the last year or so, ive mostly hung out with alex's "furry friends here in the south bay. But Im starting to really miss hanging out with other types of people. I miss burners, kinky people, and goths! I miss hanging out with girls and straight men. Im sick of hanging out with people that for the most part have serious mental problems, never leave the house, or want to do anything exciting.

Is there anything good happening lately? I miss girls too. I havent hung out with any girls in a really long time.

just a reminder..
party tonight!

come to swim if you'd like :)

-Rachel

often it feels like Im balancing spinning plates on long poles and i have to constantly keep spinning them or they'll fall off. And then some of the plates get jealous of the other ones, and some of the plates are mad at each other, and some of the plates are fucking each other.. and some of the plates...
ug.
the problem is I love them. but honestly, I love them all to different degrees. One is my best friend, the person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with, and the one I dont want to fuck at all. One is my passion, the one I think about all the time, and the one that drives me crazy on occasion. And one, is my relief, and my friend, and my worry.
So, nothing ever really goes wrong. But when I have more than one in a room with me, my stupid catholic guilt starts nagging at me, and I worry constantly that someone will get jealous or someone wiIll get upset at me. I start to feel worry and panic. I want to make them all happy, and I run myself into the ground trying to meet all of their needs.

And what happens when other people get thrown into the mix. What happens when one of my significant others starts seeing someone else, could I handle it? Right now #2 is on a date with a boy. He saw him yesterday and became immediatly infatuated. He got all excited and couldnt talk about anything else for the last 24 hours. I listened, and even helped find him on livejournal. Im sortof kicking myself right now that I even did that, because they wouldnt be on a date if I hadnt helped them out.

Ive been with aj for 7 months now. but what if I was just the new flavor, the new thing, until he gets tired of me and finds someone newer? He swears it wont happen.. why do I feel insecure? what are the poly rules?

So Im feeling kind of emo about a guy Im dating right now. (not alex)
Things have been settling down from the *everything is new and sparkly and perfect with ponies and princesses* stage to the, ok, ive seen you blow your nose, you've squeezed my zits, getting routine stage. Nothing in particular is going wrong- but I'm getting this sense of unease about the whole situation- I cant quite pinpoint one exact thing, and hes still attentive and we still have sex all the time- but I feel like he doesnt find it exciting anymore. He used to have only eyes for me, when I was in a room, to the exclusion of everyone/everthing else. The other day I came over.. he answered the door, didnt even say hi, and went back to the video game he was playing. It took him an hour to say anythign to me. After he was done playing his game, he was sweet and attentive.. but.. its not the way it was. Am I being emo- is this the way relationships get- or am I missing a greater problem?

Today he IMed me about how him, his boyfriend, and two of their friends were going to the razor movie screening. He said that he had tried to get me on the list, but my name didnt make it. I immediatly didnt believe this- this was the first I've heard of this, and apparantly you had to get on this list at least a few days before today. He would have mentioned it to me before getting tickets. I dont think he put me on the list at all.

The reason something like this bothers me- is that Im a huge battlestar galactica fan, and I've been the one person (of all the people he went with) who's been super excited about this movie coming out. I've been re-watching all the battlestar episodes from season 2-present to be completely caught up in time for the movie. Thats like 22 hours of video so far. I asked him weeks ago if he would go see this movie wtih me (since he hates movie theaters and has to make an exception to go see a movie at one) I even cut my hair just like starbucks. We've been watching this show together for weeks now and no one else has even shown interest in the show. And so, when he told me he was going, and that he didnt get a ticket for me, I was hurt. Either he didnt want to be around me- or he's completely thoughtless and didnt even know iI would really want to go. WTF. I just dont belive that he tried to get me a ticket and for some reason the four other people got theirs just fine, but mine didnt come through.

I guess I cant tell if Im just being emo, or if this is the sign of a dying relationship.

:(