recently become convinced that there is a universal prerequisite to being able to exist in this world as a human being or what have you. I believe now that everyone is born into this world with a low self esteem, and that for many this is no accident, but in fact an agreement that is made prior to incarnating. I have often wondered since I was a kid what would happen if I was to "figure it all out", and the one and only visual that would come to mind was me disappearing in a poof of smoke! LOL! Seriously though, it has been a powerful image and I am beginning to believe it may be true, at least metaphorically. I have been studying A Course in Miracles, which I believe is an AMAZING testimonial and manual for deconstructing the ego mind. ( Ego mind referring to the collective belief in separation from God and one another) In applying the principals learned in the text to my own life I have had some very powerful experiences and shifts in perception. In a nutshell, the primary message of the book (at least the way I perceive it to be) is that this world exists completely & exclusively on a template of duality, & duality is a vast illusion. It says that there is only one God (or as I like to call it "Source" ) and that this "Source" which is essentially “Love” & is you, me, and the force that animates everything, has no opposite. To believe there is an opposite is to believe that a "space" can exist "independent" of Source, in other words, "nothing". If such a space can exist it would be "without" source. Well, without source what do you have? If source is "everything" than you would have "nothing", you are "without" all of the qualities that source contains. (namely love) If you are "without" these qualities you are quite logically not going to feel very good about yourself right? You would be pretty empty, in "need" of being "filled" and or "entertained". You would naturally seek an "external" identity" right? You may & probably would feel the need to "compensate" for your "lack" by proclaiming yourself as a "this" or a "that" or, I am “not not” Love? ( A Christian, A Muslim, a preppy or a goth kid! Or God forbid a HIPPIE! or for humor’s sake a Post Hippie!) Why? Because being "nothing" sucks! Right? Being “without love” seems pretty lonely and sucky! If I am "something" then nobody can say I am nothing! Doesn't this sound like a common condition in the world? Here is the problem: Your perceived external "identity" is a "compensation" for your initial and deep seated belief that you are "nothing" ( a piece of shit ) or as Christians like to call themselves and everyone else in this world "Sinners". Somehow we believe we have offended "Source" and that we have to "atone" four our sins by following a list of artificially made rules. Well, if you actually believe this then in order for your "compensation" to have any meaning at all your initial belief that you are a piece of shit must be firmly in place and protected. You must continue to do "sinful" things in order to validate the belief you are a "sinner" right? What would following the rules that are supposed to “save” you be without it? Pointless! We have entire institutions that are constantly churnnig out new & ridiculous rules to follow! Of course they would be invested in sustaining the initial belief in sinnerhood! They are invested in keeping it going otherwise they would have no reason to exist! To quote Ken Carey again, “those who repeatedly refer to themselves as sinners have no intention of changing. repentance is meant to be a doorway, not an abode” Could this also mean the the only effective form of repentance that will actually transcend you out of “sinnerhood” is completely discarding the belief that you are a sinner in the first place? So............ THE VERY BELIEF THAT YOU ARE "LACKING" (without source) is logically the root of the "problem" right? Try this, tell yourself "I have in no way offended my Source" When I told myself this and put the force of strong belief behind it, it had a powerful ripple effect throughout my unconscious. It was like a huge weight was lifted from me. That weight was my past, and all of the decisions, actions, thoughts and beliefs I had about myself that were based on my "compensating" for a belief that I am a piece of shit in the eyes of my "Source". POOF! Gone in a poof of smoke in an instant! I changed a deep seated belief, but I am certainly not done with the internal work! By default my ego wants to "rebuild" its house and convince me that it is "different" than the last one. I have to remind myself that the ego is only capable of offering the same shit in a different wrapper! As long as I am existing in this world I have to deal with my ego, but it as I get wiser it becomes more manageable. So how does this tie into my theory about the universal prerequisite? Essentially, it goes like this. This universe is nothing more than a thought projection that is based on a collective belief that separation from "Source" is not only possible, but has been achieved and is actively happening. In oder for this to happen a "Space" where "Source" is not present had to be created. Once it was created it was perceived to be a "cold and empty" place. On top of that, by even having this desire to be "separate" from "Source" I must have "offended" Source. Well rather than just sit here feeling like shit, empty, cold, guilty, etc, it would be better to at least try to create a world where I can be happy on my own and at the same time "hide" from any punishment that Source may have in mind for me for offending! "BAM"! A story is created, the Big Bang, or as I like to humoroulsy refer to it the "BIG COMPENSATION” explodes into the cold dark empty space and starts spinning. Well, here we are! If this is true, and if I am right, and A Course in Miracles is correct, this universe is a huge collective "compensation" for a collective belief that simply is not true and was never real to begin with. We convinced ourselves that we "separated" from source, held "space" where source did not exist, and created an imaginary world in that space. On top of that we are so desperately trying to make it seem solid and real. The more solid and real it seems to us the more "comfortable" we feel about it. And the more “real” it seems the less likely "Source" will be able to "find" me and punish us for "offending" . What if we all collectively had this one single thought all at the same time]? " We never separated from, nor did we ever offend "Source", Source is who we are, the ocean refuses no river.............. What do you think would happen? Would the universe simply disappear? Well, I know one thing, I know we would have no need for religion! So... to come back to my original point, I truly believe that many of us made an agreement to be here, and that we had to be born with a “prerequisite” story of “emptiness” or “abandonment” or as Caroline Myss calls “woundology”, so that we can resonate with this world. In essence it serves as an anchor. I feel I was scheduled to encounter people who when I was a child would tell me I was worthless and a “sinner”. Somehow I always knew it was not true, but entertained it because it provided me an identity in this world. I have chosen to experiment & shift my identity completely to source, (I am Source first and Jeffe happens to be the article of clothing I am wearing at this time) a wild and crazy experiment I know, but one I feel is absolutely essential to my spiritual growth. It is interesting to think that I have to offer a little bit of nurturing to my “anchor” in the form of “feeling sorry for myself” and allowing some feelings of “low self esteem” to be present. Its like my “limited” little energetic farm that I need to manage and keep under control. If I did not have this, in theory my vibration would be to high to be in this world. God, I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant, but this is what I believe. If I did not have some degree of low self esteem it would be pointless for me to exist here. I could not exist here! So it is that I have this anchoring me here so that I can do whatever I am supposed to do here which I still have not figured out, and I wonder if I am even supposed to figure it out. Maybe I am already doing it! Maybe I am supposed to be writing this so that others may find a nugget in it that resonates with them too. Who knows? Now I want to share something else. I have a feeling that many reading this have seen “The Secret”, have read or listened to the works of Esther Hicks, or are at least familiar with the whole “Law of Attraction” thing. I recently saw one of the people involved with the movie “The Secret” on Good Morning America. He said something very profound that absolutely stumped the host. The subject of “balance” came up, and the Secret guy said that in order to get the most out of the law of attraction principals, you have to first discard the idea of “balance”. The host shook her head with confusion, and he explained that “source” is where everything comes from and that Source has no opposite, source knows no lack of anything. Only we perceive of lack and create it in our experience. So my translation of this is : Source knows no lack, and we cannot create abundance in our lives if we are invested in the idea of “lack”. Lack is a self created illusion who’s only purpose is to deny the love & influence of Source. WHY DO WE WANT THAT? MUCH LOVE! Jeffe

