joined on 08/25/03
last updated 08/24/08
March 11, 2007
I love this guy! To date the only guy who went out on a first date with me and my son had to come (cause the sitter canceled) and he never complained. He even let him pick the place.........Burger King!!!!
And he still talks to me.
What more could you ask for in a friend?
January 20, 2007
Definitely a complex guy, but worth it to get to know! TN is a great listener, and asks you those questions you need to be asked when you're in a difficult dilemma. He is great to play with, listening to responses and tailoring just the right thing to do next.
October 18, 2006
If you know C at all you know how complex he is. He is a yoda among mere mortals, a sexual dynamo (so I've heard), a teacher and most importantly an awesome friend! A person you can count on to listen to you and really think how he can help, C is a great guy and he makes the perfect professor for any girl with a Lolita fantasy!
July 17, 2005
He can disarm you wih a look. You would never know from those gentle blue pools that he can also disarm you with a twist of his arm. ;-) It's hard to tell what's going on behind those eyes and what's getting cooked up in that twisted mind of his, but it's a fun ride either way. He's one of the more interesting conversationalists I've ever known.
! Gold Star Tribe !,
Advanced Rope Bondage,
Ageplay-for-Fun,
Asperger's Syndrome,
Bay Area BDSM Polyamory,
Bay Area Leather Pagans,
Bay Area Tantra,
BDSM,
BDSM and Spirituality,
BDSM and Tantra,
BDSM Newbies,
BDSM Tips & Techniques,
bdsm-sfbay,
Center For Sex and Culture,
ChaosMagick,
Cirque du Soleil,
Citadel Singles ~ Tryst,
Consciousness and Sexuality,
Corset Connection,
CrushLab... an alternative singles night,
...
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After many years as a staunch tribe supporter, I find I must now grudgingly admit that tribe has lost inertia, lost critical mass, and is largely a ghost town. I am giving up on tribe for now. My profile will continue in hopes that tribe will someday rise again, but in the mean time, I probably won't be spending much time here.
You can find me in a number of other places, including livejournal.com, bondage.com, okcupid.com, collarme.com, and a number of mailing lists. I'll probably show up shortly on fetlife, mydungeonspace, and facebook so please feel free to look me up on any of those or to drop me a pm on any of these. I'm "teamnoir" on nearly all of them so I'm not hard to find.
(with guitars! (from "Know Your Rights" - Clash))
If you've reached this profile, then you've probably read my writings somewhere or met me in person. You might even be in the middle of an interaction or dialogue with me somewhere and you might be looking for some clues about who I am and what I'm about.
Here's a big one. I'm autistic - self identified aspergers syndrome. Most of the time I pass for NT, (neuro-typical), or just a little bit odd. And I'm not particularly debilitated. This comes from decades of hard work and practice on my part trying to present myself as someone with plausible social skills. And I still don't always win.
For example, I try, but don't always remember to say "hello" or "good-bye", (15 years worth of working on this). Or to make eye contact when talking with people, (25 years of working on this). Or to smile when meeting people, (very recent, under a year of working on this). I'm typically stressed in "social" situations. The less structured, the more stress. Your basic "drinks & small talk" party is one of the more grueling experiences in my life. And if I'm alone in a new social situation, I'm often "stone faced", which leads many people to project all kinds of fears onto me that really just aren't mine.
Here are some helpful hints for those who don't (yet) know me very well.
1) If you think you are having an awkward, difficult, or confusing interaction with me, there's a virtual certainty that I'm experiencing something very similar about you. I'm not "trying to be difficult". Really.
2) I'm relatively guile and game free. If you think I'm playing you, or trying to, then we almost certainly have a misunderstanding already and it's extremely unlikely that I've created the misunderstanding intentionally.
3) The best way to clear up a misunderstanding with me is to double check your assumptions by asking me point blank questions. I'm almost certainly doing the same thing with you already.
4) If you think "everybody knows" something, then you'd better say that thing explicitly. If "everybody knows" something, then there's a really good chance that I don't know it.
