the leftovers

Pucker-Up

sMel — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:33:24 GMT

entagled entrenched enveloped in my small world of ego and machine i missed out i passed it by a thousand times forgot that i needed to water that which needed water but it was not waiting for me it bloomed beautiful blooms right under my busy nose behind closed doors without me "god hides in the most mysterious places sometimes, in the room under the stairs," in the root of each being, in the crook of crannies, and right in front of your face. I should have opened my eyes--my seeing eyes--and kissed him full on the lips. one breath a turn of the knob a sizzling, electric connection but i missed out

the lightshow

sMel — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:55:45 GMT

he and i. we watched the storm roll in together last night on our porch--the house, falling down around us. but we sighed, and relaxed our brows in the whipping. he even coaxed me out into the cold shower, for a moment. he teased the lightning to make me laugh. he did a funny dance to make us forget stuff. and we are lucky in each other, he and i.

off kilter continuum

sMel — Thu, 22 May 2008 16:26:19 GMT

today i wake, dreaming of chaos. yesterday it was the same. the days before that, well...they're muddy. sometimes, i think of the shambles. the way i stack the stuff, then knock it over on my hurried way away. the fragile stuff hidden under the petty stuff, that gets mistakenly broken as i walk over it. the weedy beds of my home. the holes in ceilings, in schedules, in socks, in conversation, in the general timeline. the price of things, items, stuff. the piling and prioritizing. the unfinished and obsolete projects. the intentions...oh man, the intentions! time to shed the skin of winters. and to realize it is the fortune of experience.

Intentional Exit

sMel — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:31:57 GMT

i have some fumbling words about what it means, or what i think it means, and what eludes me. to put them here would not really do justice to his genious. However, the next morning, technology surprised me with some concreteness to what i feel he perhaps felt. Desperately Seeking Simplicity this time i must confess i feel a total hate for myself while crowded and swarmed my heart wishes to be a single self seeking that single pearl i crave to dive deep into this sea but fear of murderous waves makes me beg for your help my friends scattered with so much going on inside i long for nothing but an inner unity duality must be abandoned if you seek to drink the soul of unity you must bet and lose everything you've ever owned if you truly desire to become one with your beloved listen to the secret sound of the revelation now when your quest aspires the skies fly away from this lowly earth my heavenly soul who only nests in the heights is tired of its house on earth it wants to abandon the body it wants to take the final flight -- Ghazal 3210 Translation by Nader Khalili "Rumi, Fountain of Fire" Burning Gate Press, 1994 We are thinking of you now... with love

the bittersweetness of age

sMel — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:12:02 GMT

having become seasoned she exited like a pile of clothes... limp, shapeless, airy her bed and body full of hollowness an empty frame embraced by the rich earth of our backyard and i wish, after becoming so perfect she left without fear or heartbreak. i can still feel her furry little head ghosting beneath my fingertips... ...hear her chatty cat voice... but growing out of this hurt i will forget that sensation and have to reach deeper and deeper for her. but for now i will smile and weep through her haunting

Becoming New

sMel — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 16:56:34 GMT

I've always kind of wondered why we make such a big deal out of the New Year. Yeah, its a "new beginning" of sorts, but as an accountant, its really just the start of another collective group of days, numbers, profits, etc. I used to be startled that people wouldn't put the same amount of energy into realizing and celebrating this event of renewal every day. But, I am waking to realize that as a whole, this is one day we have all chosen to tell everyone that very message--renewability is within our own power. I guess as the busy capitalists we are, we're quite fortunate to have chosen a day to remember this. It seems so simple that: Right now, you can have a change of heart. Right now, you can apologize. Right now, you can stop, breathe, and find appreciation. Right now, you can help. Right now, you are perfect! And as I sip coffee and browse the fantastic stories of other people, I found a bit of something I thought would be a nice thing to ponder about the new year... " Your being here is voluntary, self-assigned, and long awaited. Your eternal progression will reflect this human journey. You should express your individual creativity. Realize that you are accountable. The human existence is not one meant to be spent as a sole traveler. We are designed to support and care for one another. Mature emotionally. Entertain. Be a steward of your energy. Indulge in music. Strive to achieve wisdom. Learn self-discipline. Observe without judging. " For me, this is the year/day/moment of compassion, industry, awareness, humility, and interconnection--or in short, I guess I could say, this is the year of LOVE. I hope the new year brings you all renewal. And I have hope that we will all remember to be human with each other and continue the renewal of existence into forever.

