091105

x AHH. . why must I always have soo much references, arranging them takes about 2.5 hours at fast speed.

x It's now 530am. If there is any consolation, I did my work even if it was optional, and I am now affirmative that it is beyond my original (deluded) intentions of 'hopefully, it can pass off'.

x I am supposed to wake sumbardy up for. . But I am sure he is too tired, deep in dreamland. And I am sure I am too tired too.

x We all know how, if I sleep after 5, I find it hard to wake up the next day. Which means, no way can I go for class (it's okay, we have an essay to hand in), and then I have to wake up tomorrow to conjure a proposal for MPhil and another for PhD (AHHH!). . change my printer cartridges, print out essay, and rush off to school. Because I need to hand up paper copies and see my supervisor. Wish me luck. I should awake at hmm .. 11am. AHHH that's only 5.5 hours of sleep. Well, better than waking up at 730am for class. I am sure like today, the class will be virtually empty.

x I spent so much time researching for Harvard format. . only to realise, it is merely citation style. Since it is non-existence, nobody can blame me for my formatting.

x Sumbardy is excited when I skype him from school, remarking about. . basements and library.

x ". .so I am definitely going. .somewhere for Christmas"
"Scandalous!"
"Hey I am not the one who sneaked off to Aussie!"
HAHAHA.

x The moment I saw sumbardy, he had DGEs. Mmmmm. Whilst he thinks (maybe badly) about my amusement with regards to. . shrinking down (and laughing at men in general one that count), well, I asked him would he rather not have expansion.

x The term 'both' applies even in the intellectual context too.

x AHHH this is bad. My cheap Sainsbury yoghurt (the only cheap thing I am buying now, apart from fresh produce at the market) is low fat. AHHH.

x I found keropok in M&S. I have yet to open it. . and I wonder how it tastes.

x Anyhows I have just copied my old ideas. They can't incriminate me for plagiarism of my old ideas, right? Well, I have been accused of that before, but then again JLo said he wrote in my letter about how I was accused of that due to. . high standards. So I cross my fingers and hope to be safe. And, why is it that I learned more from a one-hour JLo class than a 1.5-hour class here!?

x I promise to stick to my w.e.f. November 2009 budget of £250 monthly. Which includes groceries, bus rides, some snacks, and some beauty contingencies. . the problem is, have I missed anything out in the list? I am sure I can dip into other funds for the occasional bag or shoe. The meaning of 'occasional', to be further advised.

x Why is it that I can read and understand Spanish (still) but cannot write or speak? More like, forgotten how to write or speak. AHH.

x I keepa accidentally scalding myself here. AHHH.

x TB: "When my friends come over, I tell them that all the books in your library are mine"
TF: ". . hahah you can't even remember to bring your calculators home, you want to read those books!?"

x Quote of the day:
"Are you turning dyslexic"
"Yup. . it is a sign that I am turning more intelligent."
Seriously.

x Yesterday K came over and said, "your desk is as messy as a PhD's student". Good. I think I might need a three-meter desk in future. Hmm. .Maybe we could do a three-meter L-shaped one. . to ensure either distractions or no-distractions, depending on the face of the L in which you sit ;). . And tables that can withstand loads of weight. Of books, obviously. Otherwise, bookish humans.

x I think that specially wearing a brown shirt just for me is a nice touch :) The Sexy Brown Shirt that I am officially addicted to. And I thought it funny how I deliberately wore red lippie. .also specially for a nice touch.

G'night world.

bedside manners

I have solved the perennial problem of using the bed. Since I never like the bed to be dirty, meaning crawling in the middle of the day would deprive me of a clean bed at night after Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus. What more about the use of shoes in bed. Daytime-- on top of the duvet. Night-- on top of the bedsheet. Genius.

mindfuck

I feel like a mad lawyer unpicking loopholes, trying to insert the most cogent arguments. .and like a linguist flirting with all sorts of structure. It is a matter of playing with language, unearthing structures and arguing isn't it. In that, mindfucking. But, mindfucking in essence is needed for clarity and advancement. And hence, we all love a good mindfuck. Hallelujah.

note of the day

I made up an entire proposal standing in front of the lift doors, in about ten seconds.

normalisa

The other day I had this odd vision that I fainted by the roadside. Please do not happen. So I have loaded up on a stock of painkillers.. just in case (it's so cheap here compared to Aussie where I was quite miserable buying them for my knee). It's like how I had this odd vision that I would get slashed (by myself) and it happened twice. Even though I can take very good care of myself, there are some things like the paranormal which I have no control over, that which I would love to exert some influence on. But that might only materialise if I become paranormal myself, yet for now I am merely abnormal.

creepy

The effect of talking to Lulu at night. Why is it that I can outline my scheme so well but cannot write it out. I am talking about my essay here.