My election perspective .......... Learning what we don't want teaches us what we do want

shastagathering — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:02:14 GMT

What a transformational night we had last night as a nation! Layla and I were virtually in tears. When CNN projected Obama the winner a wave of warmth and relief washed over me, it was amazing! I feel like we are finally waking up. I did have an interesting thought though. I can remember being bewildered that we could elect a moron like Bush, and then re-elect him. Symbolically I think it was a metaphor for something very dark in our collective unconscious that perhaps needed to be examined and brought to the surface. Having Bush as our president can be likened to being in an abusive relationship and having the option to leave after 4 years, but we chose to stay in it for another round because we felt like we deserved to be punished or something. We had enough of the bullshit, and now we know collectively what we do not want and what does not work for us. To put this in a personal perspective,I was in a bad relationship for almost 5 years prior to 2001. After I had had enough I was alone for 2 years. in 2002 I met my now wife Layla, and as I entered this new relationship I came into it with the knowledge of what I did not want. Knowing this helped me to avoid falling into the many pitfalls we all tend to fall into when entering a new relationship. I have found myself being grateful for having experienced the “bad” relationship because it taught me so much about myself and I eventually felt empowered to change it.

Wow, I'm now a Reverend!

shastagathering — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:38:35 GMT

I visited the Universal Life Monastery website last night and decided to become an ordained minister! I mainly did it as a side benefit for my DJ business. We played a wedding 2 years ago where the officiant did not show up, and if that were to happen again I can now step in and legally perform the ceremony! My certificate.... http://www.themonastery.org/dev/cert/ulc_certificate_view.swf?id=0918089400321 This is pretty cool!

Palace Theater Video Part 2

shastagathering — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 05:42:51 GMT

Here is Part 2 of the Palace Theater Video...... http://youtube.com/watch?v=gVWnBV8Jc_I I will be wrapping up my Video Blog Wednesday Night.....

Peak Night of HEMF part 1

shastagathering — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:16:37 GMT

Hey everyone, welcome back to my video blog, or, vlog i guess, hehe! On Saturday Jan 5th HEMF moved over from Kona to Hilo. The Palace Theater hosted the 3rd night of HEMF, and I have to say, what a great friggin venue! WOW! Everyone had a blast and all of the djs rocked it! This is part 1 of 2 featuring clips of myself, Sassmouth, and Rhythm Star, Having Fun! ..... Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4OV0riuqLE ...........................

HEMF / Friday night in Kona

shastagathering — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 23:12:27 GMT

Aloha! Well today I had some time to upload my edited footage from our night in Kona. There is no footage of myself playing, but I captured some shots of Layla dancing and got some great shots of the other djs rockin it! This was a very fun night! The venue was sweet! Our host Sprocket put us up in a hotel that night which was very nice, and we got a chance to connect with Chrystalline, and even today on Maui we are still hanging out, and as my good friend Kurt would say, "Havin Fun!" Here is the link to watch the video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3ybPBgxVfs LOVES! Jeffe

Maui Video Blog (intro)

shastagathering — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:11:39 GMT

Hello all! Layla and I are on Maui now, and I decided to get some shots of where we are staying. Nothing too exciting! LOL! I decided to skip ahead to Maui and edit together our remaining HEMF footage later, so this video blog series will be like a Quentin Tarantino movie! All over the place, in no specific order! LOL! Here is the video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a9s7hoylNI So Layla made me the best breakfast burrito I have ever had this morning! YUUUUM! We are drinking Local Maui coffee and getting ready to go for a swim. We will probably try to hook up with our DJ friend Chrystalline today as well. She was one of the headliners at HEMF this year. May I just say, as this thought is fresh in my mind, that I am so grateful to our beloved friend Kaimalino for playing such an important part in making this all possible for us! We love you Special K! Aloha to everyone on the Mainland! Jeffe

HEMF Video Blog Part 2

shastagathering — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:34:54 GMT

Well, the Hawaii Electronic Music Festival has come to a close as of today. What an utterly AMAZING event! I can't begin to describe how wonderful this 4 days of music has been. The first night was in Pahoa, the second in Kona, and the third in downtown Hilo. Saturday was the big night at the Palace Theater in Hilo, and I have to say I have not been to an event this off the hook in quite a while it seems! What a blessing for both Layla and I to have been able to play! We have been meeting some really great people, and making great connections! I am hoping to get to visit our new friends in Tokyo some time in the near future! A trip Chicago may be on the horizon too! Here is a link to our video blog for Thursday night in Pahoa, the opening night of HEMF.... http://youtube.com/watch?v=R4iLdNpXOJI I will be posting clips from the 3 other nights over the next few days. We are getting some leisure time on Maui starting tomorrow....

