My Blog

friendship

Twinklette — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:58:08 GMT

True Friendship None of that Sissy Crap Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 4. When you are scared -- I will make you do something bizarre until you scream, laugh, or get arrested 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever the hell you have. 8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'. Friendship is like peeing your pants, Everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.. (taken from Torch on ning.com)

lost all my phone numbers

Twinklette — Thu, 15 May 2008 15:40:51 GMT

hey! So my phone decided to go ka-poot (on the plus side they replaced it for free because it wasn't my fault) but :( ... now I don't have any of my numbers anymore. So ... if you want me to have your number, call me or write me on here. thanks! -Julia

together forever

Twinklette — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:34:05 GMT

In virtually all person-to-person relationships, disappointments can be lessened, setbacks can be regained, and little annoyances can be brushed off, when one stops and realizes that such relationships are always temporary. Physically speaking. Of course, nothing can change the fact that you will be together, forever, spiritually speaking. ........................................................... Its refreshing and yet just a little bit scary as well.

Adventures

Twinklette — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:12:47 GMT

I got this in my e-mail the other day. Its from the Universe. Remember long, long ago, when you were considering living the "Potential Adventures of Julia Bencze," among an infinite array of other choices, how you suddenly turned to me and asked deadpan, "How much trouble could I get into, anyway?" Do you? Do you remember my reply, Julia? I told you it would depend on a good number of factors, not the least of which would include climate change, geological pressures, celestial weather patterns, the star you're born under, political friction on the street, worthiness, luck, fate, or the mood I'm in. At which point we both burst out laughing so hard we almost needed stitches. Like a hyena, The Universe :) inspiration.

life doesn't rhyme (dive)

Twinklette — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:40:54 GMT

i often repeat myself and the second time's a lie i love you i love you see what i mean i don't ...and i do and i'm not talking about a girl i might be kissing on i'm talking about this world i'm blissing on and hating at the exact same time see life---doesn't rhyme it's bullets...and wind chimes it's lynchings...and birthday parties it's the rope that ties the noose and the rope that hangs the backyard swing it's a boy about to take his life and with the knife to his wrist he's thinking of only two things his father's fist and his mother's kiss and he can't stop crying it's wanting tonight to speak the most honest poem i've ever spoken in my life not knowing if that poem should bring you closer to living or dying drowning of flying cause life doesn't rhyme last night i prayed myself to sleep woke this morning to find god's obituary scrolled in tears on my sheets then walked outside to hear my neighbor erasing ten thousand years of hard labor with a single note of his violin and the sound of the traffic rang like a hymn as the holiest leaf of autumn fell from a plastic tree limb beautiful ---and ugly like right now i'm needing nothing more than for you to hug me and if you do i'm gonna scream like a caged bird see...life doesn't rhyme sometimes love is a vulgar word sometimes hate calls itself peace on the nightly news i've heard saints preaching truths that would have burned me at the stake i've heard poets tellin lies that made me believe in heaven sometimes i imagine hitler at seven years old a paint brush in his hand at school thinkin what color should i paint my soul sometimes i remember myself with track marks on my tongue from shooting up convictions that would have hung innocent men from trees have you ever seen a mother falling to her knees the day her son dies in a war she voted for can you imagine how many gay teen-age lives were saved the day matthew shepherd died could there have been anything louder than the noise inside his father's head when he begged the jury please don't take the lives of the men who turned my son's skull to powder and i know nothing would make my family prouder than giving up everything i believe in still nothing keeps me believing like the sound of my mother breathing life doesn't rhyme it's tasting your rapist's breath on the neck of a woman who loves you more than anyone has loved you before then feeling holy as jesus beneath the hands of a one night stand who's calling somebody else's name it's you never feelin more greedy than when you're handing out dollars to the needy it's my not eating meat for the last seven years then seeing the kindest eyes i've ever seen in my life on the face of a man with a branding iron in his hand and a beat down baby calf wailing at his feet it's choking on your beliefs it's your worst sin saving your fucking life it's the devil's knife carving holes into you soul so angels will have a place to make their way inside life doesn't rhyme still life is poetry --- not math all the world's a stage but the stage is a meditation mat you tilt your head back you breathe when your heart is broken you plant seeds in the cracks and you pray for rain and you teach your sons and daughters there are sharks in the water but the only way to survive is to breathe deep and dive (andrea gibson)

