Reflections

Change

virgofireyogini — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 04:41:17 GMT

So much is happening for so many right now. We have lost a shining light being from our world today. The same day, a new shining light being emerged from the womb, a reminder that for every tragedy, there is a light born somewhere else. It is spring time, things are waking up. We are waking up from our dormancy. New growth is blossoming everywhere. I am inspired by going up really close to the spot where I planted one little measly bergamot plant last spring, and now, around it, about 20 more are popping up, these little tiny sprouts...and the ferns emerging the way they do in those wacky spirals that are about an inch long, but in less than a month, they will be three feet tall and about 8 inches wide. And the budding rose bush... No matter how hard things get around us, these plant spirits just keep doing what they do, and the sun rises and falls everyday. It is amazing the perfunctory nature of biological processes that are so spectacular. In this time of growth and change, there is frustration, and growing pains, but just remember how beautiful and fragrant the rose is after it blossoms. The only difference between us and them is sentience....well okay, and photosynthesis, but you get my point ;) Happy and healthy spring!

Excited...

virgofireyogini — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:00:50 GMT

I feel at peace with being in school. I don't love it, but I have had clear signs that say, "This is the right path." I did realize though, that the thought of being done with this program and only having western medical training under my belt is terrifying, because we all know that is not my soul purpose. So I have finally made the leap. Just today, I signed up for a Mayan abdominal massage weekend long workshop. It is a self-care workshop, but I plan to follow it up next winter by going to Belize to do a week long Professional Training workshop! I am really excited to be taking these steps forward in my life. It feels really right and good and hopeful. I am also planning to go to a Thai Yoga Workshop this summer, something I have been wanting to do for years! And I am SOOOO excited to be getting married this summer too! Life is exciting!!!

a visit from sage

virgofireyogini — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 19:13:33 GMT

Staring out my back window, I see the spiral garden in my backyard. Right now, covered in snow, appearing as a large raised snow spiral. One plant sticks up with its hearty dried leaves and wooden stalk rooted deeply. A reminder of the and sustenance and strength within...

Stressin

virgofireyogini — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:20:50 GMT

So, I went to nursing school...nurses supposedly are "in demand". I work per diem now. I am on the schedule, but because I am per diem and not a regularly scheduled employee, if it is expected to be a "quiet" day, per diem employees are the first to get cancelled. I was cancelled twice last week and twice this week so far. This week, I will only work one day, if I don't get cancelled for the third time this week tomorrow! I made an agreement with myself that I would apply for at least two other nursing jobs each day that i get cancelled. Problem is, there aren't too many around right now. And, many of them require 1-2 years of experience before they will even consider you. With this extra time, it would be great if I were productive, but the days I get cancelled, I have a hard time getting anything done. I feel paralyzed by the stress of a crashing economy.

Still buzzing!

virgofireyogini — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 17:24:19 GMT

Thank you to everyone who came out to support Menagerie this weekend. It was such an amazing and inspirational experience, truly transformative. And thank you to Jason and Incus for the beautiful music. And Marcio, way to rock those sunglasses. You were way too cool for all of us! And of course to all the ladies of Vadalna, who I feel most blessed to be dancing with. You guys amaze me in so many ways. What an honor to be working with so many talented and creative individuals. Still buzzing with excitement...and consequently procrastinating studying for finals...like I need a reason... :)

being seen

virgofireyogini — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:54:55 GMT

Thank you for your sweet comments about the photos I have posted. It was a healing experience to be in front of the camera and not be afraid to be me and be seen. A balance between connecting with the lens and forgetting about the lens at the same time. Thank you to Peter and Shakti for helping to create the safe space!

Where to start?

