Puttin' the "guh" back in "geek" since 1990.
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I don't like sporks.

What's brown and sticky?... A stick.

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So self-conscious I have to slip myself roofies to masturbate.

Cicadas sing out
"Rejoice! Summer is here!" - but
My lover is gone.

“Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased; thus do we refute entropy”
- Spider Robinson

How to make a Blade:

Ingredients:
3 parts intelligence
3 parts silliness
3 parts beauty

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php

SEX & ASS CABBAGES:

"I'd love to see it on the death certificate: Death by Menstrual Glare "
- Hekate

"Moral: Hooters girls poo, too."
- Iomi

"my only beauty hint is to not rub your eyes when you have cum on them. on the fingers i mean. because then, the eyes? kinda swollen in the morning. sometimes. "
- kꦿd

"Heaven hath no ecstasy like the Velma, unloos'd. Praise thee, Velma! Thy children get good grades; making them is a true Gift of life. Hallelujah! "
- Lokifreign, on the joy of nerdy chix

"Except, the overdub, with its poor audio, usually sounds like this. 'OHHHNF. FWACK MEEN FWAWKC MEEEN YOURF CWAG SN SO BAMAP' "
- Satan, on crappy porn

"Man...ya can lead the Bro's to the Strip CLub, but ya just can't make em go in and watch if there scared of boobies... he he he"
- Dutch

"My pussy just dry heaved. "
- Rebecca

"I sometimes have penis envy. Or maybe not envy so much as just the munchies or something."
- John

"God no wonder men are so insecure and overcompensate so much. They're practically helpless to our power!! ;) "
- Some chick...

"beauty is only skin deep and I'm a soul fucker"
- Trixie

"Jeez, that's what I need, a 30 year old rock-n-roll Vietnamese DJ with a mullet walking around the company calling me Orgasmo."
- Michael

"i know someone with an ass cherry what need poppin'."
- Ludmilla

"loosen those jeans, bitchcakes, cuz I think you found your Daddy"
- one of the Sams

"oh jeez. Is lotsa lube the new no yiffing? "
- EvilDubyaDubya *
* (Quote that inspired this module)

"By the way, if god really hates fags why is he fuckin' me up the ass all the time?"
- The HomoSam

"one of the great benefits of adulthood is learning just how good a thing greasy ass-sex is"
- miles

"Your post put a grin on my butt from balls to back! Thank you!"
- John (to Sunny)

"Hoooever wood dumple yoo eez ze ass cabbage ov ze turd degreeee! Donut fret, zare ar better tings een store fur yooooo!"
- Madame Gonzaga (of course!)

"It is surprising how difficult it can be to get a guy to tie you up, whip you, and fuck you in the ass."
- (err.. someone or other...)

"Fidelity is a complicated one, and it's different for everyone. I think the safest bet is to behave the way feels best for you. Unless, of course, you're a skanky, two-timing, duplicitous, drama whore. Then don't."
- Tracy

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FOOD:

"Just as long as you provide the sporks. I like ambivilent dinnerware."
- Flossy

"If we all started eating more meat we could snuggle up like banjo playing care bears with honey flowing out of their rainbow uteri."
- Flossy

"There is a fine line between finding bad candy and computer talk. I tread it lightly. "
- Enik

"God eats its own creations every day. How do you think compost is made? And what about when the compost feeds plants? And what about when animals eat each other? Like us, when we go out to dinner, or when an eagle eats a fishy? What about birth? It eats death. What about a baby nursing from its mother, who has transformed her blood into milk? (...)

Oh, I mean--I like sausage. Sausage is good. And bacon!! Bring on the bacon."
- Erin

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ET CETERA:

"Holy shit, Blade. You just earned the Tubgirl Memorial "Gouge My Eyes Out Please!" Award for 2007, and we're only in February. Congratulations. It's not easy to do."
- Rendall feeds my pervy ego

"What Blade lacks in volume she makes up for in SASSY! "
- Flossy making me smile

"Let's do a jig in the minefield of context. "
- Flossy

"humans are not Rational Beings so much as we’re Rationalizing Beings"
- F*ckerpants™

"I'm dealing with my shit. You should try it."
- Iomi, on how to get rid of emotional vampires

"Oh, but if I take out the "hyocritical fucktard" brush, then I just KNOW I'm gonna run out of tar in twenty minutes tops and not come anywhere CLOSE to the people who needed a pre-feather touchup. "
- Edward

"how many pants-crappin' midgets DOES it take before you categorize it as amazing?"
- Michael

"Jeez, you don't have to be such a FISHKNOCKER!!!"
- David

"Poor guy, he's not retarded, he's just hip."
- Michael

"Wisdom is for suckers. I will keep burning my hand until I am damn good and ready to buy a new stove."
- Vicious Kind

"Standards are cheap - make mine a double!"
- Vendetta

"my mind is a confusing and terrifying place. I'm torn between getting people to leave and doing something fun."
- Michael

"all things travel circuitously back to the airport terminals from whence they, you know...whenced."
- Bob

"Bob, your wisdom is like a breath of fresh air at a bean feast. "
- St00i speaketh truly

"he's like a booger. You can't talk to a booger and convince it to stop sticking to you. You gotta flick it away and get outa there."
- Michael

"I am so tanning your hide, you sassy-ass gutter snipe!"
- Ludmilla

"Pregnant, naked, singing "The Tide is High," wearing the dreadlock wig hat, in front of a room full of naked people. It really doesn't get much worse."
- Tracy

"I'm kind of into it. That's why God put hair on our legs—to feel the misty piss that would have gotten caught in our jeans had we been wearing jeans. Misty piss."
- Enik

"they just looked like teenagers. except that one was especially full of abject teenagerhood."
- Michael

"o dorkiness, i am thy ecstatic slave"
- A.J.

"Double kooky on YOU!"
- Rendall

"Oooh, I probably should have made him standing on a uterus. I'll see what I can do..."
- David

"Blade is a person
I talk to some times on tribe.
Five more syllables"
- Michael!

"Mr. Bush, dead children can't do 'Tha butt dance' anymore."
- Sqweegle

"Dew goot. Dew yore beast und wen zat fails, dew vun anuzzle. Ze needle exxxchange eez knot ze swapping meat. I tryed tou fluff aryoo az beast I coould."
- Ze MadHam says goodbye

"Yes.

Yes and more yes to all the shitty things and the wonderful things, yes to the striped and the spotted, to the colorful and the colorless large and small round and square there is only yes and being here and touching the now while we can. Yes to all of it."

- John