OMG I'm back on Tribes

Sorry I have been away for so long, I've kinda gone from depressed (losing my job and thus my workoholic focus) to extremely happy (by finding a really great guy) in a matter of months. So, while dealing with my real life stuff, I decided to deal with it in a real life way instead of creating interweb-drama; I did some focusing, some relaxation and meditation, and I am all happy and joyous (especially with the boy, he's totally great). Some of you may be meeting him at Faerieworlds, if I can get him to come with Ayamatta, Wylde and I.
But, with such a sabbatical, and refocus, I am SOOOOOOO behind on EVERYTHING. I'm starting to freak out a little. I only have wing frames done for like....30 of the small wings...that's it. And those are the nylon ones.
I haven't started anything else. But I am excited to. With the government funding my projects (yay unemployment) Wyqued Wylde Fai will be sporting not only my nylon creations, but some organza, cellophane, and possibly mullberry wings. I also have some sketches in my book for crowns, which I had several patrons lamenting about last year.
Wyqued Wylde Fai will be sporting a new booth at Faerieworlds. All of us are very excited.
I may, if I can get everything worked out, even be vending at FaerieCon, but I am unsure (even though I have the booth) as I'm starting to get slight cold feet with this very awesome new experience.
We should have our site up and running mid July, which at the very least will have a showcase gallery of the wonderful arts of Wylde, Ayamatta and myself, and should (hopefully) have the ability to buy such pretties after Faerieworlds.
Anywho, for all those who sent me loving messages while I was away, thank you for the kind thoughts and words. I am good and ready to explode with my faerie ideas.
-Emilie

A crisis of belief

Have you ever believed, or said you believed, in something simply because you knew for a fact that what you said you believed in didn’t exist? The reason one would do something like this is because you know that you couldn’t get hurt. So what happens when you are alone on your island of self-righteousness and are met with a force that proves that the thing you thought didn’t exist actually does…
I’m having a crisis in…well, we’ll call it belief… a crisis in belief, and I don’t really know what to do. I’m feeling lost.



As sweat cooled and breaths slowed she watched her fingertips caress his skin. Her wrist is resting on his chest and she can feel his heartbeat; it takes her only a moment to realize that her blood has slowed to match the beat of his heart.
Please don’t take it she whispered. The man did not hear, he was long asleep, but the words weren’t meant for him; they were instead for the glittering eyes that shown in the corner, illuminated by the treacherous moonlight.
My eyes turned from my fingertips to the woman in the corner, pleading. There was no response…not that I expected one.



Last night I had a dream. I was running through the forest at night. The full moon shown so brightly I could see the silver leaves as I darted through the trees. I wore a white gown, it was stripped white and ivory and laced in the back with bright crimson ribbons…a white gown that was suited for occasions more dignified than running through a dark forest at night. When I looked up at the stars, I could see great black birds flying overhead, headed in the direction I was running.
I stopped, my shoeless feet mere inches from a rushing estuary where a river joined an ocean. I sat down on the bank, and as I looked into the water it stopped to utter stillness and I could see my reflection within the dark water. I was a perfect little doll, perfect curly hair, perfect painted red lips, and perfect white face, except for a large crack that ran down the middle of my face. The reflection smiled, and I caressed the surface of the water. The reflection’s hand wrapped slowly around my wrist and it left like a fire that was burning too hot was now slowly cooling until eventually I was numb from cold. The hand pulled me to the water’s surface and I didn’t resist. Pulling, pulling, pulling, so very slowly, until my nose had almost touched the water, when suddenly I was pulled back by my red ribbon laced, and I collided with something solid and hard behind me.
Arms wrapped around my middle preventing me from turning around, and as they wrapped warmth spread from my core to my fingers and toes.
No, he whispered from behind me.
But I’m broken, I said, broken things must return to the sea.
Mine, he said, and he tightened his arms around me, until something shattered and fell to the ground. I looked down to see many pieces of glass, slight fog or smoke rising from each shard.

It was the first night I didn’t drown.

Once there was a girl...

Once there was a girl who gave her heart to the moon.

