~musings~

URGENT! Please help find Elias Sorokin

spiraldancer — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:10:58 GMT

URGENT!! To my friends in the East Bay/Santa Cruz area...a longtime, close friend of mine has gone missing in Northern California as of Monday, July 20. Please spread the word and keep your eyes/ears open regarding this incident. What follows is a blog posted by my friend Carolyn Mabry... The most recent information on his situation is being posted on a Facebook group page 'Concerned Friends of Elias/Elijah Sorokin' at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Spiral/87724701730#/group.php?gid=109664453538&ref=mf Carolyn's message follows: Our friend Elias Sorokin is missing. We fear foul play. Someone used his check card (the video shows it was not him) and tried to withdraw $4,500 in cash from his account at a bank in Santa Cruz. I am writing to ask you to direct calm, healing energy into this situation. Picture Elias, who has asthma, breathing freely. Picture whoever he may be with feeling calm and safe. Do not direct angry energy at them. Picture calm water without a single ripple. From this space, I also ask you to alert your friends and spread the word that we need both healing energy work and also footwork here in the material world. Here are the details of what we know so far. Elias went up to Northern California for a few meetings and has not returned to LA. He was last seen Monday evening 7/20/09 around 8 pm in Oakland. He sent a text to his friend and business partner Andrea on Monday night at 10 pm saying that he would be arriving back to LA around 4 am, Tuesday morning. He has not been heard from since. We have since learned that someone has tried to cash a falsified check (he carries his check book on him at all times) and tried to use his credit cards near Santa Cruz. Here is a story about what we know so far and it includes a description of his vehicle and the license plate number: www.mercurynews.com/centralc..._12925772 A missing person's report has been filed and the family has hired a private investigator. We are looking for answers and need your help. If you have any information, if you've seen him, anything at all, please email me and I will forward your information on. Please do not mention any suspects or persons of interest by name or online or approach anyone you suspect. We do not want to endanger Elias more or frighten the people who may have him. Please forward any info or leads to me and I will forward them to his family who say that tips to the police are actually overwhelming the police right now. Also, please direct your chi to everyone involved in this situation. Pour love on it. Have hope. Calm, peaceful energy to all. You can also call or email WTVD Chanel 11 and ask them to cover this story. The more calls they get, the more likely they are to act: email: wtvdassignmentdesk@abc.com WTVD phone # 1-800-672-9883 PLEASE CALL Also, here is a poster you can print and post: i250.photobucket.com/albums/...LosA.jpg What follows is a note from Anna, Elias's mother: To any people who may be holding our beloved son Elias: I would like to assure you that we understand that you may have gotten into this situation and do not know how to get out. We have no interest in pursuing any charges against you. We forgive you completely. Please let Elias go free. - We promise, legally declare, not to press any charges or to pursue you for any criminal acts against Elias - You may be in over your heads right now, and you may wish this whole thing had never gotten started, and it can be erased! End it peacefully and quietly as soon as possible Family of Elias

Springtime in Vermont-Circus Training in the home stretch...

spiraldancer — Wed, 13 May 2009 12:13:53 GMT

(I wrote this right before leaving for Hoop Convergence this past weekend...and that experience deserves its own blog, coming soon!) So I guess what I was experiencing before was the fifth season in Vermont...the one that happens when the snow finally disappears from the ground but before anything begins to bloom...the one they call 'mud season'. Seems the mud was infecting my mood and personal relationships...well, no more! Spring has really sprung here and it is just gorgeous. The fresh yellow-green of renewal and new life is everywhere, flowers are blooming, we've even had a couple 80 degree days! This southerner is in pure heaven. This entry is going to be but a bit short as I have my hands gleefully full preparing for Hoop Convergence. I am just beside myself with excitement, as this- the second-annual HC organized by my best girl Julia- has an amazing lineup of teachers for a full retreat weekend of inspiration, growth and celebration. I can't wait! I fly out tomorrow afternoon and have a fair bit to do yet in terms of packing, etc... It isn't the most convenient time to be leaving, as the end of my training program is in 17 days!!! We have three days of shows- 5 shows total- May 22-24. I have 2 acts I am working on and they are both challenging me in new ways. My aerial fabric act is a challenge in the sense that, as fabric is still relatively new to me (I chose it as my 'major' back in February as result of being advised to 'step out of my comfort zone' and get stronger) and I am faced with trying to emote/embody a character while also executing the technical aspects of the apparatus. Fabric is *definitely* out of my comfort zone and has been trying at times...it takes considerable strength, focus and endurance to be able to execute a series of moves- gracefully- within a choreographed piece. My work with it is paying off though...one of my physical goals this year (and one I was quite unsure of being able to actually attain) was a pike climb to the ceiling. After seeing a couple of the women in the program be able to pull this off at the beginning of the year, during our first strength assessment (my first attempt yielded a 2 struggling climbs from the floor), I knew I wanted to be able to do that 'someday'. For those of you who may not be familiar with what a pike climb is, it is basically started from a seated position with the fabric/rope either between your legs with legs straddled (my preferred way) or to the side with your legs piked...then you climb up the fabric using only your arms, holding your legs out- straight- the entire time...and then climbing down. About three weeks ago...I got it!!! I thought it may have been a fluke, but I've gotten it every other time I've tried it since and I'm pretty proud. Other physical goals I've achieved since being here: front and back walkovers, touching my heels in a backbend, touching my head in an elbow stand, touching the floor with my feet in a chest stand, oversplits, back handspring(s), roundoff back handspring, and an ever more solid handstand Back tuck is still on the list...getting there!! I am the strongest and most flexible I've ever been and the feeling of training and increasing my abilities is intoxicating. Also, being around other performers during the choreographic process has been very good for me, as that's been one of the most intimidating aspects of my path as a performer...having not had much formal dance training. I find aerial choreography to be much easier to put together than hoop, as hoops move so quickly. In other milestones, I had my first center-stage aerial gig a couple weekends ago on April 25, doing aerial hoop-lyra- as well as an LED hoop dance act, for The Amazing Bubble Show. It was for an audience of mostly kids, which was super cute and gratifying. My new hoop dance act is challenging me considerably. I have been working on a lot of original material with one of my coaches and it contains lots of ground/tumbling skills that I'm still working to 'get' into my body. Serious pushing of limits and LOTS of practice is going to be required to have this ready for the shows. Once I return from Hoop Con I'll have only 10 days!! Whew! Off to the gym to rehearse. ~Big Love~

Wintertime Performance Mercenary Mode

spiraldancer — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:09:36 GMT

Wowzers...back from the road and right back into the circus flow. I needed the money, to be sure, so getting two relatively last-minute gigs in NC was a welcome and well-timed influx of cash. No small feat though, not at all! I decided to drive down, because I'm crazy like that and gas is cheap again, and left Vermont last Wednesday. Drove 11 hours, ended up with an old friend in Charlottesville and then on to NC the next morn. Thursday night was a living statue gig...painted silver...in heels...for 3 hours. Oh yeah...in a bar that allowed smoking, stationed at the 'smoking lounge'. Certainly not the best gig ever, in fact, perhaps the worst but, money talks. I try to keep in mind that it's still a far cry cooler than what a lot of folks must endure for the almighty dollar, but my left knee hasn't felt quite right since.... Spent the weekend in Charlotte with my good friend Hardin, who had booked me the gigs, and generally made merry with him and his lovely wife between rehearsal and resting. Another gig Saturday, 2 sets of hooping and then finishing the night dressed up like a Hollywood starlet and shimmying all over the dancefloor on Hardin's arm along with a bunch of fun-luvin' and- by that time- pretty well buzzed, 9-5ers. Hardin being dressed as a pompous movie director, as earlier in the night he had been MCing and mingling as Joan Rivers. He's a master character actor and impersonator and constantly amazes me with his range and energy. This gig was much better, though not without it's stresses and tinge of corporate lameness. Left to head back to the Triangle Sunday morn...got to see my Mom and Dad, the most awesome dog EVER, Dante and then off to Carrboro to return Julia's LED hoops and wish her a happy birthday! What a treat to see one of my best friends on her birthday, such a blessing...and the occasion allowed for a bunch of old friends from that area to be around as well, so I got caught up with all sorts of folks and a good time was had by all. Time was so tight and I still didn't see all the folks I was hoping to, but am looking forward to being back in NC for the holidays for the first time in several years. Left later Sunday night than I'd hoped, after considerably more merry-making, and headed back to Virginia that same night. By the time Monday rolled around, I was slow to leave Charlottesville, to say the least. Hit the road I finally did, but didn't get back to Brattleboro till after 3 am...with circus class bright and early the next morn. I awoke with a very small window to get out the door to a blanket of snow to further slow my progress. Slogged through class and learned the choreography for the hammock piece I'll be doing in the show...next weekend! I then dragged my sorry self home, laid down for a 'nap' at 3 pm and slept till 9 pm...then went back to sleep till the next morn, a solid 15 hours. All that solo drivin (and merry-making ;) takes it out of a soul! December feels decidedly intense, as I have a slew of hoop orders to catch up on, a new website to chip away at, a special video project to create for, a winter cabaret performance to shine at next weekend and a general stepping it up in all areas of life. My relationship with Time is changing and demanding more of me with an exacting relentlessness. All part of my Saturn Return, I suppose, which I am right in the middle of. Thing is, all this is mounting upon my shoulders while the training itself is demanding so much of me physically that it's challenging to muster the energy to do all I 'should' be doing. Whew. Trained for almost 4 hours yesterday, had another full day of class and a private lesson today...my body aches-albeit in a good way- and my fingers are all sore at the joints, as the hammock exerts quite a bit of tension. I can't really believe that the Winter show is next weekend, as my kindly server at the Co-op reminded me today. Goodness me! Ballet was cancelled today, as it is icing...sheets of ice on the road and on everything. I was intending to join the gym today with some of the money I earned, as I'm needing a place to do weight training, cardio and sauna but, most importantly, to hoop!!! I haven't had hoop space for too long, it being often way too crowded in the school and, quite frankly, trying to squeeze in among a bunch of non-hooping people and circus apparatus is no fun at all. I was so drained after class today that I came home to rest a bit before heading back out to the gym, but have been warned against being on the road again, as it's already dark and icing up. One more day without hooping ;(. It'll be that much sweeter, I suppose, but it won't come soon enough...I feel disconnected with an important source of nourishment. While I've been doing many other things and learning new skills, the hoop is- like many of you know and relate to- not just a skill, but a spiritual wellspring, release and Source. Too long without it does not bode well...gonna get into that gym, and their mirrored room asap! Lots to do...but wanted to give a shout. Sending love and dreams of warmth to my friends and family everywhere. Thanks to my friend Biscuit for this pic of me doing 'crocodile' handbalancing on the canes...

