Redundant Blog

Another Way to Help Us Help Artist Michael Dickinson Stay Out of Jail

starchymcpants — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 21:31:55 GMT

An online petition for the defense of Michael Dickinson has been posted at MungBeing Magazine. Signing the petition demonstrates your support for free expression in the process of artistic inquiry. http://www.mungbeing.com/petition.html Please stop by to show your support, won't you? Here's what it's about: Last year, Michael Dickinson, a Stuckist artist in Turkey and a frequent contributor to MungBeing Magazine, was arrested and held by police for 10 days for displaying 2 collage pictures of Turkey's Prime Minister as America's pet dog. Charged with 'insulting the prime minister', he faces a two year jail sentence if found guilty. We at MungBeing throw our support fully behind an artist's right of free expression. The Turkish courts, however, may not agree. Michael's court date is October 8th, 2007. Background information can be found here: http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson06082006.html June 8, 2006: The Bush's Dog Case Criminal Collage By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson09302006.html September 15, 2006: Extract from a Diary in Turkish Police Custody My Escape Attempt in Prison Transfer By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson11042006.html September, 2006: A Prison Diary Watching the Guards By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson05022007.html May 2, 2007: Criminalizing Art Trouble in Turkey By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article675651.ece June 17, 2006: Satire that could land British artist in a Turkish jail By Dalya Alberge, Arts Correspondent, and Suna Erdem in Istanbul http://www.mungbeing.com/issue_15_info.html?author=Michael%20Dickinson&expand_all=yes Information About Michael Dickinson MungBeing Magazine http://www.mungbeing.com/issue_9.html?articleID=681 August, 2006: Outspoken: a conversation with Michael Dickinson by David "Starchy" Grant http://www.stuckism.com/Dickinson/Turkey.html Stuckism coverage and information Thank you for your support, Mark Givens Editor-in-Chief, MungBeing Magazine www.mungbeing.com

Help Us Help Keep Artist Michael Dickinson Out of Jail

starchymcpants — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 23:34:35 GMT

Michael Dickinson, a Stuckist artist in Turkey and a frequent contributor to MungBeing, may be jailed for displaying art depicting Turkey's Prime Minister receiving a blue ribbon from George W. Bush in a piece entitled "Best in Show". We at MungBeing throw our support fully behind an artist's right of free expression. The Turkish courts, however, may not agree. Michael's court date is October 8th, 2007. I'm writing to ask if you would be willing to draft a letter of support on behalf of Michael Dickinson, specifically addressing his validity as an artist and the art-worthiness of his work. These letters are intended to be used as part of Mr. Dickinson's defense to demonstrate to the court the value and import we place on artistic inquiry and an artist's right to self expression. There are several informational links at the end of this email including an excellent in-depth interview with Michael Dickinson (featuring the artwork in question, "Best in Show") in issue nine of MungBeing. If you are able to write a letter of support, please email a copy to: michael.dickinson@my.mungbeing.com Please include your name, occupation, and contact information in your correspondence. Here's how Michael describes this unfortunate situation: "[I was] called to court again unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago, when a cop rang my doorbell and handed me a summons to appear in court on 25 April at 11.30 in connection with the collages I made last year depicting Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan in the role of a dog, controlled and feted by American President George W Bush. I was surprised, thinking all that stuff had finished after my arrest and prolonged detainment in police custody last year. In my defense I said that the collages were not meant as a personal attack on the Prime Minister, but his position, and the fact that President Bush considers him a useful friend and ally. Turkish soil is home to American nuclear bombs at the US airbase at Diyarbakir. I said that I was an artist(?) and did not usually plan my collages, but acted on inspiration at the time of making, often as a reaction to news of what is happening in the world, particularly Iraq. When the judge asked me to describe what I was trying to say in my 2 collage pictures of Erdogan in the role of America's dog, I said that it was up to the viewer to make his own interpretation; a visual artist shouldn't need to explain in words. Pictures are for eyes. Words (spoken) are for ears. I said that over the years I'd made countless collage pictures of President GW Bush and Tony Blair in much more unflattering roles without persecution. In the Western/European world, artists are allowed to express their feelings in their works. The trial has been adjourned until 8th October. During that time the court will seek the opinion of a number of Turkish university professors as to whether my collages are 'art' or crime. In the meantime I'm 'free'." I hope to hear from you soon and thank you for your support, Mark Givens Editor-in-Chief, MungBeing Magazine Informational links: http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson06082006.html June 8, 2006: The Bush's Dog Case Criminal Collage By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson07262006.html July 26, 2006: "Sorry, We Thought You Were Israeli!" Arrested in Istanbul By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.counterpunch.org/dickinson05022007.html May 2, 2007: Criminalizing Art Trouble in Turkey By MICHAEL DICKINSON http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article675651.ece June 17, 2006: Satire that could land British artist in a Turkish jail By Dalya Alberge, Arts Correspondent, and Suna Erdem in Istanbul http://www.mungbeing.com/issue_3_info.html?author=Michael%20Dickinson&expand_all=yes MungBeing Magazine Information About Michael Dickinson http://www.mungbeing.com/issue_9.html?articleID=681 August, 2006: Outspoken a conversation with Michael Dickinson by David "Starchy" Grant http://www.stuckism.com/Dickinson/Turkey.html Stuckism coverage and information

