integration tags

been so long

sijayjames — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 06:19:55 GMT

i used to find vibrance and life in these pages now all have abandoned this network for shorter paragraphs less heart less time and i don't judge anyone for leaving i know we all have to leave sometime

destiny path

sijayjames — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 20:15:11 GMT

at the top of the well walked path we stood arm in arm surveying a sky that seemed relentlessly cloudless you stumbled twice on the walk each time looking up to see how the metaphor of it tied into the steps we took talking of random emailed photos which signified the destiny we seem to struggle with as the letting go is more a challenge than the staying comfortably wrapped in loving embraces nothing ends each sunrise returns us to wakefullness gentle acceptance of fate and the sweet mellowing of emotional reaction i miss the company but am finding all manner of companions who have been sad i was gone for so long and tell me readers lovers of mine how do we love without boundaries? and how can we avoid needless pain at developments we'd rather not face? these questions are perhaps unanswerable but o what a life it is to feel their exquisite lessons to skip stones across our crystal pools to walk these paths for the view at the end and the glory of the journey getting there

interunentwinery

sijayjames — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:27:21 GMT

all structures unfit or not solid enough to handle the coming consciousness will undo themselves economies based on illusions will crumble relationships will expand to accept an increase in love of all people and the stagnant streams will be unplugged there is no need to be concerned it is all unfolding love it with heart and soul let go and begin again nothing is lost everything is gained

spiral tides

sijayjames — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:36:35 GMT

what use are these words if they do not conjure the sense of time's procession the waves on the shore which round stones relentlessly know exactly what flow is but they do not struggle with their direction better we examine the core of our inner fire and throw matches at the the kindling if its gone out better we crumple up paper and make a log house to burn just in case we do not have rain garments or the proper attire for a storm lets make sure a fire is lit under our asses so that we are warm enough when the time comes to begin walking yet again too many poems have been written to placate the poet their dripping angst wrought impossible worlds out of these words and too few found the flow the waves know without thinking do without hesitation as fast as the fingers can record the motion that poetry is what is sought peace finally to be free from the doubts that the visions we have are real better we look together on the shoreline and watch it become a city watch it become rubble watch it become sand again and wash away with those waves today i found the match i was looking for and finally struck it rich with the notion that somehow if it set it ablaze that the energy released would heat me enough to gather momentum the friction undone would free the wind up enough that the sail would become full and the motion that carries me forward now will be from then on powered by my own steam thank the goddess almighty i found today i was ready to be self propelled dare i say finally and in all the poignant sadness i feel that what i leave behind at the shore was as beautiful as any vision i have yet seen or may ever see the curiosity of what might be at other ports of call calls the sailor to see calls the navigator once again set out the cartographic tools and begin plotting a course to new destinations trusting in the journey itself as being the life to lead knowing where i end up is unknown not even yet dreamt of better i watch these nightlit skies with only me there for a minute and really feel what it is to experience the empty fullness of a self unbounded to appreciate the joys of connection when the time is ripe to share a vision together to be happy with whatever gorgeous companion friend tribe kin is around with me to check out this wonder happy to be able to call any one of you and say hello propose a tea and hike out into the wilds where we can talk of the path and walk it to its full length in spiral "the circle is never broken only extended

adding the details to the list of ship jumping tribe folk

sijayjames — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:28:24 GMT

onbeyond@dccnet.com onbeyond@gmail.com

the precious moments inbetween us

sijayjames — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:22:45 GMT

the moonlight on cedar boughs lit up more than the trees it set minds ablaze was ready to harvest the the bounty itself and hoard all the glory for the moment feet on trail eyes towards horizon the moments shared inbetween intention and destination the walking towards each other at some point unknown in time the magnetism of our encounters creating vortexes and black holes riccocheting from a future set of selves excited by the tales we can tell of what the universe showed us along the way we walked to this moment the precious spaces inbetween our separate beating hearts the dreams for our eyes only no words yet exist to adequately transfer what a mystical moment it is when we touch again embrace friend its been quite the road thus far i met the buddha and chose not to kill him another ally on the road to the undying lands along with the crystal shards in my pocket and the shoes i laced to come to meet you friend here as you sat to read this poem i wrote for you to fill those precious moments inbetween to let you know i was thinking of you during those moonlight missions had you in my pocket this tribal matrix having waited so long for our minds to be linked hungry to know of what whirlwinds have swirled your essence up to this point takes only a few minutes to type a lifetime to explore all these intricate infinities and the dance which will spiral us right back to home these precious moments between our meetings before we are eye to eye face to face heart to heart again

