hwww.hcplants.com

Greetings!

I'm so excited to announce that I'll be presenting my art and workshops at Lightning in a Bottle 2008!

The workshop is:

An Alchemical Gender Circle
Sunday, May 25th
8-9:30pm


Please visit:
lightninginabottle.org/2008/w...ps.html
(scroll down)


Also, watch for my large canvas paintings displayed around the main stage area

and
the 30' ft tall inflatable Venus Fly Trap!
www.hcplants.com

I hope I see you there at LIB!!

Be Well,
Sunny

My traineeship is at an adult inpatient drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. My client, Jim was court ordered after being arrested for possession of heroine and cocaine. I caught sight of him as he was being admitted. Jim was coming down from hard heroine and cocaine withdrawals and a near deadly overdose binge and he looked like death. But after being at the center for eight months, now one would hardly believe that Jim was a hard-core drug addict. He’s clean cut, well mannered and wears button-down collared shirts and leather loafers. He proselytizes his Mormon faith and boasts that he prays every night at his bedside for forgiveness. Many residents have wondered why he’s even at the center because he presents himself as flawless.

One might presume this pompousness and entitlement would indicate he was disliked by his peers- on the contrary. His saving grace has been that he gives unusually insightful and empathic feedback to his peers as they process their battles with sobriety in therapy groups. Although pet names are discouraged, the residents fondly refer to him as Dr. Jim.

Every time Jim makes progress and gets closer to moving into less restrictive levels of treatment- and consequently his freedom- he subverts his own success. He’ll break a house rule that sends him back to the beginning level in what seems to be a never-ending game of chutes and ladders. And what has now become a predictable pattern, he will isolate from everyone and try to blend into the woodwork for a couple of weeks, and then re-emerge as Jim again.

Tonight in family therapy group I observe Jim as he sits with his parents, Bob and Kathy, on the couch across from me. I usually note the position in the therapy room that the family members choose relative to one another as well as their body language throughout the session. Often it is symbolical and predictable of the family dynamics. I will watch the particular drama these families have acted out for decades together unfold before my very eyes.

“Take your places everyone! And…ACTION!”

Jim’s presentation is unusual for what I know of him. He usually has a calm, confident demeanor. But tonight, Jim sits at the end of the couch facing away from his parents. He’s curled up into a tight fetal ball, his brows are furrowed and he inhales small sips of air as if he’s in physical pain.

His mother Kathy squarely faces me, her arms outstretched like a Virgin Mary statue. Jim’s father, Bob teeters on the edge of his seat on the couch, his eyes wide and vigilant. He looks like he’s going to bolt for the door if things get out of hand. He sits on the other side of Kathy and she holds the space between them like a grand peacemaker.

My intention is not to sound cynical, but interpreting these ways of presentation through body language in a dramatic construct gives predictive value to what will most likely unfold in the consequent sessions. It is only recently that I am started to understand the science of psychology. The art of therapy came easily to me, but now, I am appreciating the science of it. I can now see the value of the DSM and assessments. I’m beginning to spot predictable behavior patterns that go hand-in-hand with certain diagnoses.

Family systems are of particular interest to me. Families appear to have the physics of kinetic mobiles. When one family member shifts their role, the system is upset and all other members must readjust and counterbalance with opposing and equal force. The turmoil is even greater when families are enmeshed and locked in rigid and inflexible roles with impermeable boundaries with the outside world. Often in families where drug or alcohol addiction is present, the addict has become the “black sheep”. He or she takes on the role of disposable scapegoat for the family…exhibiting and acting out all the darkness so that the other family members can maintain the façade of being the “perfect” family.

Jim’s parents present themselves as a flawless Latter-Day-Saint (Mormon) family. His father is a prominent dentist and bishop in their local ward. His mother is active in Relief Society and all Jim’s brothers have been on LDS missions, married and have children. Kathy looks down on Jim from where she sits, and merrily states that as a child, Jim was a “good boy” but as he matured, he became the family’s “little problem child.”

I look at Jim hunched in the corner and see that in this perfect family; someone had to be the vessel of darkness in order to give contrast and a counter balance to all of that light and goodness.

I ask Jim where his mind is and he rouses himself and with a wavering voice he recounts details about his girlfriend’s fatal overdose on the same night that he survived his own brush with death. A few of the pieces didn’t match up in his mind and he wonders out loud if it was suicide or an accidental homicide by a mutual friend who continued to inject heroine into her after she was already passed out.
Kathy sighs deeply and waves her arm in a theatrical, dismissive manner toward him. “Oh, Jim…you never loved Ashley! You only think you did!”

Her wide eyes turn to me and with a sing-song voice (which is completely incongruent with the gruesome content of the conversation), Kathy says, “You know…I think these teens use drugs because they’re just plain bored!”