MungBeing 13: Ritual and Myth

starchymcpants — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:14:32 GMT

[Note: this issue marks my return to the role of Contributing Editor. Look for my investigation into some important, but oft-overlooked, Western rituals. Another highlight for me is a new gallery by Iraqi surrealist painter Muayad Muhsin, whose work always blows me away.] MungBeing Magazine explores Ritual and Myth with issue thirteen, available now at www.mungbeing.com. Featuring: * Interviews with Dr. Riane Eisler (The Chalice and the Blade, Sacred Pleasure) and Robin Hardy (The Wicker Man, Cowboys For Christ) by jody franklin * The music and art of the infamous Ashley Reaks * An interview with Angie Mason - the first in a series of interviews with today's best underground artists conducted by Claudio Parentela * The third and final installment of Ian Donnell Arbuckle's ambitious and satisfying serialized novella "Last Name". Plus: * "Gnostics and Nation Builders: Theosophy and the Rise of the Indian National Congress" by RS Deese * "Speaking Eyes" by Gina Ranalli with drawings by Gus Fink * "The Knight And The Green Man" by Tala Bar * "Hills" by Dave Carpenter and more! And the debuts of Lyla Emery Reno, saffron b, Boyd Nyberg, Mark Planisek, Andrew Taggart and Alan Smart. This issue also marks the two year anniversary of MungBeing. Huzzah, with party hats and streamers and the like! Choc'lit cake for all! MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license and the auspices of the plastic avatar of a fallen ancient god locked up in our desk drawer. Mythically yours, Mark and jody Editors www.mungbeing.com

Shakespeare 2.0

starchymcpants — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 16:26:04 GMT

A bold new theory of the Internet, available exclusively in shirt form: http://www.printfection.com/netmonkeys My cut of the proceeds for every shirt sold will be donated to the EFF, to help keep those monkeys typing. Design by yours truly, inspired by a conversation with Slim.

For Allison, Only Too Soon

starchymcpants — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:02:07 GMT

This is what they're trying to say, in Tibet, when they make a mandala: no matter how beautiful a thing might be, no matter how good, no matter how seemingly sturdy or even eternal, someday it will vanish. We know this, but we forget. Life, sadly, is just a particular kind of thing, a kind that breeds and breathes and moves and loves, and we people are at the bottom of it all just a stand-out example life. People are just a kind of life, life is just a kind of thing, and all thinks, no matter how beautiful, someday vanish. We know this, but we forget. Sometimes we are forced to remember. It hurts, because this is one truth we wish we didn't have to know, and we're never quite ready to be reminded. It hurts, because when something vanishes, we lose it forever, and when something is young and beautiful and good, like a mandala we want to hold onto it just as it is. For as long as it is with us, we continue to invest ourselves in it, not only in enjoying and reflecting on what it is, but in the continual act of helping to create it. We are all of us only human, and we take things for granted not because we want to but because we must, or else we cannot focus on the immediate and demanding changes in our lives. When we know someone smart and kind and young and good, we may know that our relationship with her is changing, that she is changing, but the fact of her existence-- Most of us aren't very good with mandalas. Most of us prefer those marble sculptures that never seem to change at all, but even they, someday, will vanish. Allison Bruce Lange, you were a beautiful mandala, one that no one could have believed was through with the process of creation, let alone ready to be wiped away. We are, all of us who knew you, clutching for the bright grains you left behind. They will scatter, and someday they too will vanish, but they will all of them leave their own smaller grains behind. I have you to thank, Allison, for much of what is best in my life. That is one of those grains. I promise you I will not take it for granted. Good bye.