within

sijayjames — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 17:35:53 GMT

here's a simple call self or no self the self strains to understand connections of the heart to life itself selfish or selfless it contemplates it own beating breathes its own breath looking through borrowed eyes at the others who are also other ourselves no way to separate our selves from the people we meet we come to love and now in this homecoming moment after missing my friends and family i am touched by warmed by the recognized reunion even tho this journey is full of aloneness and the self inside sometimes feels singular it is not possible to feel completely alone it is then i must open up to the singularity of all release my attitude of being hard done by life and emerge into the joy of living the brightness of giving the unique gifts back to the selves i love thankyou world

global endeavours

sijayjames — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:23:14 GMT

do you know the heaviness i hold at not being able to be with the family this summer? every pic of emrg-n-see every anticipation of shambles and burning man all those moments by the shorelines and campfires in the bc forests all of those precious moments of pure water and poetry my family my family loves of mine caught in moments as i stare at the clouds here in dusty portugal here we build a city for a festival of global family new and old across the globe skin toned beat explorers following the call and i know these moments of digging holes and setting up shade cloth amount to a bigger brighter moment when the people arrive by lakeside here in the heat there's an urgent need to prop out the home team i miss you all the shining of your auras and inspiration i hold as i strain to understand a new language and wade thru the semi racism of a global culture that hates north americans because of our governments sickening foreign policies it isnt always fun here at the edge of building a global collective but the moments of joyous connection with the likeminded the knowledge that we are never alone out here and that world is large full of friends full of life incomprehnsibly so creative endeavours that boggle the mind out here they are digging gardens and putting up domes in anticipation of the booming bass coming to fill the space and i am loving you all from afar dancing under full moons along with you at gatherings where you are up all night partying and i am hammering stakes into the earth to hold up the arcs i drop to my knees and thank the universe for allowing me the joy of the novel experience and the blessing of home filled with family to return to please hold us all in your hearts out here edge of the edge when the man burns think of us and all your elations splendid creation jump for the joy of jumping and be in love with as much as you can encompass see you out there somewhere sij the day

jamming on culture

sijayjames — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:52:32 GMT

i cant keep up with culture irony rules so its too hard to tell where hell looks like heaven and heaven is hell what's considered cool and what's tongue in cheek whats hot and whats not what's true doublespeak redneck is the new activist motorcycles the new bikes people listen to wild new music genres like: death trance, weirdcore, slimewave, abandoned house, zombient and queasy listening i guess maybe there's some part of the point i am missing. hardcore bass and grimy crunk hold people transfixed and happy (?) man i find 98% of it depressing and crappy community thriving in the same old underground dinge but i also like living life on the lunatic fringe spaces with one bathroom and just enough light in the haze so you don't see entropy is eating us away as always i get optimistic tho it seems masochistic to get one's hopes up sometimes seems downright sadisitic think how once we were boycotting labour overseas (no nikes) now we use it to build newschool companies i'm confused i don't judge just try to place my heart in the right place don't hold much of a grudge keep up with the pace cowboy is the new punk lumberjack is the new ecofreak long hair is the new shorthair flavour of the week being badass is the new way of the peaceful warrior the world is fucked and we party like there's no tomorrow greenhouse gases warm up the poles and animals go extinct were a walking timebomb we live life on the brink but we will survive and build colonies in space to stay alive miraculously find solutions to problems and peace of mind rewind and fix pick up the sticks castles of sand we build on stolen land there's blood in the bricks self actualized and energized activated and emancipated these rumours of our our demise we pretend they're inflated the all full on positive go gettem team burn the man again like an american dream and i aint hating or playing a game my own hypocrises the same with a different name i talked big years ago about new cultures new light but i'm still not sure i'm living my own life right the global plight building population rising tensions also growing its hardly surprising new enterprises and high rises whatever our ingenuity devises lets supersize it think big and accessorize it lets dress up the mess till we can't recognize it but who the fuck am i to crriticize it? i'm not even depressed i'm an optimist primed to look back down the mountain to see how far we've climbed and i don't give up or get angry lose the fight even tho there's been so many times i thought that i might lose my shit lose my grip go crazy and stuff but these days being crazy just isnt enough here's a list of the countries coca cola is available in: Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, American Samoa, Angola, Antigua & Barbuda, Argentina, Armenia, Aruba, Australia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belarus, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bermuda, Bolivia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Botswana, Brazil, British Virgin Islands, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Cape Verde, Cayman Islands, Central African Republic, Chad, Chile, China, Colombia, Comoros, Costa Rica, Croatia, Curacao, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Democratic Republic of Congo, Denmark, Djibouti, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, France, French Guiana, French Polynesia, Gabon, Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Great Britain, Greece, Grenada, Guadeloupe, Guam, Guatemala, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Israel, Italy, Ivory Coast, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macau (Macao), Macedonia, Madagascar, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Mali, Malta, Mariana Islands, Martinique, Mauritania, Mauritius, Mayotte, Mexico, Moldova, Mongolia, Montserrat, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, Netherlands, New Caledonia, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Niger, Nigeria, Northern Ireland, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Panama, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Qatar, Republic of Congo, Republic of Ireland, Republic of Korea, Reunion, Romania, Russia, Rwanda, Saint Helena, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Maarteen, Saint Vincent & the Grenadines, Samoa, Sao Tome & Principe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia & Montenegro, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, Solomon Islands, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Suriname, Swaziland, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand, The Gambia, Togo, Tonga, Trinidad & Tobago, Tunisia, Turkey, Turkmenistan, Turks & Caicos Islands, U.S. Virgin Islands, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United States, Uruguay, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Venezuela, Vietnam, West Bank-Gaza, Yemen, Zambia and Zimbabwe. is it a small world?

