I Talk Too Much...

Sine Wave, my live show on teh INtarWebz!!

skywise — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 00:58:58 GMT

You should check out my radio show tonight if you are around your computer. It's at 9pm(ish) Pacific time at http://exradio.expression.edu/exradio.m3u =)

sigh

skywise — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:09:38 GMT

I wish I didn't miss her. It's definitely worse when drinking. I can still smell her.

Psytrance Documentary!!!

skywise — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:27:19 GMT

Here's a link for all those wonderful folk who helped out and were interested in the documentary I was shooting. I ran into one SMALL hangup that I couldn't do anything to correct, but all in all I'm very proud of how it turned out. Enjoy!! http://studentsites.expression.edu/~jmcmanus/ Click on the "IMG" link, and then click on "Video"

Grrr...

skywise — Wed, 14 May 2008 06:41:47 GMT

I had no idea that she'd still be pulling this petty shit after all this time. Especially after I've been so civil to her the last few times we talked. I just want my damn book back. *grrrr*

A Fluorescent Opportunity!!

skywise — Wed, 07 May 2008 04:37:16 GMT

So this term in my college I have a project to put together a 7 min. podcast on a topic of my group's choosing to be submitted to www.current.com for potential broadcast. Somehow I'm a rather convincing person and a classmate and I are doing a video podcast on the Psytrance scene here in the United States and how/why it is received so differently here than it is in other countries around the globe. What we're going to do is use the international vs. local scene dialogue as an opportunity to present a positive, spiritual, artistic, and forward-thinking cultural movement to those who would otherwise be clueless. So far we're getting some great footage of local events, and I have some great photos of other events around the US. What we're hoping to do is get some interviews with people who have experienced the scene outside of the US and do brief interviews discussing the perceptions of each and various anecdotal evidence of the differences to perhaps explain why this is, and what the future holds for the psychedelic culture in America. If you have any ideas that you would like to see in this podcast, have any stories to share or would like to be interviewed, or even if you have any suggestions at all, I would love to hear them. We have to be finished with this podcast within the first week of June. Thanks for any feedback you can provide!!

To all my Midwest friends...

skywise — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:35:19 GMT

I hope everyone is okay after last night. Sending all of my positive thoughts your way.

Pilfered Post

skywise — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:38:49 GMT

http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp I ganked this link from a response to Kyrka's blog, and I'm not ashamed!! =P Here were my results. It's odd because it's never been something that I really think about, but I realize after looking at it that it's really important to me. Score Love Language 4 Words of Affirmation 9 Quality Time 5 Receiving of Gifts 2 Acts of Service 10 Physical Touch

Dammit Kyrka...

skywise — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:14:47 GMT

Now I'm addicted. The world is not ready for this kind of funny. Dammit. http://xkcd.com/365

It flows all around...

skywise — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 06:47:02 GMT

I feel this incredible peace well up within me. Sometimes I think it's fleeting...but it remains secure and warm underneath, subduing the panic to a mere concern. Classes have started for me and I feel like I'm doing so well. This is stuff that I'm proving to myself that I'm good at, and others are noticing as well. I still don't have a job and I'm perched upon this fine line of wanting income but not wanting to resort to jobs that can't make ends meet satisfactorily. Soon enough I'll be nudged one way or another, depending on if I get a job that I've already applied for. I have a bike up here now, and I'm trying to take it more places. So far I've just used it locally, but the plan is to find a fast/safe route to school and back, and then once I get a job to take it there as well. I'm way out of condition right now, as just riding it locally gets me out of breath. Soon though I'll be able to handle it better. Tomorrow is Santa-Con, and then tomorrow night is a lil psy party here in Oakland that should be a good time. Next weekend Keeley is coming out (at least that's what the plan is), and then there's a Christmas party, then for NYE I have a gig at a friend's house party and Greg is coming up to visit and some other group of folks are coming out from the Midwest for a NYE Ruckus. YAY RUCKUS! Should prove to be quite the commotion. Fun!

HOLY SHIT WOW. Insanely accurate.

skywise — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 11:34:29 GMT

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com. Generated on Wed Nov 14 03:31:58 2007. Your Existing Situation Under considerable stress due to the demands of the existing situation. Trying to extricate himself from the things which restrict him or tie him down. Your Stress Sources Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting. Your Restrained Characteristics Clings to his belief that his hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to his choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment. Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity providing no turmoil or emotional agitation is involved. Your Desired Objective Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail. Your Actual Problem Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.