What am I to do -
When there's so much I want to say,
To think,
To sing,
But all the words,
The thoughts
Get caught in my throat
So I've nothing I can say to you?

I apologize if I have kept to the shadows,
Or turned from your gaze
When you’ve wanted it most,
But I did not wish the sun
To give away my glittering eyes
And show the tears unshed
When you do the sweet things...
The things that make the ice melt
Even a little.

The thing is I've grown attached...
I've become accustomed to the way
You stick your head out the window
When I drive fast.
Or the way you kiss my hand.
Or how you look at me
When you pull me back for one last kiss...

And when I look into your eyes
It's my reflection that stares back...

All in addition to each other
It scares me, because you have
More power than I had meant to give.
I'm unsure what to say when certain words
Choke my throat, wishing to come out
But past wounds have kept them at bay,
So I'm left speechless,
As my heart beats fast,
And my breath draws quickly,
With the knowledge of what I've almost done
A promise made to myself.
I'm frightened that you inspire that.

Promises are made to be broken, so they say.

Once there was a girl who gave her heart to the moon...
What, then, have I to give?

Do not call me writer...

Do not call me writer...
As though it's something I should be proud of.
These words are not some result of passion.
There's no love for this particular art form.
They exists only because they won't leave my head...
Keeping me up at all hours of the night...
Making my brain overstuffed...
If not down on paper they're left to breed and smother me due to their mass.
Words put down on paper so I don't end up drowning.
So call me not a writer,
As though I have some choice.

An Affliction

She stepped into my office, an obvious state of distress and woe. Her eyes met mine for a moment before they cast back down. Her hands were wringing as she took the seat in front of my desk. With an anguishing sigh, she finally looked at me for longer than a moment.
"There seems to be something wrong with me," she whispered.
I furrowed my brow, and responded, "What seems to be troubling you..."
She looked a way for a moment in thought, and said, "I'm not entirely sure, that is why I am here. I seem to be suffering from a number of distressing symptoms."
I took out my pen and started to scratch notes on the ledger in front of me. "Please name them, and describe them to the best of your ability."
"Well," she started, "I seem to have a lack of control of my thoughts."
"Are you hearing voices, madam?"
"Oh, no, nothing like that. I believe it is much more sinister. My thoughts seem to drift to things they ought not, and no matter how I try to change their direction, inevitably the turn to the same object."
"And you have tried not thinking of this object?"
"Oh yes," she said as she nodded her head vigorously. "It seems to make the thoughts drift to the object more."
"Is it an unpleasant object?"
She looked thoughtful. "No, it's quite pleasant, only that it occupies my thoughts constantly. Some time at inappropriate moments when I ought to be thinking of other things."
"What else are you experiencing?"
"Well, when around said object, my stomach starts to turn, and I seem to always be smiling."
"I see."
"Also I seem to seek out the company of said object, even when it might be more appropriate and responsible to be doing other things. I seem to wish this object to think highly of me, as well."
I stopped writing. "Is this object a person, madam?"
"Yes, sir. How did you know?"
I tapped my pen on my recent note, and looked up at her. Her eyes were the picture of agony as she waited for me to respond. "Madam, it seems you are afflicted."
"No," she breathed, taken aback.
"Yes, I am afraid so. You seem to be suffering from a case of infatuation."
"Oh my dear, is it serious?" she asked, as worry creped into her voice.
"Usually no. In most cases it will pass after a time. There are times, however, where the symptoms can get worse, and develop into an emotional attachment to the object of the infatuation."
She shook her head. "Is there nothing I can do?"
"Unfortunately, only time will tell. Worry not, there are no lasting physical ailments, no fatal side effects. You will simply have to be patient."
She nodded, stood, and offered me her hand. "Thank you, sir. You have put my mind at some ease."
I smiled warmly and shook her hand. "Anytime, madam."

Infatuation is a funny thing. It hits kind of suddenly, and without warning. But, I don't mind. It's kind of one of those things that makes you smile all the time, and enjoy someone's company. Either it grows and goes one of two ways: is either reciprocated, or unrequited. Reciprocation is nice, and unrequited makes for some really good writing. Or, it fades, and the time you've spent with the person, hopefully, turns into a really great friendship. Either way it goes, I'm good with...just felt a need to write about something as strange and pleasant as infatuation...

