here and now

once i held the sun...

stuartduke — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:56:42 GMT

Sometimes I wonder, sweetest love, if you Were a mere dream in a long winter night, A dream of spring-days, and of golden light Which sheds its rays upon a frozen heart; A dream of wine that fills the drunken eye. And so I wonder, sweetest love, if I Should drink this ruby wine, or rather weep; Each tear a bezel with your face engraved, A rosary to memorize your name... There are so many ways to call you back- Yes, even if you only were a dream. Rumi

the doorway...

stuartduke — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:09:25 GMT

we went to a place near the lake...a door carved into the rock with two channels on either side...a place sacred to the Inka...a place that they found there...they did not build it...as many things in Peru turned out to be... the shaman instructed us to kneel down and place our third eye over the circular indention in the middle of the doorway... immediately i knew that he wasn't quite using the device to its full potential...that there was more... i did as he suggested and felt somewhat of a connection...then...my hand drifted over to the right on the rock face...i felt my fingers connect perfectly into grooves in the rock and immediately began manipulating some sort of control panel...i thought to myself..."thats interesting"... my left hand searched for similar access on the other side...but found nothing...which was also "interesting" (its all just perception and data right!!)...then suddenly my hand slipped INTO the rock and gripped some sort of handle...which "of course" i pulled and pushed and twisted experimentally just to see how it worked... once the "doorway" was activated...i stood up...and suddenly knew what to do next... i backed myself into the doorway...let my heart chakra settle into the spot over the circular indention....and poof... it was like a vacuum seal formed over my heart....sucking me backward and securing me to the rock...and then the sound came...like standing beneath a huge helicopter blade making a LOUD sound..."whoomp, whoomp, whoomp" and the air pressure changing as the blades went over... seven times this happened...seconds passed...i waited...i watched... seven perfect "copies" of myself left, sent backward through the door...before i even had a chance to think it was over...the seal released itself and i fell forward and slowly got to my feet... the shamen looked at me with concern...and for the first time i thought..."wow...that could be bad" (hahahaha)...but then my guidance told me to "relax..." and that the "others would return to you in one moon cycle"...and "not to worry"... so... last night was the full moon...and they came back... i feel better...gonna take some time to integrate this...more time...my humility grows...my heart breaks... still may move to austin...mayhaps not...striving for some quiet...some peace...thanks to all of you who are loving me and supporting me through this...from the bottom of my heart i feel love and gratitude for your presence in my life...you know who you are... <3 animus

Timelines...

stuartduke — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 22:29:53 GMT

Here is the quick update from my recent trip to Austin and my plans to move... Being in Austin was wonderous...seeing the city, connecting with my old friends and new people, even the 105 degree heat didn't phase me... But the energetic pushback on every other front was stunning. Nothing seemed to flow or move. Nothing worked out in terms of the day to day logistics. There was complete silence... At the end of the trip I understood better...and have accepted this delay as gracefully as possible given the circumstances. Am I happi to be staying in Seattle? Of course... Am I sad to not be able to be with my son asap? Of course... So for now we await the arrival of the Caitlin and hopefully a quiet and peaceful integration period. See you soonish...Love and Light all around... Pax

sometimes you just don't see it coming

stuartduke — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:23:18 GMT

here is the update my loverly mirrors...many of you will know this story already...but here it is in a short version...as short as i could get it... all my life i've been obsessed with magick and metaphysics...focused on learning and practicing as many modalities as i could ever get my hands and head around...no stone was left unturned...and all done from a very methodical and scientific frame of understanding. all i knew was that there was something odd going on with this so called "reality" and i had to understand what it was. this obsession has, needless to say, gotten in the way of me living anything close to a "normal" life...tried to be normal and balance my other interests with that world but failed to integrate these things in any real way...this all left my dreams of a quiet and content family life very unfulfilled and me in a place where my children were far from me... a few years ago i moved to seattle...following my "guidance" (i.e. the voice inside my head, my higher self, my intuition) and although i did not understand why i needed to go i went anyway...leaving my kids was heartwrenching and i listened and moved anyway... in seattle i met amazing people and learned many things both magickally and in opening my heart...living in my heartmind more...and of course all the remote viewing, the NLP training, the astral projection stuff at Monroe, merkaba light body activation, advanced energy work, tantra practices, and finally something called "matrix energetics" which teaches how to literally drop their consciousness into the quantum field and work transformative change from that space. this final piece of the puzzle was apparently just what i needed to get me ready for a recent trip i took to Peru. again...without any reason I knew that i needed to take a trip to Machu Pichu and go to this place called the "gate of the sun"... not sure what i was supposed to do there but i knew it needed to happen. so i got there i sat in meditation and "saw" some sort of energetic structure under the mountain that was not fully functional...it was missing pieces...and suddenly i knew how to "fix it" so i manufactured the parts and installed them and started the thing back up. it pulsed and flowed with energy...suddenly it was complete and i was done...it was just that easy... everything i had previously done had led to that. about halfway down the trail i felt a weight lift out of my body and i knew that i had completed my karmic task for this lifetime...the burden of it, the obsession of it, left my body and i felt such relief that i had to sit down on the trail and cry... got back to seattle and took some time to integrate and understand what had happened. all my previous plans to continue to acquire more skills and tools suddenly fell away and i was left with nothing left to do. so...with complete freedom to choose i thought through the possible permutations...it breaks my heart to leave my beloved seattle and the amazing friends and lovers there...but how can that outweigh the opportunity to be back in austin, be closer to my family, and finally be a parent to my kids?? my daughter Caitlin is moving to live with me and finish high school and go to college (she is 16 now)...AND the real bonus would be that my son (Ethan is 9) lives in houston with his family and so I would get to see him exponentially more than the last few years being all the way out on the west coast... i am of course deeply conflicted about this but feel at this point in my heart that this is the right thing to do... and so now i wonder what's next...with love and gratitude always... pax