This is it folks...

skywise — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 19:15:51 GMT

Tonight I trek up to the Bay. I get to work all day and get off work at 10pm...stop by the house to grab a few items, and then drive straight through to SF. I have an interview for my transfer to the SF store on Daniel Burnham 11am, and because I don't wanna introduce myself to my new housemates by rolling in there at 4:30 am, I may find a hotel or sleep in my car. If I sleep in my car, I'll just have to be up early enough to stop by my new house before my interview to clean myself up. Hmm...the hotel idea is sounding nicer and nicer. I haven't had a lot of luck communicating with my friends in SF, so we'll see how this weekend goes. I know I'm gonna have all day Friday afternoon and I have the open house and enrollment stuff for Expression on Saturday morning, but the afternoon is going to be free and then that night I'll be heading to the Hay Maze party. Sounds like a good time. Then Sunday cruise back to So Cal. And this morning I have to get a damn nail removed from my tire and hope they can repair it. I can't really afford a new tire today. *grr* Oh by the way, if you do live in the Bay area and wanna hang out while I'm there, you should give me a call. 562-343-0237

Zany antics ensue...

skywise — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 06:35:23 GMT

"If it weren't for suicide, we'd have all killed ourselves long ago?" Brilliant! =D

So this is really happening...

skywise — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:24:02 GMT

I am actually moving to the Bay. I confirmed schooling as much as I can to this point. My boss has assured me that I'm very likely to get hired for the transfer. And last night I just got the go-ahead for a place to live in Oakland. Now I only wait for final word on the job transfer while I crash on Pickle's floor, and then I'm there.

Leap of Faith

skywise — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 05:28:25 GMT

It's terrifying putting your life into your own hands. Somehow the idea emerged that "if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?" And that's a complete fallacy. When you happen to know every single thing about that individual you are expected to place your faith in, you also know every single flaw and limitation and why on earth would you trust ANYTHING important to someone like that!? Yet here we are. Every day thankful for the distractions that make us forget that we have no fucking clue what we're doing. There's no big Rube-Goldberg sketch in our heads that shows us how we're gonna get the cheese...if there even IS any cheese. God becomes an easy and obvious precept at that point. After all, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing...so somebody must because I'm not dead yet! We don't give ourselves enough credit. We are powerful beings with the ability to Manifest! Those wonderful little swirls of energy within each of us called Imagination and Inspiration and Motivation join forces to form the might of Creation. Voltron Force, GO! Faster than a speeding catastrophe! More powerful than a disaster! Able to leap tall obstructions in a single bound! This is deeper than fear and far beyond survival. This is Evolution. Bring it on.

Attention all Folks'sz...

skywise — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 06:10:18 GMT

I am about to make another drastic decision of determination against improbable odds. I'm moving to San Francisco Bay. And it will be remarkably soon. Fact is my current housing situation is looking rather bleak and I have realized that I managed to save more money than I had anticipated. Rent really isn't all that much more and I found out that I have the ability to transfer from my current call center position to go work in a retail store in the area and be able to keep my benefits and salary. That and the fact that my contact at Expressions is really working hard to make sure that I'm taken care of with anything that I might need there. With this development, I think I might be living somewhere around Emeryville or Oakland before the end of November...depending on if I can land this interview and get the transfer. All you wonderful people in S.F. both old friends and new, prepare yourselves. =)

Wait of the Whirrled...

skywise — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 19:36:22 GMT

Inspiration strikes, and times the attack impeccably. I take it square to the nose and feel the blood pounding in my ears as my head snaps back, and the tangent perceptions crumble away from my reeling consciousness. Only clarity of purpose remains wrapped about my being. No more is the fire within me smothered beneath the weight of ambiguous answers to irrelevant questions...the radiation penetrates layers melting away all but truth. Now I have the focus. I just received my info in the mail about Ex'pressions College. This is my path and it's not easy or direct...but I can tell you it feels incredible.