Riding the Phoenix Wave-Winter in Vermont

spiraldancer — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:16:37 GMT

Winter has definitely come to Vermont. I woke this morning- after having finally relented to put my insulating shades down at night- to a thermometer reading 12 degrees. Lifted the shade by my window to see an icy spray against a grey backdrop. My landlord is a psychologist and told me November is her busiest month, as it comes on the heels of the trees losing their vibrant fall foliage and before the landscape transforms into a white, sunny winter wonderland. Our Thanksgiving break started yesterday but I'm staying here for the week, continuing to rehearse my piece for the winter cabaret show and being thankful for the time to get some projects completed. I started this blog a few days ago and chuckled as I left my friend Abby’s house last night after only being there for an hour, to find snow falling on an already established layer and coming down fast and full, unlike the hesitating novelty snowfall we are occasionally blessed with in North Carolina. The first real snow of the season, and I hear there’s much more to come. It gets dark at 4:30 here…much like Seattle, where I was training this time last year, except significantly colder. Hunting season has begun and the unsettling sight of trucks sitting empty along the country roadways has a some what ominous feel. Being a Southern girl at heart, I know my wuss-like nature towards cold temperatures and this ‘tip of the iceberg’ sensation regarding the severity of the coming winter here is going to test my strength in ways far beyond the rigorous training I’m undertaking. I’ll be building strength in all sorts of ways, it seems. A few days ago, I got an astrological update from a knowledgeable friend in NC. He had this to say about this last month: "The astral veil continues to thin long after Halloween's phantasms and pre-election fears have flown. The current lunar cycle began with the Scorpio New Moon on Oct 28 and it concludes on Nov 27 (Thanksgiving). This is called the Phoenix Moon because the Phoenix is the esoteric symbol of Scorpio and now is the time to realize the deeper dimensions of this zodiacal sign. Last month the world was largely taken apart, this month we begin to put it all back together again. " On that note, in terms of a phoenix-like burning to ashes as a precursor to rebirth, I had a bit of a rough run of things right around the new moon last month, Oct. 28. Being lunar-inclined, I usually greet that part of the cycle with a welcome feeling of new beginnings and that one started no different. A little ways into that morning of training, though, at the end of a pretty full session of trapeze I was doing a series of pull-overs (swinging up and over the bar to a front balance) and, in one fell swoop, ripped several sizeable chunks of skin off of each hand. INTENSE. While a rip in one’s hand is a pretty common aerial injury, a got consensus from several folks that mine were the worst and most extensive they had ever seen. And these women have seen a lot! I got time-honored circus advice to pee on them before continuing the dressing process…I had never experienced my urine as molten lava before, but I certainly felt hardcore. In a daze of throbbing hands and a realization that *all* my practices would be impacted by the injury- spinning, tumbling and aerial- I went home to ponder. Later that night I got a call from the man I’d been seeing through the summer, with whom I’d been quite smitten. It wasn’t a clear-cut decision to go to a 9 month circus program with my heart pulling me back towards training in Colorado, but the choice to come here and intensively take my skills to the next level was certainly the right thing to do. He knew it and supported my choice, despite voicing wishes to the contrary and fears that I’d link up with some buff handbalancer once it came time for me to leave. We parted ways looking forward to our next encounter, whenever that might be. Being the generally positive person that I am, I figured (and, yes, hoped) if it was meant to be everything would unfold towards our eventual reuniting once my training was over in the Spring. Without getting too deep into his subsequent increasing lameness and distance (ie: fear and insecurity) over the next couple months, he unceremoniously dumped me that night in a conversation ripe with contradictions, letting me known that there was ‘no future for us together’ and he didn’t want to ‘string me along’ as he has feelings for someone in Portland, where he’ll be for a good part of the winter. Ugh. Glad for the clarity I guess, but still yucky and deflated. It’s not so much my style to vent about such things in a public forum, but my bruised heart told me a little catharsis to my virtual community might help. Yeah, I liked him a lot. When my hands ripped, I thought my plans to go to NYC for Halloween should definitely be shelved. Later that night when the juggler cut me loose, I decided my plans should definitely go back on. Little did I know, that avoidant approach of running away to provide some emotional balm was to backfire in a series of energetic smackdowns, from a ridiculously exhausting and unfulfilling Halloween night culminating in the loss of my phone to the girl I was staying with bringing home a man to her tiny one room apartment and proceeding to get freaky with him less than 5 feet from my place on the couch while I was trying to feign sleep and process my feelings about *not* having a man. Yeah, puke. Okay, so this phoenix-like lunar cycle started off kind of rough and fire-y, true to its symbolism, but moving forward and up through the ashes… I dressed my hands religiously and they were relatively quick to heal- the miracle of the human body! Still haven’t done much trapeze or lyra though, as blisters welled up quickly under the new skin after some bar work last week, so I’m giving them more time to fully heal and working a lot of handstands, flexibility and my new apparatus in the meantime. Focusing as much of my energy as possible on the task of my own personal, physical and professional growth has helped heal my heart too so, moving on up… Last week things took a definite upturn, as we were told the groups and pieces we’ll be performing for the winter cabaret show Dec. 19 &20. I am cast in a group of three women doing an aerial hammock piece. We’ll each be working on our own apparatus, meaning that the choreography can most likely be used as a solo act later on. This was *great* news, as it means I’ll be basically learning a whole new apparatus and act in a little over a month. It’s intense news for the same reason! The precision needed to place ones feet/legs with the necessary amount of fabric around them for the next move with no adjusting is no small feat. I’m off to the gym now to train, train, train. In tumbling news, I got my roundoff backhandspring (!!!) and managed a couple punch-fronts (front flips) on the sprung floor as well. Tumbling is one of my favorite classes and my progress is really encouraging. I posted some pics of my rips (ew!), my circus friends and my ice-covered window in my Flickr account, where I’ll be adding most of the documentation of this time of my life, so as not to overwhelm my tribe page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/34091138@N00/ Thanks for reading this far! I tend to be a bit long-winded and enjoy being able to catch folks up on a chunk of time at once… That this astrological cycle is culminating at Thanksgiving could not be more appropriate. My rough spots are so inconsequential in terms of the greater struggles that folks go through on a daily basis. I know it’s all relative, but certainly feel a bit of self-consciousness at voicing such minor bumps in the road. I give abundant thanks for my life and the people in it, from whom I learn so much. And…PM me your contact info if you have a minute! While I was able to retrieve a fair number of older digits from a past phone, this last year’s contacts all vanished. Much love, Vivian Spiral

Tumbling Progress Documented!

spiraldancer — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 02:29:06 GMT

Got a longer blog in the works about my last 2 amazing weeks-which have included Wildfire, Shakori Hills and my mother getting remarried- and the incredible beauty of Fall up here, but had another little personal victory in tumbling today that I actually got video of so...here's a short clip of me doing some back handsprings. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxM8dV9pj64 Thanks to my little buddy Biscuit for challenging me to a back-handspring race across the floor today. I hesitated at first, saying I had never done more than 2 in a row, and even that was a *very* recent accomplishment (like last week recent). Nothing like a good natured challenge to break through some mental barriers! Thanks to Nettie for filming, and all my friends their for their jubilant encouragement ;-) I was pretty tired by the end of class, and it shows a bit in the clip, but I was too blissed out by the whole experience not to get some film and post it. Thanks to Nicki for requesting that I take some video of this. Here it is girlie! I am encouraged by the progress I've made in a relatively short time and am tempted to shell out the money for a second tumbling class per week. I'm pretty close to my roundoff backhandspring...Who knows, maybe I'll be posting myself doing a back tuck by the end of the year. Possible! Got my first private in lyra (aerial hoop) yesterday and learned a ton of new stuff...will have to get some video of that soon too! Yay! Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. I'm definitely getting into the flow here, finally, and am stoked to be staying at home this weekend to work on a conditioning and training schedule for myself and start designing some new marketing material. Feels good to be pushing myself and reaching goals already. Bliss, expansion, growth!

in other news of minor victories...

spiraldancer — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:26:12 GMT

Time is short again, as-in an unexpected twist- I have gotten a last-minute ticket to a sold out event, WildFire, which is billed as 'the East Coast's premier spinning and fire arts training camp.' As I scramble to get packed and prepared for heading there (and having hoops to wrap for Shakori Hills in NC the next weekend!) This event is only open to performing artists and has a ton of classes I am really excited to take...excited too to further connect with the regional- and national- performing community. But as busy as I am, I just had to post a quick blog about another movement success through my training... drumroll please.... I did unassisted back handsprings today!! A ton of them! As well as a few mighty fine roundoff backhandsprings with a light spot. To 'get' the backhandspring again on my own (I was able to do them a decade ago as a cheerleader ;-) was one of my goals for this training...the fact that I've reached it in the first three weeks makes me pretty optimistic about gaining other tumbling skills in the coming months. So psyched!! Right before going for it, that Eleanor Roosevelt quote "Do one thing every day that scares you" flashed through my mind. No doubt. Success! Just had to share that...I'm still glowing ;-))))

Hoop Camp AfterGlow

spiraldancer — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:39:21 GMT

Before I got into writing down some of my impressions from what unfolded into a magical- and completely jam-packed- weekend, I spent some time reading the blogs of some of my friends and fellow presenters...Baxter, Ann, Beth, Christabel, Khan...I so appreciate taking in everyone's perspective, as well as the thorough and comprehensive nature of their blogs, as I am already feeling intense time pressure creep in due to the demanding schedule of circus school! Guess that's my way of apologizing for a somewhat shorter entry, but I wanted to post regardless, as I am still buzzing from the experience and feeling very blessed and gratified by what transpired. I will start by saying that I, like most of us, wish it had been longer! I had to get on the road at 3am Thursday night, drive 2.5 hours in the rain to Boston and then fly out of San Jose at 6 am Monday morn. I was fighting exhaustion and a tight schedule for most of the time I was there, so much so that I didn't make it to either of the first 2 hoop jams! I felt like an old lady but, in truth, even this superhero can only go so far ;-) Teaching three times in a row on Saturday after attending three amazing workshops that morning pretty much maxed me out, despite the intense yearning I had to throw down in costume with LED hoops in the field...it just wasn't happening. Workshop-wise, I was totally inspired and challenged by Bunny's material. She is a bright light and lovely personality and the control she has over her abdomen, using yogic-like bandha movement to propel and separate hoops on her core is *incredible*. Her class gave me powerful technical insight into the profound differences between circus style hooping and hoopdance. Much respect! Baxter, Beth and Ann made beautiful and compelling presentations of Hoop Path material to open the weekend. Knowing Beth as long as I have, I knew- even without having connected with her in the weeks before Hoop Camp- she was probably sweating teaching in a huge way, particularly to such a large group of accomplished hoopers. She rocked it, of course, and it was lovely to see her so eloquently put words to what makes her style and approach so Flowing and graceful. Ann's words were powerful and moving and hearing her speak about the influence of myth in her life was deeply potent for me, as I too had been entranced by mythology throughout my youth and wore out some library books on the subject as well, which is probably why- like her- I've always resonated so deeply with Baxter's interweaving of myth in teaching. It was great to see Baxter teach again and be reacquainted with his power as a speaker and leader. He opened and closed the weekend with the style, wit and humor that I've always loved about him. Jewels gave a great presentation and class on hoops in Union...axis, matrix, atom...I know she's been looking for the right word or words to really define the interlocking of twins for some time now and it's been somewhat elusive. I was moved to tears watching her demo, as she is such a beautiful dancer and she and I go *way* back. That was a powerful moment for me and her influence and inspiration in that style of working with twins has been a big part of my movement work this year, for which I have much Gratitude. Stefan's class was fun and challenging...I missed the last part of it at Hoop Convergence earlier this year, so it was nice to get to experience the whole thing and watch an entire group of people try on the role of performer for the rest of the class...and to demonstrate the power of eye contact to the group ;-) I've got to say though, the biggest bummer for me about the weekend was the fact that Sharna Rose and Erin Shredder were scheduled to present at the same time as me! As much as I love and respect all the teachers present, those two were the workshops I was most hoping to take...and, as fate would have it, I was unable to as we were all presenting during the same 3 hour time chunk...I can't imagine what that must have been like for a participant though, high- energy courses they all were, I'm sure! Frankly, I had been sweating my workshop for months and, particularly in the three weeks leading up to it, I was devoting a LOT of energy, thought and, admittedly, worry to it. Despite the fact that I had taught a variation of it at Miss Rosie's Movement Play Campout in July, this had much more pressure inherent in it...90 attendees and many of the best hoopers from all over. Yikes! I mean...Yay! While I teach occasional beginner and intermediate workshops, my focus, particularly in the last couple years, has been performance. The theoretical nature of the subject matter I'd chosen-Rhythm, Form & Flow- is dear to my heart and at the very core of my experience of hoopdance, so finding the right words, exercises and techniques to share- in a 50 minute window- proved challenging. I had so many notes, such an extensive outline...and more than a little anxiety! Like Beth shared in her blog, when the time came to present, I moved into a place of calm assurance and passion about my subject that carried me confidently through each- demo heavy- workshop. Whew! As it turned out, and I should have known, my intro and movement instruction pertaining to particular movement technique ran longer than I'd anticipated, so much so that two entire songs that I'd intended for us all to Flow together didn't get played at all. Instead, in each class, when I got to my last bit of movement instruction- explaining dynamic stalling and sustained spinning, two strong elements of my movement identity- I ended up at Massive Attack's 'What Your Soul Sings', a lyrically powerful and ethereal track that I'd intended to have everyone try spinning to. That song really moves me and, as I was processing a bit of heartache that weekend, the lyrics hit incredibly powerfully...and I began to spin. I hadn't intended it to be a demo, but it turned into one every time as the ending to my workshop...and it was incredibly powerful, humbling and elevating because, every time, my dance brought people in the class to tears...particularly in the second group, you sweet, sweet souls! I was just amazed and awed by the reactions I got to this, and it touched me more deeply than I can properly express. That assured me that people really *felt* me, and the experience I- and so many of us- have in our hoops, and the experience of transcendent Flow that I was seeking to encourage and emphasize through my workshop focus. It's also a feeling you can't really 'get' through a youtube clip...as so many in our community are professed youtube addicts ;-) I was incredibly gratified by the feedback I received and the impression I made..thank you all for being such attentive and heart-open students! The next day was more incredible food and off to Shakti and Ali's forum on hoop business/performance/troupe dynamics. They did a great job holding space and offering advice on subjects that can be tenuous and tedious and it was great to touch on those issues in such a large group of hoop entreprenuers. I was also tickled that they let me read- and then proceeded to share in their other sessions- Dr. Lucky's Performance Tips (see my previous blog). While a bit harsh, a lot of it applies to the hoop world which seems particularly rife with new performers. Gotta say, Shakti has also been a big inspiration for me this past year in both movement and character. Though she was not an official movement presenter at Hoop Camp, I had to give a shout-out, as she has shared isolation tips galore AND she and her fella-the uber talented and delightfully quirky- Rainbow Michael are the creators of the mini-hoops that were a big hit at Hoop Camp and, I'm guessing, will be spreading around the community like wildfire. It was an honor (though a slightly unnerving and intoxicated one;-) to debut the minis in the talent show with her, Jewels and Ali. Fun times! This woman is a big reason why I'm most likely heading to Colorado after circus school. Much love! Christabel's HoopSexy was an interesting challenge for me to stay on the core and out of my 'zone' . I appreciated experiencing her self-assured and energetic teaching style and the visualizations she brought forth. She is electric and empowered. And then there was Anah...she had taught this same workshop at Hoop Convergence, so I knew to a certain extent what to expect. She is a true master and it was a pleasure to be around her and learn from her this weekend. I really appreciated her beginning her class with some words about one's personal hoop style and size. When I decided to move down to a markedly smaller size several years ago and then the others in the Carrboro tribe followed suit...and then folks in the rest of the country, it seemed that the unfortunate result of that trend was the general idea that small=best/advanced/substitute whatever superlative, to the detriment of folks really feeling what might bring out their best experience of Flow. Truly, to Flow in dance with a hoop, most folks do/look/feel better with a larger hoop. At least having the option of using both is a good thing to facilitate learning and releasing a seemingly pervasive sense of pressure to go ever-further down in hoop diameter, to the point that it seems almost ridiculous. I have had several people in the last year express their frustration with working with a too-small hoop and feeling as though they weren't good hoopers as a result...so to hear a Madre such as Anah validate using larger or, simply, truly personal resonance hoops was refreshing. The night before, we had had a 'secret' hoop jam with a lot of the presenters in the schoolhouse (which may have contributed to my not having the energy for the later hoop jam but it was SO worth it) and after I was tuckered out I actually took a moment to sit and watch, which is rare, and got, for me, the performance treat of the weekend as Anah took the floor. I was brought to tears just taking in her Flow, her incredible prowess and mastery of the Dance. Absolutely gorgeous and gifted. OKOK, as soon as I typed 'the' performance treat of the weekend, I had to add...that the jam I finally did make- on Sunday night at the lighthouse- was EPIC. Getting to see Shredder's stage presence in fire hoop performance, followed by Sharna Rose's fire flow was movement candy heaven! OhOh, and, though he wasn't an official presenter, one of my absolute highlights was getting clear instruction from Rich on the isolation breaks he's been channeling this year. Homeboy is skilled, humble and a very patient and eloquent teacher. Thank you so much for taking the time to work with me and others repeatedly to share your skills. Much Gratitude! Thanks also to Heather for making it all come together and making me a part of the weekend, great job! Loved the talent showcase Friday night too! Miss Rosie's cheers were tha bomb and spurred a personal breakthrough for me..thanks girl! Natasha's beatboxing monologue, so many folks mindblowing poetry...we are such a multi-talented bunch! Geez, I knew this wouldn't stay short...I think I'm incapable of brevity, especially when it comes to describing epic levels of hoop bliss and community! Though there were some strong and talented folks that weren't able to be there (Revolva, Nicki, Nayeli) it was a great gathering of souls united in the hoop and I am grateful to have been a part and to contribute. Much Love and thanks to you all...and see you there next year!