been digging the rumi lately

stuartduke — Sat, 31 May 2008 03:52:53 GMT

On a day when the wind is perfect the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty. Today is such a day. My eyes are like the sun that makes promises; the promise of life that it always keeps each morning. The living heart gives to us as does that luminous sphere, both caress the earth with great tenderness. This is the breeze that can enter the soul. This love I know plays a drum. Arms move around me; who can contain their self before my beauty? Peace is wonderful but ecstatic dance is more fun, and less narcissistic: gregarious He makes our lips. On a day when the wind perfect the sail just needs to open and the love starts. Today is such a day. -- Rumi

what i am present to

stuartduke — Sun, 11 May 2008 21:22:28 GMT

All dharmas are projections of mind. As for mind, there is no mind; mind's nature is empty. Empty and unceasing, mind appears as anything. Investigating it well, may I settle the basic points. Projections which never existed in themselves, have been confused as objects. Awareness itself, due to ignorance, has been confused as a self. Through the power of dualistic fixation I wander in the realm of existence. May ignorance and confusion be completely resolved. It doesn't exist: even buddhas do not see it. It doesn't not exist: it is the basis of samsara and nirvana. No contradiction: two-in-one, the middle way. May I realize the Nature of Mind. The Third Karmapa, Rangjung Dorje

for almost as long as i can remember...

stuartduke — Sun, 11 May 2008 21:20:20 GMT

all i have ever wanted springs forth from my heartspace intentioning to wake up i wake up i fall asleep in the arms of loves source i wake up and drift notice coincidence's clues observe the secret plans of synchronicity i fall asleep in the mind of my own small world i wake up just a little noticing just taking note of how the design unfolds pax

The Monroe Institute Heartline Affirmation

stuartduke — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:45:22 GMT

I am in touch with the source of all life and I am open to receive all energy from this source. My purpose is to know and be love. My intent is to know the fullness of life, the joy of life and the love that I am. I deeply desire to know, to be, to understand, to experience, and to express the love that I am and the absolute good that I bring forth. I ask that the light of the source surround me, enfold me, and embrace me. I ask that the love energy flow through me now. From this day forward I am better able to be the love that I am and to know that I have no limitations. For I am this energy--I am love. And because I am love, I live each moment of this day in heartfelt gratitude and deep, abiding appreciation for All That Is. The Monroe Institute Heartline Affirmation

...be loved...

stuartduke — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:25:23 GMT

i can see the threads of us, I see, woven out across time and parallels. an object in space, glistening tapestries in flesh we dance across its energetics we're from the same loves sparking, just now and infinitely we are so. to gather and branching, out reaching, to experiencing and explore this flow. we part and are drawn back into orbits, our own cosmic private dance of recognition. blessing and affirming our own true selves, grounding our spirits for the next adventure. always we grow and always we grow, together and in All Ways, as always...

