Winter has definitely come to Vermont. I woke this morning- after having finally relented to put my insulating shades down at night- to a thermometer reading 12 degrees. Lifted the shade by my window to see an icy spray against a grey backdrop. My landlord is a psychologist and told me November is her busiest month, as it comes on the heels of the trees losing their vibrant fall foliage and before the landscape transforms into a white, sunny winter wonderland. Our Thanksgiving break started yesterday but I'm staying here for the week, continuing to rehearse my piece for the winter cabaret show and being thankful for the time to get some projects completed. I started this blog a few days ago and chuckled as I left my friend Abby’s house last night after only being there for an hour, to find snow falling on an already established layer and coming down fast and full, unlike the hesitating novelty snowfall we are occasionally blessed with in North Carolina. The first real snow of the season, and I hear there’s much more to come.

It gets dark at 4:30 here…much like Seattle, where I was training this time last year, except significantly colder. Hunting season has begun and the unsettling sight of trucks sitting empty along the country roadways has a some what ominous feel. Being a Southern girl at heart, I know my wuss-like nature towards cold temperatures and this ‘tip of the iceberg’ sensation regarding the severity of the coming winter here is going to test my strength in ways far beyond the rigorous training I’m undertaking. I’ll be building strength in all sorts of ways, it seems.

A few days ago, I got an astrological update from a knowledgeable friend in NC. He had this to say about this last month:

"The astral veil continues to thin long after Halloween's phantasms and pre-election fears have flown. The current lunar cycle began with the Scorpio New Moon on Oct 28 and it concludes on Nov 27 (Thanksgiving). This is called the Phoenix Moon because the Phoenix is the esoteric symbol of Scorpio and now is the time to realize the deeper dimensions of this zodiacal sign.

Last month the world was largely taken apart, this month we begin to put it all back together again. "

On that note, in terms of a phoenix-like burning to ashes as a precursor to rebirth, I had a bit of a rough run of things right around the new moon last month, Oct. 28. Being lunar-inclined, I usually greet that part of the cycle with a welcome feeling of new beginnings and that one started no different. A little ways into that morning of training, though, at the end of a pretty full session of trapeze I was doing a series of pull-overs (swinging up and over the bar to a front balance) and, in one fell swoop, ripped several sizeable chunks of skin off of each hand. INTENSE. While a rip in one’s hand is a pretty common aerial injury, a got consensus from several folks that mine were the worst and most extensive they had ever seen. And these women have seen a lot! I got time-honored circus advice to pee on them before continuing the dressing process…I had never experienced my urine as molten lava before, but I certainly felt hardcore. In a daze of throbbing hands and a realization that *all* my practices would be impacted by the injury- spinning, tumbling and aerial- I went home to ponder.

Later that night I got a call from the man I’d been seeing through the summer, with whom I’d been quite smitten. It wasn’t a clear-cut decision to go to a 9 month circus program with my heart pulling me back towards training in Colorado, but the choice to come here and intensively take my skills to the next level was certainly the right thing to do. He knew it and supported my choice, despite voicing wishes to the contrary and fears that I’d link up with some buff handbalancer once it came time for me to leave. We parted ways looking forward to our next encounter, whenever that might be. Being the generally positive person that I am, I figured (and, yes, hoped) if it was meant to be everything would unfold towards our eventual reuniting once my training was over in the Spring. Without getting too deep into his subsequent increasing lameness and distance (ie: fear and insecurity) over the next couple months, he unceremoniously dumped me that night in a conversation ripe with contradictions, letting me known that there was ‘no future for us together’ and he didn’t want to ‘string me along’ as he has feelings for someone in Portland, where he’ll be for a good part of the winter. Ugh. Glad for the clarity I guess, but still yucky and deflated. It’s not so much my style to vent about such things in a public forum, but my bruised heart told me a little catharsis to my virtual community might help. Yeah, I liked him a lot.

When my hands ripped, I thought my plans to go to NYC for Halloween should definitely be shelved. Later that night when the juggler cut me loose, I decided my plans should definitely go back on. Little did I know, that avoidant approach of running away to provide some emotional balm was to backfire in a series of energetic smackdowns, from a ridiculously exhausting and unfulfilling Halloween night culminating in the loss of my phone to the girl I was staying with bringing home a man to her tiny one room apartment and proceeding to get freaky with him less than 5 feet from my place on the couch while I was trying to feign sleep and process my feelings about *not* having a man. Yeah, puke.

Okay, so this phoenix-like lunar cycle started off kind of rough and fire-y, true to its symbolism, but moving forward and up through the ashes…
I dressed my hands religiously and they were relatively quick to heal- the miracle of the human body! Still haven’t done much trapeze or lyra though, as blisters welled up quickly under the new skin after some bar work last week, so I’m giving them more time to fully heal and working a lot of handstands, flexibility and my new apparatus in the meantime. Focusing as much of my energy as possible on the task of my own personal, physical and professional growth has helped heal my heart too so, moving on up…

Last week things took a definite upturn, as we were told the groups and pieces we’ll be performing for the winter cabaret show Dec. 19 &20. I am cast in a group of three women doing an aerial hammock piece. We’ll each be working on our own apparatus, meaning that the choreography can most likely be used as a solo act later on. This was *great* news, as it means I’ll be basically learning a whole new apparatus and act in a little over a month. It’s intense news for the same reason! The precision needed to place ones feet/legs with the necessary amount of fabric around them for the next move with no adjusting is no small feat. I’m off to the gym now to train, train, train.

In tumbling news, I got my roundoff backhandspring (!!!) and managed a couple punch-fronts (front flips) on the sprung floor as well. Tumbling is one of my favorite classes and my progress is really encouraging.

I posted some pics of my rips (ew!), my circus friends and my ice-covered window in my Flickr account, where I’ll be adding most of the documentation of this time of my life, so as not to overwhelm my tribe page.

www.flickr.com/photos/34091138@N00/

Thanks for reading this far! I tend to be a bit long-winded and enjoy being able to catch folks up on a chunk of time at once…

That this astrological cycle is culminating at Thanksgiving could not be more appropriate. My rough spots are so inconsequential in terms of the greater struggles that folks go through on a daily basis. I know it’s all relative, but certainly feel a bit of self-consciousness at voicing such minor bumps in the road.

I give abundant thanks for my life and the people in it, from whom I learn so much.

And…PM me your contact info if you have a minute! While I was able to retrieve a fair number of older digits from a past phone, this last year’s contacts all vanished.

Much love,
Vivian Spiral