Dr. Lucky's Tips fpr Budding Burlesque (and Hoop?) Babes

spiraldancer — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 21:37:13 GMT

So, I'm breaking out of my norm and taking a burlesque class with the fabulous Trixie Little this term and she just sent out this helpful, interesting and eye-opening list of tips from the renowned Dr. Lucky...a burlesque performer and PhD out of NYC. I unashamedly love them, though they may be a bit harsh...and see quite a few parallels to the proliferation of hoop performers and some of what's transpiring in that world. See what you think and take her edge with a grain o salt! Dr. Lucky's Top 10 Tips for Budding Burlesque Babes 1. Respect Your Predecessors Always acknowledge those that have helped pave the path that you now find yourself on. You haven't invented anything. Everything has been done before. Which is both liberating and challenging. The history of burlesque spans over 150 years while the circus arts go back, well, let's just say WAY before that. Which leads me to 2… 2. Do Your Research See shows, read books, watch movies, watch YouTube. Subscribe to listserves dedicated to the scene. Surf the net, watch videos on YouTube, and be a myspace whore. Know the major players in the scene. Your humility will enable you to learn an amazing wealth of knowledge from experienced performers. Which will help you avoid 3… 3. Don't Copy Others Inspiration is one thing. Stealing (or borrowing heavily which is basically stealing) a signature move or concept is another. No one owns the fan dance at this point but you should avoid copying something you've seen before (which, if you haven't seen anything, see point 2). And if you are recreating a classic, simply attribute the original as inspiration. Dirty Martini makes it very clear that certain numbers are inspired by her predecessors (see point 1). She acknowledges these as "tributes" (and the person who originated the idea) and always inserts her own "original idea." Make sure you are making an original contribution and not simply copying. Which leads me to 4… 4. Don't Use the Stripper CD ("Striptease Classics") Many pick this CD up to start and everyone is tired of hearing the same f*cking songs over and over again. One suggestion, borrowed from Julie Atlas Muz' advice to my students at NYU in the past (see point 3), is to pick a song you love. A song that you can listen to over and over (and over) again. Simple as that. Of course, you may use the stripper CD if you are making fun of it. In which case, if you are making fun of it, anything goes! Burlesque is, after all, largely (though not wholly) about parody. Which segues, quite nicely, I do say so myself, into 5… 5. Avoid Cliché Archetypes There's a fine line between cliché and clever. As a general rule, if you can buy the concept of your act from a plastic bag at Target during Halloween (i.e. kitty cat, naughty nurse, dirty school girl/teacher, angel, devil, housewife) you may either want to consider: 1) coming up with another archetype or 2) work the hell out of it in an unexpected way or make fun of it (see tip 4). Most burlesque numbers use archetypes of some type but after seeing 6 housewife numbers in a night, the audience may grow tired. Even if you do 2 (i.e., work the fuck out of it/make fun of it [in which case anything goes]), you will still want to avoid, at all costs, 6… 6. Your Underwear is Not A Costume I cannot stress this enough. This is not a Victoria Secret runway or a Pussycat Dolls Show. If you want to do a sexy strip down to your panties, stay at home. Clothes in your closet, no matter how fabulous, are not enough for the stage and require bejeweling, bedazzling, and general whoring out. Which as a concept and a lifestyle cannot be separated from 7… 7. Do Not be Pedestrian People are paying to see you perform. Entertain them at all times and at all costs. From the moment you walk into a space until the moment you leave, you are performing a personae. No one wants to hear about your shitty day job or how early you have to get up in the morning (unless, of course, you're going on tour or flying to Paris). Which, once you've mastered, is inextricably linked to 8… 8. Build Your Character You does not equal Your Stage Personae. Make up stories. Invent origins, biographies, performance history. Pretend you are way more fabulous than you are. Eventually, you'll start to believe it and so will others. But be aware that you do not forget rule 9… 9. Being Fabulous Does Not Mean Being a Diva: Make It Work Turn mistakes into new choreography; no one will know something wasn't planned unless you tell them. Throwing tantrums backstage, complaining about the sound or space or [fill in the blank] is annoying. Fellow performers are your allies. Save the catty crap for close friends. Do not talk shit or complain. Commiserating is one thing; making an entire show about you, you, you! is another. Which leads me to the 10th but not final tip… 10. Practice. Practice. Practice. You will probably suck for awhile and until you become a veteran performer, you may be able to pull it off despite your greenness by practicing. Maybe sometimes you will get lucky but practicing is an even better strategy. That means practicing with music, full costume, and choreography from beginning to end until you are ready to puke or are really, really bored. Control props and costumes; don't let them control you. Which leads me to the three final basics of all performance which, though they may be dreadfully obvious, are worth restating: 1) have fun; 2) be in the moment; and 3) smile! Oh, and one more bonus tip for those ready to take on the word of our savior, our Lady Luck, the Patron Saint of Glamour, MORE = MORE and LESS =LESS. Once you recognize the power of those simple but provocative equations, excess and glamour will rule your life. Amen. www.lukki.com

Week Two: Sore and Inspired!

spiraldancer — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 20:10:32 GMT

The end of week two…settling into this place, reveling in the soreness of my body. We’ve been doing lots of rigorous conditioning and I can already see and feel it in my body. I’ve been running 5 of the last 6 days and it’s the first time in about a decade that I’ve done so. Hence, for the last 4 days, my legs-quads and Achilles- have been so incredibly sore that walking up and down stairs and bending down to sit have taken on a new delicacy. But it hurts so good! For some time now I’d been feeling as though my years of practicing hoops had focused disproportionately on my upper body-core and arms- and neglected my lower half. So it feels great to run and push myself in that way. We have a beautiful, non-asphalt trail through the woods and around a cemetery and I’m trying to take as much advantage of it as I can before the cold weather renders it unusable. Other fun news on the physical plane…breakthroughs already! I’ve been a yoga practitioner for 7 years and have practiced scorpion-like positions in yoga for some time now- either in elbow balance or in full locust (which in contortion is called a chest stand)- and had always been barely able to see a sliver of my toes above my head. After a couple days of observing and mimicking some of our star contortionist Kevin’s back stretches, I pushed into a chest stand and went for it…kicking myself in the forehead with the ball of my foot! Then, feeling encouraged and also pondering the degree to which my fear of back injury ha psychologically held me back from going further into the stretch, I went into chest stand again and touched the toes of both feet on the ground in front of me. Huge! What a rush! Since then I’ve been even more avidly stretching and voraciously reading any and all contortion info I can find online. I was unprepared with my camera for these first, fun personal victories, but I am so getting a picture of this…I was amazed with myself and it felt incredibly good to accomplish at only a week and a half into the program. I envision and intend to be able to press up into handstand from chest-stand and see myself finally being able to develop the contact-juggling contortion-influenced act I’ve been envisioning for some years now. Lots of diligent practice and training will be needed, of course, and I have no illusions about it being easy…just excitement about it being possible! I’m bonding with my fellow classmates and enjoying the ease of being in this lovely small town. I’ve had some great adventures this year in big, beautiful cities, but it is such a comforting feeling of lightness to once again be in a place where you don’t have to lock the doors of your house or car or have your life dictated by rush hour traffic. Definitely still feeling the pressure of having to hustle some performance work to be able to keep up with bills, but with Hoop Camp coming up next weekend, my main focus is preparing for that. Looking forward to connecting with the greater hoop community and the breakthroughs and development inherent in such an event. Love to y’all!

