What's happening

SN see's RED!!

SweetNypples — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:50:45 GMT

Okay, so I leave work early to head home before I get trapped by the large amounts of snow we are getting. I say goodbye to all you wonderful people, then I skip out of the office excited about the upcomming weekend and Easter holiday I hit the worse of two evils on my way home.. first, was a guy going 5mph, and I mean that literally.. I felt like I could have gotten out of my vehicle and ran faster then he was driving.. IN THE SNOW!!! So me and a few others in the LONG line were relieved to see this "extra careful" driver turn at the next light. When I continue slowly (about 40mph) down a very slippery snowy road. Moving slowly but making progress. I decide it's wise to stay on the main roads, as my back roads route has not even seen the likes of a snow plow yet. It is then that I get stuck by a train.. there is about 15 cars sitting at the train in front of me, and about 10 behind me. The road we are stopped on is littered with houses on either side, so it is impossible not to block driveways and such. Well it turns out, my car stopped right in front of some womens driveway. As I look to my left I realize she is just coming out of her home, and she begins to clear off her car. Once her task is completed she realizes I'm in front of her driveway and she can't get out. This nutso proceeds to scream at me flailing her arms all about. I unroll my window, and ask her where she expects me to go, as I am trapped between two cars. Again she screams.. then jumps in her car and pretends like she is going to ram my vehicle with her own, stepping on the gas pedal and coming only inches from my car. This is where SN begins to see red. Don't make a threat if you don't intend to follow through. I grab my phone, unroll my window and tell that Bitch that if she moves her car another inch toward my car, I'm calling the cops on her pyscho ass. She contiues to spew.. as any pyscotic would. I then realize this moron is doing all of this while sitting in her own driveway. SO.. I obnoxiously look at her house again, then her car, I unroll my window again to make sure she see's this manuver. I then read her address out loud.. "303 huh? That is GOOD to know".. then I proceed to read her license plate, and the make and model of her car. THAT is when I finally got this rare breed of a human to shut her trap. Yeah.. ya freak, now I know where you live. You better hope I'm not a serial killer. What is wrong with people??

VARMIN

SweetNypples — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:38:37 GMT

So Chadly (my finance) started feeling bad for a little kitty he seen prancing around our neighborhood. He was definatly a street cat.. but it's been so cold out lately that Chad felt awful for it being out on it's own. He finally caved in and put a little plate outside on our door step with some kitty food on it. After pleeding with him not to do so, because we'd probably end up feeding every cat in the neighborhood... I caved too, and started putting a bit of food out there each night as well. We did end up seeing two kitties starting to eat, before long. So the other day I get home from work and realize all the food has been eaten. I told Chad that I think we need to start limiting the food, cause these outside kitties were eating more than our inside one!! The other night he puts a plate out there for the kitties.... These stealth-like street kitties are hard to catch... so we try to keep a watchful eye on the porch now and then to see if we can catch a glimpse of either of them. Last night Chad finally catches one... he calls for me real quietly as if not to spook the poor thing.. He says he thinks we might have ANOTHER kitty out there, cause this one has a funny tail. As I glance out the window I realize that this kitty is not a kitty. I tell Chad "that's not a kitty... that's a POSSUM!!" Get that thing out of here!!! Chad quickly scares the creature off, but in the mean time, I'm practically wetting myself laughing so hard. Here we are trying to be good caring folks, and we end up feeding varmin... though Chad kindly pointed out.. Possums gotta eat too!!

Dear god

SweetNypples — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:30:28 GMT

Dear God, please turn me into a bird, so I can fly far... far far away from here!

Dog gone it Harold!!!

SweetNypples — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:02:20 GMT

He got me... I've been tagged!! 10 tid bits about SN... okay, here goes 1.) I like drinking my chocolate milk with a spoon! 2.) I can't walk through a toy store without buying something for my niece and nephew..... EVER! 3.) I have a serious problem when it comes to Halloween decor, I'm an addict, I want my whole house covered!! I'm considering therapy! 4.) I could eat Panera Bread Broccoli & cheddar soup everyday for lunch. 5.) I broke a strippers nose once (did I already tell you guys that?) 6.) My biggest pet peeve is stupid drivers 7.) Mean or vindictive people have no place in my life 8.) I'm a cuddle-aholic.... when I get home, the first thing I want to do is jump in my PJ's and cuddle on the couch with my honey 9.) I'm a sucky cook. I have three dishes I can make well, that's about it!! 10.) I melt like butter when I get massaged

Tribe needs our help

SweetNypples — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:30:55 GMT

Okay so we all had to be a smidged freaked to see that tribe was completely down for nearly two days... I'm told they are having trouble with some of their advertisers. Maybe we should pitch in a bit and help keep our favorite site running. I purpose that we all click on at least 3 advertisements today!! Everytime you click, it counts... so lets get our tribe a few more bucks, so they can work out the last of these kinks, no?!! Who's with me???