I’m stunned by her lack of congruence and fumble for a response. “Well, you know…perhaps boredom could contribute to drug addiction. I’ve heard that for many residents, it can be a trigger for relapse, but I suspect there may be more to Jim’s heroine and cocaine addiction than boredom.” I pause to see if she has heard me, and then add, “I get bored sometimes, but I’ve never shot up heroine.”
Kathy collapses back into the couch with histrionic deflation and Jim curls into an even tighter ball. I consider how much Jim is in desperate need of mirroring. As an infant, Jim missed that mirroring and it have enabled him to internalize a healthy narcissism. This seems that the essential mirroring every child needs in order to be whole was never met by his parents.
“An addict lives a life of self-denial. Where the parents for their own narcissistic reasons are unable to mirror their child, the child lives with little sense of its own autheniticity” (Woodman, M. 1985. p. 101)

Bob skews his eyes to peer at Jim sideways without turning his whole head in his direction. He stammers, “You don’t think it could be our fault…I mean as parents…do you?” It seems like it may the first time he’s ever allowed himself to consider that the family may have played a contributing role in Jim’s addiction; that his family (other than Jim) may not be perfect after all. “Yeah, OK… I admit it, we had high expectations for Jim, but my dad was just as hard on me. And I turned out to be a dentist!”
It’s as if Bob feels that Jim’s lack of perfection will taint him. I think to myself that there is a deeper addiction in this family…an addiction to perfection

Dr. Levine goes on addressing the negative psychological side effects of perfectionism prevalent among the affluent. Values like cooperation, generosity, philanthropy, originality, ego transcendence, and self-expression leading to unique careers, are discouraged. Affluent parents may tend to overvalue a very narrow range of professions that led to their own success (law, medicine, business, therapy). Dr. Levine has seen numerous bright teenagers who are disinterested in school because their parents are just interested in two careers law or medicine. The skewed values of perfectionism affect the parents just as much as their children. Parents attempt to convey an image of flawless performance whether at work or at home or in society. The intent is to maintain an image of effortless perfection. Dr. Levine indicates that such a concept is self-destructive. Achievements are the results of hard work often associated with occasional failures that one had to overcome. To convey otherwise leads most often to a misrepresentation of our true human experience and contributes to the disconnectedness people experience even among close neighbors. (Madeline, L. 2006)

Perfectionism is a walk on a tightrope. Hyper-vigilance is required at all times to maintain a perfect appearance. Nothing ventured is nothing gained and anything ventured must be a huge success. Failure is completely unacceptable. Meanwhile, because none of that goopy shadow is allowed to crack through a sparkling exterior, the natural down cycles of the soul and inevitable mistakes and failures in life are unattended and unprocessed…left to their own destructive devices like outcast and unruly stepchildren. Unfortunately, life inevitably brings negativity and failure at times. Eventually, the darkness the perfectionist has desperately sought to suppress bleeds through. Exhausted, he can’t seem to contain nor tolerate the imperfection, and the result is an ugly crash and burn down into the zero state of utter, unforgivable failure. He disappears completely.

And it is a vicious cycle externally as well. The perfectionist never seems to need anything from anyone. Self-contained and without handles, never vulnerable, true intimacy with a perfectionist is impossible. And sadly, this acceptance and intimacy is what the perfectionist desires more than anything. That affirmation is the fuel for all of their heroic efforts to maintain the flawless façade. I often find that it is only when a perfectionist can no longer keep up the game and is forced to surrender and collapse into vulnerability and humanity that they first notice that people are ready to rush in and prop them up, relieved that these super hero is actually mortal. It is only then that the perfectionist may first entertain that they might be ok taking up space on this earth without having to earn their place in it by wowing the audience with a flawless performance.

Jim is just beginning his journey down the “middle road”. He has had the soaring highs of drug induced euphoria, and the bitter lows of overdose and legal realities. And now, his journey down the middle path is about putting one foot in front of the other and sidestepping the lofty ladders and destructive chutes that his addiction to perfection tends to present to him along his journey.











REFERENCES

Madeline L, (2006) The Price of Privilege New York, N.Y. Harper Collins

Satire. V. (2007) Helping Families to Change. New York, NY. Rowman & Littlefield Pub

Woodman, M. (1985) The Pregnant Virgin. Toronto, University of Toronto Press

My traineeship is at an inpatient drug rehabilitation program for adults. In family therapy group I observe my client, H as he interacts with his parents. The threesome acts out that scene they know so well… that is, their rigid family roles.

