As posted to my LJ. WTF is with the censorship of tribe now? No porno? WTF?

So...I am a pervert. Those of your who know me, know this. Nothing new.Why am I talking abot this? Because I can, and I want to. So, what makes one a pervert. Well, personally a pervert is someone who is aware of the depths of their sexuality and not afraid to express it. All humans are sexual beings, it is part of our chemical make up, we are here for that sole purpouse...to fuck. But just fucking (or enjoying fucking) dosent really make you a pervert. What make you a pervert is the ability to hone what you enjoy. Fetish. Some of us allow ourselves to have them (most all of the people I know do) the rest just havent explored, and sadly, never will.

So I have ALWAYS (yes always) know I was a perv. I have loved sex since I can remember. Looking up girls dresses in school, looking down the teachers shirt, oh and my fav (and why I have bever feared dentists), going to the dentists office and having the cute assistance rub thier breasts on me. I had braces as a kid and very attractive destists assistance that quite often rested their breasts on my arm or face (I told you I was a pervert, you where warned). But I started very young. VERY young. I think I recieved my first blowjob around the age of 7 or 8. Yes, 7 or 8. I used to hang out with lots of tomboys or just girls and recieved much flack from male friends, but it was worth, as I always enjoy the company of a female (sexual or not) to that of a male. But I went form there. Experimenting playing, but not really knowing what EXACTLY what it was I was doing. I just knew it felt good. I dont think i was much older when I actually had "sex" for the first time, and by sex I more mean penetration and a bit of "humping". This lasted for quite a few years. I then became very regressed and withdrawn as my family became "pentacoastals" and I learned shame (mind you the maturbations never stopped). I reemerged around the age of 13 from religion (although it took almost 10 more years to fully shed my brainwashing) and started my crusade, my crusade to have as much sex as possible. I had actual "sex" (with ejaculation) at 15. I then imedietly sought out to discover fetish. THe first...exhibitionism (as a child I had already discovered voyeurism and feel that every human has this fetish hardwired into our systems). I began having sex in public places. Every where I went. Movies, cars (mainly in crowded parking lots), school, church, malls, stores, balconies, roofs, pools, graveyards, busses, in public open places while people next to and talking to me had no idea what was going on, in te middle fo streets, the woods, bathrooms, partys. You name it. If I was there and someone was willing, it was gonna happen, and I loved it. In this process I discovered I enjoyed pain. Not overbearing pain, but slow methodical pain. I contantly had scars on my back from girls deeply diggin their nails into me and heavily scratching me (did I mention I was also a cutter and came from a family of cutters) and biting me. I enjoyed sex, I flocked to it, it was my one success in life. The only thing I was good at and recived praise for. I soon after discovered that I enjoed older women. My first was 18 when I was 15, and with the excetion of a few girls after that ALL where older than me. At 16 I was dating a 23 yr old (I was also not living at home anymore and was living out in Hawaii) who would cum at the drop of a hat. It was fantastic, best summer of my life (I still have sand inbeded in my wallet from that summer). Times got harder soon after, not that my life didnt suck other than sex up to that point (I was raised in a very metal distrubed and tramatic household). I soon learned that I could uses sex as a survival tool. I had no respect for women, I didnt trust them and saw them as evil vendictive creatures (most fo my family was female and damn evil). I found I could get what I wanted by making women cum. So I did. Until I met my wife I dated when I needed something, very few of my relationships had anything to do with what I wanted, as opposed to what I needed. A place to stay, a car to drive, food to eat, etc. Because of my hatred for women I didnt delve into my own pleasure (as at the time I felt I didnt not deserve pleasure) and simply made things worse. I entered many relationships where I was "compensated". Not payed as in given cash but basically these terms (literally vocalized): 1. I think your attractive and I want to expreience new things, I am in your hands. 2. I dont care about you nor do I want a realtionship, you are a tool to me to use. 3. I will keep you supplied with drugs, alcohol and food as needed. It worked for me, but the all usually ended up ugly as the other party or sometimes myself would get to personal. After my last one of these I went selebate. It was sort of rennisance for me in my life. A complete reflection and on who and what I was. It changed me. I bacem a different person, focused on enlightenment and understand. THis lead me to an understanding of my sexuality as well. I have since then been with one person, a person I truly love. It hasnt been easy, as we are not sexually the same (she is very undeveloped sexually and not really comfortable with who she is as a sexual being, but getting better). Sexuality has changed for me over these years. I have a deep desire to have sex with a great many poeple I know, not just because or for some selfish reason, but more because I want to make them feel fantastic. I enjoy sex with people and can look back and see what I did enjoy the most. Sharing a time of unleashed and utter openess. Seeing a side of someone that not everyne sees, given and insight to another part of a person. Being allowed to experience a side of someone that is only shared with a select group.

In closing I would like to say, I love the feeloing of anter persons skin, of thier breath, their sweat. The smell of thier hair, their skin, thier body. i love the taste. But most of all, I love the emotion involved. Form the submital to the domination. That moment when on shifts from reserved to open, when one enters the realm of pleasure and surrenders to it, that is my true fetish. I love sexuality and want to fuck the world, or watch it fuck, and if more people would feel this way, I think things would be alot better.