(Reflections on On-line Cultures and Netiquette)

I'm not a blogger. I don't enjoy reading blogs and usually have no desire
to write them. I generally strongly prefer mailing lists, USENET, and
even web-based fora, where one is more likely to find actual conversation
and give and take between multiple people.

But I'm making an exception this time. Because I have had it up to my
eyebrows with some attitudes I am seeing far too often.

I first encountered online culture in the late 1980s, in the form of local
bulletin boards at my university when I was in grad school. Shortly
thereafter, I found USENET. (See en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet) In
both cases, the medium was backed up and supported by e-mail culture.

Back then, most people who had access to e-mail were scientists of
various types, real computer geeks, government workers, or students
and faculty at large universities. Those were the days when one could
get flamed for having an *.edu address, because students were the most
likely to violate the cultural norms. When things got particularly bad,
someone was sure to say, "Is it September already?".

What cultural norms? Some of the values I learned and internalized in
those days are the following.

* Use Clarity and Precision: Take the time to write as clearly and
precisely as you can. Punctuate. Use complete sentences, unless
you have a good reason to use fragments (as I just did, for emphasis).
Proofread, re-read, and check your spelling. In those days, these rules
were important because computer bandwidth was expensive. But even more
so, and this is still true today, time and attention -- "human bandwidth"
-- is a limited resource.

* Maintain Confidentiality: Never forward others' words without their
permission. Period. Real sticklers will do this even when the words
are posted in a more public place, such as a forum, but everyone should
do so with email.

* Trim Your Quotes: Only quote back whatever sections of the previous
post you are replying to. Quote just enough for context, and no more.
It's a waste of bandwidth and human time and attention to quote the entire
thing all over again.

* Use Pure Text: Unless you have a very good reason to do so, do not
use more complicated formats. Just about everything and everybody can
read pure text. The same cannot be said for Word files, Excel files,
or HTML files. (In fact I wish very much that whoever thought of the
seemingly bright idea of sending email in HTML had not followed through
on that ... thought.)

* Don't Top-post: Put your reply *after* what you are replying to, so
that later readers may read the conversation in order, not have to go down
to look at what you are replying to, then back up to see what you said.

From www.arm.linux.org.uk/mailing...tte.php, an example
of the problem with top-posting:

A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing in e-mail?

* Cite Your References: If you do quote from someplace, as I did above
on top-posting, cite your reference. Don't make it look like someone
else's words are your own.

* Do Your Own Research: One of the things I find practically everywhere
is that people will bend over backwards to help me if I really need help.
People will happily explain the intricacies of regular expressions,
Procmail, calculus, martial arts, or really anything you are wondering
about. That is, if you present the question in the right way. The right
way to present such a question is to state it very clearly, state which
things you have already tried or which resources you have already consulted.
It's also useful to explain which parts of resources already consulted
make sense and where you have gotten lost.

* Read and Study: When someone does answer your question, give you
a suggestion, or respond to your argument, take the time to actually
read and study the reply before dashing off in another direction.
There is nothing more discouraging than taking the time to write a long
thoughtful note only to have the person who asked the question seem to
not even bother to read it. If you don't understand everything that
is sent, fine. Admit that, explain which parts you don't understand,
and ask another question. Respectfully. In other words, if you want
others to engage with you, you must engage with them.

* Be Thankful: Be gracious enough to thank the people who answer your
questions, tutor you in csh scripts, clarify your thinking on feminism
or fly fishing, edit your article on netiquette or number theory, give
you a reference on a book, or help you in whichever way they do.

* Contribute: It's true, we are all different and we all have different
strengths. But a conversation, whether it is between two people via
email or thousands via USENET, needs multiple inputs. So contribute.
This might mean answering others' questions, or engaging in banter and
"fluff", or asking *good* thought-provoking questions, or re-phrasing
points already made. Or it might mean, if you see someone you respect and
want to get to know them, making a substantive response to something they
have said rather than sending them a one-line "Oh, you're interesting,
talk to me!" or a "wannafuck". A forum or even an email exchange does
not exist simply to serve *your* needs -- you need to contribute as well.

What all of these rules boil down to is this: no one, online or in
that mythical place called "real life", *owes* you help, information
or entertainment; when people help you they are doing you a favor.
No one's time is less valuable than your own, and in many cases, it
is actually more valuable. So it's important to *do your own work*
in order to get help. That means making it as easy as possible for
others to help you, considering their time as more valuable as your own,
and thanking them afterward.

o O o

Fast forward to today. Some of the interactions I have had recently:

Someone asks me for resources for particular kinds of groups, and I
take the time to look up all the local ones I know about and email hir
times and dates and URLs. I include some of my own experience with the
various groups, as well as information on a related national mailing
list that I think sie would enjoy. I never get an acknowledgement that
sie got the message or a thank you. Tonight, about 3 and a half months
later, sie asks me for information about those kinds of groups again.
I tell hir I've already emailed hir everything I know. Sie says that sie
got the email, but sie hasn't had time to do anything about it.
Gee, does this make me want to spend more time helping hir?

Remember, 'Read and Study' and 'Be Thankful'.

Someone on Tribe asks to be my "friend" even though we've never met.
I politely say that I only connect to people that I've either met in
person or else have emailed for a long time. Hir response is to send
me hir email address and say "If you would like to get to know me better
we could email." plus one or two more sentences about hir. There's no
actual interesting content, so I'm not particularly driven to respond.
A month later I get another friend request. Sie says sie knows I turned
hir down the first time, but sie is very impressed with some of the
things I've been writing on Tribe and wants even more to email with me.
Sie lists a bunch of facts about hirself, like age, employment, etc.
But again, there is no content. When I already have found a person
interesting, *then* I find I want to know other things about them like
their age and so on. But a list of bald facts do not make a conversation.
If what I say is so interesting, why doesn't this person respond in some
of the Tribe threads? Or respond in a personal message to something that
is interesting and has some content? Why do people think that "let's
email, I'm 45, divorced and have 3 children" will start a conversation?

Remember, 'Contribute'.

o O o

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *am* something of a curmudgeon. Thanks
for noticing. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and do some
of my *own* damn work.


Many thanks to Jim S. for his steady encouragement and excellent editing
suggestions.

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