A second generation Iranian, H is thirty-years-old and strikingly handsome. He stands about 6’4” and has a commanding presence. His booming voice carries throughout the “house” and amplifies what is already an intimidating extroversion and over friendliness. He appears out of place here, donning baby blue Versace button-downs and towering over the other residents, who are often toothless and tattered.
He smirks like Sylvester Stallone and chuckles as he jubilantly relays horrific stories of pushing his ex-wife out of a moving car and holding a gun to his fathers’ head as he robbed him to buy drugs. The incongruence of affect and content is shocking. At first, I wonder what causes his extreme disassociation. But as I listen to H’s tales and watch him, it becomes clear. He has no empathy for anyone’s experience other than his own. However, the empathy he holds for himself is powerful.

I think of a Macy’s Day Parade balloon when I look at him. On one hand, he is a huge beautiful spectacle, seemingly gigantic and strong. On the other hand, he is so fragile; the smallest tear could completely deflate him. I am aware that somewhere beneath this balloon is a terrified little boy holding onto the string. He hopes no one notices him because the balloon is so spectacular. Once in a while, if I look carefully, I catch glimpses of him. The balloon is the defensive narcissism H has developed- the façade to protect himself. I get these glimpses when I carefully track his stories and ask pointed, yet subtle questions. Once I pointed out the content of his stories did not match his demeanor. He side glanced at me and winced, then turned his attention to my co-therapist, desperately trying to keep the seductive game going.

For two hours tonight, he sits in between his parents with his arms spread out and draped behind their backs. He holds the tops of each of their heads and they nod and blankly drone on about what a wonder and a gift to the world he is. He flirts with me, flashes his smile at my co-therapist and nonchalantly says he hates his sister. The incongruence of affect is alarming. I internally witness myself going in and out of fear, being seduced by his charm, hopeless, and finally, disgusted by his game. It is knowing he is vulnerable, a little boy holding the balloon string which grounds me and pulls me back to commitment to his treatment.

His parents leave and I make a comment that his body language was interesting to me. “You looked a bit like a puppet-master with two marionettes that you can make say anything you want.”

It’s as if I’ve let the air out of the balloon. H’s cocky smile fades as if it was on a dimmer switch and he deflates into a fetal position on the couch, looking at the carpet, completely despondent.

Upon my return to the office three days later, I learn that H has been demoted in the program because he acted out with terrible verbal rage against another resident and threatened to leave the program to go get Oxycontin and “check-out of this bull shit.”

H fits the classic DSM diagnosis for Axis II Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has an extreme preoccupation with himself, a lack of empathy, and grandiosity. However, this is a thin, brittle veneer which can be cracked with the smallest of perceived slights. His intrinsic insecurity drives his desire for false ego and release, and not surprisingly, he seeks opiates to numb himself from deflation and feelings of inadequacy and emptiness.

I have noticed a pattern of drugs of choice with different co-morbid psychopathology. The residents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often either turn to opiates to numb from deflation, or cocaine to sustain grandiosity and over-inflation.

In attending the family sessions, I notice that H was extremely overvalued and overindulged in his family. That was unfortunately combined with unpredictable and brutal physical abuse from his father. His Iranian father comes from a different cultural paradigm. He told me his culture prizes sons over daughters. H is the only son and has three sisters. Beyond the patriarchy of his culture and into the realm of psychopathology, H’s father indulged him materially and taught him how to beat women to keep them subjugated.

His mother is gorgeous and flashy as well. Her insecurity and narcissism manifested itself as a preoccupation with materialism. She used this façade of perfection to cover up the emotional tension- the ever present hotbed of tumultuous rage that was the daily reality of her family life.

In Self Psychology Theory, Heinz Kohut called the selfobject transferences of mirroring and idealization an imperative stage of childhood development. “In other words, children need to idealize and emotionally ‘sink into’ and identify with the idealized competence of admired figures.” (Wikipedia.org, 1/1/08). Then children need their own self worth reflected back and “mirrored” by empathic and caring others.

By using Kohut’s therapeutic process I could help H recover from the traumatic interferences in his early development. The key to providing this healing is for me, as a therapist, to display empathy. Kohut calls this mirroring a process of “vicarious introspection”. (Kohut, 1977)

Kohut theorized that our personalities develop by how we experience ourselves in the context of others. In H’s case, he needs to be idealized by caretakers and mirrored. Then as he is taught through example, the healthy and resilient traits of empathy, respect for others will emerge. Once these skills have developed and become somewhat internalized, the next shaper of the self will be the ability to idealize caregivers. In healthy development, children are secure and relaxed enough to trust their caregivers. This leads to an idealization of their parents. In time, this idealization becomes internalized and nourishes a healthy narcissism. H missed this opportunity because of the necessity that he remain vigilant to his father’s unpredictable rage and his mother’s emotional distance. Hopefully, after receiving patient and consistent witnessing from a caring therapist, this idealization will lead H to a sense of security and ultimately the capacity to develop intimacy with others.