INtent is every thing

stuartduke — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 23:49:53 GMT

Goethe Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely committs oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. What you can do, Or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, Power and magic in it.

where i am at...

stuartduke — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:49:10 GMT

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. Rumi

joyful prayer

stuartduke — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 22:04:39 GMT

my heart flows open reaches skyward in prayer stretching inward asana of infinite love and gratitude

the bridge

stuartduke — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:12:15 GMT

crossing the line gracefully in flowering breath from time to no time already expanded, expunged from this world i travel swiftly passing in gratitude blue waves swell up to ascensions essence warm terrestrial reds and green flow through i am kissed by sun splashed yellows washed clean immaculate pausing long then inside the rose heart i am held, gently held in the stillness of love floating me up through the final rays of magestic purple so briefly, before arriving i stand in the bright white light step foot onto the bridge warmly welcomed animus pax and nema

Songs of 6th Dalai lama

stuartduke — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 05:01:47 GMT

’I incline myself To the teachings of my lama But my heart secretly escapes To the thoughts of my sweetheart’ ’Even if meditated upon, The face of my lama comes not to me, But again and again comes to me The smiling face of my beloved’

conversations

stuartduke — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:39:12 GMT

the river runs along side here it's constant whisper steadfast flowing love for it's calling and us all and every thing from the source of life, source the mist, source of white sparrows among singing trees

experience week pictures

stuartduke — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:58:01 GMT

this was put together by my roomie at Findhorn...pictures from my groups experience week... music provided by Mike Scott of the Waterboys... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTtz1rcka9w more later... pax

full moon intention

stuartduke — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:20:20 GMT

opening to love, to light, expands heart space pure, ripe with possibilities that include gratitude abundant joyous love that heal inspire generating more LOVE

# 15 observations

stuartduke — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 19:23:37 GMT

knowing arcs and bells does help uncover becoming ways we witness to proceed and in that love light we then discover new wisdom that centers a way to see so sit patiently then or scream enough to silence the spaces now in between the spaces we push to be so in love that push us right back beyond what is seen the lessons of living such as they are the struggles and victory oh so brief so suddenly gone or seen from afar so fleeting but heals and offers relief if past and future opens to reveal love as divinity destined to heal

# 14 - Unsettled

stuartduke — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 16:16:48 GMT

the latest effort. still needs some tweaks but i wanted to share... ========================================== and so the night has come with its promise of eventual dawn and breaking light, how i love with day and thus admonish the creatures course though she shines so bright how hesitant the lull, the oh so still meanderings of our hearts breaking free awaiting loves presence gently to fill and alter our rivers flow to the sea we hurry, hurry, hurry to await we think that we see and thus hear the place where those fates will once again due break to illum our final steps to grace the struggle to finish our journeys end instructs us not which wish to send

look ma, no hands

stuartduke — Mon, 28 May 2007 19:53:35 GMT

long time coming this was...

Sonnet 1

stuartduke — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 02:05:48 GMT

I am lost among my word and meaning Knowing naught but that I do not know Standing sure I do not trust my seeing And my love sees what I can not show Thus truth abandons and so I guess On a hunch and instinct I do stumble And mostly my heart feeling not confessed Not knowing which way does keep me humble Instead for my own curiosity The possibility I’m counting on Just not to sleep through Gods’ veracity In all singular deed and thought till gone Tis not often enough am I with this Thus for ever and us my loves true wish

tis the poverty of the language

stuartduke — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:51:49 GMT

this one is dense...read it several times...aloud... ============================================= sonnet 12 - binary stars now shine you twin suns of my existence! as i circle joyus and bask in your light. our paths held sway by gravities persistence. spinning my face turns from starlight to bright. intimate orbits from billions of years. our names and positions enshrined in myth. that tell our tales as seen by seers. exposing this sacred recripocal gift. and so always we seek each other out, as for all of time it must have been done. to aid and have a dialogue about, creations dream and All That Is or none. and whilst the truth of words i can not prove, their power comes from the dream we now choose. november 17, 2006 animus pax servent to the muse consort to the sun regent for the new world

ah love, let us be true...

stuartduke — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 01:54:53 GMT

seamlessly making the transition...and this came to mind... one of the most "romantic" poems i know...and such a stand and a committment to what is real...LOVE. enjoy ============================================= Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold The sea is calm to-night. The tide is full, the moon lies fair Upon the straits; -on the French coast the light Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand, Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay. Come to the window, sweet is the night air! Only, from the long line of spray Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land, Listen! you hear the grating roar Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, At their return, up the high strand, Begin, and cease, and then again begin, With tremulous cadence slow, and bring The eternal note of sadness in. Sophocles long ago Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow Of human misery; we Find also in the sound a thought, Hearing it by this distant northern sea. The Sea of Faith Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd. But now I only hear Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar, Retreating, to the breath Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear And naked shingles of the world. Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world, which seems To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night. [1867]

with the transition coming

stuartduke — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 04:19:41 GMT

this came to mind tonight as i was with what is to come. know that you are all loved dearly, now and forever... ============================================ SONNET CXVI Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. Shakespeare

on my mind today

stuartduke — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 23:10:11 GMT

If there's one thing the history of evolution has taught us, it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free. It expands to new territories. It crashes through barriers. Painfully, maybe even...dangerously, but and...well, there it is...