Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum.

The Truth About Reincarnation

StephenB — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:20:04 GMT

Joy posted this on the Buddhists Just Want To Have Fun tribe and I got such a laugh out of it that I thought I'd pass it on. :) It answers the question of why Buddhists reincarnate: A Christian, a Muslim, and a Buddhist die and go the gates of the afterlife. The Gatekeeper greets them and says, "Okay, I'm going to ask each of you two questions. If you can answer both of them, you get to cross over to the Other Side. If not, you have to go back to Earth and try again." He motioned for the Christian to step forward. "Tell me why you should be allowed to cross to the Other Side," the Gatekeeper said with a stern face. The Christian gulped and replied, "I went to church every Sunday, tithed ten percent of my income, lived by the Ten Commandments and the teachings of Jesus, showed love to my neighbors and enemies as well as my family and friends." "Uh-huh." the Gatekeeper grunted. "Next question. How do you spell 'God'?" "Uh, G-O-D." The Gatekeeper beamed. "Come on in!" He called the Muslim up next, and asked him why he should be allowed to cross to the Other Side. "I faced Mecca and prayed five times a day, made hajj, observed fasts, was kind to my neighbors and honest in my business dealings, gave generously to charities, and I respected all women as if they were the wives and daughters of the Prophet." "I see. Next question. How do you spell 'Allah'?" "A-L-L-A-H." "Terrific! Come on in!" After the Muslim had dissolved into light, the Buddhist finally stepped up to the gate. The Gatekeeper asked him why he should be allowed to cross ot the Other Side. "I had a daily practice, I cultivated the six perfections, served my guru and my sangha, worked in charities when I had no money, studied the Dharma diligently and dedicated myself to living a life of loving kindness, with the intention to achieve enlightenment for the liberation of all beings." The Gatekeeper glared. "All right, then tell me," he rumbled, "how do you spell 'Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara'?"

Movement...

StephenB — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:06:27 GMT

In so many different ways. All the turmoil of September proved to be the catalyst for a great deal of movement in Shea's and my relationship. Our love is continuing to grow and deepen and things are looking great. So great in fact, that I've vacated my digs in San Rafael and moved in with her in Santa Rosa! That's all for now. We've still got a lot to do to get the place the way we want it, but the house is looking amazing. I'm a very lucky man. :)

The Master Cleanse: Complete

StephenB — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 01:05:24 GMT

Well I'm back on regular food now, though I'm being more careful with what I ingest. That's actually not a very big step for me, as I've worked in the natural foods industry for 11 years, so I've focused on having a pretty healthy diet for quite some time. I highly recommend doing the Master Cleanse for anyone who wants to clean out the accumulated toxins from your system. I feel great, and my lingering cough (while not completely gone) is no longer the issue that it has been for the last month and a half. I also got something else out of this that I did not expect. I gained some amazing experiential insight into the nature of craving. While I got a fairly deep look into this topic on my meditation retreat last year, this really brought it home in a very powerful way. I can understand the use of asceticism in unmasking the impulses that control one's life. Even on a short term basis, such as a cleanse or fast, it can bring about valuable insight. What I found during my cleanse was that not a SINGLE one of my cravings had anything to do with hunger. That's right, not one. The few times that I ever felt hungry at all, I simply felt hungry. It really was that simple. The cravings came and went like fireflies flashing in the darkness. Nothing, then suddenly there, then gone again as if it had never been. The cravings were nothing more then a brief desire for a particular sensation. It is easy to expand this experience and apply it to the rest of my life. This of course put me in mind of Buddhist thought. Prior to Guatama Siddhartha, the idea that the way to liberation was through freedom from craving had already been around for a long time. This was nothing new. The Buddha's enlightenment was on the NATURE of craving. What he saw was that we never actually crave what we think we do, and that you can't free yourself from craving that porterhouse steak or that fly crib (his exact words, I swear) so long as you believe that those particular things are what you really want. In actuality, what you crave are the sensations in your body that these things inspire. The only way that we experience the world is through our senses, there is no other way. So as we think about or observe things, sensations occur in our bodies that we then tend to label as either good or bad. We spend all our lives either craving the "good" sensations that we're not experiencing, or wanting the "bad" ones that we are to go away. This is the nature of attachment, and it means that we live our lives being consistently disappointed to some degree. The trick, which proved immensely useful during my cleanse, is to learn to recognize the sensations that occur in your body when you find yourself craving something. Once you realize that what you are actually desiring is merely a sensation and that just like everything else, sensations are impermanent, you can more easily detach yourself from the desire and impending disappointment when it inevitably goes away. You never stop craving. No matter how enlightened you might become, the fact that you exist in this dualistic world means that craving, and thus pain and suffering will be a part of your experience. But, you don't have to be ruled by it. Learning to simply recognize it for what it is and just letting it be, you can learn to become equanimous about it. This is a life long process, and a lesson that continues to play a central role in my life. I've still got a long way to go, but one step at a time. One step at a time.

The Master Cleanse: Day 12, Breaking the Fast

StephenB — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:50:29 GMT

1:45 PM Well I started in on real food today, and I must say it wasn't very enjoyable. I can feel how dense the food in my system is and I feel sluggish and heavy. Not only that, but as soon as I finished eating, I could feel my chest tighten back up and I've got that cough-causing tickle again. It's still not as bad as it was, but I'm coughing right now worse then I have in a week. More later after I've digested and settled a little more. 4 PM So I feel much better then I did earlier. I still feel the tenseness in my chest, but I'm not coughing anywhere NEAR as bad as before I started this cleanse. I'm only eating very simple foods, but somewhere out there I hear a sushi roll calling my name. Probably not this week, but next for sure.