BIG ISLAND LOVE

shastagathering — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 00:59:26 GMT

Well, Layla and I are here on the Big Island of Hawaii. We had no problems or delays at the airport or renting our car last night. Right now it is a bit overcast and wet, but very warm and very nice! Tonight Layla and I both will be djing at a place called Shaka's in Pahoa about 20 miles from Hilo. We arrived at Sprockets house last night a little after 8 pm and greeted with lost of hugs and smiles. We awoke this morning to see Sprocket delighting in all of the local media coverage HEMF has been getting. A few years ago the same publications were posting "warnings" about this very same event! Now they have nothing but great things to say about it! Go Figure! LOL! It was really cool to see a little blurb about ourselves in the local paper! hehe! Here is a link to the YouTube video clip / blog I shot this morning. I will be capturing quite a bit of stuff while we are here and I will try to post new video blogs at least every couple of days. Click here to watch! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbSBSlD8vJk Aloha from the Big Island! Jeffe ...................

Adjustments

shastagathering — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 01:33:39 GMT

My best meditations often happen on their own and quite often while I am out riding the beautiful bicycle trails along the Willamette River. Today was no exception. I admittedly have been feeling very down in the dumps emotionally for the past week, feeling very unmotivated and sad. The mind almost always tries top associate something with the emotions, and over the past week my mind has been attaching to lost of things all having to do with not feeling validated about my life. Since my mother passed away almost 2 years ago I have been trying my best to put on a smiley face and be optimistic about my life. So far things have been going well, but as of late my feelings have changed quite a bit, not on the outside, but on the inside in relation to my external world. I was raised an only child, no father to speak of, just me and mom. No one knew me better than she did. As I grew older she became my best friend. She was someone I could always count on for support, both emotionally and financially, well, not always financially, he he. There was a comfort level that existed between us that I have rarely ever experienced with anyone else in my life, I could talk to her about anything and with her kind words of wisdom she always had a way of making me feel better. The comfort I believe was a result of knowing that no matter what I was going through in my life she would not judge it or tell me I was on the wrong track. She was one to let me experience life on my own terms and would comfort me whenever I made a bad turn. She was always the first person I would call whenever something new or exciting was happening in my life. She was always the first to know about my new projects and ideas and she was always offering her support no matter what I was doing. I realized while riding my bicycle today that I had taken that connection for granted, which in itself is not a bad thing, she was my mother and it is natural for people to take their parents for granted. What I am talking about here is that I have been experiencing the reality that the connection I had is gone. I am entering a new phase in my life, and I can’t pick up the phone to tell her about it, and it feels like something is missing. That support I am so used to receiving in her wisdom is not there, and I am feeling in a way lost because of it. My mother was in a huge way, my primary source of reassurance, having not ever had a father figure in my life, she was all I had. Even after I hit 30 I still found comfort in her wisdom, and unbeknownst to me her wisdom became a huge source of inner support for me. Now I am in a new phase in my life and I feel like I am flailing as I can’t just pick up the phone and count on being comforted. This is a very important realization! All of us, whether we want to admit it or not, have an inner child, and my inner child is flailing about and not feeling supported. But, what I also realized today is that I am now faced with an opportunity to change my relationship with my inner child. I believe that each of us in addition to having an inner child has an inner parent. What is scary to me regarding this is that I feel my inner parent has not been developed to a point where I can effectively give my inner child a sense of support and guidance. This is my new challenge I realize, and I am grateful that my inner spiritual guidance shed light on this reality. Today I have prayed to my higher source to step in and show me how to comfort and support my inner child and give me counseling on how best to rapidly develop my inner parent. Until my inner parent is mature enough to play the role I need it to, I have asked my true parent, which is the source to step in and play that role for me and my inner kid. Since I did that I have definitely felt a boost of energy and inspiration. I felt inspired to type this out! LOL! Yesterday I would have looked at my computer screen with a blank and sad stare. I know that my mother is with source, and that she will always be with me. It comes down to making adjustments within my self so I can hear the guidance with my heart. Thanks for reading………………….