Angry

SweetNypples — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:28:17 GMT

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem.

You know your getting old when

SweetNypples — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:42:34 GMT

1.) Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.) Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.) You keep more food than beer in the fridge 4.) 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed 5.) When you hear your favorite song in the elevator 6.) You watch the weather channel 7.) Your friends Marry and Divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up" 8.) You go from 140 days of vacation to 14 9.) Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dress up" clothes 10.) You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore 11.) Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of just the begining of one 12.) Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt 13.) You take naps now 14.) A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit" 15.) When you find out your friend is pregnant you congradulate them instead of saying "oh shit, what the hell happened?" 16.) You read this entire list looking desperatly for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and ya can't find one to save your sorry old ass

I'm out

SweetNypples — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:02:56 GMT

I'm out... I'm done. fineto!! keep the drama for your mama!!

Thought of the day

SweetNypples — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:45:27 GMT

Handle every situation like a canine.... If you can't eat it or screw it.....piss on it and walk away.

This is so me, it's scary!!

SweetNypples — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 20:26:03 GMT

This is how it manifests itself: I decided to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I looked over at my car and decided my car needs washing. As I started toward the garage, I noticed that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find a can of Coke that I had been drinking. 'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-- they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. Then I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spilled on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill, then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: ----the car isn't washed, ----the bills aren't paid, ----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, ----the flowers don't have enough water, ----there is still only 1 check in my checkbook, ----I can't find the remote, ----I can't find my glasses, ---and I don't remember what in the word I did with the car keys! Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled, because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Don't laugh-- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!! Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Laughing at yourself is therapeutic. P.S. I just walked outside and SOMEONE LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE DRIVEWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya can't fix stupid

SweetNypples — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:22:16 GMT

I've seen a couple of these before... but there still funny!!!! Eighth Place - In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place - A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. Sixth Place - While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protecti on from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. Fifth Place - Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. Fourth Place - After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt. Third Place - Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed. RUNNER UP - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The co nversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. AND THE WINNER IS - Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46 , was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "Sh * t happens!"

The Wisdom of Larry, The Cable Guy

SweetNypples — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:23:55 GMT

1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 19. What happens if you get scared half to death -- twice? 20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? (Why isn't it always a psychic who wins the lottery??? 21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?" 22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, may burn your @ss tomorrow.

~Update~

SweetNypples — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:52:14 GMT

Thanks to everybody for such sweet prayers!!!! I wanted you all to know that Tiffany and Alyssa are doing well. Alyssa got released from the Hospital 2 days after I posted my last blog. She is still very sore, and as most kids are, VERY bored of being home for so long. She wants to go back to school soon (this is the only time this type of occurance ever happens with High schoolers!!!) above is a pic of the car she was in.... keep in mind, Alyssa was on the passenger's side of the vehicle. She is damn lucky to be alive!!!!

Lil prayer

SweetNypples — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 14:16:42 GMT

Can you guys send out a lil prayer for my friends lil sis (Tiffany) and her best friend (Alyssa) Alyssa was in a terrible car accident, a friend of their's stole Tiffany's car with Alyssa in it, and did a little joy riding... the ride went bad, and they ended up going straight into a tree! Alyssa has a broken ankle, bursted splene, liver failure, and internal bleeding. Though she is looking better in the pic above, she is still considered in critical condition. Alyssa is on the right, Tiffany is on the left. They are best friends... and if we all remember what best friends meant when we were a freshman in High School, then you know they feel like there tighter than tight!! give em a little love!! Thanks bunches!!

Bling Bling!!!

SweetNypples — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 15:00:17 GMT

I got it, I got it, I got it!!! I'm officially engaged!!!