The Master Cleanse: Day 11, Breaking the Fast

StephenB — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 18:14:57 GMT

10 AM Orange juice has never tasted so exquisite! Unfortunately I misread the first time and I don't actually get solid food today. The first day of breaking the fast you get to start drinking OJ as well as the drink, which works to prep your system for other foods. So I don't get any solid food for one more day yet, but I didn't have to drink the salt water today! I did do something this morning that's not in the book, I took a probiotic. One thing to consider when you're flushing toxins from your system like this, is that you tend to lose some of the beneficial flora as well. It's good to replenish these bacteria as they help your system to process and absorb the things that you put into your body.

The Master Cleanse: Day 10

StephenB — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 21:05:02 GMT

1 PM YEAH! No more salt water! I've downed my last of that vile brew. It actually wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, but it was still fairly difficult chugging it down every morning. That's one thing that I won't miss. I dreamed again last night that I accidentally broke my fast in the wrong way. I was at a party and someone handed me a bowl of stew. I figured it'd be ok for me to have it, but once I started eating it I discovered that everything was hard and undercooked. I seriously thought about trying to make it to the Dicken's faire this weekend, but since I'm still visiting the bathroom more often then usual, I think I'd end up getting annoyed with it. It can be a little bit of a chore to deal with all that costume stuff in the loo, so I think I'm just going to have to wait until next weekend instead. Later today I'm heading to the store to shop for the stew to break the cleanse tomorrow.

The Master Cleanse: Day 9

StephenB — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 19:20:38 GMT

11:15 AM Apparently most people have their worst food cravings the first couple of days, and by the end of the cleanse it's not really an issue. I had a few very minor cravings in the beginning, but now it's worse for me. I'm not even craving anything in particular, I just want food. Anything that I can sink my teeth into. Just something that is more fulfilling then drinking. Breaking the fast is a whole process in itself, so I've still got another 4 days or so before I can have anything truly substantial. At first it's soft stewed veggies. It might not be much, but it'll be a welcome change from the drink. Still, I'm glad I did this and I would definitely recommend it to anyone else who was thinking about it. I feel great. My head is clear, I've got loads of energy, my sinuses are more clear then they've been in years and my cough is almost gone. I'd say the results speak for themselves

The Master Cleanse: Day 8

StephenB — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 00:48:36 GMT

4:45 PM So I'm finding that I'm consuming more of the drink each day then when I started this cleanse. The minimum amount is 60 oz per day, and the first few days I probably had around 80 oz. Now I'm finding that I'm drinking more like 120 oz or more. I don't know if this means or indicates anything, but I thought it was an interesting observation.

The Master Cleanse: Day 7

StephenB — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 00:55:58 GMT

5 PM Wow, it's sort of hard to believe I'm already 7 days into this cleanse. I made sure to bring plenty of the drink with me to work today and didn't have any troubles. I did have a brief moment where I longed for solid food. Not because I was hungry, but because I simply wanted to chew something. I know I for one tend to get all wrapped up in taste and forget, or at least don't pay as much attention to, texture. Like fresh baked bread with a crispy crust that counter balances the soft inside. I know it's something I'll be paying much more attention to next week.

The Master Cleanse: Day 6

StephenB — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 20:21:47 GMT

Noon Nothing new so far today other then the fact that the soreness in my gland is gone. 4 PM Ok, a little bit of advice for anyone who might be thinking of doing a cleanse. Make SURE that you don't run out of your drink. I ran out a few hours before I was off work and water alone is not enough. I got extremely hungry, spacey and grumpy. Never has it been more obvious to me just how much food affects your state of mind. It also makes me grateful that I've never really had to go hungry. Even in times when things were tight, I never had to fear for my next meal. My life truely is full of abundance, and I feel very blessed for it.

The Master Cleanse: Day 5

StephenB — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 18:49:55 GMT

10:45 AM Well I'm here at Whole Foods and not having any issues with food cravings. I am however experiencing some tenderness in one of the glands on the side of my neck. From what I've read this is to be expected during an intense cleanse. I am finding that my sense of smell seems sharper then it's ever been. More on this later, right now I've got to get back to work. 3 PM Well it looks like I'm entering the "mucous" phase of my cleanse. My tongue has developed an odd coating which tastes sort of metallic. My assumption is that this is excess heavy metals that have been built up in my system finally being pushed out.

The Master Cleanse: Day 4

StephenB — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 20:26:32 GMT

Noon Last night was the first time in nearly a month and a half that I have not had a coughing fit when I laid down to go to sleep! Right now my lungs are feeling surprisingly clear, and I can take deep breaths without triggering more coughing! It's a gorgeous day outside so I think that I'm going to go for a hike, then hit the store for more lemons and syrup. 10 PM So I went to Whole Foods earlier today and didn't have any problem being in there with all the food and smells. We'll see how I do tomorrow when I have to be there the whole day...

The Master Cleanse: Day 3

StephenB — Sat, 02 Dec 2006 18:59:54 GMT

10:30 AM So I dreamed last night that I accidently ate some crackers during my cleanse. Kind of funny to wake up all stressed out that I'd screwed up, but luckily I'm still good. I did wake up with a little bit of a headache, but once I got up and started moving around it went away almost immediately. Surprisingly the salt water barely fazed me this morning. Oh sure, it's still not pleasant, but I put it down and went about my morning without much more thought. I'm just waiting for it to do it's work now, so I'm sure I'll be hitting the bathroom again shortly. Interestingly enough, I went to the bathroom first thing when I got up, and experienced some blockage. Hmm... 3 days of nothing but liquid, and I'm experiencing blockage. Really what it feels like is that I've managed to break up some of the accumulated junk in my system and it's finally trying to work it's way out. Not a pleasant thought, is it? All in all I feel really good though. I had some hunger pangs again last night and some more food cravings, but nothing drastic or overpowering. Just minor pangs that went away as soon as I had a little more of the drink. I find that for the most part I feel great. I had some aches yesterday in my arms, but apparently this is typical. Not the arms specifically, but aches in the joints and tissues. This is your body starting to expel the years of accumulated toxins. 36 years this month to be exact, as I've never done a cleanse before. 10:30 PM So there's this really interesting thing that happens when you're expelling toxins from your body. Ya see, they're kind of toxic (duh) so at times they can kind of... burn a little bit on the way out. I was prepared for it, having done my research before starting this thing, but oh boy. Knowing it's going to happen and experiencing it are two different things. It actually wasn't so bad, it was just a bit of an eye opener. Oh, and as for the whole heater thing, I found a really nice one on craigslist that I'm going to go pick up tomorrow. I struggled with my heater for a while earlier today because I was sick of being cold, but I couldn't get it to stay lit. I tried again about a half hour ago and the sucker took! It'll go out on it's own soon enough, but at least it's taken the edge off the chill for now, so I'm going to turn it off in a few minutes and go to bed. The only thing I have to do tomorrow other then pick up the new heater is make a trip to the store for more lemons and maple syrup. 7 more days to go, so far so good...