MungBeing 10: Obscurity

starchymcpants — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 00:52:30 GMT

The tenth issue of MungBeing Magazine has been plucked from the ether and made manifest in a feat of literary and artistic alchemy. http://www.mungbeing.com This bi-month we cast light upon shadows and overturn rocks in our hunt to root out the Obscure. Enigmatic musician Gary Wilson waxes about his musical childhood and meeting John Cage. Christopher P. Reilly and Darron Laessig bring us a "Xenofolie A Deux" in comic form. Geneticist Andrew Hessel discusses life engineering and hacking the genome. And we are happy to introduce two new ongoing items; a serialized novella, Ian Donnell Arbuckle's "Last Name", and a column called "Revolting Literature", the first of which critiques the recent writings of Kristopher Young and Gina Ranalli. Both are welcome additions to our diverse and eclectic blend of diversions and eclections. Other writings unearthed include * "A brief reflection over the Outsider as an archetypical artist and humanitarian hero" by SJ Chambers * "Chocolate Starfish Oracle" by Heidi Morgan * "Musing Upon The Food For Thought" by Milos Vujasinovic * "Death of an Engineer" by John Helmer Anomalous audio oddities emanate forth from Dave Carpenter, bibble (with Spacemummy), and Erin Emerson. There's a classic track from the legendary Sockeye in there to boot. Our hauntingly beautiful cover graphic was created by Erin Emerson. She joins raw artist Jesse Reno, James Whitman and Iraqi surrealist Muayad Muhsin as our newest visual artists. Jim Bumgardner delivers THREE pages of puzzles, including the new "Jiguko" variety. And, as a special thank you to readers of MungBeing, we are including a FREE GIFT with every issue. Plus all the comics, witticisms, and insights that you've come to expect from the internet's most intriguing bimonthly magazine. All this and Rachel Haywire, too! MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license, and we dig the whole theory behind that, man. Thanks for catching a glimpse of MungBeing and reading it, Mark, jody and Starchy Editors, MungBeing Magazine http://www.mungbeing.com Personally, I'm in love with the art by Muayad Muhsin and the writing of Ian Donnell Arbuckle. Sadly, I didn't have a chance to edit (or thus far even read) the full issue this time, so I imagine that list will (happily) grow. Tangentially, I'm busy as life these days; no, I'm afraid I haven't read your blog or possibly even your email, but I'll probably get to it soon. Ish.

Out now: MungBeing Magazine #9 - The Mind

starchymcpants — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 22:04:22 GMT

The ninth issue of MungBeing Magazine has been released into the synaptic pathways of the Neu[t]ral InterNetwork! (http://www.mungbeing.com) Damn near a HUNDRED pages of words, artworks, audio compositions, puzzles, and thought-provoking work. This bi-month, MungBeing is looking into the second part of the Mind/Body dichotomy with our issue about the Mind (The Body was discussed in issue six). We are especially proud to feature an exclusive interview with visionary artist Alex Grey, whose work also graces the cover of this issue. Alex sat down with MungBeing newcomer Catling for a heart-to-heart and the results are a joy to read. We also have an interview with Michael Dickinson, who is experiencing a spot of bother in Turkey, and an interview with Christopher P. Reilly, whose book with Gus Fink "The Trouble With Igor" has just been released. From brilliant minds, brilliant thoughts®. Other tales of a mindful nature include these wonderful titles: * Ghosts, Lies, The Devil's Drink, & A Shining, Stately Moon by Jeb Ebben * On Diane Ackerman's "An Alchemy Of Mind" by Virginia M. Mohlere * A Short Course in Egyptian Futurist Mnemonics by Spacemummy * The Mind, a short tale by Leslie Powell (with illustrations by Michael Furious) Albert Schweitzer, Callie Danae Hirsch, Luke Ramsey, and Owen Plummer all join our ever-growing list of world renowned contributing artists. The winning entries are in for Don Swartzentruber's Totem Triptych project. What an exciting project that was and what wonderful results. Thanks to everyone who contributed. A few audio selections from Meatyard, Mickel Mass (featuring Alan Davidson of The Kitchen Cynics), and Josh Stevenson supply a healthy dose of aural delight. McKenzie Ditter, Eric Willey, and Miss Elucid make their first literary contributions to MungBeing as well. And there's even a surprise visit from DailyKos' SusanG in there. All of that and some comics, some puzzles, some poetry, new and exciting opportunities to participate, and a recipe for Rik's Bread "Rolls". MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license, complete with a tagline and half a mind to use it®. Thanks for finding MungBeing and reading it, Mark, jody, and Starchy Editors, MungBeing Magazine http://www.mungbeing.com/