Content in every way

SweetNypples — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 14:21:47 GMT

I know I typically only do funny jokes or stories in my blogs but I thought this was worth noting Life is really treating me well, lately. Me and my guy are probably the most comfortable with each other as we've ever been. We are starting to really plan for the future, and get our lives on track. Eating better, getting our finances in order, keeping the house clean, etc.... I'm feeling pretty damn good!! He sold his motorcycle the other day... thats nice chunk of money to use for fixing up the house more! Think were going to start with a water softener (funny how these things are more exciting than a bike, now!) And the best part... we are finally going to go RING shopping!! I'm stoked, I've been so patient with him on this (we've been together for 7 years now)... but as an impatient person, I was ready to explode!! Now it's finally going to happen!! Woo hoo My friends are all getting married this year.... so I'm super happy for all of them!! Hopefully some of them will be making babies soon!! (I love kids) All and all.... I'm a happy girl

5-hour energy scare

SweetNypples — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:14:14 GMT

OK, so my love for 5-hour energy is still going strong from the last time I blogged about it. I typically like to drink it on Monday mornings or very sleepy Wednesday's such as this Well today I got a scare from my beloved product. I was on my way to work yawning constantly, and jammin some tunes loudly, to try to wake up.... I pull over for my favorite energizing shot and head off to work. I gulp down the 5-hour energy while driving down the tollway when all of the sudden I get these awful tummy cramps... not two mintues later I get this incredible feeling that my neck is on fire...... I'm not shitting you, like somebody was literally putting a lighter to my neck. The burning feeling was so intense, I had to look down to make sure I did not drop a cigarette ash on myself. It slowly began to creep down my arm...... now at this point i'm freaking out... What the fuck is going on here?? I open the window to get a little air blowing on my neck. And manage to make it to work I work in a pharmacueitical company, so there are many doctors and nurses around the office. I go to my trusted friend and nurse. and ask her what is going on, As most nurses do, she asks me to lift my shirt (putting you in an uncomfy postion is key for nursing, LOL) anywho... turns out my entire body is red... fire red... like I had been sitting out in the sun for HOURS and am burnt to a crisp!!! She says I must have had an alergic reaction. How can this be? I drink this stuff ALLL the time!!!! Has anybody experienced this??? Now I'm kinda nervous to take it again.

True Friendship

SweetNypples — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 14:23:30 GMT

This is older, but well worth reading over and over again!! LOL 1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Colonscopies anyone?

SweetNypples — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 12:40:06 GMT

What patients say during Colonoscopies Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before! 2. Find Amelia Earhart yet? 3. Can you hear me NOW? 4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? 5. You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married. 6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief? 7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out... 8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels! 9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! 10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity. 11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you? 12. God, now I know why I am not gay. And the best one of all... 13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Beer-Puter

SweetNypples — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 12:35:00 GMT

FINALLY, after going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems... I have fixed my computer... and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!

I want to know you

SweetNypples — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 14:05:12 GMT

I stoled this from Brians Blog (thanks Brian) If your on my list... I wanna know more about ya!!! 1. Can you cook? 2. What was your dream growing up? 3. What talent do you wish you had? 4. Favorite place? 5. Favorite vegetable? 6. What was the last book you read? 7. What zodiac sign are u? 8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 9. Worst habit? 10. Do we know each other off line? 11. What is your favorite sport? 12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? 13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? 15. Tell me one weird fact about you: 16. Do u have any pets? 17. Do u know how to do the macerana? 18. What time is it where u are now? 19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? 20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be??? 21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? 22. What color eyes do you have? 23. Ever been arrested? 24. What is your favorite drink? 25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? 26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? 27. What 's your favorite place to hang at? 28. Do you believe in ghosts? 29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 30. Do you swear a lot? 31. Biggest pet peeve? 32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? 33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

That one tribe

SweetNypples — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 19:39:14 GMT

Hmmm it just accured to me that I am missing quite a few people in that one tribe from my friends list. So rather that re-invite people who have left, or bug the crap outta people that just finished cleaning up there tribe lists.... I figured I'd send out a blog. Anybody that is not already in "That one tribe" and would like to be... please let me know, and I can send ya an invite!! I love that tribe, and love the people and the open-ness about it.. so if your a stiffy pants.. don't bother!!! LOL Thanks a bunch!!

FALL CLASSES FOR MEN

SweetNypples — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 15:40:43 GMT

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday JANUARY 8, 2007 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Classes begin Monday, JANUARY 15 , 2007 Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.< SPAN style="COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"> Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 h ours. Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday noon , 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined. Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM .</ DIV> Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offer ed. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors

Stolen from Renae's blog.. Thanks girl!!!

SweetNypples — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 15:11:45 GMT

You are The Wheel of Fortune Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of intoxication with success The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change. What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out.

The Laws of the Natural Universe

SweetNypples — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 15:51:34 GMT

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Allebi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone with whom you don't want to be seen. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will (like your car and the mechanic). Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Murphy's Law of Saving: Spending rises to meet income. Murphy's Law of Leisure: Work expands to fill the time available.