Magic in the Mundane

sMel — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 14:40:41 GMT

its hard digging a hole for a friend. all the while i panic about things that are irrational find guilt in secretive places listen to the emptiness and feel my heart crumble and break i want to make her dinner one more time, and savor the mundane quality of the going-through-the-motion-ness of it. its hard digging a hole for a friend but this is not about me

The Onesidedness of Things

sMel — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:43:23 GMT

I am obsessed with symmetry, or so I like to pretend. When I was in high school, and well into my twenties, I found it very important to achieve a physical semblance of symmetry by being ambidextrous and worked hard to make it so. It never was accomplished to any satisfactory degree, and perhaps now, I am in the old-dog-no-tricks stage of life. After all, I am a bit dismayed at the injuries I've sustained while trying to brush my teeth with my left hand (its like a stranger is in there, you know). Well, this was a crummy example, and perhaps a little too much insight into my personal neurocies, BUT isn't it interesting how life takes you on its own path and kind of blatantly ignores your intentions? I mean, there have been many times where I have made huge commitments that get yoinked out from under me. And maybe not even in a sudden fashion, but rather a long course of running instances that ween you away from your focus... Until one day you are perusing some old photos/poetry/letters or throwing out old clothes, or run into an old friend you've been avoiding--and all that memory, all that timelessness presents itself in a faceted gem that's rather blinding to face. And you realize--I am a different person than I was then. Those little baby steps really add up. And watching their direction of travel is such an interesting adventure, allbeit a helpless witness of place-where-when. Its a strange feeling to be in a place of so much having-been-done while feeling so empty--or rather, ready. And in pondering such things, I experience a weightlessness in persona--kind of like: okay, that's who I was, who am I now? I guess we'll never really know till we can get down to that final layer...

Watching It Go By

sMel — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:08:33 GMT

Now breathing in the wake of the storm... October is a month of madness for me. This one was no exception. The days were mere minutes in a play that was a whirlwind of chaos. And what did develop? So much... Two close and fantastic friends were shocked by our surprise party, which was a huge success. This involved secret invitations, cakes, buttons, and silks. Birthday presents of huge proportion. And drinking champagne with the parents. My daughter met with a coming of age ritual in many wonderful and heartbreaking ways. Thriller went apeshit (this IS the most appropriate adjective). With 100 zombies, and 3K in the crowd...and the potential to develop a REAL Halloween parade for the city. This is the success of community. Some media: http://www.heraldleaderphoto.com/featuredgalleries/featuredgalleriesindex.html http://media.www.kykernel.com/media/storage/paper305/news/2007/10/29/Features/Downtown.Streets.Crawl.With.Undead.As.Uk.Student.Plays.Jackson.In.Parade-3062117.shtml http://www.flickr.com/photos/jodylarsen/sets/72157602789590086/detail/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErqIZg7pKv0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLtweloNjB0 http://minglefreely.blogspot.com/ And tonight some amazing women will perfom Elena at Natasha's cafe under my direction. The history of Rakadu and even earlier plantings live on in bodies today... *sigh* The days of life flicker quicker than a news reel. I am honored to be conciously present with my fellow humans. Though my body is exhausted and mellow, my heart is full of spark and happy. I watch it all go by just like the landscape from a car window...i get drowsy with contentment...i will wake when the moving stops...

Thriller Updates

sMel — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:31:49 GMT

here are some updates for this years EVENTS!! Thriller! Sunday, October 28th, 7pm in the streets of downtown Lexington. Begins at the Kentucky Theater on Main Street and proceeds to Phoenix Park at the corner of Main and Limestone. After Party at Third Street Stuff Coffee Thrill the World!- Lexington's Part in Guinness Book of World Records Saturday October 27th, 6pm @ Mecca 12-1 dance rehearsal 4:30-5 registration 5-6 parade breakdown 6-6:02 dance sequence parade run through afterwards I hope all can make it to both, but as always, just feel free to participate in what you can. Your dancing and volunteering make the event dynamic, so thanks SO much for coming out to be a part of it all!!!

