My Blog

I Haven't Vanished....

TerraNoir — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:02:38 GMT

Just in the process of moving currently! Tomorrow I sign my lease and make out two checks for amounts I never thought I could write MY VERY OWN CHECKS FOR! Its bittersweet. But I am sooo very very excited. But at the same time...not leaving very much time for bellydance. So some more updates.... I found out recently that a good and very close friend of mine passed away...a whole MONTH after it happened. I was sooo devistated. And the other thing that was bad about it...it was from someone who barely knew him. Not even one of his really close friends bothered to tell me. I was a lil irked. I know that sometimes I can be hard to track down...but still no reason to completely cut me out. So I am working on a piece just for him. I am hoping that it goes out well. I am hoping to maybe get a costume made in time...maybe. So we shall see on that one. I've become a lil melancholy about my class. I feel like I am getting no where with my current teacher. My husband went with me...and he says that he sees the same things that I do. Which is kinda disappointing. I really like the people and the classes. Just seems that the vibe is gone or something is just off to say the least. I'm not making any forward progress in her eyes...but anyone else who sees me dance can see it. EVEN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN CLASS SAY I REALLY DO A GREAT JOB. Minus the fact I can't spot turn. Some of them wonder why she's not taking me with them on the student performance. The most logical answer is because I am a very inconsistent with my attendance of class. Though that is no choice of my own. And I always make class or I have a private lesson. So I always see her once a week regardless. I guess its not the same thing. Who knows. But I've started going to a new teacher. And she is amazed with my potential of learning new steps. She is very encouraging and just a ball to be around. I kinda feel like she is my friend and my teacher at the same time. I hope that maybe I can grow more as a student now...then I have been. I feel like I've been in a rut all this time. I've been working on a few new pieces...and I am hoping to have them done. I can't sew since everything is getting packed up...which blows because I really want to go to town on my sewing machine. I can do one more project before I have to leave. Since I have about a week left and I basically have to just plan on working on the whole thing before I go into work. Though I am itching to the fabric store. I really really do! I have an awesome idea for a belt I kinda scrapped. It will never look as good as the real thing...but I like it. And I have no idea on where my camera is right now. I have the battery and its all charged up...but no camera. I'll have to try to find it somehow. But yeah...thats about it. See ya in few weeks! Oh yeah! I'm super excited about the Tempest 08 intensive weekend in Detroit! i want to go sooo badly! I wish July would come already! Its going to be super awesome. I get to have a three day weekend for the Fourth of July too! I can't wait!! Alot of new things are happening. I didn't get to get my birthday presents minus two pairs of Melos my cousins got for me. So I am anxious to see what I get from my hubby! So yeah...now thats officially it!

A Long Awaited Update

TerraNoir — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:54:18 GMT

Well its been hard for me to write this blog. I've written it over and over again since about March 9th. I still can't find the right words...and so I think I am trying to sugar coat it for myself...more than anything. So here it goes. And I may I preface by saying that this is NOT a "Poor me...I've got a chronic illness....have pity on me...feel bad for me" blog. Just telling the truth.... As of that date...my disease has come back again...and I've been extremely ill. It made me very depressed, angry, and alot of very negative emotions and feelings. The drugs I was put on made me feel worse than I have felt the entire time. And that says alot. It makes me wonder if my body is rejecting modern medicine for a reason. And why it puts up such a fight and makes me miserable before it allows me to take it. I had nasty spells where I couldn't make it to class in fear that i would just throw up on the floor. The drugs made me so dizzy I could spin for anything in the world without wanting to fall on the floor. Not to mention that the pain made any isolation or movement just ache. Then after that the weather was soo poor and I was catching colds left and right. One sneeze from someone near by and I was sniffing and sneezing shortly thereafter. And its not in my head either. It says so right on the bottle that I'm more likely to catch colds from people and to try to avoid them at all cost. HA! Like that is going to work when I work in a hospital.....all the time....so meh...I've had to curl up on the floor from the pain, and try not to do it in public. One time my husband and I were at Guitar Center with his friend and I had to beg him to sit there and play an accoustic guitar so that I didn't have to get up...it hurt that much. Though right now...my body has decided to let me take my drugs...though I know that I will have to put in firm talks with my doctor on getting me off of them. I think that modern medicine these days over medicates people and doesn't allow the body to do its own natural healing. Its good for helping it, but it shouldn't be made that a person will have to rely on this stuff every single day for the rest of their lives...especially a person as young as myself. I have all sorts of crazy shananigans to get myself into before i sit around at home and watch movies and play cards as if that was the best thing since instant flakes. I have alot more dancing in me....and I just need for the medicine to stop doing what its doing. So I am trying to get myself together and get my butt back into dancing. I was off for far too long....so I just have to make it work. Drugs most certainly do not like me....and I don't like them. If I could...I'd dump them all in the toilet and not refill a single one of these perscriptions again. Sometimes I just can't believe that my own body would want to get in the way of what I am passionate about. To keep me away from dancing. To keep me away from alot of other things too. Just the thrill of living. I often just lay in bed curled up staring out the window. But enough of dwelling on that..... To end this blog on the high note. My husband has signed me up for some workshops i have been dying to go to. Though its not Tribal Fest or Spirit of the Tribes....but it will be a lovely start. I've been making corset belts and bras while laying in bed. Giving me something to do . And when I can get up and go about doing things...I have worked on choreography and started learning how to play the guitar. I am hoping to start my lessons next month...as well as going back to class on a regular basis. Though I will have to ask my instructor on how to modify a few things so I don't feel completely left out in class. And hopefully i will have a performance in July! Which would be really exciting. And I am working on the costume right now. Hopefully I will have more pictures up. Of course it would be nice if I had some other picture than the one I have now. SO thats my goal for this week...is to get some new pictures on here....and work on my choreography. I am hoping to have a video up on Youtube. So then I can get some feedback on what to make better. Thats going to be around next week or the week following goal. From now on...I do plan on posting a blog here once a week...just so that I can hold myself accountable if anything else. So here it goes!!!!!!! Wish me luck...and send all the positive enegry you can spare my direction....I certainly need it.