West to East...Transition to Vermont, part 1

spiraldancer — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:20:35 GMT

So, I’m here. Vermont. Circus school. It’s been a heck of a transition on the heels of a very rambling, fast-paced year, and my level of exhaustion when I arrived- with a little over an hour till my orientation meeting- definitely had me feeling weak through the first week of classes. My entry here felt as though I came running full-force into a whole new life which awaited me promptly at the finish line of an asphalt marathon fueled by caffeine, gasoline, grace, and good music. Basically, by the skin of my teeth and with the help of some very attentive guardian angels.Although I washed the van clean in Denver, everything in her was still covered in playa dust to an almost comical degree. Unpacking that load didn't even happen for two days, as I dragged through the first day of class and collapsed into 12 hours of sleep. Getting my period just in time for strength testing, loads of conditioning and a series of humbling, humbling, humbling physical experiences wreaked more than a little havoc with my internal state, but thankfully that’s easing up and perspective is returning. Though I think crying my eyes out all morning while reading a copy of Paulo Cohelo’s ‘Eleven Minutes’ cover to cover was my thorough emotional penance for this month’s Pisces full moon. Goodness, talk about catharsis! But it was heavenly to be in a chill, private spot and take the time to read a book and-further-to be able to openly process feelings alone in a safe place. It’s been too long a while since I’ve been able to do that… I’ve been here a little under a week and-with the full class schedule and catching up on a lot of missed sleep- I *just* got my bags unpacked and my room situated yesterday. It was a powerfully relaxing feeling to take my things out of all the bags they’ve been living in for the last year! Indescribable comfort and grounding descended on me as I spread out into a living space, putting things in their place, and really began inhabiting a place again. This spot came through at the last moment as I was driving here and is really affordable (gratitude!). It’s on the end of a beautiful big home in the country with a nice woman and her two teenage children. My own room! I don’t know how I’ve been without one for over a year. I love to create my living spaces as works of art and am very pleased at how I’ve set up my place, and in the opportunity to let my creativity be expressed in that way again. It’s a nice size space, very 5th chakra in color; perfectly harmonizing with my path at the moment, and all the blue and green fabric and adornments I’ve collected over the years ;). There’s enough room to do yoga and practice sphere and hoop (well, ninja-style hoop awareness exercises anyway). Having my power objects and reminders of Divinity and sentimentality everywhere is an incredible comfort and creates a necessary foundation from which to grow over the course of what is going to be a rigorous and fruitful course of study. Once I got it all set up yesterday I had a great practice session of contact sphere that had me appreciating the thick dark blue carpet (though the rest of the house is lovely pine floors)…and then spent a good chunk of time as I drifted off to sleep wishing my friends could come visit the lovely place I’m in and sensing how far away my people are from me right now. Good thing there are new wonderful people coming into my life and much, much work on my plate… Turns out, Vermont is pretty gorgeous. I had never been here before and, upon driving into the state, noticed their tagline is ‘The Green Mountain State’. It’s accurate, for sure. Brattleboro is the first exit over the state line and is a lovely town surrounded by low, lush mountains, criss-crossed by rivers and streams, and chock full of friendly artists, families and circus folk. This is bucolic beauty at it’s finest…surreal almost. The leaves are barely beginning to turn and I hear the fall here is epic. I’ll be sure to document! That’s all for now…much more to come, as I am now grounded, with a desk, an internet connection, a digital camera, and an exciting new phase of life ahead. First picture installment is here, the view out my front window, to the left of my own little stone front porch. A sweet tree swing, an Obama sign, a beautiful barn (of which there are many here) and yes, green mountains. To the left of this is a dirt road that winds up into the woods, following a stream. Pretty sweet…home sweet home for now. I am blessed.

Wisdom from Coelho, while I hone my words...

spiraldancer — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:54:47 GMT

From Paulo Coelho's "Warrior of the Light" When somebody wants something, the whole Universe conspires in their favor. The Warrior of the Light knows this. For this reason, he takes great care with his thoughts. Hidden beneath a whole series of good intentions lie feelings that no one dares confess to himself: vengeance, self-destruction, guilt, fear of winning, a macabre joy at other people's tragedies. The Universe does not judge; it conspires in favor of what we want. That is why the Warrior has the courage to look into the dark places of his soul in order to ensure that he is not asking for the wrong things. And he is always very careful about what he thinks. (from page 102) The Warrior of the Light is now waking from his dream. He thinks; "I do not know how to deal with this light that is making me grow." The light, however, does not disappear. The Warrior thinks; "Changes must be made that I do not feel like making." The light remains, because "feel" is a word full of traps. Then the eyes and the heart of the Warrior begin to grow accustomed to the light. It no longer frightens him and he finally accepts his own Legend, even if this means running risks. The Warrior has been asleep for a long time. It is only natural that he should wake up very gradually. (from page 85) These passages hit particularly close to home for me right now. I am in the midst of writing a more personal blog about where I'm at in my life and what I'm hoping to achieve. That one has me somewhat stumped in regards to how to proceed, so I'm going to sleep on it and post tomorrow. In the meantime, I figured I'd pass along some of what I gained from this book..not the fantastically sweet, profound prose of "The Alchemist", but inspiring and uplifting nonetheless. Love to y'all

Artist Abuse

spiraldancer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:36:45 GMT

This came to me in a random tribe surf this morning as little nuggets of inspiration and wisdom often do. It prompted me to make virtual friendship with Cynthia in SF who posted it. Thanks girlie! Wanted to spread this far and wide to my fellow performing artist friends...cuz I believe in this, because it needs to be out there and discussed, and because it directly affects and benefits those of us who adhere to this and raise the income and standards for everyone. Gotta say though, I am a little mixed on my feelings about the whole 'student performer' thing that is discussed a little ways into this. My personal jury is still out on that, as I do feel that inexperienced performance of an art form may in fact damage it's viability/value in the eyes of potential clients...not meaning to dis, just part of my thinking on it. Would love to hear y'alls thoughts...Read on. ****** This is brilliant, and applicable to the performance art industry as well. PLEASE READ IT if you are a performer, party promotor, or aspiring to be either. And just in case you don't get this from the article, here's a paraphrase: It is not worth risking my life on stilts at your party full of drunk people spilling their drinks on the slippery floor and the costume I spent countless hours creating for free entry and a couple of drink tickets. And for those of you who think it is, stilters (and other performers) or party hosts, you're idiots. I don't care if you're just starting out or not. If you're stilting (or flying or doing acro), you're risking your life. No matter what you perform you are providing something that only someone with your hard earned skill and talent can provide. If you're throwing a party, you have a budget for entertainment. PERIOD. ---- This came from here: sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/com...945.html Every day, there are more and more Craigs List posts seeking “artists” for everything from auto graphics to comic books to corporate logo designs. More people are finding themselves in need of some form of illustrative service. But what they’re NOT doing, unfortunately, is realizing how rare someone with these particular talents can be. To those who are “seeking artists”, let me ask you; How many people do you know, personally, with the talent and skill to perform the services you need? A dozen? Five? One? …none? More than likely, you don’t know any. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be posting on craigslist to find them. And this is not really a surprise. In this country, there are almost twice as many neurosurgeons as there are professional illustrators. There are eleven times as many certified mechanics. There are SEVENTY times as many people in the IT field. So, given that they are less rare, and therefore less in demand, would it make sense to ask your mechanic to work on your car for free? Would you look him in the eye, with a straight face, and tell him that his compensation would be the ability to have his work shown to others as you drive down the street? Would you offer a neurosurgeon the “opportunity” to add your name to his resume as payment for removing that pesky tumor? (Maybe you could offer him “a few bucks” for “materials”. What a deal!) Would you be able to seriously even CONSIDER offering your web hosting service the chance to have people see their work, by viewing your website, as their payment for hosting you? If you answered “yes” to ANY of the above, you’re obviously insane. If you answered “no”, then kudos to you for living in the real world. But then tell me… why would you think it is okay to live out the same, delusional, ridiculous fantasy when seeking someone whose abilities are even less in supply than these folks? Graphic artists, illustrators, painters, etc., are skilled tradesmen. As such, to consider them as, or deal with them as, anything less than professionals fully deserving of your respect is both insulting and a bad reflection on you as a sane, reasonable person. In short, it makes you look like a twit. A few things you need to know; 1. It is not a “great opportunity” for an artist to have his work seen on your car/’zine/website/bedroom wall, etc. It IS a “great opportunity” for YOU to have their work there. 2. It is not clever to seek a “student” or “beginner” in an attempt to get work for free. It’s ignorant and insulting. They may be “students”, but that does not mean they don’t deserve to be paid for their hard work. You were a “student” once, too. Would you have taken that job at McDonalds with no pay, because you were learning essential job skills for the real world? Yes, your proposition it JUST as stupid. 3. The chance to have their name on something that is going to be seen by other people, whether it’s one or one million, is NOT a valid enticement. Neither is the right to add that work to their “portfolio”. They get to do those things ANYWAY, after being paid as they should. It’s not compensation. It’s their right, and it’s a given. 4. Stop thinking that you’re giving them some great chance to work. Once they skip over your silly ad, as they should, the next ad is usually for someone who lives in the real world, and as such, will pay them. There are far more jobs needing these skills than there are people who possess these skills. 5. Students DO need “experience”. But they do NOT need to get it by giving their work away. In fact, this does not even offer them the experience they need. Anyone who will not/can not pay them is obviously the type of person or business they should be ashamed to have on their resume anyway. Do you think professional contractors list the “experience” they got while nailing down a loose step at their grandmother’s house when they were seventeen? If you your company or gig was worth listing as desired experience, it would be able to pay for the services it received. The only experience they will get doing free work for you is a lesson learned in what kinds of scrubs they should not lower themselves to deal with. 6. (This one is FOR the artists out there, please pay attention.) Some will ask you to “submit work for consideration”. They may even be posing as some sort of “contest”. These are almost always scams. They will take the work submitted by many artists seeking to win the “contest”, or be “chosen” for the gig, and find what they like most. They will then usually have someone who works for them, or someone who works incredibly cheap because they have no originality or talent of their own, reproduce that same work, or even just make slight modifications to it, and claim it as their own. You will NOT be paid, you will NOT win the contest. The only people who win, here, are the underhanded folks who run these ads. This is speculative, or “spec”, work. It’s risky at best, and a complete scam at worst. I urge you to avoid it, completely. For more information on this subject, please visit www.no-spec.com. So to artists/designers/illustrators looking for work, do everyone a favor, ESPECIALLY yourselves, and avoid people who do not intend to pay you. Whether they are “spec” gigs, or just some guy who wants a free mural on his living room walls. They need you. You do NOT need them. And for those who are looking for someone to do work for free… please wake up and join the real world. The only thing you’re accomplishing is to insult those with the skills you need. Get a clue.

Excitment, Hesitiation, Decision, Elation! Acceptance into NECCA

spiraldancer — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:08:13 GMT

More specifically, the New England Center for Circus Arts Pre-Professional Training Program. http://necenterforcircusarts.org/ Just found out yesterday (on the new moon, no less) that I've been accepted to the program, which starts soon after Burning Man- Sept.8 and runs through May 24 in Brattleboro, Vermont. Lots of questions swirling around the brain (what else is new?;-). Completely elated to immerse in training and, at last, devote myself to the study of aerial arts and acrobatics, as well as further developing hoopdance routines and focusing more fully on performing as my passion and direction. Of course, the excitement of it all is tempered by the reality of the $5000 price tag, plus lodging and living expenses, plus health insurance...all in an area where I have not been cultivating work. I'm hip to manifestation philosophy, positive thinking and all, but it's still big... Whew! Thoughts?

Gypsy Wanderings part One: my Birthday, SF, SXSW, the Vulcan, Spinagogue, Los Angeles, Agent Red

