Daily Dirt

Perfect Birthday Wishes - Men & Women

   Wed, April 25, 2007 - 6:10 PM


THE PERFECT BIRTHDAY FOR HER.

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh-in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and Croissants

Open Presents- expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer!

10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22 lbs

1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer

4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work
on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/ dancers

10:00 Hot shower- alone

10:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, white linen

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big , strong arms





HIS PERFECT BIRTHDAY

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow Job

6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by naked,
buxom Wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en route to the airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow Job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)

11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 Blow Job

12:30 Play back nine (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude
who Also bend over a lot showing their growlers

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs)-on light tackle

5:00 Fly home, massage and hand Job by naked Elle Macpherson bending
over showing her growler, naturally

6:45 Shit, shower and shave

7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated

7:30 Dinner-lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet Steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game

9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 Night-cap blow Job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to Leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep



7 Comments

add a comment
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 6:24 PM
Heeheeheehee- fart.
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 8:26 PM
Growler?!!!

Those are three awfully short blowjobs...
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 10:01 PM
oh shit....
ROFL... so good.
Unsu...
 
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 10:16 PM

very succinct, and since my birthday is coming up, i think i just might use this for an email blast! lmao!
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 10:39 PM
HAH!
Everytime I read the last bit in the men's part I giggle.
Thu, April 26, 2007 - 9:25 AM
What does that make me?
Let's seen my perfect one would be more like...

Take lots of the first one, but change the men to women
Get gadgets instead of jewelry
Add in the blow jobs from the 2nd one
Shower together
Have sex before cuddling
Reverse the big strong arms thing
That's it.
Thu, April 26, 2007 - 12:32 PM
Yeah Aaron, but...
...you are a theater boy. Theater boys are different than sporty dude dudes. We need more Aaron's in this world. It would prevent most of the earth's global warming problems (which I am convinced is from all the methane gas from boy's asses) and the sentiment in this world would improve.