What is "Love"?

skywise — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 15:29:14 GMT

(inspired by a thread by Kim) Love is a word in the English language. It's come to represent many different things to many different interpreters and that can even change based on context. It's always been my opinion/belief that this complex crystaline structure of ideas we refer to as emotion is entirely too intricate and convoluted to be easily categorized with a word such as "love." Well...really any word for that matter. Each and every emotion (even a memory of an emotion) is completely unique unto itself, only sharing very general similarities to other ideas experienced before it. Human experience is cumulative and builds upon itself, manifesting in such a way that we have to constantly so angry at Charlene for sending me that email and cc'ing the entire team, but once more information was incorporated I understood that her actions were careless rather than malicious and my emotional response adjusted appropriately. To answer the *real* question that I interpret here, is that "Love" is grasping for communication and mutual understanding between a number of vested individuals. The word itself is an attempt to convey an immense realm of experiences and behavior responses to another individual with the same level of complexity of understanding...all via some woefully inadequate sound uttered through the lips. Why do we try to communicate at all and instead of just being content with feeling the things we do? I think it's all part of the same thing. The intense emotion goes hand in hand with the intense need to communicate that emotion...the drive to be understood, to know you're not struggling out here all by yourself discovering that you've got it all wrong. Feedback. Maybe that's what Love is. A sustainable communicative feedback loop.

"Change" was my middle name...but it changed

skywise — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 13:24:04 GMT

Everything feels so unstable right now. I'm in a temporary living situation which is lasting until the end of October at latest, and I don't know yet what or where I'm going. I'm still certain that I want to get a place with Dav...just don't know where or how we're going to do it. I am looking forward though to us putting our studio together and being able to set it up juuuuust like we want it. Major creativity flowin from there. I'm liking my job a lot more now that I got a different supervisor. He and I communicate really well and we respect eachother. On the job tangent...I've since realized that being a helicopter pilot just isn't in my future. I would still love to fly, but the reality of the situation is that I have a condition that is almost certain to ground me sooner or later. It would be a silly move to spend 55 grand on flight school and then 2 years down the line be told that I can't fly helo's anymore. So I've given it some real thought and I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to go to school to be an Audio Engineer. I have a good ear for it, and I have a good grasp on sound design and sound production technology. I've been learning a lot lately from friends as well as teaching myself. It's much less expensive to become completely educated and certified than flight school is, and I know I would enjoy going to work each day. Now I just need to figure out which school. That could even potentially lead me to San Francisco...who knows?

Inconsistency...

skywise — Tue, 29 May 2007 19:03:36 GMT

It comes in waves. Waves of confidence, waves of melancholy, waves of self-doubt, and all cyclical. It's so easy for me to be strong when someone needs me to be. Why is it so difficult when they don't? So much of her is integrated into my environment.

Stuff that drives me (crazy)

skywise — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 15:08:58 GMT

Hello out there in Triblog (Tribe Blog...get it?) land. It's Josh here. It's been a while since last report, but it's been interesting for sure. My girlfriend (Kim) flew out here to visit me a couple weeks ago, and it was really nice. Makes me realize how much I miss her. We were together for 5 days and she got a chance to see where it is that I live and I got to experience what it's like living with her, if only for a week. It was very very comfortable. I had to work 4 out of the 6 days she was here, but we still got plenty of time in. Right now is kinda tough tho because our schedules are so different...her being a working teacher during the day in Kansas City and me working late in the day at Verizon Wireless here in Long Beach...usually not getting home til midnight, which is 2am her time. Hopefully we'll find our pattern. I'm sure we will in time. Other than that, I'm slowly and steadily working on putting my studio together. I have my computer set up now with all the necessary software for music production...now I just need to get a firewire audio I/O device (which I can get for big discount) and some good reference monitors. In the meantime I can just produce on headphones when I get the I/O, but right now my computer can't do dung because all I have are the built-in laptop speakers, and for some reason the USB isn't working with any audio devices. It's giving me some really crappy interference. *shrugs* Let's see all you non-geeks make it through THAT paragraph! =P Otherwise this weekend I'm heading out to the desert for the first time in a long long while. My friends Bodhi and Rachel are celebrating an anniversary I believe...or it's Rachel's birthday. Not sure which. =P But they asked me to do some stringart out there so that was neat. Perhaps I'll get a chance to play a bit and that would be cool, but then maybe not. No biggie either way. Also my friend Schlaut invited me to play some gigs he has coming up, so that would be really neat too. And finally last weekend I went snowboarding for only the second time this season. How sad! But I did get to go with Bill and Roxanne and that was really cool. Apparently I'm getting much much better on the board because even after being away for 3 months I hit it like a pro and had the best day of boarding ever. Bill got some good footage of me, so maybe I can get a link here soon. =P As for what the future holds for me, I'm not too sure. I know my boss is really really making me hate my job. I think I figured out how to deal tonight tho. I just have to accept that I can't be every customers' personal advocate. It's not good for the company apparently. Now I think I just have to go in there and not care so much. Just meet the stats that they ask of me and be polite but stop going out of my way for the customer. It keeps making too distracted and unfocused so that I end up missing things I wouldn't otherwise. I'd make a great major accounts representative, but not very good at a CS job where I need to worry about stuff that's completely unrelated to the customer's immediate needs. Gotta keep my eyes on target. Music and Flight. The job will come when it's time. The girl will still be with me now as well as she is later. We'll find a way around this I just need to have a bit more patience. Patience with my own path and what it takes to make it to the greener fields beyond.