virgofireyogini — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:06:23 GMT

My life is consistently full of major changes, and my soul is craving for anything to be stable. I live in Marlborough which is great because I love living with my partner, who constantly amazes and surprises me and is so loving and supportive. But I miss living around community and I feel alone most of the time. With a Libra rising, I crave human connectedness. But with my schedule of working about 35 hours a week and going to school, I have little time for the connection I ache for in my heart. I believe that one common problem in romantic relationships is that partners come to rely on one another too much. I am afraid that I am falling into that a little bit right now. I felt so independent when I lived in Western Mass and had my family around. But now I feel like my support network is totally gone, and I am flying solo in this journey through life right now, except for Dave. I am so grateful to have Vadalna in my life. What an amazing group of women. That definitely helps... Pardon my disjointed thoughts right now, but the next thing I want to share, is that I just, on my way home from work today, got into a car accident. The cop deemed the accident as 50/50, half my fault, and half the other guy's fault, which avoids the surcharge, at least, but I can't drive my car right now, which is kind of inconvenient, being that I live in Marlborough and nothing is close to me. I am fine physically, but spiritually deeply questioning my karmic lot. It seems that anytime I just about pull myself out of a financial hole, something happens that lands me right back in it. I feel this mixture of deep sadness and anger. Mostly anger at myself. Does this have to be my karma, can we change these things? I don't have that clarity... I am working so hard, right now, not just at my job and school, but within myself. Trying so hard to restructure old patterns and redefine myself, take charge of my power and be in it. Sometimes I wonder, when these things happen and when I consistently feel so bad, is it working? Is my work paying off? Is there something I can be doing differently? Just wanted to share where I am at right now... Hope all of you are well... xoxo

I DID IT!

virgofireyogini — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:05:42 GMT

Despite the fact that I walked out of my board exam on Thursday evening feeling as though I failed, I did not fail. I learned yesterday that I passed. I know I shouldn't have been too surprised, because I was prepared, but it was so much harder than all of the practice tests that I had taken! And I felt so discouraged about it upon leaving the room that day. I am thoroughly relieved, but I woke up the next day sick, and am still recovering, so I haven't truly been able to celebrate this achievement....I will though :)

$

virgofireyogini — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:45:59 GMT

So I just found out that I need to come up with $2000 in the next 2-3 weeks for a grad school class that will not be covered by financial aid because it is happening during the summer. Anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, work they need done they are willing to pay me for?

Farmer's Markets?

virgofireyogini — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:54:20 GMT

Does anyone know of a good one in the Boston or surrounding area?

today

virgofireyogini — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:17:38 GMT

my heart feels sadness. trying to having faith, but slipping into the fear of what i look around and see in the world and humanity. i look around at the trash on the street, i carry awareness of all of the ways that humanity creates toxicity, and the corruption that underlies is all... i just want to stand somewhere and shout where everyone can hear me, "DON'T YOU SEE WHAT WE ARE DOING? DON'T YOU CARE?" and the fear of never getting there, of wondering, is this the right path? the fear of not being good enough, as a nurse, a dancer, a friend, a partner... today it consumes me, and feeds into this negative cycle... because when i feel like this, i am ineffective in the world, thus affirming my fear of not being good enough.

the next step

virgofireyogini — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:45:58 GMT

I just got into graduate school today. Part of me feels totally excited, because I know I am getting closer to what I really want to do. And another part of me is dreading another two years of working and learning within this system that really sucks and is completely ineffective. I guess what it comes down to is that I am excited to go to grad school and I am elated to be almost done with the nursing program, but I am NOT excited to be a nurse in a hospital. I must continue to remind myself to breath through it...another two years...in yoga they say it is a powerful tool to be in a posture that feels uncomfortable. They also say it is important to discern between a healthy discomfort that offers the opportunity of growth and pain. Pain limits our expansiveness... Must keep dancing... Blessings to all the beautiful people... *picture is my sister Ryn and I last semester walking through the back alleys of Holyoke, MA, where we passed a rotation working at a drop-in center for IV drug abusers. we periodically walked around the area dropping clean needle kits and handing out flyers to the clients regarding health clinics and activities being held at the center. *

The Business of Being Born

virgofireyogini — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:01:57 GMT

This is the name of a movie that I just got from netflix and I highly recommend it. It is a documentary about the "birthing industry" in the United States, and how how our "intervention" and cesarean rate is and how high our infant and maternal mortality rate is. It compared us with other countries that have a higher home birth rate and astronomically lower cesarean rate and they are having far better outcomes that we are. By "interventions" I mean using drugs that lengthen and intensify contractions, as well as make them closer together. This drug is called Pitocin, and it is a synthetic form of the natural hormone called oxytocin, which is released in from the brain to stimulate uterine contractions in the birthing mother. Pitocin, while useful in some circumstances often creates a need for two things 1) epidurals to relieve the pain and 2) the intensified contractions cut off oxygen supply to the fetus, sometimes creating distress and the need for a cesarean. One of other parallel that it drew, which I found fascinating was that there is a cocktail of hormones that are released by a mother upon the birth of her baby that produces a surge of love that is unsurpassed by anything else. Largely due to the endogenous oxytocin, but also from the other hormones that are released. Pitocin and epidurals stunt this from occurring. The US has the highest rate of use of those drugs as well as one of the highest crime rates. Perhaps there exists a connection? If we are stunting this initial bonding and love connection, perhaps it affects our ability to relate as emotional loving beings as we grow? Also, we also have one of the highest rates of ADD and other such behavioral disorders in children. I have to wonder if these drugs at the time of birth have any connection... Food for thought!