5) I suck with providing validation, (15 years of working on this). I'm still working on it, but I still suck at it. Let me just apologize right here, up front, days or weeks in advance of whatever interaction we might be having. I suck at validation and I'm sorry. Please do not confuse a lack of validation on my part as thinking any less of your perspective. I'm unlikely to say, "that's an interesting point, but what about..." I'm much more likely to just bluntly ask the next question. It's not personal, and I don't mean to be attacking you. Really.
6) I'm capable of providing validation - I just don't think to do so, especially if I'm stressed, (eg, in a social situation), or in the middle of a discussion. If you want it from me, please feel free to ask me.
7) I don't mean any of this to be an excuse nor is it an intent to duck responsibility. I intend to take responsibility for myself and for my actions. But at the same time, I can't take responsibility for things I don't know about. And if you haven't told me explicity, then I probably don't know about it. (See also #4 above).
8) I have a tendency to be blunt, terse, very direct, and exceedingly precise in my language. It's only very rarely intended to be aggressive or hostile. Please don't read it as such.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled profile.
about me
I generally eschew most self identification labels. Among the few I do embrace are: tantrika, dakha, shaman, player, engineer, autistic, hypnotist, cancer, musician, photographer, NLP master. I write a lot. I'm a deep thinker.
I'm also on free-association.net, okcupid.com, livejournal.com, bondage.com, collarme.com, vox, sparkpeople, aim, yahoo, and jabber.org as teamnoir. I mostly blog on livejournal, (included below), which is another fabulous social networking site.
I'm now formally diagnosed as aspergers.
I'm having some trouble at work that I'm treating as disability discrimination/harassment so seeking a formal diagnosis seemed pertinent.
Thu, November 12, 2009 - 9:49 AM
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4 comments
Blood orange is the new pomegranate. Pass it on.
Wed, July 15, 2009 - 8:18 AM
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1 comment
"Perseverate on marksmanship"
Anyone else think this sounds like fun?
Mon, June 1, 2009 - 8:57 AM
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Someone on another list recently asked for a description of how someone "who actively and openly participates in the Poly lifestyle" experiences intimacy.
My reply follows.
I don't participate in any "lifestyle". I simply live my life. There's no membership card nor administration council.
I also don't have "primaries" and "secondaries" as to me, that's too rigid, too linear, too much like exclusivity. The place I first heard that language, (primaries/secondaries), was from "Love ...
read more
Wed, May 20, 2009 - 9:57 AM
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Wed, May 6, 2009 - 4:22 PM
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"Another superb bay area play space"
"marware makes fab neoprene cases, cushy & water resistant"
Re: It's official
(in Wild Aspies)
I hear you.
I don't actually believe in emotional damage. Emotions aren't like cars that get broken or fixed. They're more like sand beaches. It doesn't damage the sand to walk on it. It changes it, sure. And it'll change another way again...
read more
discussion post on Wed, November 18, 2009 - 5:54 PM
Re: It's official
(in Wild Aspies)
It makes sense if you're a doctor in the business of addressing pathology. If you aren't complaining, then there's nothing to fix.
discussion post on Sat, November 14, 2009 - 1:31 PM
Re: It's official
(in Wild Aspies)
Unlikely.
The aspergers name will probably stick for a least a century as at least a self identification label and probably as an epithet, (think "queer"). And I think it's good that the self identification label separate from the clinical lab...
read more
discussion post on Sat, November 14, 2009 - 11:29 AM
Re: It's official
(in Wild Aspies)
I expect they'll stop diagnosing aspergers. And overall, I think that's probably a good move clinically for now. The current set of diagnostic criterion kind of suck. Pretty much nobody uses them.
discussion post on Thu, November 12, 2009 - 10:59 PM
It's official
(in Wild Aspies)
I'm now formally diagnosed as aspergers.
I'm having some trouble at work that I'm treating as disability discrimination/harassment so seeking a formal diagnosis seemed pertinent.
discussion post on Thu, November 12, 2009 - 9:50 AM
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