Neurology as Fate

starchymcpants — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 20:16:11 GMT

For the better part of the past week, I've been feeling significantly better. You know: better. Here's hoping it's not just another fluke, and that my latest prescription is doing the trick or, better yet, that my brain has finally figured out on its own how not to be broken. In that one way, I mean. Here's to the thought of a life to be lived. Take it from me, kids, that's really something.

MungBeing 8: Freedom

starchymcpants — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 18:58:05 GMT

The eighth issue of MungBeing Magazine has been set free to roam the Web! http://www.mungbeing.com Hide your children, lock your doors! Seventy-some-odd pages of writing, sound, art, puzzles, and other thought-provoking work. This bi-month, MungBeing addresses the issue of freedom in all its varied and sordid glory. Tales of freedom and daring-do include these wonderful titles: * We Are Freedom by Rachel Haywire * Skynet by Lyle Neff * Peacekeeper Missiles by Virginia M. Mohlere * Unbound Unlit by Cavendish David Greenberger and Birdsongs of the Mesozoic join us to explain through music "how records are made." Remodernist extraordinaire Matt Bray graces our cover, Simon Redekop (from Humanfive), Milos Vujasinovic, and Bruce New all join our ever-growing list of world renowned contributing artists. Surrealist painter Don Swartzentruber exhibits four totemic paintings and invites writers to submit interpretations. Misfit Library Founder Sarah Lynch-Walker, Virginia M. Mohlere, and award-winning Canadian writer Lyle Neff also make their debuts this issue. A few audio selections from Freedom's Child, Heidi Morgan and Mystified supply a healthy dose of aural delight. All of that and a new quiz, some comics, some puzzles, some poems about birds, some great collaborative projects, new and exciting opportunities to participate, and a recipe for Freedom Fries. MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license in the heat of summer amongst the cactus and the frogs. Thanks for reading! For free! Mark, jody, and Starchy Editors, MungBeing Magazine www.mungbeing.com

Just call me Shackles!

starchymcpants — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 00:26:42 GMT

http://people.tribe.net/sk1ppy/blog?topicid=f4d72c83-84d3-4c6e-a84e-c2412cb9161f

Happy MungDay!

starchymcpants — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 23:06:42 GMT

One full year of MungBeing Magazine, you say? That'll be how many happy returns, then? Please, I'll need an exact number. No, sticks of dynamite don't count, even if the theme of the new issue is fanaticism-- That's one year, by the way, and one new name on the masthead: "Contributing Editor David 'Starchy' Grant." What does that mean, exactly? Not much, just yet, but it sure sounds nice, don't it? Whether or not you care for my alleged editing, MungBeing is always among the best places to turn if you want my presumed writing, and this issue is no exception. Here's what the Real Editors have to say: MungBeing Magazine #7 (Fanaticism) is out now! The seventh issue of MungBeing Magazine has hit the InterNetwork! This issue marks ONE YEAR of MungBeing and we couldn't be proudier! http://www.mungbeing.com Fifty-some-odd pages of writing, sound, art, and magazoidnal fun. This bi-month, MungBeing sneaks up on the issue of fanaticism and slaps it in the back of the head. Tales of fanaticism and obsession include these wonderful titles: * Ghost Pains by T.L. Bryers * The United States of Kubla Khan by SJ Chambers * The Familiar by Ellen Thurmond * Tiny Book of Smokes by David Greenberger * A Guy Who... by Ryan Hughes * Sins by Amy Frushour Kelly * My Catholic Sunday by Danielle Hagel Interviews with Jeffrey Scott Holland (our first OuterView) and the incredibly talented filmmaker Caveh Zahedi highlight this issue. A couple of audio selections from Brent Hetherwick (from California Rocket Fuel) and SinDex Industries (artist Ken B. Miller) provide a soundtrack to fanaticism. Howard Drucker, Andrew Hessel, Euphoria, R.S. Deese, David "Starchy" Grant, Robert Dayton, Heidi Morgan, Kelly Moore, and Buzzsaw grace the pages with some wonderful writing and the fine artwork of peg leg, Robert Zailo, SJ Chambers, Claudio Parentela, and Mark DeLong are sure to make you smile. All of that and a new quiz, some comics, new technical tweaks, and a recipe for COLD cantaloupe pie! Whew! It's been quite a year. MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license and released by the B.A.T.S. Thanks for being fanatical readers, Mark and jody Editors, MungBeing Magazine http://www.mungbeing.com

