On Death and Choices

I want to thank everyone for their kind words regarding my mother's recent death. As i said to many of you, it was sudden but not unexpected.

My family seems to have a slightly different view on death than most. We do not fear it. We feel it's a choice. The only time we see it as a tragedy is when there is no choice. Like the victims of Hiroshima, the ones at point blank range had no choice in the matter, their bodies were dissembled at the atomic level.

Short of that, though, pretty much anything you've ever heard of happening to someone and killing them has been survived by someone else. Be it shot, run over by a car, electrocuted, frozen, fried, drowned or by disease, someone somewhere has survived it. As it happens, *I* have survived all of those. Guess I only have two lives left... :o)

Any way, consider James Brady. He was Reagan's body guard that got half his head shot off. People have survived jumping out of a plane, walking through lava, eaten by sharks, etc. Really, Seriously, almost anything at all has been survived by someone.

We believe that every time you go through trauma, any trauma, you get a choice. Sometimes you recognize it, sometimes you don't. When I was electrocuted as a child, I was thrown 30 feet by the juice and was down for about 5 minutes. Then, suddenly, I restarted. No choice, no tunnels, no angels, just a moment of black and I was shaking uncontrollably on the ground.

The first time I knew about the choice, I was in my teens. My "arthritis" was so bad that I was walking with a cane. I was told I'd be in a wheelchair by 18. I bent down to pick something up and my joints popped (think of the size difference between you hand knuckles and your knees... it was LOUD). A friend asked if that hurt and the choice hit me. On the one hand, I could go for the sympathy, say "yeah, it hurts" and get them to help me up. But that way lead to the chair. On the other hand, I could dig deep inside, figure out the truth and let sympathy be damned. I did, and answered 'no, it feels kinda cool actually". And my life started to turn around.

Since then, I've had one or two more choice moments, and of course, I started recognizing the choices when deep trauma stopped my heart and breathing. I know every day I spend on this planet is because I've chosen to be here.

Same for my mother. She's had a pacemaker made by Microsoft for years. At this point, she's about 20-30% artificial parts: heart valves, hips, leg bones, eyebrows, etc. Bits and pieces she was less and less .... her. It bugged her. She hated being a burden. And most importantly, she wanted to go out like her mother did.

My grandmother made the choice to go and gave herself two weeks to say goodbye. One day, I was taking her to the phone company and watching her one-arm a counter rep in an argument about her bill. A week later I get a call that she's in the hospital and going fast. Everyone got the same speech: "she's not very lucid, don't be surprised if she doesn't recognize you." Well, she recognized me... from across the room and through the door. We shared a few moments that were too personal to blog and then, Poof, she was out like a light; completely unfocused and non lucid. Two days later, she wrote a little note saying, "thank you for the wonderful service" and went to sleep for the last time.

I know my mother fussed around for almost a year getting things straight. Made sure everyone was all good. Then tried to go out with the same grace as Her mother. I guess she was hanging on to hold that red-headed grandchild or something. Whatever it was, she decided she'd had enough. I've never known her mind well enough to even begin to guess her motives. But I do know that she chose to go.

Watch for those choices. They happen to everyone. I have a friend who recovered from Lupus because she caught a choice and was ready for it. And the next time you run into something you fear, stop and think. Is this fear based in the fear of Death? Knowing that you have a choice over the moment of your death can unravel all your other fears.

Matriarch RIP

My mother died last night in her sleep. She was 86 years old (oh, the irony of that), birthed 7 children and held over a dozen grand children. She is survived by all her children and her husband of nearly 70 years. Her mother was the undisputed matriarch of our family, and upon her death, she tried to maintain order by stepping into that role. But like so many nuclear families these days, her progeny cast themselves to the 4 winds .... uprooted and unlinked from their past. Like her mother, her two daughters stayed close by and kept watch on her. And like her mother she fought death to the end, but eventually gave in with grace, in her sleep.

It is her wish to be cremated, and I might have to perform the cremation.. ;o)

If you read this, eat a warm, chocolate chip cookie and call someone you love.

Lets get Excited!!!

I have my reasons. They're solid. You know I was a Clinton supporter. This crap about switching to McCain is unwarranted and unfounded. Here's to VP Clinton, and a nice enthusiastic presidential race.

My perfect car Stereo

Fifty watts per channel, an auxiliary jack, and a volume knob. That's all I want. No AM, FM, Cassette, or CD. I don't need "iPod Compatibility" or a "satellite ready' unit. I just want to plug in my damn iPod and play music crisp and loud. Is that so wrong?

Why do I have to get bells and flashing lights, and removable faceplates, and cd changers, and gawd knows what else just to get a damn auxiliary jack? And when I do find something minimal (am, fm, cassette, aux), it only has 2 watts per channel.

Why can't I get power and simplicity? Fine... AM, FM Aux, and two channels of at least 40 watts per. That's my final offer...