The Master Cleanse: Day 2

StephenB — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 16:48:50 GMT

7:30 AM Have I mentioned that my place is FREEZING??!! I live in a studio and one wall is all windows. Now that wouldn't be so bad if my heater was working, which it definitely is not. Oh sure, I can light the pilot and blast the heat for a little bit, but there are two problems. First, lighting the pilot is a major undertaking. It certainly wasn't designed for ease and I'm convinced that the instructions should require a third arm. Second, unless it's turned way up, the flame and pilot goes out. So I'd have to spend 20 minutes trying to get it lit, then once I broke a sweat because it was up so high I'd have to turn it down, at which point it'd go out again. A very short time later, my place is freezing again. So I bundle up and browse Craigslist for someone selling a space heater. The reason that this is relevant to my cleanse is that I found myself craving comfort food last night. The drink can be either hot or cold, but there's something nice about hot and substantial. Warm liquid alone just didn't seem good enough. However, I recognize that I wasn't actually hungry, it was purely a craving for comfort. This got me thinking again about the influence of comfort in life. I say "again", because this was a major theme in all my upheaval and tribulations of last year. We (and by "we" I mean "me") spend so much of our lives seeking comfort. Almost everything we do is in some way influenced by this, be it physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual or spiritual. Why deal with a difficult person when you can just walk away? Why bundle up to get warm instead of cranking the heater? Why look deeper at yourself when you know it's only going to show you more things about yourself that you don't like? Because that's where the most profound lessons lie. It is not wrapped snuggly in our comfort zone that we find the answers that expand us as human beings. I'm not saying that it's not possible, but the fact of the matter is, when you're comfortable there is less of a desire to stretch your boundries. Boundries can be frightening things, because by their very nature, if we haven't crossed them before then we don't really know what is beyond them. Someone telling you what is beyond them is not the same as you seeing and experiencing it for yourself, so until you've been there, there is always a kernal of uncertainty involved. This is the beauty of the shamanic concept of spider medicine. The idea behind spider medicine is to emulate the spider's technique for hunting down it's prey. A spider spins it's web in places where it's prey will run into it, then it plants itself in the middle and waits. In the case of spider medicine, your prey is your own issues. You're consciously putting yourself into situations where you know your buttons are going to get pushed and your own crap will rear it's ugly head. The difference is that now you're doing it on purpose, so that you can examine and confront your issues on your own terms. This is a powerful tool if you're brave enough to use it. But again, it takes a willingness to step outside (sometimes WAY outside) your normal comfort zone. Not only that, but it forces you to come to an understanding your own personal responsibility. It shows you that the only person responsible for the state of your life is you. That the way you chose to think about the world directly effects how you see it, and how you see the world directly effects the events that occur in your life. Accountability is crucial, as there is real power in knowing that you are the only person who can pull that ripcord to prevent your body from slamming into the earth, be it actual or metaphorical. I talk a good game, but I still struggle with this every day. This last year was one of the most difficult of my life, however it was also one of the most profound and growth filled. I spent nearly a year way outside my comfort zone, sometimes blaming others, sometimes re-realizing that I was the one who put myself there. I think this cleanse is going to be good for me not just in terms of my physical health, but because I was starting to get comfortable again. I'm now stepping back outside my comfort zone and it's already reminding me how important it is to be accountable for my thoughts and actions. Not necessarily fun in the short term, but in the long run essential to health and wellbeing. Noon Well for the first time my cough is productive! It has always been a dry, non-productive cough, but I'm suddenly feeling movement in my chest and getting a little bit of phlegm. It's only a tiny bit, but it's more movement then I've had yet in all the time I've had this cough. This is a very good sign, and hopefully an indication that this cleanse will help me get rid of this cough completely. When I was studying aikido with Ota Sensei down in Santa Barbara I would regularly spend at least an hour a day in a deep breathing excersize (kokyu). Our cells need oxygen to work properly and effeciently, and we tend to breathe shallow, which in times of heavy exertion leads to gulping air. This is your body fighting for oxygen. If you consistantly breathe deeply though, you'll find that you don't get winded as quickly and can continue whatever activity you're doing for longer periods. Because of doing these breathing excersizes for years, my natural reaction to stress or exertion is to slow my breathing down even more and take much deeper breaths. This cough is frustrating to me because it inturrupts both my regular breathing pattern and one of my greatest tool for dealing with stress, exertion or any situation that requires me to keep composure.