New Work in Print and PDF

starchymcpants — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 05:13:23 GMT

Sinister Bedfellows: Anthology being a collection of short stories based on the critically acclaimed photobased webcomic created by mckenzee is now available from Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/content/237585 It features stories by David 'Starchy' Grant, Shawn Scarber, Rob Callahan, Annastasia Snyder, Peter Venables, Matthew Messenger, Maaret W., Jhayne Holmes, Chris Peloso, Colleen AF Venable, Larry Holderfield, Phil Khan, Jody Johnson, Eric A. Burns, Samantha Kyle, David Milloway, MontiLee Stormer, Amy Frushour Kelly, Sarah Lynch-Walker, and Matthew Wood. By the way, if you haven't read Sinister Bedfellows, you've been missing out: http://sinisterbedfellows.com/

20,000 Stigmata in the Palm of Your Hand

starchymcpants — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 20:09:07 GMT

Christ never bothered coming back until heavenly accountant Saint Peter tallied up for him just how much there was to be made off endorsement deals. In the good ol' U.S. of A., most Christians had long since stopped noticing any difference between Yahweh and The Almighty Buck, so they were mostly pretty happy with the arrangement all around. Over in Europe, the Catholics and Protestants and Orthodox churches finally mostly stopped bickering with each other so as to pool their resources and better compete with the Yankee brands, but Jesus nonetheless figured he was better off splitting his time between Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and the Japanese market. The Islamic world proudly commented on how their own Mohammed hadn't and wouldn't ever sell out, mostly secretly more than a bit jealous, and up in Heaven Mohammed himself wished they hadn't said anything; how could he sign any deals without looking bad now? The Jews didn't much care, of course, since the quirky old failed rabbi was on their payroll a good third of the time, except of course for the hardliners without TV or magazines who hadn't even noticed. When Bollywood finally released its long awaited verité pseudo-doc musical A Day in the Life of Ganesh, theater goers were sorely disappointed to discover that it was only a mask, with none other than Mohammed behind the trunk. Buddha laughed. Here in my house, we just shrugged and ground up some coffee to drink along with our brunch; another day, another deity.

Zaadz: already outdoing Tribe on censorship

starchymcpants — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 23:52:38 GMT

We all love Icky Bob*. He's survived on this site for years. On Zaadz? One day before he was apparently asked to leave. http://www.zaadz.com/lists/ideas/give_up_this_new_age_shit_and_just_build_a_decent_networking_site His post could be construed as somewhat less than constructive (even that's arguable), and the operators have every right to build a new age totalitarian new age regime if that's really what they're after, but do you really want to be a part of it? * Okay, maybe not all, but close enough.