spiraldancer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:31:13 GMT

So much awesome to catch up on! This is going to be a bit of a doozy, but at the encouragement of my supportive friends, I'm gonna give some long-awaited updates. I am truly so blessed. As unsettling as my recent (well, actually 10 months worth of!) ungroundedness has been at times, I have a relatively incredible amount of freedom and adventure and want to honor that with gratitude, shout-outs and the telling of tales. Also, must offer a general apology to any and all of my friends that have reached out to me of late that I haven’t gotten back to. This has been a wild stint of gypsy life with not much time in front of the computer and- when I have gotten chances- it has most often been in a noisy coffeeshop where my concentration is tested (which is, incidentally, where I am right now: in Ojai, California where I’m being hosted by the gracious and lovely Meghan the Cat). So there's my apology, excuse and disclaimer. I love you all and wish my communications didn’t suffer so much in the face of my wandering search for where to plant myself and general inspirational seed sowing. So, the start of the month- 3 months ago! I originally started writing these paragraphs about March at the beginning of April and only got a few sentences before having to move on again. Deep breath, and here goes… Arriving in SF appropriately on Leap day, 2/29 right before my birthday- March 1st, turning 29 and right smack in the middle of my Saturn Return (you read that right Bunny :)- and diving into the amazingly rich and inspiring circus scene of San Francisco. Thai birthday dinner with Mike, Boe and Shredder of Vau de Vire and a feeling of elation at finally being there with the intention to relocate and live. A week of celebration, seeing Mutaytor for the first time (loving seeing Karis and KJ hoop in the flesh), feeling out the city, including being a part of the opening of my friend Angela’s new yoga studio, Practice SF. So proud of her for taking that on, she is extremely professional and focused, great inspiration. It’s unfortunate that I felt quite taxed energetically throughout my recent time in Cali and couldn’t really devote much energy to much else other than keeping myself afloat. But was able to help her out with her website a little, and that felt good… Without going into too much detail, shortly into my stay I felt a dissonance with the living space I’d been looking forward to inhabiting. It’s been a while since I’ve lived with other folks, and I don’t think I was savvy enough to ask the right questions in assessing synchronicity. While my Vulcan roomies were/are awesome folks, it didn’t take long for me to surmise that I was more sensitive to certain things than they. I was also personally challenged by not having a vehicle while attempting to give a go at living at the Vulcan…a spot I’m still attracted to and would love to give another try if/when I try living in the Bay area again. Coming from the east coast, car-driven lifestyle, to being in a spot where it’s not okay to walk from the BART to its locale after dark (and in March it was still getting dark pretty early) and usually carrying a couple bags, hoops, etc, making my way back there from the city often seemed too draining. Most of March was spent on kind friend’s couches, often falling asleep in my clothes, with very little constancy of routine. The dear Boenobo was, and is, a huge support and help to me and I cannot thank him enough. His couch-abundant, colorful klown palace on Dolores sheltered me for many nights. It was on his couch that I got a message right at the new moon in March about an amazing opportunity…a friend of mine, formerly with Cirque du Soleil, had asked me a couple weeks before- during the frenzy of preparation to leave (following an amazingly well-received performance I gave at the annual Tribeca Ball in NYC, a fundraiser for Andy Warhol’s New York Academy of Art) to send on my resume for a show he was putting together. Turns out the show was going to be a year-long contract at a resort in Eilat, Israel. I was being asked to be a performer, help create the show, and live in a resort there for a year! My head was awash with questions and excitement, what an opportunity! But, at the same time, what a time and place to be asked to commit to this. And they wanted an answer from me soon, to leave the country by mid-April to start the year contract, premiering the show in June! While this seemed crazy tight to me, and the money they were offering was not great, I was still quite interested…despite Israel being a sensitive place to be at during these crazy times. I had a fair bit of back and forth with the contact, got help from my more experienced performer friends about relevant questions to ask, and waited…and waited…and waited. I kept hearing that ‘her boss’ still didn’t have the answers to my questions, and by the time I sent a note saying that I had obligations (ie: Hoop Convergence and Shakori Hills) in April I didn’t hear back from her at all. Gotta admit, I was pretty close to accepting the assignment, even though it felt like it was coming at a time when a lot of the seeds I’ve been sowing in the States might be coming to fruition. Flattered that my Cirque friend thought of me…still wondering what transpired with that. So….Mid-March…surfing the waves of SF on Boe’s couch and Angela yogi’s memory foam…and the wonderful Gooferman klowns have a gig coming up at the SXSW festival in Austin. I’ve been wanting to check out this festival for a while…didn’t have anything super-pressing on my plate (other than the usual ever-present pressing of a one-woman operation) and at the last moment they consented to bring this chick along. So…Boenobo, Vegas, Unkle Funky, Tom (I love you Tom!) and myself pile into a van with all their gear and my costumes and hoops and head out from SF on a whopping 35+ hour each-way journey to the Enchanted Forest in Austin, TX. Reminded me of my days on Phish tour circa summer 1999 with 5 guys and a wolf dog in a minivan…but without the copious amount of LSD ;-). Epic road trip and an intimate look into the personal dynamics of the Goofer-posse. We arrived in Austin to be put up at Porn’s palace. Yes, Porn…can’t even remember what the guy’s real name is, but he and his wife were super cool, fantastically hospitable Burner types with a *very* plush pad and a couple of hip teenage sons. A great place to land. Then onto the Enchanted Forest for Art Outside. Seemed, honestly, a bit dinkier and much less populated than I had imagined and I was starting to realize I hadn’t asked the right questions in terms of actual numbers regarding exposure (which is a large part of why I came along for free). That said, once darkness fell, the place transformed, people spilled in, and the other circus freaks came out. The forest is lit beautifully and there’s a HUGE discoball right at the edge of the main stage that is turned manually throughout the night by various volunteers, casting wobbly millions of colorful lights through the trees…disco Ewok style. Ran into the wonderful Lucian who was super supportive energetically and resource-wise- thank you for letting me borrow your ride, and for your warmth and encouragement! Also ran into the amazing Sage of Sangre del Sol. I had met her several years ago at the LEAF festival outside Asheville, NC. She is an incredible fire dancer, well known in that community, and I had introduced her to my fire hoop design, made her a hoop and taught her some moves. She came upon me in the forest while I was warming up and about flipped her shit…’You’ve gotten so GOOD, you look so DIFFERENT…’It was really awesome to reconnect with her and hear her assessment about my development. She performed fire later that night at my request and I was so honored. Sage is a powerfully inspirational performer and dancer. As the web is woven though, perhaps the most amazing thing about SXSW was meeting the fabulous Agent Red- a member of Lucent Dossier who had stayed on at the forest after they had been there performing a couple weeks before. She ended up joining Gooferman for a lyra set at the end of their show. I have been practicing lyra and was totally intrigued by this long-legged beauty that held hidden strength in her lanky limbs. She rocked it! The next day we crossed paths and struck up conversation. Within what seemed like minutes we were swapping yoga/balancing moves, playing on her lyra, and generally hitting it off like peas and carrots. A little ways into our connecting, she asked if I had a video on youtube of myself performing at Burning Man Center Camp. Yup, it’s one of my most viewed. Turns out, several months before Dream- one of Lucent’s founders- had sent around that video to their crew to see if anyone knew me. They figured out I was in NC and decided it wasn’t going to transpire that I join them and let it go. And here I was in front of her, talking about wanting to be in Cali. She asked when I was planning on being in LA next- which I had already planned on the next week after returning west- and it was decided that I would come hang with her to feel things out further. I did, we hung, I got to visit the DoLab/Lucent rehearsal space- a magical warehouse buzzing with creativity and filled to the brim with sets and amazing costumes- and generally had a grand old time…but nothing was set in terms of collaborating. Shortly after that I headed back to SF for a short stint at the Vulcan before heading home. This time included the incredible Spinagogue event, which blew my mind, filled my notebook and heart with much inspiration, and which- like everything in this post- I've been meaning to blog about for some time. The Vulcan Crew put this event on and it was jam-packed with classes in spinning/flow arts. I took classes in contact juggling, poi and staff and should have taken even more. Kati’s dance/choreography class blew my mind, scared the shit out of me and was, of course,*great* and exactly what I needed. Much gratitude to her and to everyone…Noel, Greg, Krissy, Eileen, Jordan, Elias…so many amazing spinners and teachers. So many new friends- Lara, Aubrey, Jesus, David Clay and many more...It was a really special time that I was so blessed to be a part of. Loved seeing the show that the Vulcan Crew has been putting together as well. Very impressive. They have been putting these events on intermittently and if you get a chance to catch one- for the weekend or for just a class here or there- you definitely should. This crew has tons of knowledge and skill to share and are all very adept teachers. I have yet to fully integrate all I took in…especially since I left town almost immediately afterward to head back to NC for a chock-full April- including Hoop Convergence, Shakori Hills and leading into performing at the Kentucky Derby with Groovehoops and friends…which will have to be blogged about later and with equal amounts of enthusiasm and gratitude. So, while the gypsy life has me a bit run down energetically and financially at times, I am SO blessed to have the rich variety of experience and abundance of gracious friends, teachers, inspirations and hosts. Thank you everyone who has been there to support me, in person and through this amazing interweb medium. An update on April and May is forthcoming…but I felt moved to catch up on some of the awesome that has led to where I am now…staying in Ojai for a bit with Meghan to Cat- who I reconnected with at the Kentucky Derby and exploring the connection with Lucent Dossier that was born out of the trip to Austin and meeting Agent Red… The spider as a symbol has been coming up a lot of me..the interweaving of experience, connections and friendships very powerful. Thank you for reading this far...I hope this might further encourage folks to follow their heart and dreams...That's the intention anyway. Love to you all, Vivian Spiral