The Master Cleanse: Day 1

StephenB — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 00:08:36 GMT

I've had an ongoing issue with a cough that I can't get rid of. I've gotten it a couple of times in the last several years and it will typically last 2-3 months. I've been to a doctor and they're not sure what it is. They're sure that I don't have asthma or bronchitis, chest X-rays have all been clear and according to the bloodwork and urine analysis I'm healthier then most people. None of the pills or inhalers (which I was loathe to take but did anyway) helped at all. Yet I'm still coughing... I've tried numerous natural remedies and I've been to an accupuncturist, all to no avail. I'd heard of the Master Cleanse before as I've got a number of friends who have done it, and everyone raves about the results. They all say it's not easy, but that they wished they'd done it sooner. I was talking with the husband of one of the people in my dance company about my cough and he, like several others, told me I should give this cleanse a try. He said that he used to have chronic sinus/conjestion issues, then he did this cleanse and he's never had a problem again. He told me that it was sort of like reformatting your harddrive. We get so much junk and toxins built up in our system that from time to time it's important to wipe the slate clean. It is the holiday season though, and who wants to be on an intensive liquid cleanse at this time of year? I've got a friend coming into town weekend after this and I know she's going to want to go out for drinks. The Dicken's faire is happening right now as well, and how can you go to Dicken's and not have a hot totty??!! Plus just all the scrumptious food when I go visit my family for the holiday. Well I finally just sat myself down and took a hard look at my priorities. This is my HEALTH we're talking about. Foundation type stuff. If my health is suffering, then everything else is going to eventually be impacted as well, including (but certainly not limited to) drinks with friends, playing at Dicken's and delicious food during the holiday vacation. I figure I should just do it now while I can. This is the same decision process I went through when I decided to go on a 10 day silent meditation retreat a year ago. I spent my birthday and new years sitting in meditation for 14 hours a day. I'd been thinking about doing it for years, but it just seemed like there was never the right time to do it. Well as much as I dislike trumpeting a huge corporation with questionable third world employment practices, I must admit that Nike's famous slogan really does say it all. And quite succinctly at that. Just do it. Day 1: So I actually started out last night by drinking an herbal laxative tea right before going to bed. If you're going to expel toxins from your system, you've got to make sure you're eliminating them all properly. By the way, just as a disclaimer before you read any further, some of this might not be very... pleasant, so continue at your own discression. I've actually got no idea how graphic I'll get or how much I'll feel like sharing, but consider yourself warned in the event that this journal crosses beyond the boundries of your personal comfort zone. I also intend to keep updating my entries during the day, so if you read one of these posts in the AM, check back in the PM or the following day as it will probably have grown. The cleanse itself is very straightforward and has been around for decades. If for some reason reading this inspires you to do your own cleanse, you can pick up the book, The Master Cleanser, by Stanley Burroughs. For every 10 oz of (spring or purified) water, combine: 2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon or lime juice 2 tbsp genuine maple syrup 1/10 tsp cayenne pepper This is what you live on at least 60 oz per day for a minimum of 10 days. You continue to have 1cup of herbal laxative tea before bed as needed, and (this is the tough part) drink 1 quart of salt water first thing in the morning to flush out your system. AM Oh boy, not even a full day into it and I can already tell that I'm going to struggle with the salt water thing. The salt water has the same specific gravity as blood, so it simply washes through your system because your kidneys cannot pick up the water and your blood cannot pick up the salt. Your supposed to basically chug this vile drink, and while I got it down fairly easily, I had to struggle to keep it from coming righ back up. This rates very high on the "chunder" factor. However, it does work for it's intended purpose. I drank it down and headed to work at the gym, and walked right into the bathroom when I got there. Confirmed, it flushes right through your system and takes a lot of nastyness with it. 3:30 PM Well I got through the day with no real issues. Luckily I only had a few clients, because I ended up having to visit the bathroom several times as the salt water continued to work it's magic. I drank 50 oz of my lemon/syrup/cayenne (from here forward refered to as "the drink") while I was there but that's not anything new. I'm pretty good at staying hydrated and I tend to drink a lot of water anyway. It does mean lots of trips to the loo though. I have never been much of a "foodie". I'm a food-is-fuel type person, and while I enjoy a tasty meal, I rarely go out of my way for one. Rarely do I get actual cravings for something specific, usually it's just, "oh, I'm hungry now". I experienced several discinct cravings today however, even though only once did I ever actually feel hungry. The minute I felt hungry I had more of the drink and the hunger went away. While I was working with one of my clients though, I suddenly had a distinct craving for a tuna sandwich. This was followed about a half hour later by the desire for a grilled cheese sandwich. Don't ask me why I was craving sandwiches specifically, I've got no idea. About an hour after that, I wanted a burrito from Casa Maria. Less then a day in and I'm already having cravings. It's probably just psychosomatic, but regardless it promises to be an interesting time. I'm finding that I'm examining every little sensation and wondering if it has to do with the cleanse. Around 1:30 I suddenly started feeling really groggy and of course started wondering if this was part of the process. Hmmm, or perhaps I'm just tired? I did get up at 5am after all.

On Enlightenment, Archetypes and Online Gaming.

