Thoughts just running about....

Baffled by people's response / reaction to my features...

   Thu, April 17, 2008 - 5:20 AM

I feel that my generation born in the sixties of mixed nationalities faced being the first on the predominate white block...
I was born in a city, brought up in the country, or rural area where my mother grew up, hours from the nearest city.
West Side Story was making its statement, and my mother was in love with west side story. She was living in the city attending nursing school, had a fairly large mix of various nationalities, good size Puerto Rican community. I was use to a bouquets of races.. I spent some weekends with a black family my mother was friends with the wife, she had always wanted a daughter and borrowed me from time to time. Up until the second grade I lived among this bouquet here I was not a novelty or freak, I was just a very quiet child with big eyes...

This is all in the for front of my mind this week because of a curious email I received from yahoo personals, I don't have a subscription its free to look you just cant Reply, I get an email every now an then. This weekend I received a curious one from a middle aged black man. I do not specify nor have never stated in my profile any kind of racial preference of any kind, so I was even more surprised/thrown by this email in a couple of ways...

"You have a beautiful smile in photo #2, and i like the small gap, however, i find it to be very sad that a Beautiful Black Woman like you, would choose to stray away from many GOOD Black men that are seeking for women such as yourself. take care, and God Bless!"

I Almost paid for a month just so I could write back to this gentleman, but I have refrained...

Two years or so ago I was on Bart when a black woman approached me after a couple of months of watching me finally came over and sat down next to me and introduced her self. We talked a bit, we were quite comfortable with each other eventually she asked if she could ask me a personal question, I said sure. Asked if I was Black trying to pass as a white person and she wouldn't hold it against me or any thing that it was ok she had met others like me.
I took a minute or two to really take that in, that was a first for me, I smiled and said no that my father is Puerto Rican my mother English. That I have strong resemblance to the indigenous natives of the island but it wasn't impossible to have some black ancestry in me since the Spaniards had brought slaves when they came and i could also have some Basque in me and whined about my funny ears. They're very flat, no roll along the edge and kind of pointed, compliments of my abuela.

While living in San Francisco I was adopted by a small Russian community a co-worker introduced me too. They would tease me and say," you know, your fathers is not your father believe me". Taught me to speak a bit of Russian, community spirit and how to drinks shots of vodka all evening and still be able to get up the crack of dawn for a bike ride and swim before breakfast.

Never had a problem walking through any hoods in SF, I taught/internship in north beach and some times I walked children home to the projects. Some times people saw me and there heads looked like they would suffer whip lash.

While vacationing in the South of France some wanted to guess, one thought I was from northern Italy, another said Russian, but not never guessed American lol.

At parties the most popular questions are "what is, your nationality?" or just guess the russain and black are the most popular, then native American, few Mix with black, Norwegian, a Dutch some will continue ramble off till I tell them.

The genuine curiosity doesn't bother me at all. At least here west coast and time period we live in currently, things have slowly been changing, most are comfortable talking about it and feel comfortable asking questions.

The small town I moved here from was white very very white, a few looked a lot alike. I can remember visiting a boy friends father,(I was 17 at the time)they had 3 large Doberman pinchers I love animals so I'm petting them one wraps her legs around me and hugs, eventually i get down to their level. While i was playing with the dogs the father begins boasting about the dogs, how they know a Puerto Rican from a distance and will attach them. How buck almost busted through the car window one day trying to get at one. At that moment i was terrified of the father, I loved the dogs..

I had moved there in the seventh grade from another town not a whole lot different but because of the commune there was a little more acceptance while i was in elementary.
My mom, my dearest mommy, would some times introduce me as her little spic. Fourth grade I had begun to have curves, older men never bothered hiding their thoughts and often made comments making me very aware of how I looked, it was here boys would call me nigger lips, and my apple butt was two bull dogs in a paper bag. At this time my parents divorced, the judge also recommended that our names be changed. At age ten I had to learn how to spell my name over again.
Talking about my father or his side with my Grandparents was not done, we were never really accepted by my fathers family we were the first and only mixed children. My father was the baby of 10.

Sigh...oh the memorable moments...

Before that I lived in Bumpas Virginia my brother and I were the only ones in a class of 36 that wasn't black. My baby fine hair confused and frustrated the hell out of the girls during lunch,they would try time and again to plait it. Was in third grade, lived miles from every thing even other children, and I was forbidden to go over any of my black friends from school. We had moved there along with an Uncle he and my father were in construction and we were there temporarily while they built the nuclear power plant then it was back to New England... I call that Hell year...

My current lover/partner couldn't speak the first time we met. He was the instructor of a class first time, then a fellow student in the second time we met, same thing, shook my hand look at me but didn't speak. Im so use to so many reactions now I just smile at him and said Im sure we'll meet again...
Couple of months ago he shared with me was trying to make out my face, figure out where I could possibly have come from.. I tweaked an eye brow at him, and scowled some and just started laughing...

I have grown to love, what I look like, it took till I was in my mid thirties to stop believing I was ugly...
It also helped when Angolina Jolie's lips became wanted and JLO's Butt became the hottest thing since sliced bread, suddenly, I was the in trend. heh..

Now and then I get asked if my lips have been surgically altered, my usual response is, not unless you count the 6 stitches from a dog bite.

Some times its not easy being green...



1 Comment

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Tue, November 11, 2008 - 3:06 PM
Huh. I've never wondered about your nationality looking at you. I did notice something odd about your voice though, which made me want to ask about the accent.