The Wounded Healer

spiraldancer — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:49:16 GMT

This theme is of note to me right now and, as the long blog update of my recent travels and adventures stretches out to length, I decided t post this in the meantime. It's long, yes, but powerful. Came from this site, which is a new gem on the internetz for me... Love to y'all~ Spiral http://realitysandwich.com/wounded_healer The Wounded Healer Paul Levy One of the deeper, underlying archetypal patterns which is being constellated in the human psyche that is playing itself out collectively on the world stage is the archetype of the “wounded healer.” To quote Kerenyi, a colleague of Jung who elucidated this archetype, the wounded healer refers psychologically to the capacity “to be at home in the darkness of suffering and there to find germs of light and recovery with which, as though by enchantment, to bring forth Asclepius, the sunlike healer.” The archetype of the wounded healer reveals to us that it is only by being willing to face, consciously experience and go through our wound do we receive its blessing. To go through our wound is to embrace, assent, and say “yes” to the mysteriously painful new place in ourselves where the wound is leading us. Going through our wound, we can allow ourselves to be re-created by the wound. Our wound is not a static entity, but rather a continually unfolding dynamic process that manifests, reveals and incarnates itself through us, which is to say that our wound is teaching us something about ourselves. Going through our wound means realizing we will never again be the same when we get to the other side of this initiatory process. Going through our wound is a genuine death experience, as our old self “dies” in the process, while a new, more expansive and empowered part of ourselves is potentially born. Going through and embracing our wound as a part of ourselves is radically different than circumnavigating and going around (avoiding), or getting stuck in and endlessly, obsessively recreating (being taken over by) our wound. The event of our wounding is simultaneously catalyzing a deeper (potential) healing process which requires our active engagement, thus “wedding” us to a deeper level of our being. Jung’s closest colleague, Marie Louise Von Franz, said “the wounded healer is the archetype of the Self [our wholeness, the God within]…and is at the bottom of all genuine healing procedures.” An encounter with something greater than our limited ego, what Jung calls the Self, is always a wounding experience for the ego. This is symbolically represented when the mythic Jacob, after making it to daybreak in his fight with the angel of God (who was clearly the more powerful of the two), becomes wounded on the hip by the angel’s touch. The event of our wounding is initiatory, as our wounding originated in and potentially introduces us to “something greater than ourselves.” At the same time that something greater than ourselves wounds us, something greater than ourselves enters us as a result of our wounding, setting in motion a deeper dynamic of psychic re-organization and potential transformation. In the myth, the angel then changes Jacob’s name to “Israel,” “he who has wrestled with God,” which symbolizes that Jacob’s identity has been changed in the process of his encounter with the numinosum. Our wounding is a “numinous” event, in that its source is transpersonal and archetypal, which is to say that our wound is the very way by which the divine is making contact with us. The origin of both our wounding and the healing that precipitates out of our wound comes from beyond ourselves, as it is beyond our own personal contrivance. Our wounding activates a deeper, transpersonal process of potential healing and illumination that we could not have initiated by ourselves. It should be noted that Jacob was wrestling with the angel in the first place because he would have been killed otherwise. The more powerful archetypal forces that wound us and become activated in us through our wounding literally challenge us to the core of our being to connect with, become intimately acquainted with, and step into more empowered aspects of ourselves, or else. Talking about his own personal experience of living out this deeper, archetypal pattern, Jung said “I would wrestle with the dark angel until he dislocated my hip. For he is also the light and the blue sky which he withholds from me.” The dark angel who wounds us is at the same time the Luciferian agent who is the bringer of the light. There is a secret tie between the powers that wound us by seemingly obstructing our true nature and the very true nature that they appear to be obstructing. Through our wound we become introduced to the realization that we are participating and playing a role in what Jung calls “a divine drama of incarnation,” in which we step out of identifying ourselves in a personal way that is separate from others, and we step into, as if stepping into new clothes that are custom tailored just for us, a “novel” role which requires a more all-embracing and expansive identity. We realize we are all sharing in and playing roles for each other in a deeper, mythic, archetypal process that is revealing itself to us as it acts itself out through us. We find ourselves instruments being moved by a greater, invisible hand, as if something vast, with more volume than our previously imagined selves is incarnating through us. To recognize this is to have a more open-ended and expansive sense of who we think we are, and who we imagine others are in relation to us. The wound is not only a personal experience, but rather, it is a doorway, a hyper-dimensional portal into the transpersonal/archetypal realm, which is a higher order (in terms of freedom) of our being. The wounded healer only becomes able to heal and help others (which is to simultaneously be healing and helping him/herself again and again in the form of seeming “others”), when instead of being resentful, bitter and feeling victimized by their wound, he or she recognizes their wound as a numinous event, an archetypal moment that seeks to make them participants in a divine, eternal happening. Our Wound Is the Wound Just like a dream, the situation in our outer world is reflecting back to us what is happening deep inside of us. There is a nonlocal correlation between the violence that we see playing out in the outside world and the wound that we feel inside of ourselves. This is a holographic universe in the sense that, just like a hologram, every minute part of the universe – such as ourselves – contains, reflects and expresses the whole. The microcosm and the macrocosm are mirrored reflections of each other, as if they are different dimensional, fractal-like iterations of the same underlying dynamic. What we are suffering from individually within ourselves is the doorway through which we can more deeply relate to and become engaged with the suffering in the outer world in a way that helps alleviate both the suffering in the outer world as well as within ourselves. There is a transformative and healing effect when we recognize how our individual suffering is a personalized reflection or instantiation of the collective suffering that pervades the entire field of consciousness. Our personal wound is, in condensed and crystallized form, the footprint and signature of the collective wound in which we all share and participate. It is liberating and healing to step out of pathologizing ourselves and re-contextualize our personal conflicts, problems and wounds as part of a wider transpersonal pattern enfolded throughout the global field of human experience. The outer, personalized guise of our wound is the particularized form in which the underlying, eternal mythological motif incarnates itself in linear time and makes itself felt in our personal life. We are like psychic organs who individually “process” the unresolved, unconscious shadow and wound in the collective field. We are each simultaneously reflecting, creating and affected by what is happening in the very universe in which we are embedded and of which we are an expression. It is important to note that this is not a linear, one-way process, but is circular and reciprocally co-arising. The unconscious in the greater body politic of the seemingly outer world affects us, stimulating a resonant unconscious energy within ourselves, while at the same time, our unconscious is contributing to and being nonlocally expressed by events in the seemingly outer world in a mutually reinforcing feedback loop. The point is that we begin to see the true nature of the situation we are in when we recognize that, just like a dream, there is a synchronistic co-respondence and fundamental inseparability between what is going on within our psyche and what is happening in the seemingly outer world, as if they are mirrored reflex-ions of each other. This recognition of what has always been the case is itself the very expansion of consciousness which is required – make that demanded – for us to be effective transformative, bodhisattvic agents of positive change in our world. To realize that each one of us is uncannily embodying and acting out in our personal process (with all of our problems, symptoms, relationship conflicts, traumas, etc) what is at the same time playing out in the outside world is to step out of identifying ourselves as isolated, discrete entities who are separate from the universe. Contrary to being “alien” to this universe, we find ourselves intimate expressions of it. It should be noted, however, that the way to this realization is not through by-passing the personal dimension of our experience and artificially identifying with the mythic/archetypal level in a contrived and fabricated way, but rather by entering the mythic/archetypal dimension by fully incarnating, in a full-bodied way, our personal process in our life. The deeper, mythic/archetypal dimension “clothes” itself in our personal process, which is to say that our personal process is the doorway which introduces us to the deeper archetypal dimension of our being. In this expansion of consciousness, we step out of interpreting our experience personally and reductively, based solely on cause and effect and the past, and step into experiencing the myth-like, time-less dimension of our situation. Interpreting our experience through a personal and reductive lens is an expression of a naïve, un-initiated, and ego-centered consciousness that knows no psychic center other than its own. Being linear and time-bound, it is a limited viewpoint that can only lead to depression, despair, resignation, disillusionment and meaningless and hopeless suffering, as our soul feels seemingly destroyed in the process. When we expand our consciousness and interpret our experience transpersonally however, we step out of linear time into synchronic time, a dimension of our being in which the past, our wound, the world and ourselves do not literally, concretely, and objectively exist in and over time in the way we had previously imagined. Realizing the impermanence and fluidity of our situation, we do not have to make our wound “real” and grant it an unwarranted solidity or invest it with an apparently substantial, independent existence. We can awaken to the fact that the situation we find ourselves in is malleable, is fundamentally characterized by open-ended potentiality, and is infinitely and effortlessly creative if we simply allow it to be. Talking about this moment of recognizing that our wound is the (archetypal) wound, to quote Jung, is to see that our “suffering is archetypal and collective, it can be taken as a sign that [we are] no longer suffering from [ourselves], but rather from the spirit of the age.” Jung continues that we are suffering from an “impersonal cause, from [our] collective unconscious which [we have] in common with all [humanity]” [words in brackets have been changed from singular, masculine to gender neutral]. If we are able to channel and creatively express the spirit of the age from which we are suffering with consciousness, however, we become the “medium” through which the spirit of the age reveals itself to us so as to potentially transform itself, the world around us, as well as ourselves. As wounded healers, we become transformed when we recognize that our wound is completely personal and uniquely our own, while simultaneously being a universal, impersonal process in which everyone is participating. It is this shared felt sense that deeply connects us with each other. This is the paradox: An experience of our wholeness, what Jung calls the Self, is both personal and archetypal/transpersonal (beyond the personal) at the same time. To experience this contradiction consciously is itself the expansion of consciousness which initiates a transformation in ourselves, and by extension, the world around us. This is to paradoxically step into being a genuinely autonomous, independent being while at the same time realizing our interconnectedness, interdependence, unity and ultimate inseparability from the world and each other. The energetic expression of this realization is compassion. The fact that what is playing out in the world theater is not separate from, but is intimately correlated to, and an expression of what is happening inside of ourselves, is significant in that it is revealing to us that a way of gaining more traction in effectively dealing with the pervasive destructiveness that is happening in the outside world is by becoming intimately acquainted with what it constellates inside of us. The unconscious, mad, violent, destructive, evil, wounded and wounding energies in the outer world nonlocally reflect and activate, trigger and express themselves in similar, resonant processes within ourselves. The dynamic unfolding in the outer world “translates” itself through the organ of our psyche, thereby giving shape and form to our subjective experience of our wound, our world and ourselves. Our wound introduces and connects us with the transpersonal dimension of our being, whose realization, amazingly enough, initiates the transformation and potential healing of our wound. Simultaneously containing both the pathology and its own medicine, our wound is a higher-dimensional event which has manifested in the flat-land of our third dimensional life. Symbolically encoded in the wound, uniquely tailored to our exact sensibility and aesthetic, is both the seeming “problem” and its own re-solution co-joined in a state of open-ended and boundless, indwelling potentiality. Our wound is a genuine quantum phenomenon: Will it destroy us or wake us up? Is it a wave or a particle? Answer: it depends upon how we dream it. Our wound is not separate from the psyche that is experiencing it. This means that the way we interpret our wound, the meaning we place on it, and the story we tell ourselves about it, and thereby ourselves, has an actual effect on how our wound, ourselves, and by extension the world manifests in this very moment. Our Wound Is Initiatory Through our wound we become introduced to the part of ourselves that is not wounded, just like we would never notice the mirror if it were not for its reflections. The reflections are indistinguishable from the mirror while simultaneously “not” being the mirror. Paradoxically, the reflections in the mirror reveal what is not a reflection. Similarly, our wound reveals to us the part of ourselves that is free of our wound. The reflections in the mirror help us recognize the underlying mirror which embraces, contains, and is fundamentally unaffected by whatever it reflects. Our wound doesn’t affect our mirror-like nature, just like a mirage of water in the desert doesn’t make the grains of sand wet. We won’t notice the underlying mirror, however, if we become entranced by, fixated on, absorbed into and identified with the reflections. The reflections in the mirror are the inseparable, indivisible, unmediated expression of the mirror, as we never have reflections without a mirror, or a mirror without reflections. Similarly, the wound is, in disguised form, a manifestation of the part of us that is not wounded. Until we became wounded, however, we were unaware of the part of ourselves that is invulnerable to being wounded, as we were unconsciously identical with this part of ourselves, which is to say we were not relating to it as an object of our knowledge, i.e., it wasn’t conscious. From the dreaming point of view – where the inner process of the dreamer plays itself out in the seemingly outer theater of the dream so as to become conscious of itself - the deeper part of ourselves dreamed up our wound so as to make us conscious of the part of ourselves that is transcendent to the wound – i.e., “healed.” The wound itself is the very instrument through which our intrinsic wholeness prior to our wounding becomes consciously realized in time - the present moment - the only “place” where our wholeness can be realized. To realize this is to have an expansion of consciousness, in which the opposites such as being wounded and not being wounded lose their previous sense of distinctive meaning relative to each other. Of course, on the relative level of reality, being wounded is different than not being wounded. To expand our consciousness, however, is to be introduced to the absolute level of reality, a state which simultaneously includes the relative, and yet embraces and transcends it in a higher synthesis. It is only our conceptual mind which “thinks” of the opposites as being separate. To recognize the relativity, and hence, identity of the opposites is to realize what Jung calls the “Self” (which he described as a union of opposites). One of the deeper meanings of the Buddhist word “nirvana” is to be free from the opposites. In alchemy, the philosophers stone is found and the “gold” (which is none other than an expansion of consciousness) is made when the “greater conjunctio” is accomplished, which is when the opposites are united. To recognize the union of opposites is to connect with and remember our intrinsic wholeness, which is the ultimate healing, as we become “one piece” with ourselves (and can create “one peace” with one another). This is, “as though by enchantment, to bring forth Asclepius, the sunlike healer,” who symbolizes the healing power and hidden theophany latent in the wound that is invoked by the light of consciousness. When enough of us recognize the healing that our wound is revealing to us, the healing aspect of our wound becomes constellated collectively, writ large on the world stage. As a wounded healer, we are continually deepening the healing of the disassociation in our world. Healing our internal disassociation from ourselves nonlocally impacts and is correspondingly reflected back by the seemingly outer world, as we re-associate with each other (the powers-that-be’s worst nightmare), remembering who we are with regards to both ourselves and one another. We can co-operatively help each other to step out of a hierarchical universe based on fear, power and separation, and step into our deeper, co-equal identities as wounded healers and spiritual friends who ultimately depend, can count upon, and care about one another. We are interdependent parts of a greater, all-embracing whole and holy being. Realizing our interconnectedness, we can collaboratively put our lucidity together, becoming empowered agents of healing in the world. It could not be more crystal clear that it is only through an expansion of consciousness that we will be able to transform our world crisis. Maybe all that is needed in this moment is for any one of us to wake up, as all the great enlightened teachers throughout the ages have said that when any one person wakes up and realizes the union of the opposites within their own selves, the entire universe wakes up with them. From this deeper, more expansive point of view, our wound, instead of obstructing our wholeness, is actually an expression of it, as without our wound we wouldn’t have been introduced to the part of us that is free, healed, whole, liberated and awake. Our true nature can never be obscured, just as the clouds in the sky seemingly obscure the sun, but from the sun’s point of view, it is always radiantly shining, even on the cloudiest of days.

Last Minute Road Trip- SXSW Festival in Austin, TX!

spiraldancer — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 22:19:50 GMT

Ok, this is a seriously rushed entry... But I couldn't resist posting... I have managed o get myself swept up with a vanfull of Kowns headed from SF to the SXSW Festival in Austin. We are off to play the Enchanted Forest at Art Outside. I'm stoked Come see us tonight, I am performing with Gooferman round 10pm ish in the Enchanted Forest and will be roaming performing tomorrow throughout ;-) More soon!