Wow...

skywise — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 11:58:30 GMT

I just got back from Second Nature and DAMN I had a great time. I was really reluctant to leave the house tonight because...well...because I've been lazy and once you get in that funk it's hard to get out of it. But I went out anyway because I haven't seen Gwyn in a good long time and I know she would do the same for me. Man am I glad I did. I danced and saw people I hadn't seen in a long time and I connected with some people who are really just down the street from me. Now tomorrow (today) I need to get my ass in gear and get down to Long Beach Airport to talk to some other flight schools and I also need to clean up the house for some visitors this weekend and next week. Hopefully I can have a bedroom before this weekend comes around. Sleeping on the couch is comfortable enough...but I need some damn privacy once in a while. =P

Prelude to an Introduction

skywise — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 02:13:20 GMT

I got a job. At first I was rather disappointed because they are asking for pretty silly hours (nights and weekend availablity), but the pay is really good and the benefits are fantastic so I've since started feeling a bit more optimistic about the prospect. It starts on dec 15th and I'll be working for Verizon Wireless in their Customer Service dept. Just gotta keep my eyes on my goal and not let the work itself get me down. On another note, I've been working on this amazing story. It starts off as a fantasy. This dream-filled satyr boy finds himself somehow transported to this magical land of beautiful colors and shapes, and there he manages to meet this amazing fairy girl. She is new to this strange land as well as he, but somehow it seems familiar to them. Together they go on many adventures and share many things with eachother. Then before they realise it, their time together is over and they are teleported back to where they came from. The boy returns to find that his world as he knew it has been turned upside down. He remains positive and happy though because he has seen this magical land and knows things that nobody around him knows. Somehow the boy and the girl manage to keep in touch and they grow closer and closer...together trying to remain optimistic in their respective dreary worlds. Through much hard work and trust, they persevere and the boy gets to teleport to her world for a short time. There they share many beautiful experiences and lighten eachothers lives. They decide that it's totally worth it...and while he must now venture back to his home, they know that they will see eachother again very soon and that thought keeps them going. This story is far from over...but what a great beginning.

Employment blues...

skywise — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 04:16:10 GMT

Bleh. This is really getting frustrating with the job thing. When I was living in TX, and hell even when I was here last year, if I got an interview I got a job. It was pretty simple. I'm a friendly person and I communicate very well and I've always had a way of making people feel confident in my abilities. But this past bout has just been ridiculous. I've been on about 6-7 interviews now and every one has found SOME reason that they don't believe I'd be a suitable candidate. *Grrr* I have a job I should be hearing about tomorrow...but I've been told my prospects don't look that good. This is exhausting and irritating. I still feel confident that I'll find a job down there before the end of the month...I just hope it's something that I enjoy and that will give me health benefits. And also on that note I'll be living in Long Beach no later than Dec. 1. =) I get to live with some of my best friends and I'm really excited about it. Yay!

From "The Three Pillars of Zen"

skywise — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 02:16:57 GMT

"If, as we have been led to believe, satori makes clear that past and future are unreal, is one not free to live as one likes in the present, unconcerned about the past and indifferent to the future?" In reply Yasutani-roshi made a dot on the blackboard and explained that this isolated dot represented thier conception of "here and now." To show the incompleteness of this view, he placed another dot on the board, through which he drew a horizontal line and a vertical one. He then explained that the horizontal line stood for time from the beginningless to the endless future and the vertical for limitless space. The "present moment" of the enlightened man, who stands at this intersection, embraces all the dimensions of time and space, he emphasized.

Thanks Kyrka!

skywise — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 23:26:11 GMT

***You Are a Dreaming Soul*** Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/