astonished

virgofireyogini — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:35:59 GMT

Each day, i walk closer to my vision for my life path. In some moments it still feels so far away, but yesterday, I visited the grad school that I will most likely attend. After leaving, was the first time I felt like, "Wow, this is really happening! I am building my highest vision of self!" It is still hard to imagine what it will be like to stand in that place. Part of my is terrified, to walk into myself fully. What will I find in there? An ancient healer, waiting for the right moment...a scared little girl, shy and quiet...an angry woman, wanting to fight back...all of the above, perhaps. Tomorrow I am taking the GRE's, at 12:30. I could use some white light my way, standardized tests have never been my strong point. Due to GRE's and current migraine, I have spent little time in front of the computer. For those of you whose emails I have not responded to, I love you, and will be in touch soon! :) Well, I love you all...

anybody coming from western mass to boston this weekend?

virgofireyogini — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:03:30 GMT

if so, contact me please!

house is warm

virgofireyogini — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 00:34:27 GMT

thank you so much to all who brought their bright spirits and blessings to warm our home. you truly added to the magic of this place. i feel blessed.

afraid of darkness, but not afraid of death...

virgofireyogini — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:43:25 GMT

someone we know said this...anyway, for me it is quite the opposite. i embrace the darkness, in myself, in the universe, but i am not quite comfortable with the concept of death yet. it is something that has plagued me for many years. i fear the ultimate unknown. since i have started nursing school, i have felt pretty clear that i do not want to do hospice, which is care of imminently dying patients. it focuses on keeping them comfortable and helping them to meet their end of life needs, physically and spiritually. i am in my last few weeks of classes right now, and will be going on to my internship in the next semester. i got a tentative offer to do my internship through a visiting nurses association (VNA) in hospice care, the one thing, i clearly stated to the universe that i didn't want to do. i don't have to take it, and actually am not even certain there is a definite opening for me there. i have never been present for a death. a birth, yes, and it was miraculously beautiful. i suppose someone's last breath is just as much of a miracle, but i am having a really hard time wrapping my brain and heart around what it means to hold space for that. it is midwifery of another sort...

hepatitis screening

virgofireyogini — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:17:11 GMT

for the work i do with individuals addicted to heroin, crack and alcohol, we did a hepatitis c screening a few weeks ago, along with vaccinations for hep a and b. today we got the results and every SINGLE person we screened for hep c was positive. we, the students, disclosed and counseled the clients regarding their positive test results for a chronic condition for which there is no cure. i didn't really think about what that would be like, and i was way underslept, due to being out at haven performing with sarah last night, which was truly amazing. i didn't know how to react to some of the claims like, "There is no way I could have contracted hepatitis!" or "I have 3 children, are they going to get it to?" seeing all of their fear and hopelessness really broke my heart, and i have not been able to get myself back together today. i have so much to do, but i am paralyzed by sadness. i have no appetite and no will to be at all productive. i know that just mercury is moving backwards, but today it feels like the whole world is!

check this out

virgofireyogini — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 00:45:27 GMT

an 8 minute trailer film about curing diabetes with a raw foods diet http://www.rawfor30days.com/

another brilliant move by our prez

virgofireyogini — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 20:22:29 GMT

