Madame Shazzá the Auz has a ridiculous amount of personality. Many people think they're one-of-a-kind, but actually they're just slightly modified versions of cookie cutter clichés. Not so with this astonishingly beautiful bird. She's so wonderfully different from anyone I've ever met that I hardly have a point of reference from which to describe her charms.

Listen to her delightful accent for a few moments, and I guarantee you'll be captivated. How can plosives aspirate so? How can vowels glide with such effortless unpredictability? I hereby make it my goal to study these aesthetic marvels until I can fully comprehend and reproduce them.

And that's saying nothing of the sultry voice that carries those sounds, nor of the absolutely mind-blowing words she conjures. Take a look at her blog for a glimpse of poetic genius. Oh, and did I mention she speaks Mandarin like a native? Seems like infinite mystery is wrapped up in a tidy package, replete with flowing red hair and green eyes that, in the words of Ken Nordine, can look right down into the bottom of you.

Yes, it's true, Shaz has me under a spell. I fall willingly, and why not? She's a lovely creature: creative, sexy, and smart as a, uh, whip.

Simply put, I love Shaz. If you are fortunate enough to spend time with her, then you too will have no choice but to love this utterly unique and splendid woman.

i
like
you
.

Whoa here she comes
Watch out boys she'll chew you up
She's a maneater

- Hall & Oates