Friends

As a child, friends were people I did not trust. I had few friends (except in Switzerland) who were good and kind and had good hearts. It was not until college and a group of amazing people that I learned to trust and believe in friends. Since then, I have always thought and spoken very highly of my friends. I have always put them in a class by themselves, thinking always the best of them, wondering how I could have been so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. I blindly put my faith and trust in people, believing the words they spoke to my face, the smiles they gave, the love and support I received, was all sincere. I believed in my friends. I made excuses if they did things I would find unacceptable in others or myself. And until something that happened recently, that faith and trust was not broken or tainted. But something happened recently which shook me to my core and tore a hole in my heart. I was told, clearly and in no uncertain terms, that a group of people I thought were my friends were not even a shadow of that. It was made clear, painfully so, that these people thought less than nothing of me. Smiles and kind words to my face hid the scathing going on behind my back. Every one, I was told, every single one, was included in that group. People I had just praised for what I thought was real, sincere concern, love, and support. I believed their kind words, their smiles, what I thought was their friendship. I did not know what was going on behind my back. These events cut so deep, I questioned every friend I have. Suddenly, the belief in my friends was shattered. I doubted everyone. Even friends I have had for years, who have never given cause for alarm, I questioned. If a group of people could be so deceitful, so cruel, so insincere, could not others be so? I was so easily fooled by some, could I not easily be fooled by others?

I don't have the time or energy to have people in my life who are not sincere. I don't need 'friends' who behave one way to my face and another behind my back. It breaks my heart to know you are not my friends. It breaks my heart to have to cut you out of my life. I thought you were my friends. I believed you. A lot of trouble was taken to make sure I knew how very sadly wrong I was to count you among my friends. If you were not among the "everyone", I apologize. But you were included. Every single one of you, "everyone". Not some, but everyone.

Maybe I didn't do things quite right. I made mistakes. But not one of you said a word. Smiles and friendliness is all I got from you. Really, if I was doing something wrong, all you had to do was say so. A 'Get back, bitch!', a 'This conversation makes me uncomfortable.', anything. But you didn't, not to my face, only behind my back. I don't need that.

And no, I am not trying to play the victim or the 'pity me' card. I am explaining why my list of friends got smaller and why you may not be among them anymore.

Needed: Good Job Mojo

Okay, so am sending out resumes and applications for summer school. I've plastered my resume all over the Bay Area for next school year. I know lots of you out there are also looking for work, but if you can spare a bit of good job mojo to send my way, I could really use it. So far, no one wants me as a teacher.

Thank you! And if you are in need of some good job mojo, am sending some your way (though really, do you want any from 'She who will not be employed'?)

=)

Burning Man tickets Sold

I have two tickets at the first-tier price level for sale. Let me know if anyone is interested in purchasing them. Am selling them at-cost. =)

Winner - How much do you hate Bush? - Contest

I saw a license plate today while driving home:

MPEECH W

Yes, the car license plate, not a sticker, not a plate frame, the actual plate!

=)