091104 today,

x I woke up craving apple juice again. AHH. There is something wrong with me

x There are fireworks tonight.

x But I like the full moon more.

x Sumbardy has no idea just how long he takes to cook. Terrible.

x It is even funnier to hear him bargain down the time because. . he needs . . he is in a state of need and want. Lol, as though I am not.

x The Bimbo thinks I am a taitai here and they 'are all struggling back in Singapore'. AHHH. How could I be a taitai here. She is obviously mad.

x I have totally caved in. Now I have gone gourmet with five types of tea and all luxury cereals. Oooh, my triple chocolate crunch. Mmmm. I just hafta warn myself not to eat the whole box in a day.

x Today some fucktard took my beef out of the freezer and put it in the fridge. And now my beef is spoilt. If that happens I will leave a note telling the fucktard, "Dear Fucktard who keeps moving people's stuff. . Please note that frozen food are not thawed unless the owner decides to"

x At least I have organic Madagascan vanilla icecream tonight. Provided the fucktard does not move it to the fridge. There is space in the freezer.

x When we have the house/flat/cottage/whateverwithatent of our own. . we definitely must have about ten types of ice cream at a go. The UK has done weird things to me-- my stomach is always gurgling, I don't wear pearls (looks weird with coats) or mascara, and I suddenly crave vanilla ice cream. I never have.

x I am starting to feel immensely stupid realising that the PhD studentship is over 3 years. . not yearly. AHH. So now I must rush and apply only because my tutor has kindly agreed to see me, and hence I need to rush.. too many things.

x I will definitely never buy the 80p Chinese noodles here any longer, it takes more than one hour of boiling to soften, by which I would have grown a moustache and turned into stone. Linguine is much better, I'll be like my folks and pretend it's Chinese noodles, cooking it Chinese style sometimes.

x It is getting colder outside. Now the max temperature is the 7am temperature of last week. Last week, apparently, was a strange hotter weather rebound. Everyday I sound mad reciting and analysing the weather stats.

x Am I mad. My heater is turned off for most of the day. . and I feel okay.

x I want to cry. The joint schools research methods was supposed to be harder. .but it is like I/O psych. .or business courses. .i.e. duh. AHHHHHH. .

x Sainsbury does not have bowls today. AHHHH. Bloody fucktard, you are my nemesis, whoever you are.

x I now know why I prefer dessert and main course at the same go even if the mains would have turned cold(er) by the time I go in, or the dessert melted by the time I finish my meal. . it's still food. That tastes good. So I don't have to put on (more) clothes to walk out one more time, and can . . be entertained by sumbardy. ;)

x Today I am Big Red | Sexy Sox. According to sumbardy. I love red lippie so much.

x AHH P, do your work. Shut up and do your work.

kicker, knickers

I am fast getting into the kick of things-- apart from the fact that it is 1236am, I have class tomorrow; and that I am gobbling too much shortbread down. You see, it would all have made better sense if this was (1) mandatory (2) graded (3) 3000 words instead of 1200. I was wondering just how the hell I would write non-psychologically (because I have been estranged from sociological writing styles for too long. . this is primely propitious towards schizophrenia lol) and so I started googling myself to retrieve my h20 Harvard stuff. Ahhh. The more I clicked, the more I jumped out of my skin. That *was* me!? Wow. I am seriously impressed. As well as seriously depressed by how I am out of major practice (I'm sure this is not as bad as the case of my drawing which I absolutely mourn). As I took my imaginary hat off to myself (er. . why did I bother giving such high quality work for non-graded assignments in the past makes me realise. . hmm, I must have liked it alot, apart from my ethos of producing substantial stuff; okay, too many parentheses!), I decided to dig up all my offline Power assignments (I am sure my term paper was impressive enough-- I sent it to C for admissions; see there I go again, parenthesis!) and started re-remembering all these ideas and analyses. . and voila. I am sure I can insert loads of these. If they don't like my refreshing version of the analysis of the notion of crime, then I will continue writing like a normal student. This is the deal. (And I am sure I am not the only one in contemporary history to have these same ideas, seriously). Ahh see, I knew it. As long as I have real work to do I wouldn't laze around. It is too easy to grasp concepts and analyse, and often it isn't sufficient reason for me to go to school because. . well, let's also say that Research Methods class is trivially easy, I want to cry. Okay, P, read a few more things, come up with a proper skeleton rather than one with the femur bone next to the eye socket, and go to sleep. Go to sleep, you little creep, with your red bloodshot eyes, go to sleep, you little creep, I hope your teddy bears die.

I also realise that ever since I came here, all notions of morbidity actually seem morbid to me now. Are they. .omens or what, I don't know any longer. Good signs, good signs.

criminal

Sometimes, I want to kill myself.

On one hand, I tell myself, "What is crime?" can ferment slowly. But it is fermenting for too long, i.e. I am too lazy.

And then I also know I have two backdoors. One of which is so simple, I can just write all about strain theory and get away with it. But I don't want to just describe and critique that.


I mean, I hafta do this. Who knows, they do not agree with my writing style here. AHHH. They will, they will, they will, they will, they will, they will, they will.


I am not being autistic here. My chanting style has changed to a septet one.

feature of the day

New category.