StephenB — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 01:23:38 GMT

The first thing that I do when I wake up in the morning is start writing. I initially began doing this as one of the main exercises in the book, The Artists Way. Well I never finished the book but I have continued writing at least 3 pages of whatever comes off the top of my head when I first wake up. Usually it starts with whatever dream I was having, then goes into anything else that flows out of my brain, down my arms, through my hands and fingers and onto my keyboard. I choose to write on my computer rather then with a pen and paper because I'm much faster at typing then at printing and it is easier for me to just let my thoughts flow naturally while I'm typing. That said, I started writing this morning and found myself exploring an idea that I've thought about from time to time, but never explored other then on a very surface level. The idea holds interest for me because I spent many years playing MMORPGs. If you're not familiar with the acronym, it stands for Massively Multi-player Online Roleplaying Games. These are, as the name implies, massive virtual worlds where one creates an avatar to guide though tasks, trials, quests and just plain seek out adventure. Everquest and World of Warcraft are just two examples of these types of games. They are persistant worlds, meaning that the games never turn off (maintainence and server crashes aside) and there is no "winning" the game or any time that the game ends. When you are not logged into the world, it is still going on without you, thousands upon thousands of people around the world all interacting in a virtual fantasy. These games can be extremely addicting, as is evidenced by the nickname "Evercrack". This got me to thinking about the difference between illusion and "reality", and were the line is between the two, if there even is a difference. These are the thoughts that flowed out of my brain this morning as I started writing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For years now I’ve been kicking around the idea of an essay on “Samsara within samsara”. The basic premise is about whether or not MMORPGs are just another escapist activity that takes us out of an already illusory world and sets us even deeper within yet another level of the illusion. Instead of facing the truths that we all hold inside us and seeking to break the cycle of karma, does the gaming community sink deeper into an unreal world and seek to lose themselves in yet another fantasy? Are there actually different levels of samsara? Or is samsara just samsara no matter how you slice it? (I know that in Buddhist teaching there are different levels of samsara, hell, earth and heaven, and that both hell and heaven also have multiple levels. I am using the term “level’s” to represent more of the idea of nested illusions. One within the other.) I would say perhaps that there is just samsara or not-samsara, but that there are different levels of wakening. Again, I’m not sure of the validity of this thinking. Are there really different levels of awakening, or are you either awake or not-awake? On second thought, it seems more true that perhaps one is either awake or not-awake, but that it is possible to slip in and out of either state. A truly awakened being is one who lives in a constant state of enlightenment, who is always awake and aware of the illusion. The rest of us spend most of our time in a state of non-wakefulness, but at times are blessed with brief moments of enlightenment. Thus, you are either awake or not-awake. The trick is to actually live in that place of awareness and enlightenment, instead of hoping to just visit that state from time to time. By that line of thinking, samsara is the same thing. You’re either awake and enlightened, thus free from the trappings of samsara, or you’re not-awake and are fully enveloped within the confines of the illusion. So does that make losing yourself inside a game world any worse then going about your usual life in the “real” world? I suppose the thing to look at is whether gaming is more detrimental to ones growth and potential awakening then just going about your regular life would be. Can one actually use a virtual world as a vehicle for personal growth and enlightenment? And the question follows that if it is possible, does it or has it actually happened? One aspect of MMORPGs that I think it is important to consider when asking these questions is how they relate to our cultural myths and archetypes. I wish that Joseph Campbell had lived to see the online gaming phenomenon. I would love to hear what he had to say on the topic. Carl Jung as well, but since I am more familiar with Campbell’s work, my thoughts are more influenced by him. We live in a world where the prevailing myths that teach us how to deal with the world are outdated and no longer able to guide us effectively. These archaic models now serve to confuse and disorient us because they no longer mesh with what we observe in our daily lives. As we grow from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, we all seek to understand and to own our personal power and our impact on the world around us. Myths and stories can serve to teach and guide us as we struggle to come to terms with our place in a hostile world. Unfortunately we find ourselves in a time when the world is changing around us faster and faster, yet the myths that we are relying upon to teach us how to deal with it are over two millennia old. In our struggle for meaning, we find ourselves searching for new models to sustain us through the difficulties that assail us. Taken in this light, the exploding popularity of MMORPGs seems to be not just a product of the desire for entertainment and escapism, but perhaps also as a deep seated need to create a new set myths and heroes that will sustain us through these troubled times. The “hero’s journey” is a constant theme within the context of these virtual worlds, and versions of it get played out by millions of subscribers every day. Even the choices one has of profession or “class” in these games is a textbook example of archetypes. I am not familiar with any MMORPG that is not based on a system of 4 basic archetypes (some may mix them together in different ways, but the “big 4” are always the core). Within each archetype are usually choices for different “flavors”, yet still the basic premise for each holds true. The Protector: The protector archetype are those who are willing to put themselves in harms way for the advancement of their group. They will purposely try to draw an enemy’s aggression onto themselves rather then let those weaker be subject to the abuse. In gaming lingo protectors are often referred to as “tanks.” The Scholar: Those who seek knowledge, and through that knowledge gain a diverse array of abilities and powers. In online games these are the magicians, wizards and sorcerers who seek to understand and control arcane or elemental powers. The Warrior: Any gamers reading this may initially be confused by my use of the term “warrior” to describe what they commonly call a “DPS” class (damage per second). I would say though that someone who throws themself into battle and makes such a big difference to the outcome is nothing if not a warrior by the strictest definition of the term. The Nurturer: These are the healers of the game world. Often called priest classes, these are people who keep the group alive by healing the wounded and imbuing the party with divine or mystical protections. Each of these archetypes is equally equipped for the struggles and trials of the hero, though each goes about it in a different way and contributes differently depending on their role. I think that on a certain level, the quests and struggles that gamers put themselves through can be seen as an opportunity to face adversity in an environment where the consequences don’t have lasting repercussions in life. A way to test oneself while never putting oneself in real danger and to perhaps better understand and acknowledge to some degree the need we all have to contribute to and make a difference to those around us. This begs the question: does this create a false sense of accomplishment and growth? I think that yes, to a certain degree it does. While there are penalties for failure in online games, there is no real danger to the player. In the real world when someone undergoes a dangerous trial, it often invokes a period of soul searching or an internal exploration. This is the source of much growth and expansion, and is a key element in one’s personal journey. You can’t grow without understanding, and you can’t understand without questioning and searching. While it may be possible for someone to use online games as a vehicle for growth, I don’t think that it is inherently conducive towards this end. I believe that almost any situation can be used as a lesson, but some are more likely to evoke states of introspection or deep exploration of the self. While the core lessons of the archetypes and the hero’s journey may be reflected in online games, I feel that it would take a very focused and concerted effort to draw out any situations that could take one to a higher state. Possible perhaps, but not very probable. This brings me back to my initial question of whether online games are just a case of samsara within samsara. At this point I would have to conclude that there are not really different levels of samsara. While it is easy to get completely absorbed in these games, you are still sitting at a desk somewhere typing away at your keyboard and guiding an avatar around a virtual world. I have yet to meet anyone who got so engrossed in a game that they took it to be reality, and that seems to be the crux. One would have to believe so fully that they were actually IN the game world for it to truly be thought of as an illusion inside the illusion. Of course, this now brings up an entirely new set of thoughts regarding reality and perception. At what point do you delineate the difference between “real” and “perceived”, and does anyone else actually have any true say over whether your perceptions are real or not? What one perceives as truth IS true for that person regardless of how another sees it. Maybe I’ll tackle that can of worms another time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am by no means an expert on either Buddhism or the works of Joseph Campbell, but I am fascinated by this whole topic since it touches on so many different issues. I'd love to hear any thoughts of feedback anyone might have. :)

Flights of Fancy.