procession

sijayjames — Sun, 18 May 2008 02:26:28 GMT

unconditional love an aspiration greater than universes a lifetime task of devotion faith understanding and patience to open one's own heart and expose it to the elements give it wings and let it soar or expand its size to meet the impressive dimensions of love this word i keep using this word does it mean what i think it means? or you think or we think we think too much too many words tumbling out of gaping mouths aching to reveal the longing of life to love itself hold itself under full moons and be in awe of breath and when we feel slighted by this world and its challenging paradoxes swirls of miss interpretations ill fitting garments we wish to return but have already paid for with no refund or even exchange possible we laugh at this moment cherry blossoms snowing petals on spring grass sunset beach fires the smell of camp smoke in the clothes billions an billions of stars cannot be wrong love can be attached as a noun verb adjective or adverb in these days when the absence of it makes for bitter debates doubts obliterated by the inability to escape love as it knocks on your door wanting you to leave your desk and feel the sun dont say no this time work can wait love's here

gank this blog idea

sijayjames — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 16:40:16 GMT

i took this idea from another blog, but for the sake of example, lets pretend that i never said i did, and that the idea to post about originality today was mine to begin with. Originality is the aspect of created or invented works by as being new or novel, and thus can be distinguished from reproductions, clones, forgeries, or derivative works. An original work is one not received from others nor one copied based on the work of others. The term "originality" is often applied as a compliment to the creativity of artists, writers, and thinkers.. wikipedia “The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity.” Thomas Carlyle “Utter originality is, of course, out of the question” Ezra Pound “Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself.” James Stephens “Since there are only a few original people in the world, there is more uniformity than one might expect, in view of the large number who think they have something to say” Leo Stein quotes I used to make original snowmen, but it was time consuming, hard work. So I said, heck, this is crazy! Now I crank out crude imitations of what's already popular! It takes no time or thought, and most people don't care about the difference, anyway! And what good is originality if you can't crank it out?” Bill Watterson quotes (American Author of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes, b.1958) the myth of originality and the importance of being original. true innovation and new ideas are pretty hard to come by. in truth, all of our ideas are connected, and the languages we use to both interpret and communicate our ideas are shared by all. as such originality, in the strictest sense, is an illusion. but why do we find some work novel? why is it that often people really seem to forge new ground, and some are trendsetters in places where others seem to make, as bill watterson joked , "crude imitations"? in today's world, crude imitations have replaced a need to forge deeper ground into the "illusion" of original thought. the abundance of media information, and the lack of sourcing of ideas has led to a place where originality is pretty much truly indeciperable. the question is: does this make for more innovative ideas? or does it lead to a world of knock of prints and vangogh screens on t-shirts? when i use the term originality, i understand that nothing could ever be sourced from a perfectly original pool. that sacred source is what connects us at at the core level. nothing we do is new, and yet we also know that deeply looking into our personal dreams and visions, we can actually break ground which has not truly been seen by others before. we may share the same inspirational source, but that source is VAST. when i get frustrated by what i term "unoriginal" work, it is because in that unoriginal work i can see too clearly the work that others have done, breaking new ground in their own thoughts and endeavours, boldly going into places where others have not gone. i try to pay as much homage as i can to sources who have inspired my direction, and try as hard as i can in my work to avoid making things which can be identified too heavily, or at all, with work done wholly, or in part, by others. most importantly, when some ideas are sourced from other places, i try to spin them as much as i can, my own way, and give locational props to the innovators. now in the world of remix, this creates some paradoxes and connundrums. the remix, takes elements of what has already been made and re:envisions, and reshapes it. this is acceptable plagiarism if you will. the key thing to understand about remixes, generally, is that the idea is to rework the older idea. somehow the derivative you create will be similar, yet considerably different and "original" from what it was sourced from. the remix is perhaps the most powerful modern reworking of the idea of art, in that it both privileges the notion that we all share the same source of inspiration, and that we also are capable of great innovation and originality. perhaps the real issue with the word "original" is truly a semantic issue. we know that originality is not possible and yet we also know when someone has done original work. we use it to denote something which has both and inherent truth and an inherent impossibility. it is one of those words which is both true and false at the same time, and yet we still have not really come up with a term to adequately describe the process of modern origination. we know some work is incredibly novel, and we also know when someone is crudely imitating. we can honour originality as being creative with what is essentially timeless, and disregard that which obviously pushes no boundaries and stands as "imitation". imitation may be labelled to be the most sincere form of flattery, but i feel that innovation on inspiration is an even more flattering method. imitation is limitation. imagine if you did a great deal of sourcing and study of your ideas and your expression, laboured, with love, to bring these visions to the world, and someone else saw that work, copied it, mildly changed it, and represented it as theirs? even though we recognize that no-one really owns ideas and that all is to be shared, what if those people profitted from that work before you had a chance to show what you had done? here's an example of the challenge of today's media world. it has become cutthroat and full of sharks, often unwitting ones. to me i can spot when work really pushes ground or when it more reflects the style and direction of people who have come before. i honour those who attempt to be original, even tho i also know that true originality is a myth.