T.F 07

shastagathering — Tue, 22 May 2007 01:22:28 GMT

Well, its Monday and Tribal Fest 07 is over. After a 3 hour delay flying out of New York to Sacramento Friday, we were pretty damn tired to say the least. (A night of heavy drinking & celebration for Layla's sister!) We had planned to drive to Sebastapool Friday night but ended up staying at my aunts house and leaving Saturday morning. Unfortunately our tiredness carried over into Saturday. I don't know if it was just me being tired or if the event itself was somehow lacking in vibrancy compared to last year. Last year was my first T.F. and I remember having a really good time. Of course I had just bought my video camera and was helping out with running the outdoor stage. I was meeting lots of new people and getting a chance to hang out with & bond with our Eugene ladies. There was an electricity that was present last year that I just did not feel at all this year. I did not feel very inspired to video tape either, only friends who had asked me to. I declined going to the afterparty, both Layla and myself were beyond tired! Layla was on the verge of tears knowing she had to go perform, so I made her a pot of coffee & she powered on through the afterparty while I slept. I did feel a little bummed after hearing what a good time everyone had, but I knew my well restedness would come in handy on Sunday so I could be grounded & present for Layla should her lack of sleep get the best of her. Layla did have a small meltdown and I came and gave her a massage while we all comforted her. As everyone was packing up I had a chance to say hello and goodbye to some familiar faces, lots of hugs and smiles. That was my favorite part of the festival I would say. hhmm? So now Layla and I are visiting with an old friend I have known since my raver days, say 1992.... He recently moved to Santa Rosa to take care of his aging parents. We'll be staying her tonight and then its off to Harbin Hot Springs where we will have no internet. whaaa! Oh well!

New York!

shastagathering — Wed, 16 May 2007 23:00:58 GMT

Well, here we are again in New York and what an experience it has been ! We arrived Friday night @ La Guardia and stayed with Layl'a's sister near Columbia Univ. for the first 3 nights. She lives in a dorm so it was a bit, as Layla's sister would say "squishy". We spent most of Saturday and Sunday in Central Park, and the weather, with the exception of today, has been great! Central Park is so fun! So much to do, so many people and smiling faces, Its neat to walk around and hear conversations in so many different languages! We found a group of people just wrapping up a dj gig in the park rolling around on skates. The dj was playing old school funk and I was in heaven. Then an older man on skates got on the mic and announced that they would be back on Sunday. Hell ya! I said to Layla, we should rent some skates and participate. She was not so stoked on the idea but she was down to go enjoy the music. We ended up showing up at the park as they were just getting going, and a very colorful clown like African American man came riding in on a crazy looking furry bicycle. He honked is horn "Baaauahh! Baaauahh! " to announce the start of the all day grooviness. More and more people started trickling in on their roller skates smiling, laughing, balancing bottles on their heads and skating in pairs whiel doing disco skate moves. Layla's mood picked up dramatically and she said "Lets go rent some skates!" We walked to a place called Blade and skate and inquired about rentals. Unfortunately all they had were roller blades and I have never used roller blades and Layla did not feel confident enough to use them either. I know how to roller skate beautifully, but oh well! We walked back to where the action was and just watched and danced to thhe music. We ened up running into a man named Toth. He has a beautiful voice , playes violin and dances around with bells on his ankles. He was amazing! As it turns out he is good friends with some friends of ours in Gold Beach. Small World! we also learned there was a documentary that was made about him that won an academy award. hehe! http://www.villagevoice.com/nyclife/0141,andrews,28898,16.html Waking hand in hand with Layla was especially splended for me, what a beautiful place! So on Monday I took a bus from Penn Station to Philly! I visited with an old friend Dennis and his wife Dawn. They gave me a tour of Philly and introduced me to the philly cheese steak! Oh my god, it was soooo good! I saw the Liberty Bell and the building where the Declaration of Independence was signed. Such an old city! I also saw the first President's House where George Washington first lived & the gravestone of Ben Frankin. (video to come!) LOL! So yesterday Layla's folks showed up and we moved over from her sister's dorm to a nice apartment they rented a block away from Washington Park . There is a nice outdoor patio and we all sat around driniking beer and wine! Niiiiice! Today there is a bunch of graduation stuff happening, cocktail parties and of course, tonight we have to watch Lost! LOL! Tomorrow Layla's sister graduates from dental school and Friday we fly out of New York to Sacramento where we jump into our car and drive to Sebastapool for TF 07! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Its interesting. When I came to Ny last year it was my first tiem ever on the East Coast. I was a little on edge riding the subways, but this time I am very relaxed and I feel almost at hoem here! Its weird! I feel like I am in a nice flow and rythm! Much love! Video to come! Jeffe

Frog Blog

shastagathering — Mon, 07 May 2007 04:07:23 GMT

Frog Blog? LOL! I don't know, it just came out! Perhaps its time for an internal Spring Cleaning! I've been drinking lots of water and getting new things into motion. I was nervous about this crazy journey Layla and I are about to go on. We are going to New York this Friday for a graduation ceremony , flying out of Sacramento and will be in the Big Apple for a week. Upon returning we drive from Sacramento to Sebastapool for Tribal Fest. We will miss Friday nights performances but will be arriving to have a splended evening with Amar & friends at our rental house. Then the fun begins on Saturday. Layla has a gig @ Harbin Hot Springs the following Tuesday, and then Electric Vardo the follwing Friday! Holy Shit, and then a wedding the following Sunday and then we drive home only to get ready for another road trip to Boise Idaho! Crazy! When we get home we rest! ahhhh! Ribbet! Jeffe

A Special Day

shastagathering — Fri, 04 May 2007 03:19:33 GMT

Its funny, I usually only blog when I am going through a major shift in my life or something! LOL! I never really think to blog about ordinary stuff, so I thought I would share a 3 minute home movie with you all.... Layla and I had the pleasure of visiting Yosemite Valley on our way home from Tribal Caravan. It was a beautiful warm Spring day indeed and was Layla's first time ever visiting Yosemite. We had lunch and cocktails at the Ahwahnee Hotel, something I had dreamed about since I was 15 years old, being too young I was deprived! I had a White Russian & Layla had a Bloody Mary. We ordered a snack plate with artichoke and spinich dip. Yum! We went on a Monday so it was not crowded like it has been the other times I have been there. unfortunately Glacier Point was inaccessable but it was ok as we were able to spend the entire day in the valley. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2930194163443305028&hl=en Oh, and if you feel so inclined here is a link to an edited video of our Hawaii trip.... There is a musical montage @ the beginning for those with a short attentyion span! LOL! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7082172061630661958&hl=en

After Glow

shastagathering — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:01:39 GMT

I just received some great pics from the people I was on the Hawaii dolphin excursion with, and man I wish I had my vid camera! Oh Well! When we go back Layla is going to do the excursion with me and I will have learned how to snorkle! Just looking at the pic of me in the water with the dolphins is helping to remind of my personal connection to them and that they are here to help us heal ourselves. They truly do teach by example, we do not have to take ourselves so seriously. Much Love!

