Zifra logic

Perceptions

www.michaelbach.de/ot/fcs_h...ndex.html

This is a visual trip! Make sure you start both players. It will make you doubt your own eyesite!

Enjoy!

Z
Tue, April 18, 2006 - 5:21 PM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment

Fire and water DO mix!!

Torrential rain and fire...not two things you normally associate together, but add in a 3rd force of nature, and you get a specticle that rivals even the most extreme work of Mother Nature. That third force is my dear friend Sadie. Dispite the driving torrent of water coming from the sky, she waved away the elements and produced yet another earth shattering burn for a housefull of awestruck soals.

Proving once again, no matter what you desire, only you can stop it from occuring!

Peace

Z
Mon, April 17, 2006 - 11:43 AM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment

Texas Chili Contest

They actually have a Chili Cook-off in Texas about the time Halloween comes
around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named
Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 --(Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beer to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possibleto burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. woman is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER..

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleedingby pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...


Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about
Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the
world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Fri, April 7, 2006 - 4:09 PM — permalink - 1 comments - add a comment

NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this Convention?" "Lecturer," she responded "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait... Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best... I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Tue, April 4, 2006 - 2:22 PM — permalink - 5 comments - add a comment

You thought life had YOU trapped!!!!!

Subject: FW: Come and fix the printer jam please!


How would you like to get to work and find this problem?
This guy is in a bad spot........
TGIF!!!

This was an actual printer jam at John Deere Seeding!

HE'S NOT DEAD!!!!!!! BUT HE'S SURE STUCK. WE DO END UP GETTING HIM OUT AND
LETTING HIM LOOSE FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE MOUSE LOVERS.
Fri, March 31, 2006 - 2:12 PM — permalink - 0 comments - add a comment

My face hurts from smiling...

There is nothing more heart stopping than the sun peeking out from big fluffy clouds after a long rainstorm. The storm has it's beauty, but the new light brings hope and joy to the landscape. Not that it wasn't beautiful before, but now it just glows. I was going along, blessed with the most wonderous of lovers and friends, but not quite complete, when the sun came out for me. That sun is my precious pet. He fills needs I did not fully know I had, and completes me in the most satisfying way. He is not a replacement for the people in my life, but a wonderful, wonderful addition.
I am truly blessed.
Wed, March 15, 2006 - 2:01 PM — permalink - 3 comments - add a comment