I just checked the 10 day weather forecast. And while it hasn't rained in LA in months and months, there is rain predicted for Oct. 4th, the day of decomp. Because it ALWAYS rains at decomp. Which is fantastic, actually, the drizzle and dancing my ass off makes me so happy.

"The thing about glitter is, that is you get glitter on you, prepare to have it on you forever. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." ~Demetri Martin, (and so burnery.)

[I wrote this a few weeks ago, but was inspired to post it today based on Alexis' beautiful phone call that got my ass out of bed.]

My soul swelling, I realized tonight that I have found a god. I am inclined to roll my eyes at myself for that. Channels flow between us and around us, connecting us in ways that we rarely realize. These channels-the universe- are pure fucking joy. And I grind through life not knowing that happiness is what the universe wants for me. Yet nights this perfect pop up increasingly often- nights where everything aligns and I can't stop grinning. The universe offers divine coincidences. Whether it's a fortuitous gift of much-craved cookie or a public complaint for an adjustment and finding a chiropractor in our remote desert oasis, the universe has been giving me the most jaw-dropping and joy-inducing coincidences lately. And in the joy of a stoned, post-sex, out-of-the-oven cookie, or in the joy of a shaman-dj spinning me into meditative trance, or in the joy of a great hug, the universe is a fuckin' happy place.

Yet we deprive ourselves that. Scratch that, fuck that, I deprive myself that. Deprived! (Past tense! No longer!) Until I realized I can live my life in ways that tap into the joy-soul-nectar-flow. My life lately has been full of nights swimming in the currents, splashing in my spirit and yours and feeling elation.

My soul, the one I found on the playa and have been confused by since, revels in the nights of art and fire and music and people (we all know it's the people- with their creativity and souls on the outside.) But realizing the universe is filled happiness- that it's always there if I live to access it, makes everything glow. Makes me feel that when I access the power of each of you, as we interconnect in the shadows, that I am accessing the pure joy of the universe with you, and the optimism, the orgasm, the elation. This joy flows underneath us constantly, some tap in and drink constantly, some sample the nectar occasionally, some will never taste it. But it is divine, it is god, the energy and beauty and pure fucking joy flowing between all of us. Enlightenment is drinking from its stream and splashing others in all the radiant goodness.

It starts as a normal night in a club: I arrived too early, cologne-drenched men asked my name, I simultaneously gagged on and celebrated the bartender's generosity with bitter well vodka. But this is no ordinary scene. There were fifteen fellow patrons in the red-glowing cavern and I knew someone, someone I admired for her independence and absolutely fucking contagious spirit. She hugged me hello and hugged my friend nice to meet you. We didn't make small talk- we talked about real things. My companion stared, befuddled by the embrace of a stranger. "Oh shit, I have to dance to this" and bounce bounce, she was gone, a solo pillar of soul swaying in the middle of a floor for fifty.

Live vocals and guitar melt through wires and cords and illuminated, silver-bound fruit. Bodies fill the room as the bpm slowly increases. My foot starts to tap, the last of my drink chills my throat, my ass starts to shake on my stool. Pop! the music had penetrated. I am lured into the vibrating arms of the speakers, to the fluid spaces between babes with pink mohawks and software engineers wearing shorts. And black socks. And white sneakers. I'm wearing black socks… on my arms… which are making hindi swirls around my head. Djs evolve from tattoos to green fedoras to um, that hood that Death wears. The music ebbs to a near halt, then rises slowly taking my emotions on its thumping roller coaster. Just when you think that, just when you're at the edge, it takes you higher. The fucking Dj grins in delight, he knows you wanted it. Then he unleashes the drop upon you, the sustained audio-orgasm filled with glee and energy. I jump, sweat from my hair line splashes. Gepetto on the tables swings his free hand over his earphoned head, manipulating the crowd like a master puppeteer, strings of soul connect his groove to the limbs of enthralled dancers. I'm powerless in his scratching hands, having reached the state of clarity that only hours booty-rockin' breaks bring me. Recently, I spent two days at a Buddhist monastery in a Japanese holy land. Every time we meditated, clearing my mind only filled it with luscious pornography. But make my body shake with bass dirty, bass gritty, bass wompy- and it's the only time my stewing mind is clear. It slows down, purifying to slutty wompy bass and the occasional lick of sampled lyrics. It feels like the deep bass notes of the universe are being blasted upon (unleashed from?) my soul, it makes me smile and sweat and my ass gyrate near the floor. Each inhuman lyric repeats occasionally, with long strands of undulating non-music noise between. Each repetition of words sends me further into nothingness. Om shanti, meditating deeper with each evolution. Om shanti, body and bliss alone. Om shanti, womp.

I've given in and am going to post blog entries occasionally. New art too. I've been writing a lot about the soul-high I've been getting from various events and perfect evenings lately. There's some sort of electricity running through my life and networks that has just let to a massive outpouring of... me. And part of me getting comfortable with this unleashed, enlightening self is being proud of/comfortable to share it. So here goes, hope not to make an ass of myself.

Much love, ~Lauren