StephenB — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 02:10:16 GMT

I've had flying dreams since I was very young. I've always been a very vivid dreamer, so I remember the progression of my ability to fly very clearly. The first time I flew, it was more of a brief float. I jumped off of a little rock that was in the front yard of the Thatcher house In Ojai where I grew up. I floated for a short distance by flapping my arms like wings. As I got older, I started taking off from things that were a bit taller, progressing from the rock wall in front of our house, to the roof. I was also able to float for much longer the older I got and the need to flap faded away. Eventually I was actually flying, and I remember now exciting it was the first time I flew higher then a telephone pole. As I got older, I continued to get better and better, until eventually, when I was in my mid 20's I could go way up into the stratosphere, and my aerial acrobatics were astonishing. Around this time I had been keeping a dream journal very diligently, and became a lucid dreamer. I always remembered every little detail of my dreams, and I was aware that I was dreaming while I was asleep. I could actually control my dreams if I wanted to, and could examine the deeper meaning of them as I was having them. I HIGHLY suggest keeping a dream journal, I really need to get back into the habit, as I stopped after doing it for several years, and consequently I only very rarely lucid dream these days. At one point during my lucid dreaming period, I had a flying dream. I realized as I was having this particular one, that it was extremely common for my flying dreams to start as a result of wanting to get away from something. When I was younger it might have been a monster, later it could be something like a person I didn't want to talk to, or some chore I was supposed to be doing. Anyway, in this particular dream, I realized that there was actually some beastie stalking me, so I figured "no biggie, I'll just fly and get away from it." Whatever it was, it started flying too. So I sped up. Not only did I not lose it, it was slowly gaining on me. I went into evasive maneuvers, but no matter how tricky my acrobatics were, I couldn't shake it. Side note: This was not a nightmare, because I was aware that I was dreaming. I have not had a single nightmare since my lucid dreaming days. Now, even though I'm not really a lucid dreamer, when I start having a dream that has the potential to become uncomfortable (very very rarely), the old dream reflexes kick in and I become marginally aware of myself. Enough to be able to find it interesting instead of frightening. I woke myself up from that particular dream before the beastie caught me, and I knew exactly what it was really about. It was a wake-up call to myself. I saw that from my very first flying dream, my ability to fly was intimately connected to my level of self confidence. As I got older and more confident, I got better at flying. I went through times when my confidence dipped, and I realized that my ability to fly had also taken a hit. I was in my early 20’s, and things were going great for me. My confidence was at an all-time high, and consequently, I was just tearing up the skies. In fact, I was boarding on being cocky. This lucid dream was a warning to myself to not let myself cross over from confidence to cockiness. I was essentially telling myself that there is always someone better. In my dream, it was the thing chasing me (I never actually saw it, just knew it was there), in life, it could be another person, a situation you can’t handle, whatever. There is often a thin line between confidence and cockiness, but the impact that they have on your life and the life of those around you are vastly different. This was one of numerous dreams that I had during that time that seriously impacted the way I relate to the world. It definitely takes some discipline to get into the habit, but keeping a dream journal is something that can enrich your life in ways you wouldn’t imagine. I think it’s time to go dig out my old journal…'

Survival Instinct?

