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Nyk

offline 63 friends
joined on 04/26/05
last updated 12/13/06
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Psychotic Delusion

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I am a crazy bitch

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The real deal, yo...

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My fellow crackalackas

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keb ICP Properganda

10/05--This shit is cool around you!
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...<>...

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Ah, Jello...

No More Cocoons ~Jello Biafra
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Berkeley graff

People should not fear their government, governments should fear their people. ~V
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Seduction of the Cyber Zombies by Hakim

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**T.A.Z.**

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theez daze...

To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 20
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Such is Life

Everyone bitches about the wastoids, druggies, jailbait, stinkhippy, ungrateful,hillharvesters etc. etc. etc. that chose to spend money/energy/time in our community. We all want to complain about how horrible the freakin' police department is for shooting a crazy lady and a teenager. We want to vilify the Arkleys because their rich, the "hot cup" because it's not the same, Italian restaurants because of bad management, the war because people voted for Bush.
Wake the fuck up people! This community is founded on stinkhippies that were wasted on too many drugs when they moved here. They haven't changed, we have. Our drugs are better,more standardized and because the newer generation grew up on them they think that they are hipper to "more responsible" usage. ANY TIME you involve alcohol or drugs, the community runs the risk of a dangerous situation. Just because individuals feel like they can handle it doesn't make it true. For example, your wasted on whatever crap it is you chose to put into your body to feel like your having a good time is destroyed when someone else is not having such a good time or is out of control. You are then willing to say let's segregate/divide/exclude/not-provide for this profiled type of individual. That is the easy road, always blame it on someone else and create an exclusive environment where you and your friends can have a good time. Who is willing to stay sober and monitor another. Who is willing to stand and educate at the door about boundaries on drunkenness & out-of-control behavior. Who is willing to walk up to a situation knowing that in a few hours it could get ugly and engage the individual in conversation BEFORE it gets to that point. NO ONE/VERY FEW...you know why because it cuts into YOUR party time. So the next time just keep them all out, this is easier...NO GROWTH, NO EDUCATION...just exclusion.

NOBODY outside of her careproviders even knew who the "Eureka women" was or the plight of her medication cycles until a situation arose that ended in violence. If she was walking down the street talking to herself and asked you for help would you have stopped? Would you have listened? What was you stance on the last set of voting regarding free and discounted mental health care and aid with medication prices? Eureka PD failed a citizen in more ways then one, because a solution was in front of them that they chose not to use but have you ever been shot with a candlewatt flare gun that big? The community failed this women and thousands still around our county every day because so many citizens want to talk about community and then when the work comes decide that their lives are too complicated or busy.

And what about poor little Chris and his doting mother. Now he's a household name, the teenage boy that was murdered by EPD. All of its their fault. This kid spent years in institutional life...foster care, counseling, juvenile hall, continuation school. (AND THIS KID WAS SMART!) He was a product of a fucked up, drugged up, family life like I am sure some of you other people had...and you ask yourself how come you didn't turn out that way. Think deep in your heart and you'll more then likely find someone (at least one) person who took time with you and inspired you and changed your life. He was young and still searching and he was REALLY mad at the system and the cards dealt to him and no one could help him. CASAS and BIG BROTHER/BIG SISTER programs are always in need for cases like these...you will never know their names because instead of being shot by EPD they will melt away into the books of jails, institution, and death before you could catch their names. But it is all EPD's fault...maybe we should just exclude them....figure out a way to keep them out of our lives and away from our community events, that way we won't be affected by them and hey if they get shot by the EPD then we have someone else to vililfy.

The Arkleys spent a shitload of money to bring new art and music of a higher caliber here (and compete with the crappy corporate politics of Center Activities and HSU organization) which misuses, misrepresents, and abuses students and staff.

The hot cup is NOT muddy waters...so many of us cried the day that it opened. Tears of joy that the legend that brought us all together as a family was not to be completely torn down and forgotten and tears of sadness for everything we knew we were losing. I don't care what people say, I love you D...in spite of all your faults and maybe because of them. The magic that was MWCC provided my family and bitching for the loss of the physical presence is like complaining about a free steak being overcooked. So much has come and we don't know what is in store next.
and the italian restaurant???well i just don't like that place very much...

AND STOP PLEASE THINKING YOU VOTE FOR YOUR FUCKING PRESIDENT...IT IS CALLED THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE. GET EDUCATED...This use to be the way that senators were elected but one smart motherfucker started something and changed this...so now we do have the power again to vote for our senators. Change the electoral college on a presidential election and only then can you say something about who the fuck is in the White House...and until then vote in all local elections...they decide how much money the high school gets (you want the kids to be less ignorant right?), police monitoring, tax allotments. Here is where you vote counts...so don't mark your calendar for the big ones...remember the small ones...then maybe we can go after big ones. And if you don't vote then it is really time for you to shut the fuck up and not say anything political.

Instead of handing out marked invitations about who is special enough and solid enough to come to an event, throw an event and invite all the people that you know to be a stupid fuck and let's have a night of education. How to be considerate on the dance floor, what is appropriate with a person you don't know, conflict resolution, when too much is too much... Instead of vilifying the police who do a job that you cannot do, attend meetings to budget committees for more training, advocate for First Response teams and specialized units. Instead of judging the people around you that don't do what you want them to do with their money, convince them that your idea can benefit them and the community.

A community is built not just through trust and love...communication, education, support, & sacrifices need to happen as well. So much goes so right in this community! I am constantly surrounded by amazingly talented and beautiful people who are amazing talented and beautiful to each other. Now more then ever is the time to extend that talent and beauty to the ones that need it...the ones you hate to see at your party, the ones you hate to see when walking down the street, and all the other times we all practice exclusivity. Now more then ever we should work towards implementing ideas that revolve around radical inclusiveness. I have already tried to change my own behavior. I hope that you do too.
Sat, November 25, 2006 - 11:29 PM permalink - 3 comments
 
I love my friends...I feel so lucky to have so many talented and beautiful people in my life. (Don't tell no one I said that!)
Sat, November 18, 2006 - 2:09 AM permalink - 5 comments
 
the compelling urge to scream out at everybody that wonders into my field of vision lends credibility to my craziness. If i could just find the right words, the right moment maybe i could change the perspective. to think of the catastrophic waste of thought and our dehabilitating need for status quo. i hate "how are you" and empty hugs hello. our thoughts are no longer precursors for our actions. our actions have become meaningless and no longer individualistic and belonging to ourselves. we are taught to think a certain way, look a certain way, to be a certain way. what is so certain about being? suffocating individualism, stealing it's very breath and do we mourn as our collective spirit is left to die? we are like a herd of animals not understanding the slaughterhouse. we allow ourselves to be molded into these things that believe what we read and be distracted by silly things. passivity is not only normal but reveled. sacred space requires work, sacrifice and immediatism and from it you gain power unimaginable. but this is too much for people. just step forward.
my thoughts daily lacerate my brain and even when i try i can't stop it it makes me want to scream at everything that passes me by not thinking. empty nights of drama ladened happiness is not for me. i need peace. no more empty hugs and hellos for me, i'm too angry.
Mon, November 13, 2006 - 3:53 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
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We are pilgrams

I see a vision of us
your hand in mind
while we walk the moors
of distant England.
We are pilgrims

I see friends, family
waving goodbye
as we board the airplane.
White thule and aftershave
crammed into red and blue
backpacks.
We only bring the essentials
you and I
and only bring memories
in our minds.

Verdant green hills
where rain washes
soil and seeds in endless
erosion and rebirth.

Sipping dark beer on dark nights
our cigarettes leave liquid trails
in the midnight flood.
Dew like liquor coats our skin
rubbing arms in the chill.
Your hand on mine
my hand on your thigh
We sit in silence.
Full with a good meal
and drunk on each other.

We stow our gear at an inn
and explore what the town
has to offer.
And we know that we will laugh
too loud at our own jokes
and sit too close at the bar.
Knees touching on the stools
your shoulder on my chest
my arm over your back
sitting lightly on you waist.

The barman chuckles
to himself at our accents
and our need for each other
and refills our glasses.

Out again into the day
each new smell
meeting our noses for the first time
at the same time.
and the bakeries and butcher shops
seem inviting
as if we have never seen anything
like it before.

I wake each day
as if in a dream
your form to vanish too soon
and I touch your back lightly
so not to wake you.
Face pressed against pillow
mouth pouting in slumber
I know that you
are real enough
for me.

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Limb darkening

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~limb darkening~

righteousness is easy
in the hands of one with no temptations
ease of deliberance in thought
without any fight
the lies one tells themselves
are seen in the morning mirror
reflections can drive a sane one mad.

hanging precariously on a limb
feeling stupid
the positions I put myself within
blinded eyes
tell not of stories and lies
solitude glistens with its simplicity

bitterness my new found friend
comes with hesitance
to think my mind rests here
staples of my life
validation of my breath
hoping for the coming of the fear

four white walls
medicinal to my mind
lack of outside contact
reasoning time
too much input...disruption....no balance

I can feel myself slipping again.

the moisture gathers
on the outside of my glass
so I sip
and I swallow myself again

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The bigger picture for me

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Wash Day

She is penetrated and changed
by her heart
her longing hidden behind
blankets and pillows

Blistering coals have taken the fire
from the lines in her face
smoothing alabaster hardens her skin
taut as a ripcord
free fall from the safety
net of isolation

She has carried darkness
for so long it is not a burden
but a comfort and now hope
seems a menacing spectre
from childhood and streets
eat garbage and need

He comes and is changed
stranger and friend
entering the hallows of her truth
without fear or malice
ecstasy opens folds in her tapestry
golden cords unravel and reweave
her fledgling possibilities

Her fear is outweighed by her curosity
and her body tenses in the inevitable
void that comes next

Pneumatic intensity throbs at the temples
burrowing under walls and passages
unexplored

Release fills a sodden pool
cobalt pond of Eros
softening the tundra of pain
warming bliss

She knows she is she
and he is someone else
meeting by chance and returning
to the air
blood meets skin
as the last of her will melts
dripping into him breaking
the chains of solitude.

 
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