DOLPHINS!

shastagathering — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 20:04:28 GMT

Oh man, what a magical day I had yesterday! For the first time in my life I swam in the beautiful blue & warm Hawaiian ocean with dolphins! But first I have to tell you all about what happened on the way to the harbor. My host Kaimalio woke me up at 4:30 am so we could get on the road by 5:00 am. The Kona harbor was a good 2 hour drive from Hilo and shove off time was 8:00 am. We were about 30 minutes away from the harbor and something, we have no idea what, smashed into the windshield of the rental car (jeep) head on! Upon impact Kaimalino and myself felt a "Forced Jolt" sensation as if whatever hit us caused the jeep to loose its momentum for a split second. It left a smash and spider web the size of a softball! We pulled over immediately and discovered we had glass shards on our laps and arms. Kaimalino had 2 small cuts on his arm as well. Upon closer examination of the jeep we discovered glass in the back seat as well all over our back packs. We just looked at each other with bewilderment because we did not see a rock bounce off of the car, nor was there any blood on the windshield in case we hit a bird. There was nothing embedded in the windshiled, no marks on the hood either. There were no other vehicles around that could have kicked up a rock of that size! . It was as if some weird energy force hit us head on. We got back in the jeep and I called the rental company to inform them of what happened. Then we noticed that the jeep was losing power as we were driving it. We could not get it to go over 50 mph and the idiot lights came on indicating there was a problem with the battery or alternator. "WTF?" Fortunately the Kona airport was close and I was able to exchange the jeep for anotehr vehicle. Unfortunately they would not give me another jeep but I was happy that they gave us a mid sized sedan. I called my insurance carrier and just had to tell them ya, a big rock hit us! How do you explain something like that? Anyway, the exchange was prompt and I was able to make it to the harbor on time. (Unfortunatley I forgot my video camera, ARTGH!!) There were two other people on the tour as well, a couple named Apurva & Seema. They said they were from Baltimore but originally from India. The tour guide's name was John and as he took us out into the blue ocean on his boat he stopped to sing a Hawaian chant in honor of the dolphins. We went out to a beautiful shallow reef and saw a whale along the way too! We waited a bit, and then we saw them, a large pod of spinner dolphins jumping into the air and playing. We all jumped into the water as the pod was swimming toward us. I could hear their high frequency chatter. Unfortunatley for me, I had never snorkled before and was having a hard time dealing with the waves and trying to breathe correctly through the snorkle tube. My snorkle came off of my mask even so I just said "screw it" and gave the mask and snorkle back to John and just treaded water and swam around. There were several other tour boats about in the area and people snorkling. The dolphins would swin right up to people, check them out and then swim away. There were a few that swam right next to me and checked me out. I saw a mother and calf too. As I got more comfortable being in the water I started doing mudras with my hands to invoke my own inner dolphin energies. ( I have a spiritual connection with dolphins which I will explain later) I spontaneously started toning with my voice as my way of saying hello. While I was doing this John pointed out to me that there were 3 dolphins hanging out right undrneath me. This happened 3 times and each time I could clearly hear them clicking and singing. John told me that dolphins often will bombard people with high frequencies that are very healing, so I just let it happen. It felt so wonderful to just be in the water! I have never seen water so blue! And to swim with these magical beings was a dream come true for sure! Now I said I would explain my spiritual connection with dolphins! About 10 years ago I met a woman named Paula Peterson @ one of those new age expos in Sacramento. Upon meeting her she said she could see dolphins swimming in and out of my aura. She suggested that I investigate it! I ended up learning how to channel these beings through writing a speaking. I eventually met 3 dolphin entities named Wisfa, Fatusa, and Kenubia. I remember one day I spontaneously started doing mudras with my hands. They were unlike any mudras I had ever practiced. Somehow it helped anchor the dolphin energies in my body. I still had my doubts as to whether or not I was just making all of this up in my mind, until I went to see Paula do a channeling session with a dolphin entity named Kenubia. Paula has never seen me do my mudra, and neither had I seen her do it. But right as she was invoking Kenubia she did the same exact mudra that I had been doing. Noone taught it to me mind you, it just happened spontaneously one day with me. Paula was my affirmation that this was all real! Ahhhhh, and Amar told me there was not much to do on the big island! LOL! Lets see, We drove around the island and saw some breath taking stuff! We went on a spectacular lava hike and watched lava spill into the ocean. I got a great massage and then sat on a beautiful black sand beach. I visited Hawaii's largest white sand beach in Pahuna, basked in the sun all day and swam in the blue ocean, & yesterday I swam with spinner dolphins and saw a beautiful reef! Today I am going to teach Kaimalino how to make orgonite, and tomorrow Layla returns from Maui and we go to our honeymoon retreat. Aloha!!!! Jeffe

