From the DC Burner Choir production of Broads and Generals:

Drunkin Fuckin Generals
(To the tune of Modern Major General)

Music Arthur Sullivan, Lyrics Spinmeister

Four Civil War generals -- Grant, Lee, Hooker, and Custer -- meet in a West Virginia brothel.

GRANT:
I get a telegram from Abe, I must respond with urgency.
The Union's in a pickle all because of this insurgency.
I’m glad to have the chance to help my land in this emergency
But I am scared 'cause we don’t yet use novocain in surgery.
I found a bunch of guys and raised an infantry and cavalry.
But now we're stranded up here in the hills of West Virginie.
I'm sitting in a brothel and I'm drinking with the enemy.
And all that I can say is please, come here and hold my dick, Jenny.

ALL:
And all that he can say is, "please come here and hold my dick, Jenny."
And all that he can say is, "please come here and hold my dick, Jenny."
And all that he can say is, "please come here and hold my tricky Dick, Jenny."

LEE:
I'll meet you on the field of valor we’ll fight for this nation.
But in this parlor you look paler from inebriation.
I'm the better man in strategy, in drink, and fornication.
I'd raise a glass to kick your ass, but fear regurgitation.
I'll not beat around, while you are round, these ladies are
voluptuous,
And I am here not to drink beer but for reasons lascivious
While you’re known for your little Colt, my long steel is ridiculous.
So stand your ground let’s drink a round to regions more erogenous.

ALL:
So stand your ground let’s drink a round to regions more erogenous.
So stand your ground let’s drink a round to regions more erogenous.
So stand your ground let’s drink a round to regions more erogenogenous.

Hooker and Custer:
If you can’t put it in a tankard we say stick it in your ear.
But we don’t know if we can sing we’re only generals brigadier

All Generals:
In short in matters potable or coital or venereal,
We are the very models of the drunkin’ fuckin’ generals.

All:
In short in matters potable or coital or venereal,
We are the very models of the drunkin’ fuckin’ generals.