MungBeing #6: The Body

starchymcpants — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 00:45:06 GMT

Another bi-month, another bi-MungBeing (give or take a syllable). This time around, my own contributions are, apparently, touching. No word yet on what they're touching. As always, it's well worth your -- hell, anyone's -- time, even if you hate me for some reason or other. What did I do? What? Quoth the editors: The 6th issue of MungBeing Magazine, a full-figured magazine with a healthful and realistic self-image, has hit the virtu-aisles of the NetMart. http://www.mungbeing.com This bi-month MungBeing is taking an in-depth look at the body. A REALLY close look at the body and all of its various and assorted quirks. An uncomfortably close look. But given only one option, there is no dichotomy. It's what's INSIDE that counts! And what's inside this issue is some heavyweight stuff: Stalwart scribe David "Starchy" Grant returns with two touching personal essays. Editor jody franklin has fun with Lisa Crystal Carver's body in "Boobs Are Nice," and extolls the virtues of "jerkin' the gherkin" in his "Beat Your Meat Manifesto." Leonore Wilson writes lovingly about endangered sisters. Andrew Hessel looks at dead bodies as works of art. Kevin Ausmus and Tim Hatch talk about outward appearances. Amy Frushour Kelly, Franklin Bruno, Heidi Morgan, and Buzzsaw lend us segments from their bodies of prose. As usual, we are graced by the presence of some of the great visual artists of our time, all of whom are inspired by the body. Beautiful paintings and illustrations by Peter Klint, Mun Mun Mittelbach, Patrick Turk, Kim Richardson, Godfrey Blow, Jason McLean, Ian Pyper, Amanda Woodward, Michael O'Briant and many others show us the delights and horrors of the human body. Jim Bumgardner bends our minds into pretzels with his new puzzle section, editor Mark Givens quizzes us about our bodies, and we learn to whip up the perfect chocolate drizzle to lay across our flesh. On top of that we have musical tracks from Spacemummy, Steve Folta, Cash Nexus, and The Kitchen Cynics. What an eclectic blend of artists! What a diverse body of work! MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license and released bimonthly like gas in a windy tunnel. Enjoy this issue, our BIGGEST ISSUE YET, and drop us a line sometime. It's always nice to hear from you. MungBeing just IS, Mark and jody Editors, MungBeing Magazine www.mungbeing.com

You've Heard of Branding, Right?

starchymcpants — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 06:30:45 GMT

How, pray tell, is this faux-50s pseudo-kitsch play-it-safe and theoretically hip motif intended to mesh with a name like "Tribe?" If anyone can successfully explain this to me, I'll eat my hat.* * The one I'm about to make out of bacon.

The Two Things You Never Want to Hear

starchymcpants — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 05:26:26 GMT