My Best Friend

shastagathering — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:45:30 GMT

It's interesting to me how just a little over a year ago I could pick up the phone and call one of my best friends on the planet. My mother was more than just a mother to me, she was in fact a very good friend of mine. When we talked it was like talking to a friend, there was very little parent child dynamic after I left my teen years behind. Funny.... Right now I am experiencing one of those times when I wish I could pick up the phone and call her. She always had brilliant insights and was able to help me shift my perspective. In doing so I always felt better and for the most part a little stronger. She passed away in September of 2005. Just a month before that I got married. I am glad she was able to hang on long enough to be there for one of the most important days of my life. I can remember her telling me that my wedding day was one of the happiest days of her life, she started crying. That image is burned in my memory and I hold it dear to my heart. Somehow intuitively I knew she was going to pass soon. I did not want to accept it, and I kept telling her that she could get better if she really wanted to. I even tried to give her an incentive by reminding her she would make a wonderful grandmother. Later after she passed some family members recalled my mother telling them she was looking forward to being a grandma. Even though she is not here physically, if and when my wife & I have children, I know that the child we have will be sensitive enough to see and feel my mother's energy, so she may be able to be a wonderful grandma after all. I can't pick up the phone and call her today, so I started typing instead. It was the first impulse I had this morning when my sadness started. Out of respect for my wife I won't reveal in any great detail of what is happening with us, only to say it seems we are yet again at a crossroads in our relationship. She is discovering her inner power and I am not one to stand in the way of that. I support her on that journey and I want her to tap into it the best way she possibly can. The hard part for me, and for anyone who is in a similar situation is dealing with the very real feelings of the energy cords interwoven in your heart being unwound and not knowing where they will be plugged into tomorrow. It feels natural to want to reach out for love and support and ask for good thoughts and prayers from people who love you. I guess this is what I am asking for now. For Layla and myself, as a couple and as individuals I ask for your love, support, and if you feel inclined to share any intuitive advice please do.... Just as Layla publicly declared her love @ Global Infusion, I do the same here now for her. Without you in my life, I would not be as enriched in my heart and on the joyful path I am on now with a new direction. Since meeting you I have been the happiest I have ever been.............. You are my best friend........ Blessings! Jeffe

Blood Moon, Unmata, and making movies!

shastagathering — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 05:25:46 GMT

Wow, what a weekend! I finally was able to release my first major video project this last Saturday night in Sacramento, and I can't even begin to express how satisfying it feels to know how appreciated it was! I was tapped back in October to videotape Unmata's Blood Moon Regale. I knew it was going to be an interesting project but I had no idea what I was really in for. I remember after the shoot walking out of the theater asking myself, "Did that just happen?" Whoooa! And I got it captured on tape! What fun I'm going to have with this baby! After setting a date for the viewing party I got to work on it and my creative flow just would not cease. It carried me through sleepless nights and not eating properly. After lots of coffee and delerium and with the help of a local CG artist named Leah, I pulled it off and put on a high fidelity show for Unmata. They were floored by what they saw and kept telling me how they have been waiting for 6 years for a good video of Blood Moon, and Bam, they get handed a Movie! I want to thank Amar, Amar's Dad, Leah Cooper, all of the Unmata girls and to everyone who helped make this project happen!

Blue

shastagathering — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 02:25:21 GMT

Feeling a bit blue and uninspired today. Could be the change in the season? I've been watching comedy videos most of teh day, it has helped, but only while they are on...

After - thoughts

shastagathering — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 03:48:13 GMT