Blue Blanket

Twinklette — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:21:41 GMT

still there are days when there is no way not even a chance that I'd dare for even a second glance at the reflection of my body in the mirror and she knows why like i know why she only cries when she feels like she's about to lose control she knows how much control is worth knows what a woman can lose when her power to move is taken away by a grip so thick with hate it could clip the wings of god leave the next eight generations of your blood shaking and tonight something inside me is breaking my heart beating so deep beneath the sheets of her pain i could give every tear she's crying a year---a name and a face i'd forever erase from her mind if i could just like she would for me or you but how much closer to free would any of us be if even a few of us forgot what too many women in this world cannot and I'm thinking what the hell would you tell your daughter your someday daughter when you'd have to hold her beautiful face to the beat up face of this place that hasn't learned the meaning of STOP --- STOP what would you tell your daughter of the womb raped empty the eyes swollen shut the gut too frightened to hold food the thousands upon thousands of bodies used and abused it was seven minutes of the worst kind of hell seven and she stopped believing in heaven distrust became her law fear her bible the only chance of survival don't trust any of them bolt the doors to your home iron gate your windows walking to your car alone get the keys in the lock please please please please open like already you can feel that five fingered noose around your neck two hundred pounds of hatred digging graves into the sacred soil of your flesh please please please please open already you're choking for your breath listening for the broken record of the defense answer the question answer the question answer the question miss why am i on trial for this would you talk to your daughter your sister your mother like this i am generations of sisters daughters mothers our bodies battlefields war grounds beneath the weapons of your brother's hands do you know they've found land mines in broken women's souls black holes in the parts of their hearts that once sang symphonies of creation bright as the light on infinity's halo she says i remember the way love used to glow like glitter on my skin before he made his way in now every touch feels like a sin that could crucify Medusa Kali Oshun Mary bury me in a blue blanket so their god doesn't know I'm a girl cut off my curls i want peace when I'm dead her friend knocks at the door it's been three weeks don't you think it's time you got out of bed no the ceiling fan still feels like his breath i think i need just a couple more days of rest please bruises on her knees from praying to forget she's heard stories of Vietnam vets who can still feel the tingling of their amputated limbs she's wondering how many women are walking around this world feeling the tingling of their amputated wings remembering what it was to fly to sing tonight she's not wondering what she would tell her daughter she knows what she would tell her daughter she'd ask her what gods do you believe in I'll build you a temple of mirrors so you can see them! pick the brightest star you've ever wished on I'll show you the light in you that made that wish come true! tonight she's not asking you what you would tell your daughter she's life deep in the hell---the slaughter has already died a thousand deaths with every unsteady breath a thousand graves in every pore of her flesh and she knows the war's not over knows there's bleeding to come knows she's far from the only woman or girl trusting this world no more than the hands trust rusted barbed wire she was whole before that night believed in heaven before that night and she's not the only one she knows she won't be the only one she's not asking what you're gonna tell your daughter she asking what you're gonna teach your son (Andrea Gibson) http://www.andreagibson.org/poems/poems_blueblanket.html on 3/28/2008 and 3/29/2008 she will be at the Nomad Theatre on 1410 Quince Avenue/ It is a Vox Feminista event and the doors open at 6:30 (the show begins at 8) and the cost is $12-$30 sliding scale. (got the time and cost off of the nomad theatre website)

Sniff Swig Puff

Twinklette — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:39:51 GMT

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson, two gay idols from the 1970's singing an ode to recreational and habitual drug use. Sniff Swig Puff and your cares are gone. http://youtube.com/watch?v=e3VbSfQ3nAM

update!!

Twinklette — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 18:09:13 GMT

so ... i went to see the doctor and he said it was the scar tissue pushing my back into the nasty angle that it is. However, he says that there is no real way to remove the scar tissue (through surgery) because there is not guarantee that more scar tissue would not form and thus make the problem worse. soo ... we asked if there was a way to break up the scar tissue to alleviate the pressure, and he once again said "not really, but i can have the physical therepyst use a tens unit on the back. It may not alleviate the pressure, but it will increase the pain threshold." Personally, that doesn't sound too pleasant. On the plus side: he is having me to palates (with a therapist), and massage with heat. All nice and paid for by: the insurance company. he thinks that palates with the massage and yoga will strengthen my core, relax my body and send me into a wonderful state of bliss. I think it could work. Oh did I mention: more painkillers so when I start the therapy on my back I can pop a few pills and not be in pain from actually *using* my back. *laughs* fun stuff. I think I start in a few weeks after I get my school and work schedule taken care of.