When Life Throws You Lemons

Make Lemonade. That's what my grandmother always told me. She's probably the biggest reason I am as optimistic a person as I am. Sure, I have dark gothy tendencies, but when things get really bad, I always have a way of turning it around.
My lemon? I was fired yesterday from Yahoo!, a company I loved, adored, revered for the last 3 years. It was because I was too outspoken, and wouldn't fall into line. See, I got a new manager two months ago, and instead of going along with the proposed changes from the "new sheriff" in town, I raised my voice. I had questions. I questioned him, and tried to hold him accountable to being my manager. Apparently that was the wrong tactic to take.
So I came home. I cried. A LOT. I cried so much I couldn't open my eyes, and I gave myself a migraine. See, I don’t see crying as a weakness. It can be very cleansing actually. Water is the element of emotion. We use it to cleanse our bodies every day, so it only fits that we sometimes use it to cleanse the soul.
I was pretty numb yesterday. I applied for unemployment (unknown if I will get it) and after explaining to my roommates (who I have been friends with for the last 7 years) they assured me everything was going to be fine, not to worry about it, the house would be taken care of.
I didn’t sleep last night, my mind was way too full with everything. All the shouted outrages from my friends at work, the simply wise words from my friend Adam, telling me everything would be OK. It was at 6am that things changed for me. I started creating my resume, my list of references, job history…I’m not going to let some small minded man who does not like to be challenged make my days dark.
It all comes down to one thing: everything, EVERYTHING in life happens for a reason. There are no accidents, no coincidences. As I was writing my resume, I thought maybe I would like to work for myself. Do something in writing…something different. You can rarely work from home and have it NOT be a scheme, so I went to Yahoo! Answers (just because a manager failed me doesn’t mean that the company did) and learned about a freelance bid type of site. I’ve placed a couple, and we’ll see where it goes in the next few days…but one thing is for sure:

If I had not been fired, I would have never found it. Possibly it could be my calling, working in my pjs, writing as though I know the secrets of the world. It might not. But, I wouldn’t have been fired if there wasn’t something very distinctly waiting for me. Something with my name on it. It’s out there. I just need to follow my instincts.

-Emilie Wyqued

Make Me Sing...

Someday....you'll come back.

I watch as you live your life day to day, running though the same drudge day in and day out. You have no more passion in life, not like you used to. Once, there was such a fire that could not be contained, and I sang as you poured it into me, caressing me, loving me as no other could. I was warmed by your touch, by your love. The heat riveled the jealous sun in its sky, and all the stars swooned.
And then things changed. You left me here, unable to do anything but watch as you destroyed yourself. Do you think I like watching you turn cold? I look in your eyes and I see nothing but a faded dullness. Your spirit is dying, but how can I tell you that? It was only you that gave me my voice. Only you made me sing...no other.
And so banality crushes you. I weep my silent tears, my spirit calling to you in dreams. You hear me, I know you can, and I know you remember the warmth of the love you once felt and washed upon me.

Someday, you'll come back. Someday you will make me sing again. Until that day, I will call to you, in dreams, reminding you so that the world does not destroy your sole completely...

-Rose Red to Emilie....

(Picture of Rose Red, Emilie's violin)

HELP! I need somebody. HELP! Not just anybody. HELP! You know I need someone...HEEEEEEELLP!!

So, with a computer crash, I have lost my entire (I mean ENTIRE) music collection. I had well over 500 artists complete discographies...and my music collection was well over 250GB...I'm pretty pissed. Here are the artists I could think of, or those who have been suggested to me. Browse through them and let me know what I might be missing! I'm at 194 currently. So suggest some stuff to me, even if it doesn't fit with the genres below. There is NOT a type of music that I dislike, and the voices in my head are growing disquiet...


