Official Party Report From New Lost City:
Apparently over the last weekend there was a party. Rumor has it that there was a particularly rowdy crowdy keeping vigil over a remarkably mundane, yet quite special, Puddle. This group has been sighted, at multiple times throughout the night, maintaining the sanctity of said Puddle. By sanctity, we are told that they would occasionally step in said Puddle, while continuing to attest to its holiness.
The names and places of the events and people herein have not been changed in any way, shape, or form to protect the innocent. Because none of the participants are remotely innocent.
Other Highlights:
Apparently Diannka has a proclivity for falling down. This was made evident upon her dive-sliding into another, non-sacred puddle. In an effort to alleviate Diannka's imminent embarrassment, Todka was seen to have "rescued" Diannka from the non-sacred puddle. In this instance the term "rescue" means that Todka simultaneously dove into the non-sacred puddle in a vain effort to remove Diannka from its blasphemous wetness. This puddle in no way, shape, or form contained any pee.
As the Puddle Team progressed throughout the evening, each member's strengths were not only realized, but capitalized on.
Donnka specialized in maintaining the sanctity of the Puddle. To this end, she would vocally assault any potential Puddle defilers in a vociferous barrage of compliments laced with pejorative underpinnings. Most potential supplicants to Puddle would be slowly drawn in...only to realize how unworthy they were of Puddle. And then run away. Fast.
Case in point: guy with the cool shirt to touch. He will never again attend an event with the Puddle Team in attendance. To his betterment.
Heathireka's proven method of attack lay in her ability to see a person, observe his or her weakness, and comment LOUDLY upon it. Due to her self-perceived invisibility cloak, it mattered not how loud her comments became, only SHE could hear them. Er, well, that's what she thought. And that is was the Puddle Team encouraged her to believe. Because it's really funny to hear Hethierka elucidate the details of an ex-vibrator-tester's detriments in a LOUD voice and then pretend she never heard. No. Really. If you weren't there you wouldn't get it. She's fucking invisible. And un-hearable.
Todka is very good at being drunk. Until he can't deal. Then he requires immediate extraction. Regardless of mission goals being achieved.
Diannka permeated the scene with a certain sense of...well...how do we categorize it? The phrase "comic relief" does not suffice. After many years of training, Diannka has perfected the art of falling down to entertain the crowd to a point of sublime beauty. And she wants to test vibrators.
Jillka continues to play the role of the "down low." Her observational techniques are currently under investigation by the CIA, FBI, NSA, and some other agencies. Cause they want to be able to both observe a situation, be involved in a situation, and tacitly approve of that situation enough to encourage further debauchery. SKETCH.
All told, the Puddle Team was able to maintain sanctity of said Puddle while simultaneously creating a scene around Puddle, a scene on stairs (Diannka!!!!), and infiltrating the highly guarded grounds of a foreign entity known eponymously as "Taco Bell." Successful infiltration and observation and coercion of all previously stated entities was, um, well, successful. So all told the evening was a success of successions through different succeeding locales.
In other words:
WE WON!!!!
Future missions will be announced, posted, and reported.
If Todka has any recollection.
Carry on.