disposable design

sijayjames — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 06:14:44 GMT

"there are currents and there are waves" bones flashbottom i set out to write this with a serious intention but i just cannot hold the emotion. i want to blame everything on the planets. is there a celestial body that makes people say irrational things? why does my email inbox have to be full of people making things difficult or challenging? i'm ready to let go what i think is truth, i am ready to let go of my need for perfection. most people dont even know what kerning is , let alone make judgements about design based on whether or not it was properly handled. i just cannot convince myself to release my professional concern about how work looks, about art, about design....i'm trying to let it go....i'm trying to just have fun but i can't do it when i can't read the words properly. typesetting....people don't realize how important it is. people out there who i consider to need serious help with it are often in the position of critiquing my work. how do i deal with that? it makes me crazy. when someone who does poor work is giving me feedback i immediately feel unwilling to accept it. i was recently emailed one of the craziest quotations i have ever heard about design. the gist of the quote was justifying improperly handled text on a website. the quote said, essentially,"as long as it's not terrible you can get away with it". am i losing my mind? is it really ok to justify limitations with explanations saying that they are not really important? is quality really a quaint notion from a bygone age in this media misama of myspace pages and jank code? is it really ok to use "i didnt get paid enough" as an excuse to do a less than adequate job? why is fast food design the next new thing? is it because nothing is permanent? is it because nothing seems to have value anymore? this year i have had such bizarre professional experiences. in each one i have tried as hard as i could to uphold my professional dignity and continue to work as per contract, to inspire creativity and originality and to work as a team. i have been divebombed from all angles and it seems as though its the year for me to take "feedback", especially crap feedback i don't agree with. it's my year to have friends tell me that they know i've been cheated but there's nothing they can do, to be ordered around by demanding clients and threatened to not be paid, to be outright stiffed on contracts, to have my personal style, my design my art critiqued by people whose work i do not even like or respect. it's such a strange phenomenon. i must humble myself to the point of seeing my ego explode. truly. i know these are petty concerns, let them float away with the dust. i wonder how to bridge the world between personal artist for myself, and selfless designer who gets ordered around by needy clients. when do the feedbackers become the feedbackees? design, as i see it, is a task of helping to bridge the information gap,providing a visual means for people to interact with new ideas. it has a huge tradition, and used to be considered a trade, a craft, a skill passed down through apprentices and masters. its amazing how now that photoshop exists anyone can put together a flier or a business card, and anyone can teach themselves a new program and put up a website. have you noticed, however, the increase in bad design. i mean really bad design. i mean can't even read it, 13 fonts, mega pixelated, low res, poorly worded unoriginal design. and this design is tacked up on every bulletin board, published even. people put out coffee table books of it. we are as gluttonous with design products as material objects. no offence to the perpetrators of unoriginal and janky design, but take time to read this carefully, for within these lines is the key to the tensions. dealing with our egos is a multifold process. i've seen arrogance like i couldn't imagine this year. ultimately i feel feedback and new ideas have helped me grow as a designer, and every time i complained i had to do more work, a better end piece came from it. acknowledging those who have wisdom to impart and honouring their drops is key. i also note that succumbing to people whose arrogance and delusion makes me feel insecure and weak is not helping me or them find true peace and true happiness. when people argue for their limitations i want to pull my own hair out. why should i? if they want to submit substandard work, or publish bad photography why should i care. its not me right? wrong we represent each other out here in the digital world and in the larger public sphere. we are a tribe of connected individuals and what we put out there reflects back on all of us. this is a wakeup call to do the best work i can, and to make sure my expectations of others doing the same is kept reasonable. when we make design for community projects, or help grow this fledgling culture into something sustainable for future generations, we all take part in a collective process. this process requires feedback, and feedback on the feedback. it requires the biggest headed ego maniacs with delusions of grandeur to step off the high horse and see their blindspots, and it takes the meek standing up to speak their minds and show their visions to those who would drown them out with uninformed, or illintentioned "feedback". i don't really know what is true, or if there really is such a thing as objectively good design. perhaps everything is truly subjective. those cut and pasteboard designers must be cursing their degrees in art school. the new media world is upon us. what does that mean for us? does it mean that we suffocate under heaps of fliers and posters designed by everyone's designer friend. does it mean we simply just accept the vast increase in forgettable imagery or do we work harder to refine our visions and dreams? is design disposable? stay tuned for "as the world learns"