10,000 Maniacs
3 Doors Down
30 Seconds To Mars
A Static Lullaby
AFI
Alanis Morissette
All American Rejects
Angels and Airwaves
Anna Nalick
Apocalyptica
Armin van Buuren
ATB
Attrition
Anúna
Basement Jaxx
Beck
Björk
Black Eyed Peas
Black Tape For A Blue Girl
Blackmore's Night
Blink 182
Blur
Bush
Cabaret Voltaire
Cascada
Christina Aguilera
Clannad
Coldplay
Collide
Conjure One
Corvus Corax
Creed
Dashboard Confessional
David Bowie
Death Cab for Cutie
Depeshe Mode
DHT
Dido
Disturbed
DJ Icey
DJ Tiësto
Dresden Dolls
Drowning Pool
Duran Duran
Edvin Marton
Enigma
Enya
Evanescence
Fall Out Boy
Fatboy Slim
Faun
Ferry Corsten
Finch
Fiona Apple
Flogging Molly
Foo Fighters
Frou Frou
Garmarna
Girls Aloud
Goo Goo Dolls
Good Charlotte
Green Day
Groove Armada
H.I.M
Hawthorne Heights
Hellogoodbye
Hole
Imogen Heap
Jack Off Jill
Jem
Jet
Jewel
Jimmy Eat World
Kan'Nal
Kai Tracid
Kaskade
Kittie
KMFDM
Korn
KT Tunsteil
Lifehouse
Live
Livid Kittens
Loreena McKennitt
Love Spirals Downwards
Lucuna Coil
Madonna
Marilyn Manson
Maroon 5
Massive Attack
Mazzy Star
Mediæval Bæbes
Metallica
Mika
Miranda Sex Garden
Modest Mouse
Morgan and the Hidden Hands
Mudvayne
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Natalie Imbruglia
Natalie Walker
Nikka Costa
Nightwish
Nina Simone
Nine Inch Nails
Nirvana
No Doubt
Nora Jones
Oasis
OneRepublic
Orgy
Ozzy
Panic at the Disco
Paramore
Paul Oakenfold
Paul van Dyk
Placebo
Poe
Portishead
Prodigy
Pussycat Dolls
Rammstein
Rasputina
Rob Zombie
S Club 7
Samantha James
Sarah Brightman
Sarah Mclachlan
Scissor Sisters
Scott Hukabay
Simple Plan
Sixpence None The Richer
Slipknot
Smashing Pumpkins
Sneaker Pimps
Snow Patrol
Soundgarden
Sting
Story of the Year
Subatomicglue
Sublime
Sum 41
Sunlounger
Switchblade Symphony
System of a Down
Taking Back Sunday
Tegan and Sara
Tenacious D
Teneacious D
The Afters
The Bangels
The Beatles
The Birthday Massacre
The Breeders
The Calling
The Chemical Brothers
The Clicks
The Coors
The Cranberries
The Crüxshadows
The Cure
The Distillers
The Hush Sound
The Killers
The Police
The Postal Service
The Pretenders
The Shins
The Smiths
The Sound
The Sundays
The Tiger Lillies
The Used
The Verve
Three Days Grace
Thrice
Thursday
Tori Amos
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
U2
Underworld
Veruca Salt
VNV Nation
Voltaire
Wheezer
Within Temptation
Woodland
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Yellowcard
Zero7
Zeromancer

My Rant On Breeding

So, I have a lot of strange views around kids. Should I ever have kids, I want to be a stay at home mom, do home schooling, be a super involved parent. Another of my views that if I was the Queen of the World I would make having children licensable. You must pass a test proving your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual ability to have a kid. We need licenses to have cats or dogs, it should be so with kids too...keeps the idiots from breeding.
One such story that supports this is the Megan Meier story. Poor Megan, the victim of an immature, irresponsible parent who posed as a boy to mess with her. AND the excuse was..."I wanted to find out why Megan and my daughter were having a dispute."
What parent does this? I mean really? I know I am younger than these parents in this story, however, had MY daughter and Megan had a dispute, *I* would take my daughter, Megan, and Megan's parents, and sit down and talk about what was going on, like a fucking ADULT! What the FUCK is this High School Bull Shit? Have we as a society not graduated from grade school in our mentality, instead using immature means to settle disputes? COME ON people!!!
And people wonder why I want to home school my kids. *shakes head* It's because the whole fucking system is insane!
If you want to know more about Megan's story: www.youtube.com/watch

Fucking unbelievable.
-Emilie

Survey of LOVE!!!

