Are You There God? It's Me, Big Daddy

Power

theangryyoungman — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 04:33:36 GMT

Knew of her. Past tense. She's dead, Fern. She died. But we've got a bit of a problem because you know we did it. You heard us. That gives you a little something called power. The power to tell. And you're the kind of girl that tells. A tattletale. A rat. I know you. I know all about you. You're the one that the geeks won't dance with because they're at home fucking old pervs in cyberspace. There's nothing to hide, Fern. You're nothing. We're everything. You're the shadow, we're the sun. But I’m here to offer you something you never dreamed of, something that you were never meant to be, but will be. Because today, my dear...fate has decided that you are cool. We're gonna make you... ...one of us. Beautiful, popular... ...loved, feared. All you've ever dreamed of. lf, and only if... ...you never, ever tell anyone what you heard. Think of it. Liz is gone, Fern. Take her place. You know you want it. Think about boys. Think about prom. They'll be lining up for you. -Not with oil. -But with drive. -Watch the eyes come alive. -You as us. A dash of magenta. Lashes bold, black. X-rated gloss. -Hair frames the portrait. -Some gilded. -Colour, the secret to not growing old. -We cut, layer and curl. -For a look that is you. -For the hair of a dead girl. -Lips full and dark. -Lush. A fine line that traces a deep, crimson heart. Rest now, sweetness. The beauty we molded... ... from sheer misery. - Rose McGowan, Jawbreaker

Theived from Jeanmarie

theangryyoungman — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:58:37 GMT

1. When is your birthday and how old are you? March of 1971. I’ll be 35 for one more week, though I claim to be forever 30. Emotionally, I’m about 14. 2. How did you get your name? My parents were dirty fucking hippies 3. What was your first word? Fuck you, Hitler! 4. What was the weirdest thing you did as a kid? Nothing. I didn’t start doing weird things until I was a teenager. 5. Do you sleep naked? Never 6. Orange juice or apple juice? Apple 7. Would you dress as the opposite sex? Depends on the occasion. 8. Soup or Salad? Both. 9. Have you ever bought a car? No, actually. I’ve owned three cars, all three were given to me by my parents. 10. Have you ever been expelled from school? No, but I was suspended for a week in 7th grade. 11. Favorite age you have been so far? 28 12. Have you ever been surfing? Yes 13. Have you ever gone skiing? Yes 14. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, twice. I crashed into the back of some chola’s mini truck when I was 17 and the following year I hit the side of a mountain while driving when I shouldn’t have been. Luckily no one was hurt, though I did bust an axle. 15. Ok! Fess up who was your first kiss? Age 4, my cousin Deidre. Supposedly I was always pestering her for kisses. 16. Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend? Yes. I don’t recommend it. 17. What's the best concert you've seen? Supersuckers, 7th Street Entry, winter 1996 18. Do you like dancing? Yes. 19. Have you ever written a song? Yes. 20. What's your favorite book? A Confederacy of Dunces. I like picaresque literature as it reflects my worldview. 21. Have you ever prank called someone? Of course. “This is the power company, is your refrigerator running?” “yes” “Better go catch it!” Bwa haw haw…hey! Guess what color Christa McAuliffe’s eyes were… 22. Do you believe in soul mates? No. No way. In fact, I’m hostile to the concept. 23. Do you like your name? It’s ok. It’s long and pretentious. 24. How much cash is in your wallet right now? 13 American dollars 25. Have you ever failed a grade? No. 26. Have you ever been abducted by aliens? No, thankfully. I don’t enjoy getting probed. 27. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yes. I’m a sap. 28. Name 4 things you always have with you Keys, iPod, wallet, jacket 29. What's the first thing you do in the morning? Curse Luft Waffa because she beat me to the shower 30. What's your guiltiest pleasure? Masturbation 31. Do you like yourself? I guess. 32. What is your favorite girl's name? What the…? What am I? A 12 year old fat girl? 33. What is your favorite boy's name? Hitler 34. What is your dream job? Photo Journalist for National Geographic 35. Superman or Spiderman? Superman 36. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, though I do crave vanilla at times 37. If your life were a movie what would it be called? Man of La Mancha 38. Are you a morning person? No way. 39. Right handed or left handed? Right, though I taught myself to write with my left hand because I’m gay, lame, and retarded. 40. Innie or Outtie? Innie. 41. Have you ever thrown up on anyone? Oh yeah. This chick who went to the rival high school paid me to go to her prom with her back in 1989, I barfed all over her and her car – vodka and shrimp scampi. Yech. 42. Have you ever seen a dead body? No. Though when I opened my grammaw’s urn, her dentures were nicely charred and lying placidly atop her ashes… 43. Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes. 44. Have you ever done something really stupid that you are still laughing about today? Uh, just about everything. I take very little seriously. People don’t quite get that about me… 45. Have you ever wanted to be a model? I was a model, can’t you tell? 46. Have you ever cried in school? No. I rarely if ever cry. 47. Thing you say too often? ”Fuck you, Hitler!” 48. Do you like thunderstorms? Thunderstorms rock. 49. What's the last thing you watched on tv? The series finale to “The OC.” 50. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My friend Jenny… Finish the following ... I believe: the children are our future, beat them soundly and let them lead the way… I am: avoiding my work… I feel: guilty and anxious for avoiding my work… I know: how to tie cherry stems into knots with my tongue. Sometimes I: drink waaaaay too much It's not commonly known: that you can’t do that on television. Never under any circumstances: patronize me. I will cut you! Isn't it weird that: most people are totally retarded? Right now: I'm thinking about skipping the gym…

There go I but for the grace of All-Clad...

theangryyoungman — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:33:39 GMT

