So when I'm with you and you're doing something that I'm not, I'm the best good luck charm you could have. Hell, I've been playing cupid since before I can remember, half my parents' friends hooked up with each other thanks to me, not that I'll take the credit. Or today, went to the casino with Justin and Carrie, she won $500 and I didn't gamble. Course this does seem to come with a few less-than-minor setbacks. For starters, I only get what I need, never what I want. This has however, led to a lot of good contemplation about desire, such a sick word. Desire is what I never get, or maybe, jus maybe I get it and it gets me and that's just it, the things you think you love turn into shams (or always were, no matter how blind you pretended to be). Reality has this beautiful (and I mean that) tendency to turn in every way you should've (god I love shoulds) expected, but never did. ANd that's my crux (to use superfluous words),I enable, no more, no less, except, it's never for me. Like I can help you with anything, as long as I get nothing in return or maybe, I get to slide a step lower in the process. My help is only for free, unless I decide to pay for it. And I smell non-existant gasoliene, the sweat of girls long gone and a bit of dogshit. Seems water makes me gag more than whiskey these days. At least the 'random' button on my music player understands me... cuz there's never been more than enough for onewhen I'm drinking and not even that usually. I need a muse, don't want one, don't desire, jus need, plain and simple, preferrably a cute one, who puts out (okay, that was a bit trashy, but...). Had enough of cheap entertainment and unavailable soul-mates, I need something raw, transient (but only just enough), inspirational like a broken clock, but a bit more tick-talkative. I need a Sarai, niether/nor but, all of the below, a kindred to laugh with and watch as our world collapses into another, kill me with you love of life girl, thas all I ask, not want or desire or even fucking need, jus that, thas all...

FUCK YOU!!! You really shouldn't give a shit, you shouldn't care. Meaning is a cold dead word, like any other, a lie in lieu of an explination, an excuse for failure. Soul scratchings and tick tock melodies vicariously blow thru life as we call it, tossed like ragdolls and cheap hollywood tumbleweeds, we wonder, wide-eyed in the bright white lights. So jus plain FUCK, cuz thas love...