You were the 1st man I ever loved. You tried to be the best dad to me that you could. We drifted apart over the years, but I always knew you loved me. You were a good man & I hope you are now at peace.
RIP Michael Wayne Hayes.

www.dickensfair.com/


Rik & are are going NEXT Saturday (12/6). Anyone else interested?

1. Male friends who think that being friends with me means that it's OK for them to constantly push my limits & give me a hard time about my life decisions.

Let me put it as clear as I can...I don't find it funny. Get the fuck over yourself. If you can't have an interaction with me that does not involve stomping all over my limits...then I think it's time that we agree to disagree and shift our relationship to that of polite acquaintances. I'm tired of just being nice about it. I'm tired of just turning the other cheek & pretending that it's just all fun & games.

It's not. I'm not having fun, and the decisions I make in my life are not a game to me. If you can't respect me and respect that I live the life that I want to and that I am basically happy with...then please do us both a favor and leave me alone.

2. People who think I am defective in some way because I am not playing with someone every time I go to a dungeon. Guess what? More often than not, I'm just not in the mood to play. I'm tired, I'm depressed, I'm so sick of my life sometimes and all I want to do is just be around people who will talk with me and be nice to me.

Holy Fuck! I've been in the scene for 16 years. I spent a lot of that time playing when I didn't want to, because I thought it was what a "real" player did. I also spent a lot of time either playing with people I wasn't truly interested in...playing for the experience or for the sake of playing, or playing with people who I really wasn't that compatible with...and then I ended up feeling empty afterward. I spent years in the mode of give give give...and it was not terribly often that I got a whole lot in return.

I am a sadist. I like to hurt people, a lot. Maybe not to the level of blood letting & bone breaking....but I do like it when they move and think of me 2 days later because something is still sore. I got tired a long time ago of having to always hold myself back....playing at a lower level than was satisfying FOR ME, just so I could have people to play with. I learned a while ago, I had 2 choices, I could either keep holding back, just so I could have some interactions....or I could just not play and instead just BE with people.

I like talking, I like flirting, I like the barely contained sexual attraction I share with a few people. Do I want to beat the hell out of someone on a regular basis...sure...but I've gotten to the point where I want it on my level, not theirs.
I spent a year (a few years ago) playing with a wonderful woman who could take everything I had to give (and sometimes wanted more). After having that...it was hard as hell to go back to "dialing it down" to suit the levels of others.

Currently, there's just not a whole lot of people out there that I want to play with and who want to play with me. I'm picky. Other people are picky. Put the 2 levels of picky together, and you end up with a very small pool of people to play with.

When it comes right down to it, after a long week of working in a place where I don't want to be, and having a problem at home that is being difficult to deal with....when I have the choice of either playing with someone where I know I won't get much from it, or just socializing....I'll be more than happy to pay my $20 to the dungeon just to do nothing more than talk to my friends.

If people have a problem with that, then I'll make the suggestion to them that I made to the males in my life. If you disapprove of how I live my BDSM life, if you disagree with the decisions that I make for myself...then it is time that we too also become polite acquaintances.

Would you go to a class if I was teaching?

What do you think you could learn from me?

Somehow, some people have come to the conclusion that I would be a good teacher & that I should start volunteering for classes.

I'm not sure how they came to this conclusion. While I've been into BDSM since 1992, I've never really considered myself 'expert' enough in anything to justify my standing in front of a group of people & telling them how they should be doing something.

But...other people seem to think I am/should.

So...if I get the guts up to venture into this arena, do you have any thoughts about what I could do?

I finally figured out something to do.

Rik and I are going to this on Sunday.

gilroygarlicfestival.com/

And for dinner we're going here.

www.tassosoldhouse.com/

If anyone is interested in meeting us...let me know ASAP. :)