Guerilla Thrilla

sMel — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 13:18:50 GMT

Greetings faithful zombies! Its about that time for the annual Thriller showdown in big LexVegas! Our apologies for the late notice of things, but our planning efforts have been thwarted somewhat by various things. We are in full force now, however, so get your gross things out and get ready to play! This year, we'll also be participating in the global "Thrill the World" event: www.thrilltheworld.com to break the GWR--a vision we had joked about when we created the event, which has now blossomed into a crazy madness! Very exciting! I do have a bit of bad news too...we are seeking a Michael and an Ola this year. Our amazing Micah Isaacs, who has played the part of Michael since the creation of this event, is not able to join us this year. It is breaking my heart to do it without him, but If you know anyone interested, let us know. Okay...the times for the dance rehearsals are: Saturdays Noon-1p.m. and Mondays 6-7p.m. at Mecca Studio, 451 B Chair Avenue (right off South Broadway). If you have questions, PM me or contact the studio: www.meccadance.com . Feel free to pass this along to anyone you might think interested. Rockon, Zombies!

Wait For Me

sMel — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:10:29 GMT

Should i forget to be nice to you today, just wait. At some point i will notice that look on your face and remember who I am again. Sometimes i think of just me, and i forget... So, the next time i am lost, go ahead and give me that look early. i should feel ashamed to forget so much. Just that little touch of yours, mind's eye to mind's eye, will remind me to take a bow and step off stage. After all, the theater is empty, except we two. The curtain fell long ago in our embrace.

Cover to Cover

sMel — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:26:37 GMT

i feel it time to drop some more cryptic poetry...it bubbles up from the depths of myself, sometimes. but, at the moment, i am just uninspired. lucky you. instead, i find it weird that i reflect on a series of science fictional novels i just finished yesterday. all in all, i suppose i have been reading said series for about a year and a half. i am indeed a slow reader--i love to peruse the use of language over and over, commit it to sing-song memory or just use it as a means of distraction and wandering folly--but also, i feel scientifically unedumacated and doofy, so said series was quite challenging for my peabrain. i think it is strange to be involved in a story intimately. i felt like it wasn't just about the content, or how i related to it, but also like a little window into someone else's mind about what they think about. some artists are haunted, have so much to say and use a thin, masked medium to spill profound truths into you. its close to conversation, but is happening in silent explosions that no one will ever know about. we live a profound and amazing existence. our identities are transitive. our power is exponential. our insight is contextual. we secretly need each other. oh, yes. and here is something disturbing that relates: www.redcolony.com

The Scope of Perspective

sMel — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:38:21 GMT

a waking hour brings me to mind. while the drink spills from full mouths over the breast and onto the floor... while hearts flutter with displacement... while soundess fills this body like lead... there is an empty vessel yawning with a hollow noise. it is saying more with nothingness than my faulty tongue which shatters it with clumsiness then scatters the pieces apart such a fool to hold on to the thread of this unravelling fabric our brittle intention leaves but a hole to fall through

Turning the Page

sMel — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:15:26 GMT

Hello All, The Inner Eye, the Saturday class I teach at Mecca from 11:15-12:45, will cease to meet starting in August. To all persons who have participated, I wish to extend deep gratitude. Please remember to treat your bodies with love and acceptance. We are for each other. -Mel

Finally Found My True Calling

sMel — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:57:58 GMT

Thanks to some friendly scouts...

Prom, one more time

sMel — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 17:43:08 GMT

Along the lines of Prom, I found my senior photo. It also has a funny story... My boyfriend at the time (I was SO in love, you know...at least I thought I was) kidded that he would marry any girl who had the balls enough to wear Chuck Taylors to the prom. My balls are huge. Thank god he was kidding about the "marraige" part too...he would have been shocked about the balls...

You Cannot Return

sMel — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 19:41:03 GMT

I'm lost, shaken, emotional--but holding holding. I see my reflection in the glass river The drum starts, vibrates the clear image. I am carried. My hands slap the water. The reflection broken into droplets, splashes apart. The river moved and stirred by my movement. the water dissipates the breath a cycle of light and dark and then the cycle is longer the violence of myself, the swinging, her body and mine like one strong trunk of the tree blossoming, dropping leaves, and blossoming her touch upon me, though i am not present we left separately we see each other in ourselves we are safe we are free we are leaving the lock at the bottom of the ocean we drift with the tide inside the daisy i open the book of my heart and read aloud...

The Girl, the Joybomb

sMel — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 19:07:26 GMT

She returneth this evening. She brings back to our little familiy her familiar old soul. No judgement, no worries, no drama. Just love and fun and laughing and sleepless evenings of busy. She is the goddess of time/space in the flesh, but not without her sense of humor. Indeed when she rings, she always asks, "how many animals do you have right now?" to which all replies get a hearty guffaw (there are always a ridiculous amount). waiting, waiting waiting...

