taste of tommaso
Doctor Dumbluck or 'how i learned to love being partially retarded'Sun, April 26, 2009 - 1:26 PM
I travel to my nearby recreational lake and heft it to shore. I talk briefly with some teens who are just coming in about the winds and wake and how the water is. I hop into the boat and am amazed at just how wobbly it is in the water, like on a balance beam just waiting to go over. I take my time and figure out my strokes, how to sit, where to put my hands for maximum thrust and go on my way. I hug the coastline to avoid the 8.7 million speed boats and jetskis cruising around the lake. And when time comes to cross open water i feel alot like frogger. When faced with big wake i turn the boat into it and ride thru it with ease. I nearly roll a few times but catch myself.
Not nearly as fun as i had built it up in my head but then again what is? (aside from me that is)
I make my loop around this island and second crossing of open water and am about 150 feet from my destination when i get hit by a rogue wave, probably some wake i didn't see. I get rolled. The water is pretty damn cold. Thats when i realize:
My wallet is in my pocket.
My cell phone is in my pocket.
My shoes, socks, and shirt are in the boat which is 1/3 full of water.
I don't know how to get into a boat in the water.
So i try to get back in the boat and much like my dating life, i fail miserably. I try to swim to shore dragging the boat behind me, much akin to pushing a car uphill.
Luckily some boaters have seen me struggle and offer some assistance, i climb the ladder into their boat, take a breather and climb back into my kayak. I promptly roll right out, luckily catching my above mentioned clothes before they head south.
So i climb back in the boat and ask the nice people if they'd kindly drop me off closer to shore. Few minutes later i thank them profusely and fall off their boat and somehow go under in 2 feet of water. By this time the kayak is now 3/4 full of water and weighs probably more than me. I drag both of us to shore, as some children take a few moments to giggle and ask silly questions, and roll the boat over to get most of the water out of it.
Water drained i pull my stuff together and walk, barefoot on the hot asphalt, to the truck. When i get there i realize that at somepoint the key for my truck was torn off my keyring. The remote is still there, and works fine, but the key is gone. And of course the cell phone is 60% water.
Luckily the nice people who dragged me to shore are trailering their boat and let me make a call for a ride.
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