Up All Night....

TerraNoir — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:40:24 GMT

-le sigh- It seems like my genius has run out. I've been working on a costume and it seems like I've hit a bit of a hump. Not sure if I should post this idea on one of my favorite tribes yet....I'm very very determined to figure it out on my own. I thought maybe blogging about it might help me get my thoughts together and get over this small creative block. The theme for my costume is Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I'm thinking the color scheme should be either green and blue....with highlights of red and bronzes. Or orange and purple.....with grays and blues for highlights. My huge issue with making up my mind. I've drafted a pattern for my halter top. I'm hoping that i've placed the darts in the right place. I'm almost tempted to go hunting in my fabric bin/clothes that I've been meaning to use to make something else drawers and make a mock up first. The other issue that I'm having is that I can't decide on my make up either. Though there is a huge teeny tiny detail. I have to put this costume gift together by the end of the month. I know. Not the smartest idea. I can whip up anything in a day or so. I made a full ren. faire costume in a day. So I'm confident about my sewing abilities. I just wish I wasn't so indecisive. Though I've been working on my choreography....I'm sooo excited and nervous about my performance. Though its alright I guess. My husband is really pushing me to do a lil appearance with his band. Though I think that he is a lil crazy about that. But who knows what will become of that. I hope that maybe writing about this might be able to help me think of something...and finally make a decision about the whole situation.

On With The Dance

TerraNoir — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 06:30:39 GMT

My first blog here on Tribe....so bear with. I suppose I've been the girl with just a cute lil icon, but no face. I've notice that a few people come on my page and see basically something blank and not so pretty. Well I am deligently working on something that might be more appropriate to display on Tribe. Since I am sort of e-self concsious. Though me personally....I don't care too much about what people think in general and I've been caught looking quite crazy. The past few weeks for me have been of deep reflection and why I dance. Since I haven't been able to as of late. Not even practice which makes me even more upset. But I'm getting back on my horse tomorrow! Yay me! As well as going back to my class as often as I would like to. My sweet husband is making sure of that one and holding me totally accountable for that as well. For a reason unknown to me...I've become more passionate about alot of things lately and I haven't noticed it. And this goes with bellydance. I began dancing because my tummy wanted to (and still does) spite me. Soooo my thinking was I'm going to put you out there for the whole world to see...so how do you like them apples?! Eventually my tummy decided to behave alot more. And I got to have the gift of bellydance and enjoy the "addiction" with other people. My friend Becka actually was the person who dragged me to my first class. And I never stopped since. I went...I went through the motions...I thought that maybe tribal might have been too "moody and earthy"...so I hopped over to cabaret...but still took the tribal classes. And then I couldn't smile as much as the cabaret dancers. My face hurt too much...so I switched back to Tribal...and then Tribal Fusion. Taking alot of the dance experience I had and brought it this dance. Then to my surprise Gothic Bellydance was around too! And I was excited...elated...overjoyed and so happy! That now I don't think I can stop dancing even if I wanted to. I also like to sew....ALOT. When I had the space to do it in...I used to have a sewing project every weekend...or even during the week. Keeps me busy. But I have no real space to set up my sewing machine anymore. SO I'm doing everything by hand or this tiny sewing machine I got from Walgreens for thirty dollars. It hasn't been tried yet....but the day will come...or I might have to bring out my real sewing machine and try to find a place to do it. If I'm not sewing or dancing....I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I have made it a ritual to dance all the time....If I don't make it to my class...I at least practice for about an hour today. Even if its just an hour shimmying or doing mayas and hip figure eights. Though I should start throwing snake arms into that. I am working on my dance journal. Though this will be part of it. I am just really excited to be on Tribe. So that I can share my expereinces with other people. Since I can't really share it with anyone else...besides my husband. He's such a doll. He wants to get involved as much as possible. And he keeps wanting me to go to class. I've never had someone encourage me to do something so much as he does on a regular basis. Its sooo sweet and loving. Sometimes I feel so selfish for doing it...but he has his band that he goes to. SO when I'm off bellydancing he is playing guitar and having a blasty blast with his friends from work. So I am hoping that this year I will see all the progress that I have set for myself. Thats about it. Just a lil snippet of my bellydance ramblings. I know...doesn't make a bit of sense...but I swear! It made soooooooo much sense in my head!