Someone pointed me to the term Third Culture Kids (TCKs) today and I went on an internet hunt. Having lived overseas for seven years with my parents while still under 18, I fit all the qualifications. And yet I am not sure what to think of this categorization. On the one hand, most of the descriptions of TCKs as adults fit me perfectly - closeness to immediate family, deep culture shock on return to 'home' country, difficulty in relating to people who are not themselves TCKs, highly mobile and educated, drawn to international careers, taking longer in their 20s to find their career path, feeling restless, dislocated, and lacking a sense of home, etc. On the other hand, one could argue that a lot of these things are obvious, and I have always been extremely skeptical of the ways that we simplify and categorize people's personalities and experiences. There are so many books these days that say they have the 'answers' to help people with their personalities, love-lives, etc., and I really can't stand most of them. I think that we are drawn to them mostly because we are all at heart self-absorbed and love to think and talk about ourselves! And take surveys about ourselves...god almighty are there a lot of online surveys that profess to tell you something profound about yourself.

And yet despite myself, I am a bit fascinated. Most interesting to me was the bit about TCKs having the most trouble adjusting in their 20s, and taking a long time to find their career path. During my college years, and all throughout my 20s, I only made and retained 2 friends - both women with whom I shared a bond as we were some of the few 'women in science' at my college (which, believe me, was a bonding experience). I also jumped from physics and math to women's studies, then peace studies, then anthropology - all over the map until I found a career that felt satisfying to me. I think that I made very few friends in my 20s because I always felt out of place. Instead, I developed my closest relationships with my high school friends from Swaziland, who experienced a similar sense of dislocation after high school, but who live all over the world and keep in touch with me through Skype, occasional phone calls, and very rare meetings in foreign countries. It is only now in my 30s that I have become adjusted enough to reach out and make friends, and figure out who to be friends with. And I still feel like a chameleon most of the time - I change my spots easily to adapt to different people and friendship groups. I rarely admit to this but I am also convinced that this is why I rarely date. Learning the mating rituals of a culture that you didn't grow up in (i.e. I never was an American teenager) has been the hardest part for me, and I rarely meet men that I relate to - I have never been in a relationship with an American man.

Ok - reading that last paragraph, I have to laugh at myself. I have fallen into the trap of self-analysis and absorption, and found a way to blame what could just be my personality quirks on a brand new acronym - TCKs! After all, everyone has life experiences that make them feel dislocated and we all learn to be chameleons to adapt to different social situations. If someone else told me that story, I would smile and nod while thinking - what a self-pitying idiot and what is up with that dumb acronym!