Hoop Convergence- April 11-16, 2008

spiraldancer — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:25:01 GMT

Hoop Convergence www.hoopconvergence.com I will be teaching/demo-ing and performing at this event- the first of it's kind- and I am looking SO forward to it. Jewels and I will be co-teaching workshops on Sustained Spinning and Twin Hooping. This will be magical and I encourage all those that can, to coem and experience this immersion and deepening of all things hoop! Jewels has done such an amazing job organzing this in a short time and it will be fabulous. Please check out the site and join us in Carrboro, NC for Hoop Convergence! This event leads right into the lovely Shakori Hills Grassroots fest, that I have worksed as a hooper 7 times over the last 5 years. It is a very sweet and hoop-full festival, info for that cane be found at www.shakorihills.org The mission of the Hoop Convergence is to bring hoopers from communities nationwide together to present their experience in a variety of areas including hoop crafting, movement techniques, performance, costuming, healing and therapeutic applications, teaching techniques, community building projects and social outreach to a wider circle of individuals passionate about the Hoop Movement. We believe this convergence will be both educational and inspiring for individuals seeking to: -deepen their hoop practice -learn a variety of movement techniques and approaches -cultivate flow through practice and dialogue with the circle -enhance teaching curriculums for a variety of settings -organize and promote community hoop events -develop social outreach projects -weave a web of relationships among hoop dancers -polish performance skills -sustain a hoop profession -refine crafting skills -learn about and ritualize the art of fire dance -explore the mind-body-spirit connection through this revolving practice -envision a revolution of peaceful, spiraling joy -experience bliss -assist with the organization of future convergences -reflect on the evolution of hooping as a fun exercise, artform, spiritual practice and social movement -inspire others through the sharing of your unique dance, voice and perspective This Hoop Convergence will take place over six days in Carrboro, NC. Please plan to arrive on Friday, April 11 or early April 12 as classes begin late Saturday morning. There will be workshops, jams, forums for facilitated discussions, craft sessions and fire circles. As we are located in NC, an area rich with experienced hoopers, hooping communities and resources, we will utilize the skills of several talented NC teachers, performers and crafters. We will also host several National teachers who are traveling to offer some of their unique contributions to the hoop community. There will be a $350 charge for 5 days of events. (Sat, April 12 – Wed, April 16) There will be a $250 charge for 3 days of events. (Consider a long weekend: Sat, April 12 – 14.) Day and individual class prices to be released dependent upon space availability. Look for threads on class descriptions, lodging, travel and local information on the website www.hoopconvergence.com To save your spot, send $100 deposit to Hoop Convergence through www.paypal.com. Send Money to hoopconvergence@gmail.com. In the notes section, please include what days you intend to attend so we can keep track of space availability. Our intention is to keep this first gathering intimate, so space is limited. We look forward to converging with you in April. With Love and Flow, Spiral

Out of the frying pan...and into the Vulcan

spiraldancer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:00:50 GMT

So, this post is long overdue and has been brewing- intensely- for weeks (months?) now. I have been doing a great job of thinking myself into a quivering mess of emotion and doubt...seeing every option, possibility, fault, difficulty, blah, blah, etc. I'm internally more than a bit fried form all this pondering but am 'going for it' nonetheless... The start of this year had been pretty rocky. Deciding to go ahead and move out of the space I've been sharing with my fella for the last year+ was heavy, the result being uprooted and between spaces, doing tons of driving between NC and VA, going through things I've been accumulating in my father's garage since 2000, and feeling like my life is the most scattered, fragmented, chaotic it's ever been and that everything is in a thousand boxes, bags and pieces. Not having a 'space' of my own to ground down and create is pushing me to the breaking point as I try to juggle everything I have going on AND trying to figure things out. Which hasn't really turned out to be very possible, go figure. I've been wanting to move out to Cali for *years* now. For different reasons/relationships I've put that off for the last couple years (only to have both situations dissolve/destruct/disappoint resulting in me getting down on myself for putting energy towards others rather than just following that still, small voice). Thing is, I've been making my living as a hoop artist these last 4+ years and, as intense as that has been, even out east here where costs are lower, moving west- while SO incredibly appealing in terms of creative energy, neo-circus scene, learning aerial arts, collaborations, etc- is also INCREDIBLY intimidating in terms of manifesting cash flow and- inevitably- getting my first 'real' job in 5 years to make ends meet. I spend so much time on my hoop work that I can hardly imagine picking up shifts doing something else. Training and developing my art is what I am called to do and while I know that much of this is going to be enhanced in a major way by immersing in the richness of community in the Bay Area, I am, in short and despite the amazing friends I have out there already, a little terrified. Of course, there's also the fact that SF is practically 'hoop central' in terms of people doing it professionally; performing, teaching, etc. Yes, I have my own style and approach, but the 'competition' aspect is on my mind (and oft brought up by folks out here that want me to stay and remind me that I'm the 'big fish' out here). But the little fish in a big pond is where she grows even bigger, right? So, through the kind help of contact-juggling maestro Greg Maldonado, I found a place in a quirky, talent-filled warehouse space in Oakland called the Vulcan. It's quite magical and very creatively charged. The space I'm moving to is large enough to have several people spinning and tall enough to hang some aerial apparatus (which I am over the moon about). There are three other housemates who all seem quite sweet and down to earth, and have been very gracious in terms of keeping a space for me while I get my ducks in a row here, although I really don't know them at all (admittedly one of the fear-factors). Yes, it's in Oakland but, as such, is within my price range with the bonus of practice space. I am so grateful for this opportunity and for this space receiving me, truly, but have let fear creep in too... I have been all over the place about this, as I have so much to get re-organized/structured in terms of my business AND have the poor planning going on of having to come back out to NC in April for the Hoop Convergence and Grassroots festival. Is this the right time to make a move west? But if not now, when? Even if I find a job in March, I wouldn't be able to 'train' (shudders) and get started till after I return from NC at the end of April. Gah! I am between cars now and was planning on getting one to drive out this week with my things and make a go at this...the fact that I'm coming right back put that off till my return trip (something I hacked out a solution to last week). Have a feeling I'll end up somewhat bi-coastal anyway, as I have cultivated so much out east (and have to remind myself that it'll still be there if I need it...deep breath) So, now, the temporary solution is to fly out for the month of March and deal with being car-less...I perform at a gala for my friend/agent on the 28th, leave for Oakland bright and early on the 29th, perform at my friend Angela's opening party for her new yoga studio that night... and then celebrate my birthday on Saturday, March 1 in San Francisco! So many doubts, fears, questions...I'm all hip to the positive thinking/manifesting ideology and do believe that, but have been overwhelmed by the nuts and bolts of survival and moving to the degree that my creative visualization abilities have been quite hampered of late. Even this post seems almost as scattered as my whirling thoughts. I have so much to do to get ready to leave...lots more driving, shifting, packing, organizing...it's making my head spin just thinking about it, but felt moved to post this, as folks have been asking about my potential move and I have been so mired in moving tasks and tumultuous thoughts that I had yet to honor this truly amazing possibility of long-awaited relocation. So, it's official, I'll be moving into the Vulcan March 1, on my birthday, dipping my toe into the scary, exciting, wondrous possibilities of life in the Bay area. I can't wait to connect further and more fully with my ever-growing network of amazing friends out there. Fears and all...here I come!

On a Technical note...

spiraldancer — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:34:41 GMT

My apologies for any communication that has suffered on my end! I have been really bogged down with moving and have laptop issues right now as my power supply is *still* en route from where I left it in SF (no fun). So, I hope to be more online soon, but in the meantime, please have patience with me my friends...it's Mercury Retrograde! Much love Spiral

Move-meant

spiraldancer — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 15:25:53 GMT

Sunday...the past pulling at my heartstrings, causing me to drag my feet. These last couple weeks have flown by in a strange sort of way. Transition of a huge nature looming large before me, doubt and fear mingle with excitement. Sun streaming into the window by my desk, illuminating my prism crystals and filling my citrine with golden light. I feel the edges of my chrysalis expanding, cracks will let the light through soon. Leaving where I've been this last year...and who I've been. Big things in 2008, but these nuts and bolts of moving needing to be dealt with first...NOW. Set myself a deadline today...to get my first load of things down to NC in time for the hoop jam Jewels is hosting in Carrboro tonight. I can do it, and the reward for today will be spilling my energy into a communal hoop jam, something that has happened precious few times this year, unfortunately. I am so grateful to this community, for the friendships cultivated all over the earth through this electronic medium, for the words of support and advice from so many warm, like-minded souls. Feel as though 2008 is just about to begin for me...it's about Time. Namaste

The Hoopies: Happiness+ Apprehension= Mixed Feelings

spiraldancer — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 18:21:25 GMT

The Hoopies...took me by surprise. I too (as Revolva expressed in a thread recently) don't check hooping.org all that much, and when I did a last week and saw the contest and nominees I had a series of conflicting feelings. I was and am, of course, flattered to be nominated. I guess, though, that what I've perceived as the lack of outright competition in this hoop community was shaken by this. I have always enjoyed when an old-schooler (as in a baby-boomer or later that remembers the first wave of hoops) who remembers lots of hoop contests from back in the day asks me if I've won any competitions...I smile and say, "No, we don't really do that with these hoops". So I guess this isn't outright competition (kidding myself?) but it is making me a tad uncomfortable. Along with being tickled at being nominated, I was also surprised at some of the nominees versus some prominent names I felt were missing (Revolva, Kandice, Sass, etc) and wondered about the strategy/networking going on. As has been expressed, it is almost more about how big your network/mailing list might be in terms of who 'wins' what. Such is life in the internetz, I suppose. Some of the names/videos I was even more surprised to have never heard of, as I consider myself fairly current with the hoop community...although admittedly increasingly too busy to delve too deeply into tribe, esp. the straight Hooping tribe where eager newbies gather and share their excitement. The Videos list really threw me, as several were totally foreign. I was stoked to be on the Videos list, however, because the demo video of mine that was nominated was a HUGE project for me. I posted a comment to hooping.org this morning, though, as it is incorrectly labeled (as is my location...as if I could be pinned down! Seattle is so last month ;-) as being a collaborative effort with myself and my friend Jim McGuire. While Jim did set up the camera on a tripod at his studio and let me experiment with hooping in silhouette, the editing process was fully taken on by me, with some much appreciated assistance from my honey Christian who had some knowledge of Adobe Premiere that saved me from excessive delving into the help manuals. It was my first foray into editing video and, as such, took considerable time. I am proud of the result an of the skills I learned in that process. It was those skills that allowed me, on the fly, to throw together a 3 minute clip for Home of Poi's annual Circles of Light Compilation. I got it mailed off just in time and was selected with- what is to my knowledge- the first (strictly) fire hooping video they've included. In fact, this year seems to be the first year that fire hoopers have appeared at all (it is typically poi & staff, but, c'mon Circles of Light?), so I was honored to be chosen. Interesting that my girl Jewels and I are both nominated in this category, as we started our fire hoop 'careers' at the same time, when I crafted us each fire hoops to burn for Julia's 30th birthday back in Dec. 2003. I am nominated in three categories: Female Hooper of the Year, Fire Hooper of the Year and Hooping Video of the Year As are many other talented folks;-) You can vote at www.hooping.org Didn't realize today was the last day...thought it was sunday...oh well, it'll be interesting to see who 'wins'.

Winter in Virginia- buzzards circling

spiraldancer — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:47:53 GMT

Back at the Biscuit. It's hunting season here now. In the wide expanse of low mountains that stretch all around this place, I hear the occasional cracks of gunfire. Flocks of buzzards fly low in circles and gather darkly on trees. Back to heating with wood, waking early in the quiet and padding out to the living room to start a fire in the woodstove, chasing back the night's gathered cold. Been lucky these last few days and, in typical southern winter fashion, ice-cold days alternate with practically balmy, sunny weather. Have had the luxury of practicing outside again. Drinking in the scenery and releasing the turmoil inside through spiraling waves of spinning abandon. Lonely sculptures and friendly yard dogs soak up my passionate offerings. It's truly beautiful here and has a feeling of a place out of time, though, in actuality, lots has changed in the year that I've been here, and lots more change is coming. This is Christian's family land. We live atop a gallery full of thousands of pieces of he and his father's art. There is a strange energy that pervades it, seeping up through the floor and into our living space. Can't quite put my finger on it. I came here on the run from a painful break with my former partner back in NC, leaving the rest of a loving community behind. I was caught up in the rush of a new love that seemed to come at the perfect time, complete with a space for me to run to (albeit a very cluttered space). When I arrived and saw all the stained glass details, the painted floor, the spirals carved into the walls and ceiling, everything seemed so fated and perfect, and I guess it was. Christian's father (a well-known sculptor and man about town) had passed a month before we met, impacting him in ways that would only truly come to light later in the year, in the scalding, maddening heat of summer. Shortly before his father's passing, a cruel twist of familial fate necessitated that the bulk of the land around this property be sold to help cover taxes for other aspects of the estate. This has been generally misconstrued here locally, through news reports and gossip, and the overarching misconception is that the family has gotten obscenely wealthy from the sale of hundreds of acres of this gorgeous untouched land- some of the last possible development area in Charlottesville. Local environmentalists with anarchist leanings even let their feelings be known by vandalizing the signs for the property entrance with words like 'Land Sluts' spraypainted on the sign marking the half-mile long wooded drive that, for now, still is the winding, peaceful entryway for the homestead here at Biscuit Run. Increasingly over the year I've been here there've been uncomfortable sightings of survey crews. Young college kids tramping through the woods marking trees for building grids, leaving in their wake flourescent plastic markers that flutter with ironic pink malevolance in the wind. From what I gather, there's still not a clear idea of when this development will really commence. I can hardly imagine how it will change the face of this place. What is now a quiet homestead deep in the woods looking out over an open field dotted with art and history will, in the next few years, begin to be bulldozed and developed into yet another cookie-cutter mcMansion subdivision, complete with it's own strip mall and cheesy street names. There is a feeling of impending doom and sadness that hangs in the air. Of a place in its last days of glory as a bohemian, artistic enclave. I do my best to appreciate this place, as it is beautiful and peaceful, bucolic. When I came here I was already full of my desire to move on to a city soon, but I was lulled with love to stay on longer. Twists and turns in the path creating lessons everywhere. He thought at first he would go with me, but I know Christian wants to stay here with it during it's waning time, and I understand the urge for him. Here he has a sculpture studio, metalworking tools, and tons (literally) of material for making all sorts of fantastical creations. For me, though, my time here is drawing to a close, and there's pain in my heart. Other horizons have been calling me loudly for years, and I cannot wait any longer. I have had an interesting ride here, continually sorting the lessons from the past year. Taking them in as best I can without judgment. I have been loved like I've never before experienced here, and that is a true gift. To leave that is difficult, as my silent tears bear witness. Change is in the air, and moving forward in the new year is necessitating moving out of here. Much work to be done. So many ideas and inspirations about my hoop business and career, but most of this forced to the backburner as I go about the nuts and bolts of transition. Frustrating to feel that moving and ungroundedness has so heavily impacted my progress over the last few years. Time to ground and create. 2008 is the year to take things to the next level in many ways. Exciting, challenging, inspiring...but right now...a sadness as I honor this place and this man and take the steps to move on. Perhaps he'll follow me later on, only time will tell...

