Is it just me, or is this thanksgiving totally out of control amazing and full of love? It has been so intense for me all day, sometimes I felt the need to just turn away from locking eyes or seeing a beautiful face because it was so overwhelming in emotion. Tonight someone was looking at me from across the prayer circle as we gave thanks, and I felt like she could see straight into my soul, the very core of my being, and recognize who I am. That deep remembrance... it was everywhere. it's so present. Just a look and I fall apart. Reality is powerful.

I am so thankful for all the gifts my friends have given me today, and for the moments people have shared with me as they too shed their tears, all in gratitude of community. Connection. It is everything. I am awestruck by its omnipresence and its potency. I realized two days ago that my friends, my community, gives me everything. Everything I want, and more importantly, everything I didn't even know I wanted. To live the dream, all I have to do is live.

How is it that I keep receiving? I can't really attribute it to something about me, but only the amazing being of those that just keep giving to me for some crazy reason. Giving is scary. Giving emotionally and unconditionally for five years has left me feeling depleted...yet I know I have so much more. Infinite. Giving tangible things is also scary when you constantly have to make the trade off - between the 'other' and the 'self'.

I look at these beautiful flowers next to me ...a gift...
A decision. This next year I'm going to give tangibly, every time I think of something without letting fears of cost, budgets, or time hold me back. What if I want to give someone something and I run out of time for myself? What IF I keep wanting to buy things for people and don't even have any money left to eat? What if? But what if I didn't..

You can never know how much you have until you try to give all you've got. And how could I live my life without knowing the depth of my riches?

And all that from just the beautiful gift of a flower.