"I'm well acquainted with black comedy. It's a lifestyle choice." --David "Starchy" Grant Maybe it's a bit gauche of me to quote myself in this manner. That's fine. This story involves far more of the sinister than it does the adroit. Last Friday night, thanks to the same headaches I've been having for two months now, my head was in a great deal of pain. Correction: my head was pain, or so it seemed. This pain was not just an annoyance, as pain can so often be; this pain was, at points, paralyzing. After my girlfriend got home from work and we determined that things weren't getting any better, she took me down to the hospital. Friday night is never pleasant in an emergency room, less so still when you're there because of an excruciating headache which is exacerbated both by loud hospital noises and bright hospital lights. Nonetheless, we went there, and we sat there, and we waited. For six hours. At last I was checked in, painkillers were administered, blood was drawn, and an as-yet unending and increasingly repetitive series of interviews and exams commenced. When the first of two CT scans was taken at around five thirty in the morning, I managed to catch my first few badly needed winks. Nodding off when you're strapped into a giant, ominous, whirring and clanking machine proved easier than one might think. Then it was time for the spinal taps. That's right, there's an 's' at the end there. The first two didn't work, you see; poking around someone's spine with a big needle is apparently still an inexact science. This is pretty much exactly what the human nervous system is wired up to prevent, and here I was doing it voluntarily. For anyone who might be unfamiliar with the concept, it's when a doctor jams a big needle into your spine. By the time the third attempt hit spinal-column paydirt, the morphine barely did anything to help. This is the only time in my adult life I can remember really crying, gushing, wailing, in tears from pure physical pain. At least they let me sleep while waiting for the results. We'll pause for a moment here while I ask you to ask yourself: What are the two things you never want to hear from a doctor? The things that, if you're anything like me, you never even imagine hearing but in moments of stupid dark fantasy, fuel for the pointless masochistic oh-thank-fuck-it's-not-real method acting we humans sometimes do to give our emotional faculties a no-pain-no-gain workout. Things you can't help but admit you could conceivably hear someday, but no-ha-ha-not-me-really-come-on-now. You can probably think of more than two, but if pressed to keep it down to that number you shouldn't have any trouble choosing, and I'm willing to bet you'll choose no differently than I would. Name them, and remember them, and that's enough of that, moving on now: Talk about a rude awakening. The attending doctor and his student returned to my curtained-off gurney during one of the few moments when my girlfriend was conspicuously absent, and the looks on their faces told me straight off a number of things I didn't want to know. The attending, a soft-spoken white-haired man, did the talking. "David," he said carefully, "have you ever been tested for HIV?" O holy tearful fuck, no. No. NO. Panicked, pained, and groggy, I explained all the reasons I had not to be worried about that since my last test. Intellectually, I knew I had no significant reasons to think I could have been infected, but I knew I was speaking defensively, and when a doctor asks you a question like that in a tone like that-- O sweet merciful hilarious life, don't let me be this joke! Preliminary results from tests on my cerebrospinal fluid showed that I had cryptococcus, in lay terms a fungal form of meningitis. This fit very nicely with all of my symptoms, and had a bright side in that I could be cured of it in a matter of days. The darker side was that a human being can't normally get such an infection. As it was explained to me, there were only two major exceptions to the rule, those being when said human had one of two other things going on: 1. HIV 2. Cancer I can't tell you how this felt. I'm not that good of a writer. Nobody has ever been that good of a writer. My girlfriend and I took some time to ourselves before I was admitted as an inpatient. She's nothing but a wonderful lover and an amazing person. That's all you need to know about that. It was another twenty-four hours before I found out that follow-up blood work counter-indicated cryptococcus. It wasn't until Monday afternoon that the results of an HIV test came back, decidedly negative. On Tuesday, a few hours before I was released, it was confirmed that the original test results had been nothing more than a mistake. I still don't know what's wrong with my head, and it could be some time yet before I find out for sure. In the meantime, I can tell you two things it isn't. For the time being, I'm pretty happy with that. For those who truly like their humor black, no sugar, this might be a perfect story. I'll let you decide for yourselves once I tell you the punchline. After all, I never mentioned the name of that soft-spoken, white haired doctor who came to me with all that news unfit to print. His name, in case you were wondering, is Doctor Graves.

starchymcpants — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 05:50:08 GMT

Just got home from an extraordinarily painful and harrowing four-day hospital stay. The good news is that I'm (presumably) not dying; the bad news is that we otherwise still don't know what's wrong with me. Full story later.

starchymcpants — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 20:31:54 GMT

There's a good chance I'll find myself newly unemployed any day now. I don't qualify for State Disability, and I'd only qualify for about exactly enough unemployment benefits to cover my rent (which is very low for San Francisco). In the meantime, I'm still not healthy enough to look for work, and don't know when I will be. Should anyone know of any non-repugnant and paying freelance writing opportunities that would give me a second look (stop laughing), please do let me know. If anyone knows of any relatively legit or at least somewhat non-sketchy MAKE MONEY FROM HOME NOW!$!$!$ possibilities (really, stop laughing), please tell me. Finally, if anyone knows of anyone who could use a tech with four years of server-level Linux/Mac/SGI data storage experience but wouldn't be looking to fill the position now-or-never (okay, you can laugh), please do point me their way. Much appreciated.

Just One of Those Days

starchymcpants — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 12:14:28 GMT

My ribs are showing. Were I told, at this point, that the only way to stop this pain in my head would be to replace it with a bullet, I'd have some serious thinking to do. As I haven't yet been told this, I guess I have no thinking to do. With great ignorance comes great complacency. My ribs are showing, and sure, it's cliché to fugue on themes of suicide on this of all days, no matter how little it means to me, so don't bother thinking that's what I'm up to. If I've got anything to fugue on, it's the theme of relief, one that it can be hard not to give up on. Two months of severe headaches -- how might one not give up on all sorts of things? No, no self-pity quagmires here either. After all, it's Christmas! Dave Sardy might have said it best: yeah, I can take one whole day of the year to feel good about not loving you. My ribs are showing, and the pills do nothing for my head. Over-the-bar painkillers are out of the question, whatever damage they'd do. As for through-the-barrel: well, I suppose I've got better things to give up on. What use bullets when I can still wave my hand for silence? My ribs are showing, and I almost forgot: [see above]

Doctorman Say

starchymcpants — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 00:53:07 GMT

Probably or certainly not: HIV, herpes simplex, tertiary syphilis, BSE, aneurysm, brain tumor, tubercular or septicaemic meningitis. Possibly: Viral encephalitis (exclusive of above and inclusive of West Nile Virus) or fungal meningitis. Probably: Viral meningitis. We'll see what the neurologist and maybe a spinal tap each have to say. Contrary to the immediate pop culture associations, I'm afraid this does not, like, totally rock.