StephenB — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 02:41:12 GMT

I had an incident on Friday (7/8/05) as I was going to work that both shook me, and left me in awe of our built in survival instincts (I think). It was however, not in any way that I would have expected, and it was the speed and finality of my decision that left me stunned, more so even then the incident itself. Because of the demand for parking at my work, I park about a block and a half up the road every day. I have to cross a fairly busy intersection that is right near the local high school, and because of this proximity, it tends to be somewhat dangerous at times. High school students late for school, or parents who are late for work but have to drop their kids off, often blow through the stop with hardly a glance. One morning last year I was in the crosswalk as a car rolled up to the stop sign right next to me. It was early, so the sun was low and shining straight onto the windshield. I wondered for a moment if the person would even see me right in front of them, when they suddenly punched the accelerator, never really stopping. I jumped, thankfully clearing the hood of the car as it passed under me, and coming to land next to the passenger side door. Diagonally across the intersection, the 5 or 6 people at the bus stop all jumped to their feet, and I could hear a couple of people yell, and someone said, “Oh my god! Did you see that??!! That dude just jumped over that car!” (I must admit, I felt a very foolish rush of studdliness at this). As soon as the woman driving realized there was a body flying through the air in front of her car, she slammed on the brakes. Needless to say, she was extremely apologetic and embarrassed. Friday’s incident, however, was very different. There was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8 years old, crossing at the same time as I did. I was on the inside of the crosswalk, nearest to the middle of the intersection, and while we were pacing each other, we were about as far apart as possible while both still being in the crosswalk. [Side note: I was walking on the thick yellow line of the crosswalk, as I almost always do when I’m not with company. This is a little idiosyncrasy of mine that I’ve never actually told anyone about until now. When I was a child I saw an old black and white photo of construction workers building the Empire State Building in NYC. I was awed at the way they were walking along the steel girders, hundreds of feet in the air, like it was a stroll in the park. I started walking on things that were about the same width, imagining that I was looking down on everything else from high above. I have no unusual fear of heights, so I’m fascinated by the fact that I can run across the yellow line of a crosswalk flawlessly every time, but anything that is more then about 15 feet high suddenly seems more difficult, even though there may be no difference in the width of whatever I’m on. I sometimes imagine that if I ever get stuck somewhere very high up, and I’ve got to walk across something thin to get to safety, I’ll be able to do it with little effort by just imagining it’s a crosswalk line, and of course I’ve had decades of practice with them.] Friday was an entirely different kind of test though. As myself and this random little girl were walking across the intersection, a car approached from the far side, rolled through the stop, and accelerated through the intersection straight for us. In a flash, my brain went through several different scenarios. This thought process happened so quickly that I even had time in the midst of it to wonder about the speed with which I was weighing different option as a vehicle roared straight towards me, and at the calm that I felt at the impending tragedy. I quickly thought back on last years incident, and thought about jumping up and to the side, knowing that I’d probably clear the car easy enough. However, that left this little girl to receive the impact full force. I thought about grabbing her, or shoving her forward, but knew that she was too far away for me to do anything that would get her to safety in time. I realized that the driver had probably never even looked straight forward. He knew he was planning a “california stop”, and was scanning for cars coming from either side. I didn’t have anything in my hands (keys, cell, etc) that I could throw at his windshield to call his attention, and didn’t have time to dig for anything. I figured I would most likely survive if I jumped onto the hood of his car, but that still meant that several feet of vehicle would probably pass underneath me before I hit him. That meant he would travel that much further before stopping, and that even inches could make a difference for this little girl. She probably couldn’t afford those several feet. All that I had was my body. So I quickly turned to face the oncoming car, and stepped into the intersection TOWARDS it, in the hope that he would hit me first, and stop in time to spare the little girl! Thankfully, he glanced forwards in time to slam on his brakes, and screech to a stop right in front of me. I waited until the little girl had run to the far side of the intersection, then stepped out from in front of him. As soon as I was out of his way, he took off, never looking me in the eye, much less apologizing for what he had nearly just done. By this time the little girl had run off. I stood on the curb for several minutes, reliving every detail of what had just occurred. I suddenly realized that I didn’t even have a rush of adrenaline (of course, once I realized that, it crashed down on me), that while events were transpiring, I was fully committed to meeting this vehicle, and 100% accepting of the consequences. As I turned to head into work, I flashed to the book I am currently reading, The Third Chimpanzee, the Evolution and Future of the Human Animal, by Jared Diamond. What had just happened? Did pure altruism override any survival instinct, or did I just display some deep rooted instinctive hardwiring? Was that survival instinct? Not personal survival, but species survival? I’d been fully prepared to sacrifice myself so that that little girl (who will most likely outlive me) could hopefully keep living. I don’t really know. I’m still somewhat in awe of the whole situation. With the speed and finality of my decision. With the fact that I don’t know where the decision came from. Where is the line between instinct and rational thought? I’m going to be thinking on this for some time, that much I do know. It’s taken me 3 days just to process it enough to write about it. I also got a glimpse of how quickly it can all be over. We say, “see you tomorrow”, and we sincerely mean it, but as we all know, there are no guarantees. One thing I do know, I really need to make sure that my loved ones KNOW just how much I love and appreciate them. How foolish to live life any other way. To all of you reading this, whether you are a family member, an old friend, new friend, acquaintance, or even someone I have yet to meet, I wish you all the best in the world, in all that that entails. I wish you laughter and tears, love and heartache, and all the things that make us alive and vibrant. Most of all, I wish you to know that I love you. ~Stephen Barlow

Life is too short?

StephenB — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 05:32:16 GMT

In response to a comment someone made a while ago, I responded that life is too short to be unhappy. The moment I said it however, I realized that that particular saying is not entirely correct. The fact of the matter is, life is to LONG to be unhappy. Think about the saying, "time flies when you're having fun." So what happens when we're not enjoying ourselves? Time draaaaaaags. When you're unhappy, life is way too long. Time is such a subjective thing, one minute you're loving it and it's too short, the next you're miserable and it feels like an eternity. Personally, I choose happy. :)

Sold Out.

StephenB — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 19:03:29 GMT

We are now officially sold out. We've been holding some tickets back for those friends/family who are slackers and didn't get them earlier, but finally even all of those are gone. Seems many of my friends fall into the "ultra-slacker" category, since I've been telling people for the last month that it's going to sell out, yet the last few days I've gotten a ton of call from people asking me if they can still get tickets. I'm not talking about people who didn't know whether they could make it or not, I mean people who knew they could be there that night, and absolutely planned to go. They simply didn't bother to actually call the box office, or just tell me how many tickets they needed. I love you all dearly, you know who you are. :p Tonight we're doing a full costumed run-through for the press, and I'm understandably interested to see the review in tomorrow's paper. We already made the SF Weekly's "pick-of-the-day" for Saturday, pretty sweet, considering how much stuff is happening in the City this weekend. I'm so damn proud of everyone, I've never seen a group of people work so incredibly hard for something that is over with so quickly. I've been in a lot of shows, and worked with a wide variety of people, and I'm constantly impressed with the diligence and commitment of Loose Change. I'm not sure what's next after this (other then a well deserved break). I'm hoping that the Zurich thing pans out. Seems the people who bring our choreographer, Eric Fenn, out to Zurich each year to teach a series of workshops, called him to say they’re getting the money together to bring out the whole company. I’m keeping my fingers crossed…'

Aun Aprendo...