Anyone know where I could get something like this?

Phones, Phones on the range....

Okay, so as of today, California has a "no handset' policy while driving. Mind you, you can still TEXT while driving, but you can't use the handset for talking. ARRGH! Oh well, it's a start.

But I have other phone stuff for you. If you have the right kind of home phone, you can turn it into a speakerphone on the cheap. Here's how. First, you need a cheapie cordless phone from, say, Radio shack. The crucial component is that the handset needs to have a headset jack. Your basic cell-phones could work this way too. Next, you need one of these:
shop.crackberry.com/seidio-a...1557A.htm
It's a headset jack adaptor designed to allow you to use real headphones instead of the crappy headset phones that come with the mic. So, you plug this in, but instead of adding headphones, you add a small speaker setup like anything designed for the ipod. I used one of these:
www.shopping.com/xPO-JVC-C...n-Speakers
Total price, not including the basic phone, about $30 with tax and shipping. Compare that to a bottom of the line speaker phone, that starts at $100, and you got yourself a deal.

and finally, the coolest phone ever is about to become about 1000 times cooler (assuming you don't get into "Jail breaking") The iphone (and iPod Touch) are about to get downloadable apps. Soon I hope. They promised that the App Store would be open for business "late June" in a speech at the beginning of the year. But it seams that we may have to wait until the new iPhone 3G gets released on the 11th for this to become a reality. *sigh* I hate waiting.

OOF 08

Okay folks, back at Shiva Vista this year. And we have three events planned... dust storm or not.

1) Flame pass. We're gonna try another flame pass. The first half of this video displays the five skills that breathers should practice for flame passing: Breath, sustain without torch, hit torch (with someone else waving the source torch), two torch (carry the flame from one lit torch to another soaked one about a meter away), hit-two torch (someone waves the source and you light a soaked torch)/
video.google.com/videoplay

2) Breather's box. The second half of that video shows the skills needed for the breather's box, a scary idea I came up with that's never been successfully done.

3) Best stunt. As determined by the fire breathers entering the contest, best breathing stunt wins the coveted Brass Balls award.

And if we get more than 100 people, we still need to Crush the dutch.
www.geocities.com/burningbreathers/

7 words George Carlin can't say on television...

Mister Conductor is still fucking alive bitches.
Sigh, the angriest comedian and one of the smartest verbal comedians EVER died after 71 years of snarky sarcasm.

Poo

So, one last time
"rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat!
69 assholes tied in a knot
Yaay, lizardshit, FUCK!"

G'by George. We loved ya. We'll miss ya.

I'm sold

So, after much debate and thought, I think I'm finally sold on a sustainable technology: Hydrogen.

After seeing the various types of hydrogen vehicles, I'm impressed. There's one that is just a modification of a standard Internal Combustion, petrol burner. Plus, there's a new "solid H" way of storing hydrogen without pressure, that can even be used as crash resistant padding. These solid cells could be charged up anywhere (like Kramer Junction) and transported anywhere where a H genny happens to be. But there's more. Through small electrolysis combined with solid-H tech, small, home solar units could be used for long-term fuel creation and storage. No more battery waste or short lifespan issues. ANY electric source can be used for electrolysis (byproduct: breathable oxygen), with the electricity stored onsite in the form of Hydrogen, nearly permanently, and now, safely with the solid H tech.

On the flip side of the coin, I have an enemy, too.

First and foremost pollution problem seems to be [drumroll please]
Single serving plastic containers. Not just bottled water, but plastic iced coffee, shakes, drink boxes, cigarette wrappers, bottles, disposable lighters, jars, toilet paper wrappers, tissue box seams, magazine wrappers, and so much more. My favorite quote on the subject is:
"We've created a substance that will last almost forever and instead of using it for things we want to last, we use it in things we throw away after a single use."
This goes WAY beyond the "paper or plastic" issue, but digs into nearly everything you do. All of this stuff is ending up in landfills and in the oceans. They block light, kill animals, dampen sound, etc.

I've kicked the daily petroleum habit. Though I go through shoes faster because of it. My office is nearly paperless and both businesses produce less waste than my home. My home produces about 1/3rd the average american home, and I'm working ion taking that down to 1/4. SS plastic is next. No more plastic cups for shakes. No more disposable lighters, canvas shopping bags (already there), etc.

I'm sooo in trouble

So, my all-time favorite cookie has always been the nestle tollhouse. I've never been able to get enough of them.

Recently, I discovered that they have pre-made tollhouse dough in a tube. Yeah, I know, 'bout time. Give me a break, my mom always made them from scratch. My only way to keep from gorging on them all the time was the fuss it took to make them.

Well, now I've managed to figure out how to make them (well) in my toaster oven (4 at a time). And I can just roll up the tube and keep some in the fridge. I can have my favorite warm melty cookies any time I want.

So much for losing weight... :o/