I felt compelled to follow up my last blog posting with how I could possibly be coping with life after having those ego shattering revelations! LOL! Actually, I am doing just fine. I am still happily married, pursuing a new career in videography, settling in from a lot of traveling, and yes, still processing all that stuff. Oh the Universe! What a strange place indeed! How it shifts and fits, how it molds and folds….. Ok, so I don’t want to waste any time, I want to get into the meat of it. GEARGH! Ok, so the Universe is a giant illusion? HUH? Well, Buddha said this 2500 years ago so that is nothing new. But it all seems so solid and real because our mind desires it to be real, but why? Why do we feel the need to have solid ground under our feet? Why do we need to keep building skyscrapers, bigger cars & spaceships & why do we feel the need to have bodies? As stated in my previous blog, the universe is a projection of our unconscious guilt. But what on earth do we feel guilty about? According to Gary Renard’s book, this giant projection that we perceive as reality stems from the guilt we experienced when we BELIEVED we were separate from God. At first there was excitement @ the thought of being an individual “self” and then there was the horror of “OH SHIT, WHAT HAVE I DONE? WILL GOD BE ANGRY AT ME FOR LEAVING THE SOURCE?” I can recall a time when I was a kid, and I’m sure everyone who is reading this has had a similar experience. I was probably 4 or 5 years old. My mother took me shopping with her at JC Penny and I wandered away from her momentarily. I remember feeling that sense of independence and freedom of being away from her side. Something in the store obviously held my attention long enough for me to lose my sense of time. When I turned around she was not there and I remember that horrific feeling of being abandoned and lost. I ran down the ladies wear isle screaming and crying and a sales lady scooped me up and got on the store intercom to call my mother. Soon after I was reunited with my mom and I felt safe again……. Now I bring up this memory hoping to bring up your own memory of something similar that you may remember happening when you were a child. Can you remember that feeling? I know this is a crude example but I just want you to hold that feeling in your mind as a way to understand what I am going to write about from this point. Now imagine that you got lost and were frightened like I was. But, let’s say there was no sales lady to scoop you up and return you safely to your mother. Let’s say there was another person there that did not have your best interest in mind. Being an impressionable child, let’s say this person told you that the very thing that fascinated & distracted you away from your mother was now your new identity and that if you went back to your mother this new identity that you created for yourself would cease to exist. TRANSLATION: “YOU WILL CEASE TO EXIST, and if you try to go back home to your mother she won’t forgive you & she will punish you for wandering away from her.” You would want to find a place to hide for yourself so you could figure it all out wouldn’t you? Maybe you would want to possibly expand upon the new identity you found for yourself as a “separate entity” and surround yourself with even more separate identities so that you could feel ok about yourself being separate. The possibilities are endless! Ok, now imagine this scenario playing itself out for the very first time ever! I mean, you have to go way, way, way back into your unconscious mind to the moment of the first split from your source. Can you remember back that far? Now imagine if you will the BIG BANG, (Yes, the cosmic event Carl Sagan taught us about on PBS!) happening at the very instant you felt a need to have a place to hide out of the fear of being punished by your parent. Here you could have a place contemplate how you would appeal to your parent to let you back home; also you could explore & expand upon your new separate identity. This moment in time is what Gary Renard described as the birth of our universe. If you look out at the stars it appears as if the stars and galaxies are all separate. Scientists tell us about light years and how far apart all of these heavenly bodies are from each other and from ourselves. It is truly mind boggling! Yet, recent discoveries in quantum mechanics tell us that there is an “unseen” energy that is actually embedded in what we perceive to be “empty space”. This energy is connected to every star and galaxy in the known universe. There is no separation at all. It sure “looks” that way though doesn’t it? Now, I want you to rewind a little and refer to the fictional person @ JC Penny who did not have my best interest in mind. As you recall, this person convinced me that my mother was angry with me and that I should hold onto my new identity. Ok, now apply that to the original split, you may ask yourself, who was this being? Many biblical types would refer to this being as Lucifer, Satan, the Devil, etc. Of course, I personally have no need for those kinds of labels as I have no need for a scapegoat to excuse myself. Excuse myself from what? : For believing that I ever had the power to be separate from my source. I would refer to that character in JC Penny as the EGO MIND. I would say the ego mind is but a minor wiggle within the vast eternal ocean that is the SOURCE. It is a dream within a dream, a dream being one of separation, and a dream that can never be real. Hence, this is why the universe is a big illusion. It is but a dream created by our guilt of separation. I remember recently renting a movie called “A Passage to India” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Passage_to_India_(film) In the movie, one of the main characters Mrs. Moore says something very profound. It struck my wife and me as very revealing. She is appalled by the way the British upper-class is treating the local Indians and says aloud, “Sometimes I think we are just passing figures in a Godless Universe.” This line from the movie has stuck with both of us as it seems everyday we find truth in that statement. This of course is not intended to discount the beauty and miracles that do happen in this universe, but it reaffirms our process in getting to know the truth behind the illusion. So, I want to bring up something I said a couple of paragraphs ago, about using the “Devil” as a scapegoat for excusing myself. I bring this up because I believe this is where the real jewel in all of this is. Out of all of the religions I have been exposed to, Buddhism has always resonated with me the most. One of the reasons it has appealed to me is that its message is one of personal responsibility for your own salvation or enlightenment. I am ultimately responsible for my own salvation and I have learned that FORGIVENESS of the self and of everyone else is the key to healing yourself and the world. One of my favorite quotes from the movie “MINDWALK” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindwalk was said by John Heard. He said, “Healing the Universe is an INSIDE JOB!” It starts with forgiving yourself, and naturally forgiving yourself will affect the universe since it is but a projection of our unconscious. It disappears. It is here I believe, in completely forgiving ourselves and everything else that we are able to break the cycle of reincarnation into this world because we no longer perceive it as real for us. It no longer has any authority over our spirit and therefore cannot command us. We get to go home, home back to our mother’s arms. The JC Penny Sales lady was like my guardian angel. You all have one too! Listen to your angels! Much Love Jeffe

Back in the States

shastagathering — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 20:28:30 GMT

Hey does anyone know what those things are that are pointed at your car when you re enter the U.S.from Canada? They are panels of some kind, scanners? Weird! Creepy! Anyway, I'm sitting here @ my friends Nicola's place in Portland. Got a good night's sleep and Layla just took off to go back home. I'll be flying out tonight to Sacramento. I found out from Kurt that Tower Records is having a big reunion party tonight. I worked for them from 1989 to 1994, a very interesting company to work for. THey are going out of business and throwing a big bash. One thing they did do very well was throw awesome company pinnics! Should be fun to see some familiar faces! Later!

Vancouver!

shastagathering — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 01:24:45 GMT

Wow, what a beautiful City! Canada doesn't feel too much different from the States. Wer'e all the same people! Layla and I are having a very nice time here despite our not feeling 100%. Seems we are passing a bug back and forth. Yuck! I just started feeling the worst of it today, but am felling a little better. It was interesting crossing the border last Wednesday. My first time ever visiting another country! Layla and I aquired our passports a couple of weeks ago, but our beloved passenger AMAR only had his California DL and no proof of citizenship, so we all had to get out of the car and have a background check run on us. Of course my own criminal record came up which reminded me I need to get that damn thing expunged! hehe... the border gaurd asked me about it, and I gave him all the details, only to have him tell me that sine it happened more than 10 years ago it was a non issue.... "Welcome to Canada" he said.... Geeez, what a hassle! But, it gave me an opportunity to forgive that whole situation from my past & remind me to get moving on getting it expunged! He was nice and let us all in telling Amar to remember to bring a proof of citizenship next time. I guess we all will need a passport starting in 2007.... The Beats w/o Borders party was wonderful! All the djs ripped it up. I;m not going to go into too much detail here, you can read layla's blog for that..... If any of you reading this visit vancouver make sure you take a walk around Stanley Park, it is absolutely georgious! I'll be posting video footage of my walk as soon as my camera gets fixed! Last night it stopped working ! BLAH! Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to getting back to the States, I'll be getting dropped off in Portland Tuesday night to fly to Sac where I'll be visiting family and friends. My best friend Gary has been practicing his disc golfing and thinkis he has an edge on me! Maybe he does since I have not been practicing much! We'll see! We have $50 on the table! LOL! Saturday night I will be video taping Unmata's Blood Moon regal show, should be sweet! Then I'll be hanging around until November 10th for the Shadow Dance show in Oakland. Layla will be spinning @ that show as well! YAY! More to video tape! LOL! More to come! Loves to all! Jeffe