StephenB — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 01:31:53 GMT

So the other day in rehearsal, I had one of those moments when I was suddenly unable to do correctly, a move that I’ve had down solid for a long time. It brought to mind something that my old aikido, judo and dance teacher, Ken Ota Sensei, taught me that has proven invaluable to me over the years. I had to go back and completely re-examine what I’d actually been doing wrong all along. When you’re involved in intense study of a physical art, at some point you will run up against this. We all experience a period where we suddenly feel like we're unable to do something correctly, something that we felt great about just the day before. In many cases, it really has nothing to do with a loss of ability, and everything to do with a gain in understanding. There are different types of understanding, the two most common being intellectual and physical. In most movement arts, these are intimately entwined in the learning process, and usually when you have one of those wonderful epiphanies on the mat, dance floor, or wherever, you understand it with your mind at the same time that you feel it with your body. That is the beauty of movement arts, that these different types of understanding create a powerful synergy that crosses over into, and affects other aspects of your life. However, there are times when one comes without the other. Very often, those times when you feel like you're regressing, you're not actually getting worse, you're just understanding it better, but only in one way. If you somehow manage to grasp a concept on an intellectual level before you actually feel it in your body, then until you learn to embody it physically, it will start feeling wrong. Your understanding of it has evolved. It’s not that you’re suddenly doing it worse than before, because you’re actually doing what you’ve always done. Now however, your mind knows that something is off, whereas before it was simply unaware of the shortcoming, and it will feel wrong until the rest of you catches up. Keep in mind that intellectual understanding can be an extremely subtle thing. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’ve started seeing something in a different way, we just know that it no longer looks right. It is also possible for you to understand something physically, yet have no idea on an intellectual level why it suddenly feels different. Your body knows, your mind is the one that now has to play catch up. The nice thing about it is that once you understand something in one way, provided you’re willing to admit you’ve been wrong about it, and are willing to look at it more deeply, the other tends to come along more quickly. I was blessed to attend a small private high-school founded by such luminaries as Aldus Huxley, J. Krishnamurti and Dr. Annie Besant. The motto of the school and basis of their philosophy, is “Aun Aprendo”, the translation from Latin of which is: “I am still learning.” Whatever you do in life, keep that in mind, because the minute you stop learning, you start dying...

The Enigmas.

StephenB — Sat, 18 Jun 2005 09:07:21 GMT

I was talking with a friend today, and she was basically saying that people who analyze everything to minutiae tend to either miss, or simply destroy the wonder of the world around us. I agree to a certain point, but I don't think it's so black and white. The thing is, most people analyze a thing until they get to a point where they're satisfied. But the fact of the matter is, when you're examining the world, personal satisfaction really has nothing to do with it. In fact, satisfaction is the death of personal expansion and understanding, because the moment you're satisfied, you tend to stop looking any further. However, there is always another level, and inevitably you will pass through the comfort zone, and come to a place/realization/answer that you don't like, or don't want to hear/see/know. The trick is to keep looking. Never stop examining. When you get to that place of comfort, know that it's not the truth, it's simply a brief stop on a journey that doesn't really have a known ending. Never expect to be satisfied with the answers you find. At some point, you pass through all the analytical hoo-haw, and realize that the world is even more of a place of wonder then you saw it as when you first started trying to understand it. Very seldom have I seen this concept evoked as clearly as it is in the poem, "The Enigmas", by Pablo Neruda. If you're not familiar with Neruda's work, I highly suggest picking him up. (He wrote in spanish, so this is my favorite of several different translations I've read.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Enigmas You ask what the lobster weaves with its golden claws, and I answer, "the ocean knows this." You ask who is the sea squirt waiting for in its transparent bell? What does it hope for? I tell you it waits for the fullness of time, like yourself. For whom does the alga Macrocystis extend its embrace? Study it, unriddle it at a time, in a certain sea I know. You ask me about the wicked tusk of the narwhal? Though you turn to me for my answer, I tell you you stay for a stranger reply; how the sea unicorn suffers the killing harpoon and dies. Or maybe you look for the kingfisher's feathers, which tremble in the purest beginning in the tropical water. Now, on your lucid device of the polyp you tangle a new importunity, flailing it fine, to the bran: you would sift the electrical matter that moves on the tines of the void; the stalactite's splintering armor that lengthens its crystal; the barb of the angler fish, the singing extension that weaves in the depths and is loosed in the waters? I want to tell you that the ocean knows this: -That life, in its jewel boxes is endless as the sea sand, impossible to count, flawless and numberless. Between cluster and cluster, time among the blood colored grapes, has brightened the flint in the petal, filled the jellyfish with light; untied its knot, letting its musical threads fall in the skein of the coral from a horn of plenty made of infinite mother of pearl. I am nothing but the empty net which has gone on ahead of human eyes, slain in the shadows, fingers accustomed to the triangle, longitudes computed on the timid globe of an orange. Probing the endless stars, I came, like yourself, through the mesh of my being, and in my net in the night, I woke up naked-and all that was left of the catch? a fish trapped inside the wind.

Crunch Time!

StephenB — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:12:34 GMT

Whew! It's getting real close to the opening of our show, and we're busting our collective butt to iron out all the rough spots. If nothing else, it's making me exceedingly grateful that we're such a tight-knit group of people. Working so intimately and so hard with people tends to polarize you one way or another. You either end up hating them, or loving them. When we expanded the group last year, we went at it with the idea that if we brought in the best dancers we could find, we would inevitably end up with personality conflicts, or even people who like each other, but simply don't work well together. Instead, we had open auditions for nearly three months. Anyone was allowed to come to our rehearsals, and we had a lot of intereted people who showed up regularly during this period. This gave us an opportunity to really gauge how well people fit into the group. We were more likely to take someone who was perhaps not the best dancer, but who we really enjoyed having around, then someone who was an amazing dancer, but who we weren't excited by. That philosophy really paid off, and I personally couldn't be happier about where the group is. Even on days when I don't really want to go to rehearsal, it's not long before the pure lunacy of the group has me laughing. I would almost go so far as to say that as a group, we're kind of... touched. And I wouldn't have it any other way.