Is REAL love indescribable?
*shrugs* I wouldn't know how to describe love, so I suppose...

Have you ever been in Love?
I have fancied myself to be in love many times, however, I'm pretty sure I wasn't after the fact.

What feelings do you get when you know you love someone?
I wouldn't know. With infatuation it would be the inability to stop thinking about them...wearing a shirt because it smells like them...smiling because you keep thinking of a quirk of theirs...

Ever get sick to your stomach because you love someone so much?
I've gotten sick with worry...

Describe in 3-5 words what your description of Love is?
Everlasting, Unconditional, Boundless, Fairy-tale (only found in books)

Is love sometimes misunderstood for care?
Yes

If you could make someone fall in love with you, who would it be?
I wouldn’t want to make someone fall in love with me. It’s a fear of mine; manipulating feelings like I can…do they feel the way they feel really, or is that because I want them to feel it…

Do you tend to enjoy the game of getting someone to love you back?
No

What age were you when you had your first kiss?
16

Is love worth dying for?
Ask me. I have a funny view about that one…

Is love worth losing everything you currently own?
Stuff is stuff. I make enough money, I can get newer, shiner stuff.

Is love always enough in a relationship?
No, love is never enough in a relationship.

What item you own do you Love the most? Why?
Wow…maybe my 1st Edition of Brian Froud’s Faeries. It was the first book ever given to me, given by my grandmother.

Is the love for your pets same as the love for your family?
Of course! All my pets are like my kids!

A food you love?
Steamed Broccoli

Someone you love for making life so much easier?
*thinks* Hmmm…I can’t think of anyone.

Is black the never ending color of hate?
Um…black’s not a color, dude. It’s the absence of color…

A law you hate?
That gay marriage isn't recognized in most states.

Someone that makes you sick?
Nobody in specific. People who abuse others maybe…

A food you HATE!!?
Turnips

Do you sometimes hate the ones you love the most?
Yes. My mother…

The argument you hated having the most!!?
The last one when I moved out.

Something about life that you hate?
What is your deal with all this hate stuff…don’t you realize that hating takes up SO much energy that you could be using to fuel projects?

A movie you hate?
Troll

A band you wish would just SHUT UP?
*shrugs*

Something a family member gives you on the holidays that you hate?
Fruit Cake

A word you despise?
Nice. I hate the word nice.

Something your bf/gf does that drives you crazy?
New one is too new, the old one was too old, and used to dismiss a lot of what I said because “he was older and wiser” *rolls eyes*

Something a family member does, that drives you crazy?
When my mom won’t put on her “listening ears”

Special Events in your life!!

The happiest moment of your life?
*thinks* I think those kinds of things are reserved for wedding days, or having babies, or something…

The funniest thing that happened to you with your friends?
Oh my GOD…there are too many to list. There was one where I lost my skirt while running, one when I turned into a ninja, one where I hit on myself…there are a lot, we’re a kookie bunch

The nicest thing someone has ever said to you?
“You look like a Botticelli painting…”

A school day that actually went well:: What happened?
I don’t really remember much of school…nothing stands out.

The best date you’ve been on? describe it::
Probably being taken to Belgium…all of it, LMAO
But there have been other memorable dates. Sitting at the very back of the Zoo train watching the lights... Watching a really fucked up movie while cuddled on the couch…

Your best/funnest birthday? What happened?
My surprise birthday, my 25th. It was a Tea Party!!

The best gift someone has ever given you?
Alice in Wonderland Chess Set

Best vacation with family?
We only really took one…the grand canyon, but we never made it there.

Do you get migranes?
On occasion

Do you get acne?
No.

Ever been pregnant when you didn’t want to be?
There have been a couple times I THOUGHT I was, but no.

