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SUPER DE DUPER LAME!!
That is all. :(
P.S. The photo of Willie Aames is for me to look at. Hopefully it will temporarily take some of the pain away from my mouth and reroute it to my brain.
May 9, 2007
The Curious Cook
The Five-Second Rule Explored, or How Dirty Is That Bologna?
By HAROLD McGEE
A COUPLE of weeks ago I saw a new scientific paper from Clemson University that struck me as both pioneering and hilarious.
Accompanied by six graphs, two tables and equations whose terms include “bologna” and “carpet,” it’s a thorough microbiological study of the five-second rule: the idea that if you pick up a dropped piece of food before you can count to five, it’s O.K. to eat it.
I first heard about the rule from my then-young children and thought it was just a way of having fun at snack time and lunch. My daughter now tells me that fun was part of it, but they knew they were playing with “germs.”
We’re reminded about germs on food whenever there’s an outbreak of E. coli or salmonella, and whenever we read the labels on packages of uncooked meat. But we don’t have much occasion to think about the everyday practice of retrieving and eating dropped pieces of food.
Microbes are everywhere around us, not just on floors. They thrive in wet kitchen sponges and end up on freshly wiped countertops.
As I write this column, on an airplane, I realize that I have removed a chicken sandwich from its protective plastic sleeve and put it down repeatedly on the sleeve’s outer surface, which was meant to protect the sandwich by blocking microbes. What’s on the outer surface? Without the five-second rule on my mind I wouldn’t have thought to wonder.
I learned from the Clemson study that the true pioneer of five-second research was Jillian Clarke, a high-school intern at the University of Illinois in 2003. Ms. Clarke conducted a survey and found that slightly more than half of the men and 70 percent of the women knew of the five-second rule, and many said they followed it.
She did an experiment by contaminating ceramic tiles with E. coli, placing gummy bears and cookies on the tiles for the statutory five seconds, and then analyzing the foods. They had become contaminated with bacteria.
For performing this first test of the five-second rule, Ms. Clarke was recognized by the Annals of Improbable Research with the 2004 Ig Nobel Prize in public health.
It’s not surprising that food dropped onto bacteria would collect some bacteria. But how many? Does it collect more as the seconds tick by? Enough to make you sick?
Prof. Paul L. Dawson and his colleagues at Clemson have now put some numbers on floor-to-food contamination.
Their bacterium of choice was salmonella; the test surfaces were tile, wood flooring and nylon carpet; and the test foods were slices of bread and bologna.
First the researchers measured how long bacteria could survive on the surfaces. They applied salmonella broth in doses of several million bacteria per square centimeter, a number typical of badly contaminated food.
I had thought that most bacteria were sensitive to drying out, but after 24 hours of exposure to the air, thousands of bacteria per square centimeter had survived on the tile and wood, and tens of thousands on the carpet. Hundreds of salmonella were still alive after 28 days.
Professor Dawson and colleagues then placed test food slices onto salmonella-painted surfaces for varying lengths of time, and counted how many live bacteria were transferred to the food.
On surfaces that had been contaminated eight hours earlier, slices of bologna and bread left for five seconds took up from 150 to 8,000 bacteria. Left for a full minute, slices collected about 10 times more than that from the tile and carpet, though a lower number from the wood.
What do these numbers tell us about the five-second rule? Quick retrieval does mean fewer bacteria, but it’s no guarantee of safety. True, Jillian Clarke found that the number of bacteria on the floor at the University of Illinois was so low it couldn’t be measured, and the Clemson researchers resorted to extremely high contamination levels for their tests. But even if a floor — or a countertop, or wrapper — carried only a thousandth the number of bacteria applied by the researchers, the piece of food would be likely to pick up several bacteria.
The infectious dose, the smallest number of bacteria that can actually cause illness, is as few as 10 for some salmonellas, fewer than 100 for the deadly strain of E. coli.
Of course we can never know for sure how many harmful microbes there are on any surface. But we know enough now to formulate the five-second rule, version 2.0: If you drop a piece of food, pick it up quickly, take five seconds to recall that just a few bacteria can make you sick, then take a few more to think about where you dropped it and whether or not it’s worth eating.
-My kids nearly saw my head explode when I found them playing, instead of getting ready for school. It wasn't pretty.
-Coffee is the best thing in the world to ever come into existence. I need more. Now.
-I ate lunch for breakfast.
-They say it might rain today.
-Farts are funny.
THE PERFECT BIRTHDAY FOR HER.
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and Croissants
Open Presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer!
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22 lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work
on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big , strong arms
HIS PERFECT BIRTHDAY
6:15 Blow Job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked,
buxom Wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow Job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow Job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude
who Also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand Job by naked Elle Macpherson bending
over showing her growler, naturally
6:45 Shit, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet Steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow Job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to Leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
--Click on Maps.
--Click on get Directions.
--From New York,New York
--And read line # 23.
So, yesterday was spent sanitizing EVERYTHING in the bathrooms, bedrooms and kitchen. I am on my 7th load of laundry since yesterday at 1.
This morning Lucas threw up just a smidge. I can't tell if it was just a "burp-barf" or if it's a precursor of what's to come. He says he feels fine... but yesterday Emma kept saying the same thing. SHEESH!
I'm done on this friggin' ride. I wanna get OFF!
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