No, from the sound of it, I think--as your doctor--that you've got Reticulated Colon Syndrome, also known as Dick Cheney Disease. It happens whenever there's a Dick Cheney in the White House. Symptoms include lassitude, assitude, frassitude, and dude-itood.



Che, you are one of the most grounded, giving, affirming honchos I've ever had the pleasure to steal a wallet from, and I think at 43 or whatever the hell you are you've gone farther, done more, and become more righteous than 97% of the headline-grabbing pantywaist asshats tooling around in their Porsches with their peroxide-odured bimbette trophy wives. If you're not a skinny, 22-year-old rock star millionaire, so what? Girls will never love you for what you aren't--that's why we keep shallow prettyboy fuckwads on retainer--but they will for what you are. So buck up, man, grab your axe and wail, and wait for the groupies to start lining up for their AARP discounts.