Through the changes!

shastagathering — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:31:43 GMT

Greetings all you Blog Readers! Ya, my blog entries are few and far between, but hey, in my world I take my time to synthesize my reality into a verbal format. Makes for a more interesting read in my opinion. You know how you have those few friends that every time you talk to them you have very in depth conversations EVERY TIME, but you only talk every so often. Anyway, wow! 2006 so far has been an incredible year of change. I would say that last year was the catalyst and this year I hit the ground running! Last year many factors were brought into play to initiate these changes. The death of my Mother whom I was very close to, getting married to my life partner Layla, inheriting a fairly large sum of money, and the list goes on. Our businesses are doing well, and we are both so happy to not have the hum drum day jobs we once had. Layla and I have been on a Caroline Myss binge over the last few months ever since we went to San Francisco to see her last August. Ever since being in her presence and taking it all in, I definitely feel as though a HUGE shift has taken place within me. I now focus most my energy into staying grounded in present time and allowing myself to just BE. I can’t recall ever feeling so liberated. We picked up a copy of Myss’s Advanced Energy Anatomy audio series and have been reviewing it regularly and getting solid results from it! I now have a clear model of how it’all working and I am operating from my internal self and less from external motivations. I have managed to do a complete 180 in perception, and I can’t say enough how wonderful it feels. It’ not easy, change never is, but its like once you get passed the initial self created blockages it gets easier! It’ been interesting getting to really know my personal archetypes and getting them all to work together. Of course getting your heart and mind into alignment is not easy either, but diplomacy is at work, and being a Libra makes it that much easier for me! LOL! So, in my external world, geeez, life is good! Ever since buying that video camera last May my life has changed dramatically. I feel like this is definitely a calling! Well, I will have to continue this later, I have to get ready to go to Silver Falls with Kurt and Sandy today, they will be here in 30 minutes! AHHH! Much Love! Jeffe

Revelations while in the shower

shastagathering — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 10:40:37 GMT

Wow, my first blog! I have been meaning to type some stuff about me and what I have been doing for a while, well, here I am. I hope everything I have to share here will be of interest to everyone reading. Althoughj this may seem random I want to open my blog with some stuff I was processing in the shower. I just typed them in word a few minutes ago and feel inclined to share. *A civilization's unwillingness to make use of the vast library of present moment information that is intuitively available fresh and vibrant in every moment from the Source of Creation is more primitive than a race that has yet to discover fire. ~Ken Carey The rest is mine...... Established and static Belief systems can and should be seen as windows to our past & not as a “source” of identity. The past is dust, the present moment is pure and alive. To identify yourself with dust is foolish indeed. If you conceive yourself in dust and not the source of the dust, then it makes perfect sense that you would keep returning to the dust again and again. When you allow your beliefs to define who you are, you are quite literally allowing the past to have authority over your present moment power. Beliefs are like domes or bubbles that either surround you or just hang out in your energy field. When they reach maturity they can take on a life of their own. Like any pet they need constant attention and maintenance and will often take over your perceptual reality. Unhealthy belief patterns can become like parasites, sucking away and robbing you of your life energy that should otherwise be centered in present time. Beliefs and perceptions are virtually memories that can only be truly useful to you if you see them for what they are, windows to the past. Of course it is useful to know your home address when you leave work at the end of the day, but these memories have no power on their own. The only power they have is what you assign them, and it should be minimal at best. Think of yourself as inhabiting a multi dimensional piece of artwork, for that is essentially what the universe is. You helped create this piece of art but it is not who you are. It is but the clothing you slip in and out of. Ok, now that I have that out I feel better! hehe... So those of you reading that know me well know I have been going through alot of changes. 2005 was a year of life transition for many of us and certainly was for me. Getting married, the passing of my mother in September, and the shedding of my old perceptual layers, I am feeling very "AWAKE". I've been listening to alot of Caroline Myss as well which has helped tremendously with my transition. I have learned to look at my life symbolically and through personal archetypes. I feel like my life has renewed meaning and purpose. Many things are coming together that are making sense. I know I was born to teach and help heal the planet, but one thing I have realized is that healing the planet heal is an inside job. This universe is but a projection of what is happening on the inside. The inside is where the power is, not out there. We are animating everything all at once, and we collectively made the agreement to do this a long time ago. Most of us have simply forgotten who we really are, its that simple. So, having a foot in both worlds. I would liek to switch over to the earthbound one and say how excited I am that Layla and I are beginning a new journey of discovery together. We will be traveling to San Diego in a few weeks to attend a Bellydance festival. We have a vending space reserved & Layla wil be selling her hair falls and I may sell some orgonite. I wuill be getting lots of video footage and eventually will be putting together a documentary about our adventures. I will also be putting together a documentary about my experience with orgonite. I love my MAC! hehe... Anyway, I hope this was enjoyable. More to come... Love Jeffe