Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He is not nearly as fascinating as the explosions and dancing girls before you. There are no answers back there, and certainly no superpowers. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Pay no attention to the man with the radio. He is not important, or cool. If he was, surely he would have a more dashing outfit on, like yours. Look...he only has one feather, and it's broken, drooping, and missing half its tufts. And he doesn't have any handcrafted accessories. No, the Leatherman does not count.

Pay no attention to the woman with the clipboard. I'm sure she is just a volunteer. Surely a pretty girl like that would have a free way in if she knew anybody. She's probably just staying really busy because she doesn't know how to dance as hot as you can. No, those five guys around her can't be DJ's. Everyone else back here just looks tired; this is certainly not the green room.

Don't waste your time with the man in the golf cart. He only has shovels, rope, and some other weird tools. And there's only a flat of water in the back; he isn't going to know where to get us a free drink. The laminates totally look home-made; the wristbands spilling from his pockets are from an entirely different event, I am sure. He's reaching for the trash bags and looking our way...we better go to the beer-garden.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.