Have you ever been trapped in an elevator?
Yes…let’s not mention that one

Ever accidentally caught something on fire in your home?
No, all the stuff I catch on fire is purely intentional…*snickers*

Has a pet ever ran away? Did you find them?
Yes, and no…Raurie, you butthead, come home this instant!!

Ever watched a loved one die before your eyes?
Yes, I was there when my grandmother died.

Ever had a parent walk in on you and your someone doing something naughty?
Nope, I always made sure I couldn’t be caught :D

Your most embarrassing moment?
Probably the time I hit on myself

Have you ever fell down the stairs?
Yes. I’ve fallen UP the stairs too.

Ran into a see through door?
Yes, and it actually had a big sign that said “Ouch! This is not a door!”

Slipped on wet floor?
Oh god yes…almost broke my ankle too.

Ever found something disgusting in your fast food?
Yes…let’s not talk about that.

Have you ever been diagnosed with something horrible?
Not HORRIBLE. Scary, but it went away.

Accidentally slipped gas in public?
You mean like fart? Yeah…there’s lots of gas in yoga, LMAO

Best meal you’ve ever made?
Thanksgiving dinner…all by myself.

Best thing you have made for someone?
Tea baskets :D

Best thing you've done for someone?
*shrugs* helped friends where they needed help?

Best action made to help someone?
I don’t know, I don’t really qualify my acts of kindness

Best advice you’ve given someone?
Dump him.

Best advice you’ve received?
Love will find YOU when you stop looking for IT.

Best picture you’ve drawn?
My inner nymph

Best poem you’ve written?
I write lots…I can’t choose

Best essay you’ve written?
“How the Christians Stole Their Religion”

Best time you've ever spent with anyone?
*shrugs*

Best party you’ve ever been to?
Orycon…*shrugs*

Best voicemail message you've had?
I still have a “Merry Christmas” message from Scott on my phone…don’t know why, but it’s really cute :D

Best phone conversation you’ve had?
*shrugs*

Best point you've ever proven?
That boys suck.

Best sport you played?
Don’t really have a best…used to play vollyball

Your best phsyical feature is:?
Wait…I gotta choose? But there are too many…my boobs, my eyes, my lips, my nose, my feet, my hands…

A creative word to describe the color of your eyes is?
Sage

Your hairs description:
Red…dark red…and, well all the shades of red there are. Unnatural of course

What are you most self conscious about on your body?
My stomach and abs *ugh*

What do you like the most about your body?
My eyes.

What animal do you look most like?
I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Tammy, she animorphs people.

What have you been made fun of for?
My hair, actually I was made fun of more for it when it was natural red…

Lets get REAL phsyical!

Would you ever consider sleeping with a celebrity?
Maybe

Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
My extreme hatred for being cheated on (previous two boyfriends) has lead me to never consider cheating…ever

Would you consider a one night stand?
No…you never know what you sign up with those…

Are you straight, gay or bisexual?
Bisexual.

Are you a virgin?
*blinks* Seriously?

If you have had sex, where was the craziest/silliest place you’ve done it?
In a tent? *shrugs* I’m repressed *sigh*

If you’re a virgin where do you want your first time to be?
Not Applicable

Should sex be all about emotion and passion?
Not ALL about…but about 90% :D

Does the person have to love you for you to get in their pants?
I used to think so, but no. They have to show they care though.

Sex only after marriage?
Used to be an advocate for this one…guess who turned me…my mother…actually telling me NOT to do that.

Fantasies/ fetishes/something romantic involving sex you wish for?
Fantasies? *shrugs* Probably just normal stuff, like on the beach or something. However, the “sex in the middle of the night on the street” sounds pretty hot (the bird I stole this quiz from) however, I’d probably chicken out.
Fetishes? Let’s see…bondage with lace or silky ribbons, or soft leather. Cold (ice cubes are fun toys). I think that’s about it. I guess biting and scratching for you vanilla people out there.
Something romantic? *thinks* OH! The rose petal thing, where the bed is covered in rose petals, or OMG! The bath in rose petals…I am a BIG color person.