on beyond

sijayjames — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 07:53:19 GMT

somtetimes i forget to write the flows locked within the self incredulous the day to day experience of living and breathing takes all the time there is and you don't need to have known those who have passed to feel the depth of their passage them searching bardo realms for their new bodies or in some such cases moving on beyond and ascending you don't need to have been close to someone to see how close everyone else becomes when they are shown how far away one of us can suddenly feel when they are no longer here to grace us with their beauty so awe inspiring in each one of us that we often just say nothing or take it for granted day to day could we get anything done if we we're always stopping to tell each other and all our relations how much their presence is valued in the world? tell them of their impeccable beauty and strength o how much we would miss them if they were suddenly not here how we're never alone family tribe all our faces and our words and our dreams and exposed hearts here and all around us spirit never lost still when one of us is missing we gather together to find them and when we need to let go of the attachment we have to their presence and free them they are suddenly more deeply in our hearts than before all the more poignant and even important to recognize the eternal life of spirit and love how it lives on through us past these bodies that we wear as skin encasing light encasing the impossible to imagine scope of all the universes we contain the infinities and how gorgeous we can be in our glory how sad and ragged in our miseries and pain in the flames of release we gain the expansiveness of the inspiration of these people who have touched our lives have helped us become who we are we never die in each others hearts and those hearts are passed on from person to person generation to generation we are reborn countless times as inspired beings of love who have met each other on these pathways before will always keep meeting each other out of this abstraction i bring it to solid ground out of my own ache for all my brothers and sisters out there particularly those in bali right now where the deepest healing is happening but to all of you friends and family in your efforts to make sense of madness and continue to love boldly with burning questions we seek answers to and accept that we may never know the mysteries of to still love in spite of great odds to take strength in all that can be accomplished in our immaculate connections i offer this prayer to myself first so that i may grow into the being i am inspired to be by the reflections i have in all of you and for all of you as well i am so blessed to know those who who can embrace the darkness without being consumed by it and dragged to its depth i see the flames you are rising higher and higher i also see the ashes of us returning to earth and seeping back into the soil itself to the mother ocean and land to nourish the life of the living be at peace in whatever realms you travel may your path be filled with everything you ever dreamed and so much you have yet to dream

levelling the field

sijayjames — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 21:34:59 GMT

"True nobility of spirit lies in crying for the pain of others and laughing at your own. My earnest prayer’s to die, if I must, laughing. You could make it yours too, my dearest friend" david mcfadden "desire blossoms" who'd have thought time would return us to the start a spiral it's all so different even the sky seems re:arranged with some new brushstokes i didn't notice half of these details was too busy mulling things over in the mind painting abstract canvases with projected paints seemed like what i was thinking was not exactly what was happening except it was in my mind the real world had other events taking place pushed and pulled the pieces apart and rolled them back into play there are some plots that refuse to be written badly endings that refuse to be ended the river of tears returned to ocean and i sat there alone laughing at its rapids it was a path that led to the same place as i could never walk away from myself couldnt run from the monster or the lover i became to myself i slept in an empty bed by the window gulping the air in early mornings dreaming one day i would find the key i so cleverly hid from myself testing my resolve would i rise? would i touch the crystal lattice of immaculate formation i faceted in my own incubating geode? what happened to the gem i was becoming? rough around the edges but sharp as obsidian could i be as clear as perfect quartz as hard as diamond soft as snow crystallizing the flow half way down the mountain today it seemed like there was no m ore to struggle against challenges way more mighty than wondering if i would be whole in any other way except by filling the emptiness with life and today there seems to be as all days no shortage of life out there