Child Like Love

Twinklette — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 07:51:05 GMT

Remember when you were a child and first experiencing the sun, the breeze and the stars? The joy and happiness that comes from such little things in life, remember first learning that? I don't think I ever had that when I was little. I don't remember the PURE joy of being outside, I remember being happy, but not filled with giggly joy at the fog my breath creates when its cold. But now ... now that I'm not in pain ... I feel like I am experiencing the wonderful world for the first time. My older cat is no longer being overly needy and my younger kitten is no longer crying all the time. I walk outside into the sun and it seems for the first time I really Feel the Warmth and Love. I feel the cold breeze across my face as I walk to get coffee at night, and it feels like my skin is being caressed by the God and Goddess. I see a leaf falling from a tree branch in front of me and I uncontrollably giggle with the joy of autumn. I slip on the ice, fall smack on my ass, and can't help but laugh at joy of winter. I get news that one of my closest friends is moving away this weekend and I may not see him for a few months, and instead of crying I feel nothing but happiness that he is doing what he loves and is going to be happy. I feel like I am a child experiencing the world for the first time, and all I want to do is go roll down a hill at the park (covered in snow as it is). I DID roll down that hill on my way home a minute ago, and landed at the bottom laughing despite the cold of the snow melting down my back. I realize now how much I have missed in the world. How much I have not noticed and have taken for granted my entire life. I'm not in pain, and the world is opening itself up to me, and I want this feeling to last forever. I can only pray that this lasts forever, but I will only pray by experiencing the world to its greatest glory for as long as it lasts. Maybe after my back is fixed, I won't need pain killers (no they do not make me high, just block the pain) to experience this forever. This deep love for everyone and the world. I feel like I can do anything. I do not want to conquer the world, I am now one with the world, and am in love with it. I want to thank you guys for being my friends, even though I've not been in a good place since you've all met me. I want to share my joy with you all. This is late but: Happy New Year to you all May we all learn this joy I now feel. May we never lose sight of what is important. May I never lose this sight. I never believed it, but all you need is love. And it is love, pure, untainted that fills me now, and its all I have ever dreamed of.

Back ...

Twinklette — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:21:26 GMT

I've been seeing a doctor for my back. He took a few x-rays and although my spine is (according to him) perfectly straight, the small of my back does not curve in, it juts in at about a 80-90 degree angle. Soo ... that is where all the problems arise. I have a MRI scheduled for Monday, and see him the following week, so we can decide what to do. He's thinking that the scar tissue I have in my back is causing the spine to go in at that angle, but wants to be sure. Either way, I think it will require surgery of some form. Oddly enough, I'm really excited. I've been living with back problems for as long as I can remember, and the past year or two its been getting much much worse, and keeps getting worse every month. Its to the point I can't really sleep at night. I toss and turn and wake up because of the pain. I only seem to be able to sleep curled up in the fetal postition, which causes me pain when I stretch out in the morning. I hate to complain, its not the reason I posted this. The reason is because I am really excited that my back might be getting fixed soon, and I can't wait to see what he says about the MRI. *hugs* For the first time since I can remember I am genuinely happy almost all of the time. The doctor gave me pain meds, so I'm no longer in pain all the time, and I feel like I can accomplish anything in the world!

Stress Reliever ...

Twinklette — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 03:58:41 GMT

this made me laugh for a while. *oh my sides still hurt* http://kevin.spleck.net/smack_the_penguin/ so twisted. and cute!! *laughs* smack him, smack him good.

Alone ...

Twinklette — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 17:46:44 GMT

I think I need to take a trip into myself. Learn to love myself as a strong, beautiful, independent woman. It will be a long trip. And I know it will be a hard one. I got used to having someone in my life, and now that he is gone, I feel empty. I need to love me for me and then try to love other people as well. I can't love you until I love myself. I thought I was getting there, but I am proved wrong. Sitting typing this, hating myself, seeing nothing here to love. I'll let you all know when I get back from my 'trip.' Until then I think I just want to be alone. If that changes I'll let you all know, but feel free to write me, I just probably won't write back until I'm ready.

Death

Twinklette — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:14:07 GMT

My grandmother died at age 70 today of lung cancer and pneumonia a few minutes after 4pm. I can't go to the funeral. Grandmother asked my mom to make sure my sister and I do not miss any school. My mother won't let my sister or me go because she promised. Its hard. I skipped school today because my mother told me the doctors said Grandma had 24 hours to live. I got to my mom's house at 3, and we got the call at 4. So much for 24 hours. My mother had a flight booked for 8am tomorrow morning. She will never see her mother alive again. She thought she had time. Even if she had caught the next flight (after the 1st phone call) at 2, she still would not have been there in time to see her mom one last time. There was nothing she could do. Its painful. The one "positive" thing out of all of this: This morning Grandmother wasn't feeling any pain at all, she was near the end and accepting her death. Grandmother went in her sleep. Her breathing slowed down until she wasn't breathing anymore. There was no struggle, her eyes were closed and when she took her last breath her face was completely relaxed: she had let go of this world and moved on into the next.