Happenstance and Heartbreak

sMel — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:26:22 GMT

Quite often I find I've gone through the wrong door... ...perhaps even barged in, announced my presence with conviction, and stomped about with purpose--only to realilze, after crushing failure, that I have ended up in the wrong room. Said error brings with it a bit of baggage. There is a receiving end to all work which intends to absorb the stock of circumstance. It seems if you are on the right path, or in the right room, you are delivering light. So then, if you are misguided and in the wrong room, you are not just delivering darkness, but also keeping light on the wrong side of the door as you occupy its space. It is not too difficult to recognize, resonance and action are closely related. Like when you deliver a bad joke and hear crickets, its understood. My problem is this: I confuse success with kismet. Thus I take the path I feel the universe is showing me. Rather than stepping back to smile at what could have been mere happy coincidence, I take it upon myself to press into the time rift and run with the idea that THIS is for me. Then later, when I'm alone with my thoughts of "what went wrong?" and "why can't I make this work?", I feel utterly despondent at my ability to make good choices. So, I'm wondering...in the life you lead, when do you know YES ?

Toiletrollercosis and Our Future

sMel — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 18:55:17 GMT

Perhaps you have experienced Tolietrollercosis. I myself, have been both the victim and the perpetrator. I cannot say with a clear conscious that I have been cured of this ailment. But perhaps with the right therapy, I can recover and surpass my offenses with positive karma, thus being on the righteous path toward conscientious paper exchange and supply (CEPAS). While in therapy, I have come to really understand the myriad social deformities from whence this hideous problem stems. The most obvious, of course is selfishness--the ego refusing to warn or help another in need based on convenience, or status, or even malice. Indeed, I've seen seemingly nice people exit the loo with a smile that seemed to say "I am your jolly neighbor", only to discover a few moments later they were actually giving me a smirk meaning "you poor bastard". There are of course unknowing persons who make this mistake based on sheer stupidity. "This is not my job. I hope the next person takes a gander at what I haven't left BEFORE they really need to." And indeed there are the helpless victims seeking revenge on the rest of us poor bastards. Repeating the cycle until, heaven forbid, someone comes to clean the public restrooms (a fairy, a brownie, or a ghost perhaps) and replinish the item of much distress on so many souls. Now, I understand that I am not recovered from this illness. In fact, if I am on a long trip with a very irritating person, I may pull a vicious prank on them to satisfy my aggression. But this is wrong. I know it. One day I will have the will to refrain. I am also unsure if this crime is more horrible in the home, or in public--but until my hubby gets a clue, I stand by my conviction that he is way out of line. My point is this. Toiletrollercosis is like a gateway crime, just like DARE taught us about Marijuana. You know, like how it does stuff to you that I forget about or something. So anyway, if you leave me hanging, I'll be real pissed. No pun intended. ...Okay, it was intended.

take 5 with Rumi

sMel — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 14:23:28 GMT

A friend posted this today as an event. If you have four minutes to spare during your coffee/tea/breathing break, follow this link. My friend recommends "listen first with eyes closed, then you will see" and I do agree. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0c1TnoTJ4g&mode=related&search=

The Fountain

sMel — Tue, 29 May 2007 18:16:36 GMT

See this film. It says what I cannot.

while weighting sand

sMel — Fri, 04 May 2007 20:26:06 GMT

The impermanence of things is withdrawing, returned and weathered, then returned. Like a heart shaped balloon that finds you on the beach at night, alone in the moonlight. No reason in particular. Just a visit from the beloved into your wandering mind. Blushfully i glance around...I am not ready! I am in dissaray. Things are not as I would have them--nothing is as we will have it in the presence of the beloved. But as we seek to amend these faults, we insult the guest. As if it is not obvious. As if the time bestowed is infinite. As if we are any different from any other unprepared one of ourselves. The lights are turned out as i mull these thoughts over. They are tired of waiting. They are ready to be understood. To be listened to and heard, felt, known, be. Empty with wisdom and comfort.

Yes. Do it with confidence.

sMel — Fri, 04 May 2007 20:07:53 GMT

Open the eyes, the ear, the heart. Just open the hand. Not to take, but to touch. To feel. Open the face to sunlight. Open the mouth to laughter, to kiss, to drink. Drink in what you are fearing -- gasp and sigh. Release the tide, let fly the longing. And when you are awake, remember...it is dreamtime constant. A sweet, pretty dream with many corners to hide in. The field -- the open --the plateau -- it is the most vulnerable and thus the safest. Loose everything. Loose the body. Stand unarmed in the presence of everything and find it all looking back. Yes. Do it with confidence.