sijil submission

sijayjames — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 00:54:59 GMT

self in stone

sijayjames — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:51:26 GMT

http://artbots.org/2004/participants/SelfPreservationMachine/ to release one's selfish desires is the task of a lifetime to revel in their immaculate beauty and traverse the joys of expression of self a piece of art we create till death the self is our masterpiece we live and die perfecting i see in the self the opportunity to grow into new skin to begin to shed all that does not matter all the projected trajectories based on words based on the reflection of myself off other selves like all of us we search for meaning as much as we try to let meaning go and let the world itself define the parameters of our endeavours still the precious gems we find in walking paths with heart the art accidentally discovered the sacred mirrors we reflect each other in how much can we contain in our infinite universe inside our cells we live inside each other each a fractal of a whole too big to comprehend so this sadness at the self's unfullfilled dreams or promises unkept to self and others we tie and tie untie and retract we gather breadcrumbs to leave behind as reminders of the trails we have travelled the garments woevn, tapestries unravelled we sail ships thru storms and wait for wind in the calmness as we float the self in stone a sword we try to pull from an enchanted spell the very thing we use to shed itself self beyond self unthinkable wealth and if i have uttered the word love here it is because without it there's no reason really to even try to make a self or to eventually become selfless

kicking ass in so many ways

sijayjames — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:26:09 GMT

wo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk

noe way

sijayjames — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 18:19:22 GMT

midsummer night's dream : by noe venables Aslan and the Silver Queen Couldn’t stop time Although they tried Now just look at me Seventeen and seventy Turn it around Follow me down Midsummer night’s dream The bite of wind the taste of rain Getting called names Comets of pain And other bright things My favorite things and favorite places Covered in kisses When all of this is memories What kind of creature shall I be? >> how’d you get in here? -- shh! It’s a secret >> tell me! -- on flying heels and wagon wheels… (rest is unintelligible) So I run out but not away Shooting off sparks into the dark Out in the street ‘cause one day I am going to bloom Patient and proud With fish in my mouth And eyes in my wings What kind of creature shall I be? Aslan and the Silver Queen Turn it around Follow me down Midsummer night’s dream

on beyond

sijayjames — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:40:29 GMT

this is a picture of the eagle nebula. a birthplace of stars. from wiki: A nebula (from Latin: "mist" [1]; pl. nebulae or nebulæ, with ligature or nebulas) is an interstellar cloud of dust, hydrogen gas and plasma. It is the first stage of a star's cycle. Originally nebula was a general name for any extended astronomical object, including galaxies beyond the Milky Way (some examples of the older usage survive; for example, the Andromeda Galaxy was referred to as the Andromeda Nebula before galaxies were discovered by Edwin Hubble). Nebulae often form star-forming regions, such as in the Eagle Nebula. This nebula is depicted in one of NASA's most famous images, the "Pillars of Creation". In these regions the formations of gas, dust and other materials 'clump' together to form larger masses, which attract further matter, and eventually will become big enough to form stars. The remaining materials are then believed to form planets, and other solar system objects. today marked a significant change yesterdays revelations were core the past entries just look like dust the present moment in its unformed splendour offers the world as an open prospect rose quartz held tight in palm and the cards speak favourably after time passes its funny how the unwinding puts the perspective into focus what was lost is regained and even seems hilarious it wasnt lost at all patterns of the past hold us fixed in our clumsy steps towards healing being alone with thoughts has opened me up to that which i have feared to observe equanimously so stuck in some personal story i hold to as if i was the one that determined outcomes as it is said its not about finding yourself its about creating yourself so onbeyond lives lord neto remember him? zipped in from the future to remind me to stay focussed and present as the storm subsides the snow outside the crystalline flakes of a solidified flow all these things i take heart in knowing how devoted i have been to all of this there's nothing i did wrong nothing i ever had to prove to anyone and all these blogs were just me working it all out when i press send i will assure myself and all my elations love's discovery is not found in the next best thing to come along it's found in the deepest darkest reaches of the self which is not willing to do it on its own i love my room and i love the huge world outside the door the trees agree the sky clouds form patterns of of the unending dance i have always been worthy so have we all these times call for immediate action take my advice look at what i have said and done here love yourselves into the onbeyond into that great awakening don't delude yourselves with ideas of waiting until tomorrow to make the change its right here right now and its amazing