New Moon, New Year

spiraldancer — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:09:26 GMT

Well, this update seems a bit overdue, but life has been pretty fast, full and ungrounded these last couple weeks. From Seattle to San Fran and then a whirlwind (and 6+ hour delayed connecting flight) journey back east to reunite with my boyfriend Christian and get myself aligned and ready for my new years eve gig. My flight being so delayed cut into my prep time considerably, so new year's eve day itself was chock full of organizing costumes, readying travel plans and rehearsing. We had close to a 5 hour drive down to Charlotte, NC so that in itself was a bit of a doozy, but it was nice to see Christian sooner rather than later and to have some time here at Biscuit Run before heading down... The event that night turned out to be a benefit for the restoration of the theatre we performed in as well as an exhibition of the luxury high-rises that will be built on top of it, so that felt a bit better in terms of audience and intention. Still, it was a mostly upper middle class and above 30 somethings that were predictably taking full advantage of the open bar. The space was quite unique...an old theatre partially decomposing but glitzed and glammed up with decoration and soft red lighting that cast it in tones of vintage wondrousness and emerging potential. Arriving with tools and costumes in abundance, we were a small group of seasoned performers...I've worked with these folks a good many times over the last few years and it felt good to reconnect, especially since the last year that I've been in Virginia I haven't been able to make as many gigs down their way so they hadn't been privy to how I've been developing in terms of performance and costuming over the last year+. My friend Steve is a career juggler and performer and was responsible for organizing the talent. Stacey and Eric Zander are a talented couple who met while working at Ringling Brothers and have skills all over the spectrum. Drew is an up and coming juggler and theatre guy and Mayako is a delightfully cheerful poi sprite. It was great to see them all again and, though rushed in my preparation, I was excited to be performing my art at the new year and being paid well for it. Hopefully a harbinger for things to come in 2008. The night was pretty demanding. Roaming performance throughout the space from 9pm to 1am fairly constantly, mostly hoops and some contact juggling, chatting up the crowd and shining my light. Felt bad for Christian who pretty much had to linger about shooting video and stills. The crowd was very receptive, though, and it felt good to be back in shining performance mode, right where I need and want to be. Did one LED set that was intended for the stage but, as that was overrun with band equipment (yes, most of the night was spent hooping to jazz covers, a new experience;-), I took my set down to the dancefloor. Folks were still filtering in at that point and I performed smiling through what one is sometimes forced to endure at such events...a distracted and lackluster audience. By the time my fire set came around, though, right before midnight, the place was bumpin. Mayako initiated the show with a fire fan piece and people clustered to it like proverbial moths...sound guy missed my music cue, so the first bit of my set was a little more static than I'd like (burned off a bit much fuel but, so it goes), but once I started spinning, the energy was *incredible* seemed like the whole place had stopped and was watching and, from the reports of my friends it was. I don't think they had seen me perform fire all that much (since it's often not allowed), and in the past it's usually been up on a stage, disconnected from the audience by physical distance. This time, though, was my favorite kind of setting. While some elevation would have been nice, the close ring of people is an absolute delight for a fire show. Much eye contact and present connection and moving closer to folks with the flames-which they love. I rocked them. HARD. It felt absolutely great. It was in that moment that I was completely sure I'd made the right call in being there over SF. I made a solid impression with the crowd and the hosts, we got tons of great feedback that will hopefully translate into more opportunities in the new year, and my performer friends themselves were blown away. I had chosen a song by Adam Freeland (one of my favorites, and one of the headliners of the Sea of Dreams show that I passed up to perform in NC) for my fire set, and the words rang true. I like using this song at events such as this because it has a positive message of interconnection, causality and environmentalism without being too preachy and obviously left-leaning (I appreciate being able to interject a little positive subversion;-). The song is "Rise Above" and the refrain is a man's voice... "Everything is connected together Whatever happens- little minute things- in Austrailia, a hundred years from now a thousand years from now is gonna effect you. We're all connected together So what I'm trying to say in essence is that we have to learn to live together we have to learn to love each other trust each other work with each other Cause that's the only way we're gonna rise above all the stuff going on underneath-here- Rise above Rise above..." The music slowly builds during this first verse and rises to a climactic height toward the last words...at which point, my flaming circle begins to spin. What a way to ring in the new year! Now I have a whole slew of tasks before me as I move into a whole new phase of life. That's a few more blogs in itself, but suffice to say I'm up to my ears in dramatic change and transition. More on that soon... Happy New Year Happy first new moon of the new year..take advantage of this powerful initiatory energy today to move in the directions of your dreams!

Training and Transition

spiraldancer — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 02:44:55 GMT

The last few days have been a bit of a blur. In a flurry of activity on Friday- the solstice-I took my last aerial class of the session. Also taught my first Seattle workshop that night, to 10 adept,enthusiastic and fast-learning women. I delivered a lot of info, as I wasn't sure when I would be back, and the women seemed to be handling it well. Always wonderful to share hooping with new folks. Good times, successes and smiles. After that, went to a Christmas party with a bunch of folks from the circus school, at the home of my instructor, Kari. Nice to see folks I've grown used to seeing at the gym outside of that space, dressed up and socializing. It's been a whirlwind of activity since then, going to holiday gatherings and packing up to leave very early Christmas morning. Sunday night I had a few folks over to the mansion for or-dervs and a fire hoop performance. Byron- the kindly older gentleman who owns the place- Yesterday, for Christmas, flew from Seattle to San Francisco in the early morn. Very grateful to be here in San Fran again, and blessed to have had the experience of this most recent stint of travel, the first foray into circus training in Seattle. Picked up bright and early at SFO by my friend Boe who was kind enough to let me tag along for a beautiful Christmas day graced with two lovely gatherings full of nourishing food, great people and stellar conversation against a backdrop of amazing weather. With the holiday and travel activity of late, I haven't had as much time in the hoop as I'd like and haven't been to train since Saturday. My arms feel the need to strain and work! Will have to try out the doorways in Boe's place for chin-up ability. Strength gained can be lost so quickly and I have been appreciating my gains in the last few weeks. Even as the next week is ungrounded, I need to try and maintain a conditioning and flexibility practice. I have been very inspired as well as humbled during my recent training, and am craving physical activity in the extreme. I've been attending the pre-professional aerial dance program at SANCA (the School of Acrobatics and New Circus Arts) these last 5 weeks. 5 days a week, three hours a day, a small group of us- 5 total although usually just 3 or 4- meet and warm up, stretch, chat and get on the equipment- concentrating mostly on rope (cord lisse), aerial hoop(lyra), and trapeze. We practice what we know, learning a couple new things and then do conditioning and deep stretch. I am getting familiar with where I am strength-wise and where I need to be. I'm strong, but have a way to go yet to attain the endurance necessary for performance. Like most skills, you gain a much greater appreciation for the time it takes (or doesn’t) to gain proficiency, flow and grace with something having tried it yourself. Aerial dance is incredibly physically strenuous and I ~*love*~ it. It is humbling and exciting to be a student in the beginning stages of a journey again. I have been drawn to and inspired by aerial dance for years but, with the lack of it in the south and my focus on my hoop business, I had not made the time for more than a couple lessons per year for the last few years. Immersing these last weeks has been incredible. We had an assignment on the last day of the session to compile our movement vocabulary and then group that vocabulary into groups of proficiency, needs practice and needs refreshing. I was heartened at the size of my list in a relatively short time, and the amount of it that I felt comfortable with. While my favorite apparatus right now is the aerial hoop (feeling very comfortable and inspired by the shape, of course) I am challenged and very inspired by the rope. I was really craving learning more of the silks (two lengths of fabric to work with), but have been surprised at how much I’m bonding with the rope as- even though its less forgiving and hurts more in wraps/drops, its easier to manipulate in the beginning and has cleaner lines. I am excited to be learning and pushing my limits… I am eager to post a bit about my next steps, ideas and plans…but this coffeeshop is closing and I need to wrap this up. Hopefully I’ll find time in the next couple days in SF to share some more. The future, while full of questions, feels bright. Thanks everyone for their support and kind words recently during my ruminations about the past. I've been touched and uplifted.

Jupiter conjunct Pluto- Astrological Awesomeness Today!

spiraldancer — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:52:36 GMT

So, yes, this is an admission, for those that didn't know...I'm 'into' astrology. Please don't think less of me! I find it fascinating. I don't hold to it religiously or anything (the mere word makes me cringe), but I do keep up with it and share it when it feels right. This is one of those times, since the gathering of 5 planets happening today is pretty big astrological news. I've cut and pasted the info from a few sites here, and also from perhaps my favorite site for this out there...the ever-awesome and, personally, jaw-dropping insights from Susan Miller's site www.astrologyzone.com She does a free monthly forecast that is pages long and rocks my world every time. Some of her words about today follow first, then some other snippets. From what I gather, it's all about power lent toward transformation and realization of your biggest, dearest dreams. Take some time today to set intentions and think about what you really, really want in your life. Personal changes as well as shifts in career, living, finances, etc. Jupiter is all about expansion and luck and encourages dreaming BIG, as big as you can and then some. Ask for what you want...you just might get it! So, if you're curious, I've included some info below. Just felt moved to share, as I am excited bout the energy gathering today...giggle if you want ;-) Jupiter has decided to meet with Pluto on December 11 on your behalf, a hugely important aspect that astrologers all over the world have been looking forward to for years. Whenever these two planets meet in conjunction, as they will on that day, it always spells success. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet both have this aspect in their natal charts, signifying that they will enjoy the financial benefits of this conjunction all the time, but regular people (like you and me) can enjoy it to the fullest now. Make it work for you! View this amazing day on December 11 - possibly your most important career day of your life - not as "just a day" to take advantage of, but the day the universe plants a seed, one that will grow for years to come. Take offers and discussions seriously, particularly the ones that surface from December 9 to 11. During the coming years, you will have a chance to embellish, change, tweak, or make other decisions concerning your new endeavor at certain key mathematical points. Jupiter takes approximately 12 years to orbit the Sun, so a conjunction between Jupiter and Pluto only occurs about once every 13 years. Jupiter rules expansion and Pluto powerful transformations. When these two get together, we don't take ideas lightly. There is also a strong tendency for dramatic change, especially in our principals and our morals. Jupiter is visible, Pluto invisible. Jupiter is socio-cultural, while Pluto is waaaay beyond anything personal or able to be bargained with. This conjunction occurs only once every 11-12 years, and initiates a major cycle of new expansions, new promises, new visions, new truths, new adventures in the lives of people, organizations, businesses, governments, and global players. No matter who or where you are, this conjunction will bring blessings as well as radical purifications and transformations. This conjunction happens at 11:26 am PST on December 11, 2007, it occurs at 29 Sag, Pluto's stationary retrograde symbol from March 31-April 1, 2007. We've already been dealing with the seeds and transformational pulses of this degree for months now, so what's coming should not take us by surprise if we've gotten in shape up to now. It is a degree of "desire for fitness," "dependable determination," "persistent endeavor," and "constructive working habits."