Theseus at Home on Vicodin

starchymcpants — Sat, 03 Dec 2005 05:33:38 GMT

For those of you keeping score at home, yes, I'm still sick. I do not, on the other hand, have mono. All tests to date show only that I have a virus of some sort, and that it isn't mono. I might have had mono a month ago, mind you, and had something else piggyback its way into me thereby. The symptoms point to encephalitis and/or meningitis (yes, that's and/or), but fortunately not to a potentially lethal form of either. My darling Skippy thinks I have West Nile virus, or at least she did a few days ago. I think she has Tourette's Syndrome, or at least I still do right now. Suffice it to say the past month or so has been little short of miserable for me. Here's hoping that full recovery I was promised is just around the next corner. That would be the umpteenth corner, by the way, for those of you keeping score at home.

MungBeing Magazine #5 has hit the holiday floor running!

starchymcpants — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 23:24:37 GMT

With the advent of issue number five, the editors of MungBeing Magazine have at long last seen fit to give me the top billing I so clearly deserve. It's about time, guys! Why do I deserve it? How the hell should I know? Go on and check it out like a good sentient being, and maybe you can let me know. Saith the editors: The fifth issue of MungBeing Magazine, an "intelligently designed" online magazine, has hit the holiday shelves! (http://www.mungbeing.com) This bi-month, this very special holidaistic bi-month, MungBeing is examining consumerism and product affiliations (the little cliques that rise up around certain products). Unwrap these selections and marvel at their brilliance: * With This Brand, I Thee Wed by David "Starchy" Grant * The Play Starring Scarecrow by Heidi Morgan * Fiddle-Faddle by Buzzsaw * Creative Darwinism by Rachel Haywire * A Holiday Message by Robert Dayton * On Santa Claus and Saturnalian Revival by jody franklin The long-awaited follow-up interview with legendary ?bertalented artist Gus Fink finally FINALLY makes its appearance! People searching the internet for information about Gus can finally sleep easy as he answers all of your burning questions. There's also a wonderful interview with C.P. McDill of Webbed Hand Records. And we are proud to feature the work of Italian artist Claudio Parentela and American artist Ken B. Miller. On top of that we have exclusive musical tracks from the Bristol/Wales band Mancat. Globally Fantastic! All in all, this issue is a real beaut! But wait, there's more... We are pleased to announce that over 12,000 MungBeing readers are surrounding you RIGHT NOW! The (r)Evolution will be online! Now how much would you pay... MungBeing is an online bimonthly magazine published under a Creative Commons license and released on paid leave (pending resolution) in the Winter of 2005. Enjoy this issue, the end of the year, and the beginning of another fine reason to be alive, Mark and jody Editors, MungBeing Magazine www.mungbeing.com

starchymcpants — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 21:16:15 GMT

A Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs To John Dillinger, and I hope he is still alive. Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 1986. Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts. Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison. Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger. Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving the carcasses to rot. Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes. Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through. Thanks for the KKK. For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches. For decent church-goin' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces. Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers. Thanks for laboratory AIDS. Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs. Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind their own business. Thanks for a nation of finks. Yes, thanks for all the memories-- all right, let's see your arms! You always were a headache and you always were a bore. Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

A Strange Dis-Ease

starchymcpants — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 02:18:51 GMT

I feel like my face is going to fall off. So much for a full recovery in time for my birthday. As miserable and seemingly endless as this untimely little illness has been, my darling girl has herself been nothing short of astoundingly caring and patient and otherwise wonderful. Even more than I feel sick, I feel profoundly fortunate. Here's to you, Skippy, and to all the rest of those whom this world has taught how to give and to care. "Here," by the time you read this, will most likely be where I am moaning in the bath, but it's to you nonetheless.