My Blog

Garfield on the Oil crisis

Timberwolf — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 11:25:03 GMT

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OIL is located in : ~~~ ALASKA ~~~ California ~~~ Coastal Florida ~~~ Coastal Louisiana ~~~ Wyoming ~~~ Colorado ~~~ Kansas ~~~ Oklahoma ~~~ Pennsylvania and Texas ~~~ Our dipsticks are located in DC... Any Questions? NO?...Didn't think So...

Tell me some cool things about you. It might be a bit MySpace-ish but please share.

Timberwolf — Sat, 24 May 2008 12:53:15 GMT

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship? A. 2) What was your dream growing up? A. 3) What talent do you wish you had? A. 4) If I bought you a drink what would it be? A. 5) Favorite vegetable? A. 6) What was the last book you read? A. 7) What zodiac sign are you? A. 8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. A. 9) Worst Habit? A. 10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? A. 11) What is your favorite sport? A. 12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? A. 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? A. 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? A. 15) Tell me one weird fact about you. A. 16) Do you have any pets? A. 17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly? A. 18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!) A. 19) Are you monogamous, or non-manogamous? A. 20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? A. 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? A. 22) What color eyes do you have? A. 23) Ever been arrested? A. 24) Bottle or can soda? A. 25) If you won $10,000,000 today, what would you do with it? A. 27) What's your favorite place to hang at, outside of your home? A. 28) Do you believe in ghosts? A. 29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? A. 30) Do you swear a lot? A. 31) Biggest pet peeve? A. 32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? A. 33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? A. 35) Do you believe in God or a higher power? A. 36.) Do you like to be touched? A. 37.) What is your top trouble spot for bodily aches and pains? A. 38.) What do you like to talk about? A. 39.) Describe a great evening or outing. A. 40) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? A.

Accepting Yourself

Timberwolf — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:30:42 GMT

There is no such thing as a good person or a bad person. There are choices and actions that lead us in different directions, and it is through those choices and actions that we create our realities. Sometimes we choose or do something that takes us in the opposite direction of the reality we want to create for ourselves. When we do this, we feel bad—uneasy, unhappy, unsure. We might go so far as to label ourselves “bad” when a situation like this arises. Instead of labeling ourselves, though, we could simply acknowledge that we made a choice that lead us down a particular path, and then let it go, forgiving ourselves and preparing for our next opportunity to choose, and act, in ways that support our best intentions. Many of us experienced childhoods in which the words good and bad were used as weapons to control us—you were good if you did what you were told and bad if you didn’t. This kind of discipline undermines a person’s ability to find their own moral center and to trust and be guided by their own inner self. If you were raised this way, you may find yourself feeling shockwaves of badness when you do something you were taught was wrong, even if now you don’t agree that it’s bad. Conversely, you may feel good when you do what you learned was right. Notice how this puts you in something of a straitjacket. An important part of our spiritual unfolding requires that we grow beyond what we learned and take responsibility for our own liberation in our own terms. You are a human being with every right to be here, learning and exploring. To label yourself good or bad is to think too small. What you are is a decision-maker and every moment provides you the opportunity to move in the direction of your higher self or in the direction of stagnation or degradation. In the end, only you know the difference. If you find yourself going into self-judgment, try to stop yourself as soon as you can and come back to center. Know that you are not good or bad, you are simply you.

Seven Different Kinds of Sex

Timberwolf — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:38:14 GMT

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular?????) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex You get a little each month - but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Leave it to the Bible Belt

Timberwolf — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 13:37:05 GMT

Supreme Court won't hear challenge to sex toy ban... By Phillip Rawls The Associated Press The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear a challenge to Alabama's ban on the sale of sex toys, ending a nine-year legal battle and prompting a warning to store owners to be prepared to clean off their shelves. The owner of adult stores in north Alabama had asked the justices to throw out the law as an unconstitutional intrusion into the privacy of the bedroom. But the Supreme Court declined to hear the appeal, leaving intact a lower court ruling that the law is constitutional. Sherri Williams, owner of Pleasures stores in Huntsville and Decatur, said she was disappointed to lose, but she plans a new lawsuit attacking the law on First Amendment free speech grounds. "My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up," she said. The state attorney general's office immediately notified county district attorneys, who are responsible for enforcement. The attorney general also planned to ask a federal judge to lift an injunction that kept the law from being enforced during Williams' legal challenge. Chris Bence, spokesman for Attorney General Troy King, said removing the injunction should take a couple of days. Store owners should be aware that once the injunction is lifted, the law takes effect, Bence said. "At that point, district attorneys around the state should feel comfortable enforcing it," Bence said. Alabama's "anti-obscenity" law, enacted in 1998, bans the distribution of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for anything of pecuniary value." The law does not ban the possession of sex toys, and it doesn't regulate other items, including condoms or virility drugs. Residents may legally purchase sex toys out of state for use in Alabama, or they may buy sexual devices in Alabama that have a "bona fide medical" purpose. Williams had asked the Supreme Court to review a decision by the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that found Alabama's law was not affected by a U.S. Supreme Court decision knocking down Texas' sodomy law. The appeals court judges said the Texas sodomy law involved private conduct, while the Alabama law regulated commercial activity. Public morality was an insufficient government interest in the Texas case but was sufficient in the Alabama case, the 11th Circuit judges said. Williams called the Supreme Court's decision not to review the law "further evidence of religion in politics." "The U.S. Supreme Court said states can legislate morality. I don't feel it is fair to the people who do not agree with the morality of the Legislature," she said. She also predicted future court battles over which sexual devices are legal to sell as medical devices. Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas have similar laws that have been upheld in court, while Louisiana, Kansas and Colorado have laws that have been struck down, said Mark Lopez, a former American Civil Liberties Union attorney in New York who worked on the Alabama case until recently. He said adult stores may be cautious about pushing the issue of what constitutes a medical device because the law has strong penalties. In Alabama, a conviction carries a penalty of up to a year in jail and a $10,000 fine for a first offense. A second offense carries a prison sentence of one to 10 years.

Two Days We Should Not Worry

Timberwolf — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 16:58:10 GMT

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, Its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever. The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow With all its possible adversities, its burdens, Its large promise and its poor performance; Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, Either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, For it is yet to be born. This leaves only one day, Today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad, It is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday And the dread of what Tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, live but one day at a time.

Who is Jack Schitt?

Timberwolf — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 10:42:10 GMT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well,thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd,and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt