My Blog

gym diaries part 1

vanilla97 — Thu, 03 May 2007 16:45:38 GMT

why did this happen? how did i let it happen? I mean i love getting fit so why has it become such a mission and not a regular thing, like going to the potty......it frustrates me that i lose my motivation. i cant say exactly why it happens but it makes me so miserable. when i skip the gym i am unhappy all day or negative or just not the same person. when i go to the gym i'm happy after, motivated, excited and more positive about everything. it makes such a difference. its like before i even started going to the gym i didnt know the difference but now that i know the difference i am forced to feel guilty and unpleasant when i dont go...that blows....so its almost like an addiction....but lately i fight to go. i swear i've only been going 3 times a week sometimes less. when i started i was going 6-7 days a week, then i got married, and then i got lazy. in another blog i talked about the fact that we are all inspirations but what is my inspiration to go to the gym? once i'm going everyday i get motivated but as soon as i skip a day i'm fuct. and all the goals i had for myself never happened. i wanted toned strong arms, tight strong abs and thick strong legs leading up to a nice hi & tight ass. This process is way more difficult then i thought. i need a trainer. i fooled myself long enough thinking i know what i'm doing. i mean i know how to get there but physically i dont know what i'm supposed to be feeling when i'm pumpin' i-ron. I'm probably like most people and stop when the burn is getting the best of me when your really supposed to pump out another 10....i dont know? i was eating all the right foods and i reached my goal weight but i think i burned off muscle to get there. i started back eating french fries here and there and indulging on vacations and parties....and i started drinking again...thats probably whats draggin me down....its only on the weekends but still.....i started back drinking coffee which, you might think i'm crazy, but it makes me feel more drowsy and less motivated the next day....almost its own hangover plus knowing what i know about sugar and its substitutes its an awful thing unless you drink it black which is ick to me. friends tell me i'm so motivated and disciplined getting up at 5am to go to the gym but they dont really know what motivated and disciplined really are then.......maybe my standards are too hi..nah...their standards are too low......health is the number one factor in life, if you can't or aren't healthy then you can't do anything else, period. I just dont think i'm motivated enough.....so if any family members read this please get me a 3 month training session with a trainer at the gym...that would be hot! So last night i was watching this show on Bravo called "Work Out". Its awesome! the lady who owns the gym, Jackie, is an amazing person. Highly motivated, disciplined,creative,down to earth, and she means business. i recommend you watch the show. she is in excellent shape along with all the trainers that work for her. she owns a gym that is for personal training only. she also is starting her own line of fitness clothes. she's totally narley. she's a perfect example of "creating your own reality". She has created hers and i look up to her. she should be a real american idol. its on every tuesday (maybe more often) at like 9 or 10. New fav show. she motivated me last night to go to the gym today and i feel so much better! I'll go again tomorrow. but see friday we are flying to Jamaica where i'm probably going to be drinking and smoking and eating and laying around in the sand......its my last vacation till July so i'm gonna enjoy it no matter what cuz once i get back its back to business, for real. This kid Chris that i grew up with started going to my gym. he takes the spin classes in the morning mon-wed-fri and today he told me i should take it sometime too...so i told him next week...so thats what i'm gonna do, i'm gonna try it out on wed. i think keeping a little log/journal of my gym experiences may help me get back to it more. i already keep a food log, i have been for the past 2 years. shit i've been going to the gym now for 3 years...crazy! well hope to prove to myself that i can be own inspiration and my own motivating. i can do this damn it. all i have to is put one foot in front of the other.........i'll make it, you just watch!

Truth/Real (revealed)

vanilla97 — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 23:10:55 GMT

One legend of the Buddidt monk who painted (while in a state of raptured mediation) the gate of Sukhavati, the door to the Western Heaven of Amitaba. His masterpiece completed, hung the silken painting upon the wall of his cell. One day while deep in meditation he rose, stepped over to the painting, walked through the gate he himself had painted, and disappeared forever. He had attained Nirvana. How to interpret this legend? If we depend upon the faculties of the mind alone, the story seems strange and absurd. If however, we possess the power to contemplate the true mystery of the legend, it becomes a sublime allegory. The meditating monk is the Self imprisoned within the human form which represents the limitations of the mortal mind. The painting is the visualization of the "middle road", the tao. The picture represents a gate or door because it truly is the "way". Having though concentration visualized and participated in the mystery of the right "way", the disciple is able to attain the end, which, like the way, is tao. The Truth is reached through his own realization; he becomes one with that which he has realized. Concentration is the gateway to the Real; the bridge builtof the subtle stuff of the inwardly perceived. He who builds the bridge may pass across it to identify that which he has built.