He just vetoed a bill that would cut the number of children lacking health insurance by one-half. http://covertheuninsured.org/ How can we afford to take care of our children when we have a war to pay for? Another political health care issue that has been irking immensely lately is that, as many of you know, health care is now mandatory in Massachusetts. People often wonder, how will they enact that? Well, "they" are going to put a new spot on our tax-filing forms and basically fine us if we have no proof of having paid for health insurance. What is even more frustrating is that, as of next year sometime, we will also be required to pay for prescription coverage. I wonder if that will cover my herbal and homeopathic remedies? I somehow doubt it. I feel that all of this is an underhanded way of limiting our access to holistic health care, as most of these services are currently not covered by health insurance. Sometimes there are loop holes that allow us paid access to acupuncture and such things, but the hoops to jump through are too confusing for most people to figure out. I have been heated about these issues for quite some time now. It makes me sad deep within my core. Why does not everyone know and understand the gifts of the plants? And it makes me think that Starhawk's "The Fifth Sacred Thing" was a prophecy of what is coming. As a people, it sometimes seems that we are moving further and further away from living in harmony with the earth. And all I want is to live in perfect harmony with Her intuitive beauty. My heart aches for this.

clothing drive

virgofireyogini — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:53:32 GMT

as many of you know, i am working with heroin addicts for one of my clinicals for nursing school. my student group and i decided to do a clothing drive for these folks. perhaps bringing some abundance into their lives will shift something for them. every little bit counts. i live in marlborough, halfway between all of my loved ones. would someone in the western mass area, as well as someone in the boston area be open to being a drop spot for a bit, and i can do pickups as i pass through both places? loving y'all

New moon, new year, scary work

virgofireyogini — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 15:18:11 GMT

The Jewish New Year is upon us. It is a good time for manifestation work, forgiveness and intention setting. I have been in deep reflection around this. My family is arguing with one another, so we will not be spending the holiday together. On one hand I am sad. On the other hand, I am filled with gratitude and joy because my life has brought me to where I am, and my chosen family is more than I ever could have dreamed. In one of my clinicals for nursing school right now, I am going onto the streets and alleys of Holyoke, MA (location of the highest HIV rate iin MA) and teaching heroin addicts how to clean their needles. We just started yesterday, so all we have done is tour the area and seen the corners and boarded up buildings covered with broken glass, needles, empty bags of heroin, used condoms (from the sexual favors people do for a bag) and human shit (because when you get high, you gotta go). I feel so naive out there, I noticed that in a lot of these corners, Mugwort was growing freely. One of the spiritual uses of Mugwort is protection, thank you Mugwort for gracing these dark corners of the world. Since Forestdance, my heart has been even wider open than usual, luckily I learned some good new tools to bring with me on the work that I do. We all know that these places exist, but it is really intense to actually set foot on them and talk with these people. Driving home yesterday to celebrate the new year and time of manifestation and sweetness, I felt so grateful to be who I am and to have made the choices that have brought me here. May we continue to consciously grow and learn through this next year. Blessings

"My shadow, is shedding skin....

virgofireyogini — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:09:22 GMT

...I've been picking, my scabs again. I've been crawling on my belly Clearing out what could've been. I've been wallowing in my own chaotic And insecure delusions. I wanna feel the change consume me, Feel the outside turning in. I wanna feel the metamorphosis and Cleansing I've endured within..." - Tool "Forty-six and two" This song has come up for me over and over again this year. When I was sick in the winter with chronic acute pain, and I couldn't escape, I would turn on repeat and spin fuzzy poi until I collapsed with exhaustion. I have been reflecting upon this past year's events and am blown away sometimes by the fact that I am still here at all, let alone totally intact and pretty happy too. Six months of chronic pain, my home broken into while I was there, a major car accident, nursing school. These things were so shocking to my being, and I think I did not really have the space to fully process them. I realize that I have this residual anxiety now, still...breathing into it... If I could find the cord that connected my camera to my computer, I would post a picture of my brand new baby snake. But since I can't, I will just tell that her name is Lyra, she is an okatee cornsnake, hatched July 3, 2007. And she is very cute!

free health care

virgofireyogini — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 01:35:02 GMT

Hi, A friend in nursing school sent me this, just passing it on...love to you all... Congress wants to offer free health care to millions of uninsured children. Who could be against that? But President Bush is afraid insuring kids is a slippery slope -- opening the door to affordable health care for everyone. How terrible. Many Republican senators are ignoring Bush in favor of insuring kids. But we still don't have enough votes to override Bush's veto threat -- and the Senate vote is just days away. I signed a petition urging Congress to vote for the biggest health care expansion in over 40 years. Can you join me at the link below? http://pol.moveon.org/kidshealth/?r_by=10851-7741149-equ1iD&rc=comment_forward Thanks!

powerpoints

virgofireyogini — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:33:09 GMT

anyone have experience making a powerpoint presentation who wouldn't mind giving me a few hints? :)