I see a new sense of self is just beginning to chip away at H’s defensive self absorption. However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is notoriously difficult to treat. I feel that the co-morbidity of opiate addiction will ultimately be a positive in his treatment. It may sound odd, but narcissists rarely seek treatment because the suffering they cause doesn't register due to their lack of empathy. The opiate addiction therefore, becomes a marker of H’s subjective distress. This, rather than the suffering H’s lack of empathy causes his loved ones, will be the motivator of change.

My plan for H’s treatment is to focus on his problems of narcissistic rage, fragmentation and his chronic feelings of emptiness using empathic attunement to his affective state. I will support his developing healthy narcissism so that he can move toward self-actualization.

The pressure to be a consistent and a “perfect” therapist arises when someone is in such a fragile state of development. H is just sending out fragile tendrils of self and I don’t want to cause any further trauma by activating a sense of abandonment. Kohut’s words are comforting as he refers to where the narcissistic damage occurs, “What is pathogenic is not the occasional failure of the selfobject, but his or her chronic incapacity to respond appropriately.” (Kohut, 1977. 187n)

The underlying goal is to replace H’s unhealthy narcissism with a healthy one. This may be achieved by meeting the needs of idealizing, mirroring and twinship (alter ego).

H has recently begun attending church services at the local Zen Temple. We have been exploring the use of meditation in his treatment. It seems that the narcissism is fed by a sense of expectation of future mirroring. It seems to calm him when he explores states of deeper meditation and reaching a state of peace. This becomes a space for witnessing himself in the present moment. I think it may be a way to mirror self by sitting and referencing self moment to moment. Meditation creates a state of self-reflection and therefore literally, self mirroring.

The program at this house is a long term treatment. I am looking forward to watching how H’s treatment unfolds.

In preparation for Mindbender 2008, I am pleased to announce that Josh Shore, of Guerrilla News Network and Illuminated, will be interviewed on K-Talk Radio's InterViews and InterActions this Saturday January 12, 2008 at 2:30 MST. 630 on the AM Dial

The show can be heard locally, as well as online streaming live on www.k-talk.com.

Josh Shore from Guerrilla News Network (www.gnn.tv ) and Illuminated ( illuminated.com)

After creating and producing shows for MTV, Show time, USA Network and MuchMusic/Fuse in New York City, Josh Shore started the GNN (Guerrilla News Network) with Stephen Marshall (creator of the critically-acclaimed Channel Zero video magazine) in January of 2000, as an antidote to the corporatization of the mainstream news media. Designed to be an uncensored news network and independent production boutique, GNN built a leading online news platform that has attracted a committed global audience through the dissemination of alternative news perspectives and the production of Sundance award-winning documentary films and beat-driven NewsVideos. Guerrilla NewsVideos tell under-reported stories in the language of the music video, leveraging the popularity and social conscience of musical artists like the Beastie Boys, Eminem, Peter Gabriel, Dead Prez and many others, to make news appetizing to the global youth market. Alarmingly informative and implicitly viral, these videos have been deployed online since 2000 and harness the functional utility of the web to inform mass audiences of critical information that ultimately affects their world view and subsequent buying behavior. Most recently, Josh teamed up with long time GNN collaborator Anson Phong (phong.com) and started production on a new anime series called Illuminated, all about a little girl on the road to enlightenment. Developed to be deployed online and on mobile platforms before being re-released theatrically in 3D, Illuminated has also spawned a live DJ/VJ performance element called The Illuminated Experience, which brings the spirit of the series into clubs and festivals around the world, with stunning animation from the show, digital sacred geometry, revelatory documentary footage and live digital painting by Illuminated lead concept artist, Android Jones.

~and~

On Monday, January 14 at Monday 9:00am - Noon MST, I am pleased to announce that I'll be interviewed on KRCL on "Melodious"with Lala/LE. She'll also play music by Bassnectar, David Starfire, Wolfie and Illoom.

The show can be heard locally on 90.9 FM, as well as online streaming live on www.krcl.org


In addition, Mindbender has been featured in the magazine, The Catalyst January edition....www.catalystmagazine.net

".....A whole new twist on dinner and dancing January 18 Mindbender. Come on time, stay late.
The Second Annual Mindbender is a multimedia smorgasbord of progressive cultural ideas presented with DJs, movie trailers, “live art” and more.
What are the organizers aiming for? “An integrated sense of purpose, meaning, belonging, and celebration,” according to their website, designed by local art-and soul diva Sunny Strasburg. Mindbender “seeks to bridge the personal isolation which contributes to the apathy, political helplessness and turning-out that many suffer from today.” Call it a party with a
purpose. $20 (available online). "