As a concrete illustration:

vanilla97 — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 23:07:34 GMT

Assume that all honest and sincere persons desire Truth. Each in his own way seeks to capture the Real, yet each seeker consciously or unconsciously thwarts his own ends. He does this by imposing the limitations of his own ignorance upon the very Reality which he seeks to discover. Student number one destroys Truth by declaring that one must practice yoga to discover it. Student number two destroys Truth by affirming that he can discover the Real through the intensive study of chemistry. Student mumber three destroys Truth by taking mathematics as the key to universal knowledge. Student number four destroys Truth by maintaining that it can be discovered by the practicing of austerities. Student number five destroys Truth by insisting that Reality can be acheived through pilgrimage. Student number six destroys Truth by declaring that understanding can be won through contact with holy relics. Student number seven destroys Truth by maintaining that it can be discovered in books. And Student number eight destroys Truth by denying that it can be discoverd in books. Each in his own way follows along the lines of his own endeavors and tries to capture eternity with the instruments of his own opinions, demanding that Truth be what he expects it to be. Unconsciously he sets himself up as a judge over the unkown, while in his ignorance he takes the attitude that could be reasonable only if he were all-knowing. It does not follow that Reality is not to be acheived through mediation, or through study, or through mathematics, or through the practice of austerities. Each grows according to his own understanding. But as theology has corrupted religion, so formulas have corrupted philosphy. The doctrine of the transcendant personality assumes that the quest for Reality is not a formularized attempt, but a spontaneous adventure in consciousness. There is no need for prodding the consciousness toward the quest for the Overself. Man's spiritual nature is not a lazy schoolboy who must be browbeaten into a state of learning. It is the impulse of the Self to flow toward the Real. There is no need to stimulate this impulse. All that is necessary is to remove the artificial impediments and obstacles set up by chemistry of the physical personailty. As the bird flies from the cage when the door is opened because the bird belongs to the air, so consciousness flies to the Real when the cage of material limitation is opened.

I wonder who will understand?

vanilla97 — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 13:44:43 GMT

Consciousness has no place in a classical physical universe. It has no role in a universe that runs like a machine. If there were consciousness in such a world, it would indeed be a by-product of materiality-an emergent phenomenom have no more significance that a rock floating in space-dead to everything. Quantum physics appears to be telling us that what we choose to observe alters, and even creates, what we observe. Thus in a quantum world view, we have choice-something seen as synonymous with consciousness. In other words, to have consciousness there must be choice. But how can choice manifest? There must be mind. In other words, it is self-consistent to have choice if there is mind, and choice then exists in the mind. Mind exists as fleeting energy in parallel universes. The universe we perceive consists of the overlap of these fleeting flashes of energy. The patterns createmind as surely as they create matter. Both the existence of matter and the perception of it are the same. Thus it is that the mind of any sentient being that is capable of perceiving a reality is capable of reaching into parallel universes and performing the task of choosing that reality. There is a subtle trap in this. Once a choice is made, the chooser is caught by the choice (like br'er rabbit). The chooser must enter, become one with, the universe chosen. This is bothersome. If this is true, do we really have any choice at all? If everytime I choose, all of my parallel mes are also choosing ,then is there really any choice? If any choice means all of them, then perhaps choice is just another illusion. There really is no free choice, because all of the results of any choice always manifest. We may be machines after all, but just existing in more dimensions then we are aware of in any single universe. I ask you to consider the possiblity.

Global warming

vanilla97 — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 14:31:06 GMT

<center>***** How about this for an INCONVENIENT TRUTH ****** <center>***UPDATED*** <center>*****PLEASE REPOST ****** <center>* an INCONVENIENT PROPAGANDA campaign* <div align="center"><embed allowScriptAccess="never" src="http://creative.myspace.com/groups/_crs/ait/aitviral.mov" autostart="true" width="320" height="197" showstatusbar="0"></embed> I Am Concerned with the global environmental state to. And we need to address our rape of Earths resources etc; however I tell you now that this film with al gore is a N.W.O tool Problem-reaction-solution They are going to scare the population (wake them up) To there version of events, only to convince us to give up more of our rights and liberties. If they care about the ozone layer/global warming and the upcoming energy crisis lets see how long the film spends discussing H.A.A.R.P in Alaska, and the fact how the government have been with holding free energy technologies etc. If you are not aware of this H.A.A.R.P then please watch these films and do some research. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7961516757317713530&q=haarp http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4707037153987098594&q=haarp

Consensus Reality

vanilla97 — Thu, 25 May 2006 20:00:15 GMT

Start with a cage containing 5 monkeys. Inside the cage hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result-all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when a monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror the other monkeys attack him. After another attack and attempt, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original 5 monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiam! Likewise, replace a 3rd original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are partcipating in the beating of the newsest monkey. After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way its always been done!