Shit! Now I have completely destroyed my 3 quart All-Clad sauce pan! I left it on the stove, forgot about it, smelled the smoke, and discovered it literally melted to the stovetop. Now it's all bumpy and purple and I'm out 175 American dollars. Karma?

iPod Shuffle

theangryyoungman — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 15:24:25 GMT

Stolen from ZenZen - 1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING... What does next year have in store for me? Popstars - Rooney Whats my love life like? Wish I Was Dead, Pt. 2 – Shout Out Louds What do I say when life gets hard? To Be Alone With You – Sufjan Stevens What do I think when I get up in the morning? The Fox in the Snow – Belle & Sebastian What song will I dance to at my wedding? Cupid – Sam Cooke What do you want as a career? Sukiyaki – Kyu Sakamoto Your favorite saying? Podria Volver – Los Planetas Favorite place? California – Phantom Planet What do you think of your parents? La Inocente – Los Fresones Rebeldes Where would you go on a first date? If I Fell – The Beatles Describe yourself? Let Me Go Home – Camera Obscura What is the thing I like doing most? Champs Elysees - NOFX What is my state of mind like at the moment? Rock & Roll Queen – The Subways How will I die? Tell Her Tonight – Franz Ferdinand What do you do when you see your friends? The View – Modest Mouse How does your boyfriend/girlfriend make you feel? First Class 77 – Fantastic Plastic Machine How does your ex make you feel? Come a Little Bit Closer – Jay & The Americans If you were to die today, you would feel (like) I’ll Get By (As Long As I Have You) – Jerry Vale About as revealing as tarot cards, without the pretty pictures...

Shortbus

theangryyoungman — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 06:56:34 GMT

Snuck out of work early today and like a dirty old man, went and caught the 5:10 pm show of Shortbus (http://www.shortbusthemovie.com/). I tried to get C.E. (the guy I'm seeing) to go see it with me this weekend but he hates cinema. I then asked friend Bill, after noting on his blog that he wanted to see it, but he had to stay home and wash his hair. So, I decided fuck all y'all and marched right on down to the Embarcadero to check the damned thing out for myself. First things first - sex. Yes, the actors in the movie participate in real life sex acts together, both of the hetero and homo variety. However, the sex is not in the slightest bit erotic. Call me jaded, but there was nothing particularly remarkable or obscene about any of the sex scenes. In this regard, Mitchell has quite impressively succeeded in accomplishing what he set out to do in making this film. Basically, the film is about a group of New Yorkers who are unable to emotionally connect with one another in the wake of 9/11. That particular tragedy is only alluded to briefly in a couple places in the film. For example, at the beginning, as the camera pans across an animated, papier-mâché like Manhattan (my favorite part of the film, actually), it briefly focuses on the footprints of the twin towers before entering the window, and life, of a dominatrix who has her dildos lined up on the window sill, two of which are standing in for those ill fated buildings. Later, at the club the characters all hang out at the Shortbus of the title, the host, Justin Bond (Kiki of Kiki and Herb (http://www.kikiandherb.com/) fame) indicates that all the people at the club were deeply impacted by 9/11 because it was the first real thing to ever actually happen to them. Against this setting, we meet James and Jamie, two gay lovers who have decided to open their relationship to a third party, Ceth, unaware that their lives are being observed by a voyeuristic neighbor, Caleb; their couples counselor, Sofia, and her husband Rob; and Severin, a dominatrix who befriends Sofia and beats the crap out of Rob. Each character is desperate to connect with others, each is incapable of making that emotional leap of faith, each seeks it through polyamorous shagging at Shortbus. I didn't love this movie, but I did like it. It was certainly a lot better than I had anticipated. I tried really hard to ferret out bits of pretense and self-importance and was unable to find much of any because this movie is essentially a fairy tale where none of the standard rules apply. These characters aren't unable to connect with one another because they're too self-absorbed to see beyond their own reflections - something I've become both wary of and increasingly bored by in our über hip, not quite post ironic world. On the contrary, all they do IS see one another. However, sex, short of being an act of intimacy to bring people together, becomes more like a wall to keep people apart. For example, James and Jaimie open up their relationship to Ceth in a desire on Jamie's part to increase intimacy between them, and on James's part to keep them further apart. For Jamie, Ceth is a bridge, for James, he's a wall. So great is the trauma from their collective loss, they're terrified of either opening up or letting go, lest they be forced to lose even more of themselves. The film isn't entirely unlike Mitchell's prior film, Hedwig and the Angry Inch (http://www.get-hed.com/) (one of my favorite films, by the way). Both deal with sex, both deal with loss and desire for wholeness, and the ending to Shortbus, in both scope and tone, is practically a reenactment of the end of Hedwig. Surprisingly, I couldn't help thinking while watching Shortbus, that this movie would probably translate really well as an opera. Those of you in major metropolitan areas will have no problem finding this film playing at your local art house cinema. Those in more rural parts, tough luck, you'll have to wait for it to hit Netflix. Either way, I highly recommend this one. Even if I do think polyamory is retarded and essentially a one way ticket to genital wart town.

Zaadz

theangryyoungman — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 21:16:31 GMT

I got some messed up e-mail today from a menacing hippie chick at that dangerous mind control cult Zaadz. I nearly spit up my coffee in response. Hippie chick is asking all her spamees to help promote that trainwreck y recruiting new members. As if! the funny thing is, my profile on Zaadz was deleted by their wannabe L. Ron Hubbard CEO/"Philosopher" (ha ha), Brian Johnson, like 30 minutes after I signed up just because I told him that Ayn Rand was a retard and his vision of saving the world through capitalism was incongruous. What an asshole. What the hell?! Surely they're not so retarded as to think that I would help them grow their cult! Insanity. How long did you last on Zaadz before you were eradicated from Brian's mindless peace and love utopia?