the end the beginning the end the beginning

sijayjames — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 01:55:01 GMT

Tayatha Om Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Soha "Gone, Gone, Gone beyond, gone utterly beyond. Oh, what an Awakening" back on the path farewell to the illusion all that i lost i find again

when everyone knows

sijayjames — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 04:44:45 GMT

its easy to love yourself when the sky is perfect or you have the ideal companion to explore the reflection with harder when the morning light calls your self to court at the rock and noone but you is there to plead your case to the clouds it's enough to hear every cliche ad nauseum in time this too shall pass moments i'd rather sleep through thoughts i'd rather smash into a billion peaces each one more peaceful than the last fragmentory remembrance that wasn't mine in the first place everyone steps to you like you are frozen in time avoid your eyes because they know you are wrecked all you can do is laugh at your paradoxes and be boiled in oil read buddhist scriptures and tell yourself that fear is not the heart of love that all suffering is caused by desire or attachment yes what a shell game says nothing of the mighty aspirations of an onbeyonder how can i look compassionately on these moments? be tender to myself and others for this this madness? this season has become absurd in what it decides to dish out i wait not waiting for the return of the queen but for the return of my soul as if it would ever leave me it has retreated until my mind gets its shit together and stops projecting and starts trusting i dont want anything but peace now many have been here before wondering returning to breath when the curioisty becomes overwhelming what can i do let go let go again and again and again ritually jump off the tightrope and dont care if there's no net what the hell have i been thinking anyways? the circus acts have had their applause its time to build spaceships and be galactic again leave this dissolving spectrailty to the nebulae of illusions i will explore space unknown now seeking co-pilot of considerable skill and dependability for moments when the ride is unexpectedly rough must love making and designing new maps must be willing to be on beyond evolved for real and taking part in a deeper evolution of self to look blindingly into the face of our own own face and discover that eating well breathing and tea does wonders we arent lost in the slightest are we?

roll or coast er

sijayjames — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 06:09:08 GMT

gradiented sunrise from the bedroom window it was the end of an era impossibly calm and i wanted to wail to end the silence knowing as i did too much has been said about the clear skies and the ominous sense of foreboding i had built up around this day i heard my mouth mumbling what i have been for months as if hammering a point deeper into the wall was going to fix the foundation i wondered if today and tomorrow would ever come if i'd have the guts to face this as i do now in the comfort of friendly faces folk who i see now in their own stretches of soul shattering sadnesses i saw myself as a bad actor somehow got lost in a role i thought i wasnt writing but let me tell you the script was not going to play out that way the millions of crystals sticking as frost to every branch the beach waves miniature shorebreaks to the left sunlight so apparent all day it was a texture i couldnt deny the marvel of i was hellbent to turn this world into heaven again i couldnt let the day go unnoticed or unheard the waves by seaside pulled the stuck leaves from the whirlpool and left some sage advice lingering in and amongst the houseplants found myself a bit more focussed on the days events a strength that came from realizing i wasnt insane or rather that i wasnt alone in the apparent lack of sanity there was a huge brass scale being auctioned at the mall and i swung about on the metaphor of it if you get too heavy trying to balance out a situation jump off the scale obliterate the astrological prison you live in try not to read too much into the omens of the day divine extra meaning from cloud patterns there's more potent magic afoot i sleep on couches in various houses now free agent on a mission to spread a new message simple style you find me doing yoga and drinking tea at 6:30 am do the dishes and breathe i refuse to let the world break my spirit refuse to be crushed by events i cannot control i will not medicate myself anymore than to celebrate the value of life with some fire occasionally a hammer to smash illusions some glue to repair damage i did over the last weird set of escapades i spent a shitload of tickets on the last ride but holy fuk it was fun

the time that passes

sijayjames — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 01:11:35 GMT

vulnerability is a tricky place to navigate perhaps i have opened myself too deeply here and let everyone see the sliced open shapes of my visceral heart perhaps not enough as we all feel at times the passage of time indicating what new lessons and new changes are coming our way let me tell you i have climbed thru mountainous terrain in the past few weeks its not seemingly getting too much easier but there's been some revelations in my life that need immediate attention its a see saw of balance and noone knows that more than us librans i called on all powers that be to bring miracles of transformation into my world i may not have been prepared for what for what shape they would take all my connector cords that have allowed me to remain fixed have been yanked free love has opened up into the realm of the infinite instead of being focussed in one place my heart has been set free but what pain that is what splendid opportunity to heal what an opportunity to see exactly what kind of stuff i am truly made of i know that i struggle with the idea of devotion and commitment in relationships as it has been pointed out one is not truly capable of grounding out a really deeply committed relationship until they have sorted out their shit tho in my heart i believe that true love is rare that true devotion is even more rare in a world where we are always being called to check out something new to try on new clothes and see if they fit to take new photos of ourselves with so many others we get lost in the sauce and sometimes forget the power that comes from commitments to grow into larger and deeper connections with true loves and that is what i am cutting away at expectations that anyone could be as ready as i am to grow and build expectations in any other person might lead to disappointment and it is here that i dwell and here that i move forward to let go of something means truly setting it free with no expectation it will return to acknowledge that it will never be the same and that time will tell exactly what was meant to be and what was meant to pass and each night and day is a test of my resolve to be mighty in my movements towards being whole not that i am not whole i love myself enough to know that i am worth the time spent that people like all of us are rare on the earth right now and that we all need to form deeper yet more free relationships with each other to truly acknowledge the size and depth of our capacity to allow love to blossom it is here that i lay down weapons i use to fight off fate and pick up a new set to hack thru the demons of doubt that want me to give up because i tried so hard to make it work i tried and tried and i tired eventually but perhaps it was in the trying and not the being the doing the believing that this isnt wrong...nothing s wrong here this is what's happening and the quicker i align with it the faster it will become magic again as magic is never far and love is always home

re:solutions

sijayjames — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:28:00 GMT

re·solve (rĭ-zŏlv') pronunciation v., -solved, -solv·ing, -solves. v.tr. 1. To make a firm decision about. 2. To cause (a person) to reach a decision. See synonyms at decide. 3. To decide or express by formal vote. 4. To change or convert: My resentment resolved itself into resignation. 5. To find a solution to; solve. See synonyms at solve. 6. To remove or dispel (doubts). 7. To bring to a usually successful conclusion: resolve a conflict. 8. Medicine. To cause reduction of (an inflammation, for example). 9. Music. To cause (a tone or chord) to progress from dissonance to consonance. 10. Chemistry. To separate (an optically inactive compound or mixture) into its optically active constituents. 11. To render parts of (an image) visible and distinct. 12. Mathematics. To separate (a vector, for example) into coordinate components. 13. To melt or dissolve (something). 14. Archaic. To separate (something) into constituent parts. v.intr. 1. To reach a decision or make a determination: resolve on a course of action. 2. To become separated or reduced to constituents. 3. Music. To undergo resolution. n. 1. Firmness of purpose; resolution. 2. A determination or decision; a fixed purpose. 3. A formal resolution made by a deliberative body. [Middle English resolven, to dissolve, from Old French resolver, from Latin resolvere, to untie : re-, re- + solvere, to untie.] re:solving but standing still finally mind unable to separate entangled vectors looks more for the solution thru dissolution of what binds the mind so some roshi's say we are not these thoughts nots will be our undoing sweet anomaly (bless his heart and soul forever) mentioned that it might be a sad day to stop feeling feeeling feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllling this eternal moment of the passionate mind when it wants to create meanings and dreams it will even dream dreams for others of immaculate beauty but i want resolution a coming into focus of the hazy obfuscations these mind manifestations are my gift and curse i wake in the AM to a day of anxiety and find the hardest words slammed into my forehead by a wall resolve not to solve but to untie the knots created by a lack of all the facts the plane will come leaving me here still contemplating but dissolving like only the spectrals know how and i wonder if you read all this can you see the weave? the play back and forth between how resolution brings both closure and clarity question is what form will it take?

not minding the nevermind

sijayjames — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:35:13 GMT

"It is like a painter Spreading the various colors: Delusion grasps different forms But the elements have no distinctions. In the elements there's no form, And no form in the elements; Yet apart from the elements No form can be found. In the mind is no painting, In painting there is no mind; Yet not apart from mind Is any painting to be found. That mind never stops, Manifesting all forms, Countless, inconceivably many, Unknown to one another. Just as a painter Cannot know his own mind Yet paints due to the mind, So is the nature of all things." the mind is a terrible thing to taste or is the best thing what loop is this? to be told the beauty is in mind but only a controlled mind is the task at hand today to avoid the places where the mind paints pictures that cause confusion and delusion is the trap and pitfall yet who can say from whence the true thoughts spring chicken or egg do the thoughts spring from emotions or the emotions from thoughts? does pushing the thoughts away mean that you have dealt with their reality? letting them go? is that denial or liberation? so it seems the truth is to know the true nature of one's own mind and to do that the mind must be still so they say but i know my mind now having been on a few trips with it thinking about not thinking is thinking, not not thinking let these dissolve think no more on these terrible tastes all that you release is space for other things to arise all love is the path towards empty fullness no mind and the one mind all the same manifestation comes back to you and me and the love in trinity